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Jan 26, 2005

Single & Ready to Mingle

Please do not take this post seriously. It was written long ago as a long joke.
Met a girl, want to ask her out.

You see someone who looks decently beautiful and smart, could be coworker or someone you know casually. All you want is some good time and get to know the person better. No, not love at first sight, but just interested.Well if you want to ask her out, you have to do it, not me :) But some tips which could help you.
1.Ask for lunch, not for dinner.
Dont ask her the same day, she may not be genuinely free. Ask her, for the next day. If she refuses, and says she is not free, dont pressurise her immediately and ask for another day. Ask her when it would be convenient and ask her to tell you. If she doesnt give you a day within the next 2 days and doesnt follow it up with an explanation, drop the topic.
2.If you are asking after just introducing yourself, ask for a coffee. If she says she doesnt drink coffee, watch her expression. If she is smiling she could be genuine and ask her the alternative. But if she is grim, please dont suggest tea, give a casual shrug and move on :) What if you hate coffee? Too many movies showing spiked softdrinks,& icecream would depend upon the season, and it would look like addressing a kid, of course you can say milk shake,juice, tea,lassi or something else, for convenience I mentioned coffee. I am not telling you to order coffee, just to ask out for a coffee :)
3.The girl next door.
If you are talking with her, dont talk when someone from the building can see you too together. Gossip can be damaging. Communicate clearly. While you might be just interested in a date, she might think you had been in love with her for some years and last thing you need is a duel between her parents and yours due to communication gap between you both. Meet her outside the building and ask casually about the coffee.
4.A friend of the girl next door.
Well if you are her friend, just ask her to introduce to you next time. But if she is not your friend, just catch her when no one is around, describe the girl you are interested in clearly,(no not the vital stats please:), since she might have many friends), and give your email id and ask her to pass it to her friend. Girls might be reluctant to give their email ids or their friends email ids. So its better if you give yours. Just ask the girl next door to tell her friend to send a Hi to your email id.
4.You meet someone on the street,shopping mall etc, dont know what to do. Well make eye contact and smile. If she smiles back, say hi and walk over. If she blushes, smiles and looks away, hmmm try one more time, but if she doesnt smile, please ignore.
Huh what do you say after Hi, well say your name and what you are doing etc. And dont stand too close to her. See if she says anything, if she replies with she doesnt care who you are, or creates a commotion, stay calm, dont be flustered. Just say you thought she was someone you had studied with at college, etc and walk away. All girls wont do it, and if the same thing happens more than three times with you continuously, I think you dont know to differentiate between a smile and a scowl from a girl. If she gives her name but doesnt say much, just give her your email id. Unless she gives, dont pester her for her id, phone no. etc. Of course you can give your phone no. too, but I am just being cautious.
She doesnt email you and you meet her next time. Please ignore her. If she has lost your email id, let her come forward and mention it. Smile at her but dont approach her.(Though the movies might recommend asking if a hanky is hers or asking the time etc, its just too corny for some. Just say your name, with a pleasant smile, if you cant think of something original).
If she is with someone, dont approach her even if she seems interested in you. If she is interested, she will find a way to dump the persons she is with. Keep an eye on what she is doing, but dont follow her. If you lose her, see if you can catch her again around the same time, the following day, or the same day of the next week. But dont approach a girl when she is with someone, its just not worth it.
5.Your buddy
She has been a good friend for sometime, you want to go an extra step with her. Not love, but to explore the possibility of love. Well start with asking her out to coffee, lunch etc. But explain to her its ok if she is not interested in it.
If you think this is tough then think of these guys -Not able to meet a girl.
1.Well there are some dating sites. Also there are sites for classmates from schools and colleges. Hmmm, well you will have atleast some idea of that person and they too will have some idea about you. Get in touch with them and try your luck :)
2.Attend more social functions including all your friends and colleagues weddings:) (A bad idea, your boss's girl or your colleague's sister. Unless you are serious, dont. If its your colleagues sister, just make sure it will not affect the office relationship.)
3.Chat rooms, blogs on the net are not a bad idea, but be careful, there could be plenty of fakes.Try to be more specific, for example join groups which share your interests. Have your homepage. Just be more cautious, and if you have to meet someone, meet in a public place. Dont insist on a pic, but if you are interested, just ask her out for a coffee in the afternoon. And if you think you have fallen in love, even though you have not see her photo, wait till you see her in person before declaring it.
4.Check the email forwards. It could be a friend of your friend of your friend...Well not exactly a total stranger :)
5.Broaden your horizons, but dont do something you are not comfortable with.
If you like books, visit couple of more libraries, bookshops etc and keep an eye out for interesting girls. But if you loathe books, dont do it. Its stupid to pretend and when she finds about it on the date, either she is going to think you are desperate to meet girls (well it could be true, but its not that cool to admit it) or that you are madly in love with her (well that too could be true, a shared interest is not a prerequisite for romance. But the topic here is dating which is about exploring the possibility of romance. Its not necessary that you will fall in love with her, and when she thinks you are in love and when you are not in love, the date is just going to go sour)
Please dont look at telephone directory and start trying your luck randomly
and also dont hang forever around colleges.
I have suggested lunch or coffee, the other ideas:
Why not a movie?
Well the movie is not a bad idea, but its a bad idea to talk about yourself or get to know the girl during the movie.
Beach, garden etc ???
The girl might hesitate to come on a first date to these places, where it would be easy for you to assault her too.
Sports events, music concerts, etc
If you know she shares your interests, do go ahead, even if you wont be able to get to know each other during it.
A friend's party
It is not a very bad idea, but are you sure you want her to know your friends :D and the timing might not be convenient for her and she might feel overwhelmed if she is the only one who doesnt know everyone and you might not be able to spend time with her.
Asking her out for bowling or a game of tennis etc
Well it depends on the girl, but dont think you will be impressing her by being macho and beating her throughly, on the first date. And its not necessary that just because she is a girl, she cant beat you. Is your ego and heart capable of handling losing to her?
Both of you will just end up competing with each other, not knowing each other. But if circumstances force you to have a first date like this, its ok to go for the win, but just be diplomatic and play it down and say everyone has good days and bad days.
Unless you know she frequents one, dont mention it as a first date option. The time factor would make her hesitate.
What do you talk on date
Well you can tell about your hobbies and interests. Dont go on talking about just yourself. And do ask questions to your date but dont be too inquisitive. Dont talk about all your problems, anger and frustration on the first date :) and dont boast too much about yourself even if what you say is true, its preferable to be slightly modest:)
If you already are engaged, or have a committed boyfriend/girlfriend etc, or you are a widow/divorcee etc do mention it. Ideally in some cases, you should have mentioned it before the date :) But if you have agreed to it, to just check the person out, or thought that it is just a friendly invite not a date, or because as a guy, you couldnt bring yourself to say no bluntly to a girl who invited you, or for some other reason, do make a mention of the relationship on the first date.
If you have split with someone, you could mention casually, but please dont go through the entire history of the relationship on the first date.
Dont get physical with on the first date itself.
Second date
If you know each other, dont ask her for the 2nd date on the 1st date itself. The day after the date, talk to her casually, (well how about goodmorning and the weather, even if you cant think of anything else). If she makes reference to the your date, ask her if they could meet some other time. But dont get too specific. If she avoids you, you know her answer. Dont scowl at her but dont talk to much with her and be pleasant with her and let her know you got the message and you are cool with it. If she agrees do ask her next week. It need not be lunch or coffee, ask her opinion. If she says she is not free during the week, same routine as first date, keep it open and tell her to tell you, when she would be free. So you dont have to pester her.

The above should apply to the girls too. But lets face it, girls are more shy and frankly, dont like to appear to be too aggressive.
Met the guy, could be a longtime colleague, or a guy you just happened to meeting in a mall.
Well look into his eyes, not his face or top of his head or beyond him. Just the eyes. Even two seconds is enough. Do that thrice in a week, if you are in the same environment, bus etc. If he doesnt make an approach to you, forget it.
He made an approach, you got nervous and blew it. Well dont expect him to run after you, go and be friendly to him, he cant bite you for that. If you cant do that, atleast wish him good morning in a pleasant manner. Its not going to be easy, but it doesnt mean you shouldnt try. But once bitten twice shy, I doubt if he probably would not ask you out again because he wouldnt like rejection or appear pushy. Afraid you will have to do the asking here.
Oh so it is ok to ask?
If you are already introduced to him, its ok to ask for coffee, if you can manage it casually. But just be prepared for his rejection. He could also be polite and agree while he might not be interested. So dont get carried away.
When it is a friend of boy next door
When you are not that friendly with the boy next door, it can be tough. But just walk up to him, and as calmly as possible, describe the guy and ask him for his email id. And send an email to the guy, saying hi, I am ___. Met you ___ and got your email id thru ____. Bye. Thats enough. If the guy doesnt respond, forget it. Of course you can also give your email id.
So girls can suggest movies,beaches,parks etc? Use your discretion though I wouldnt advise it. What I said re, sports events, music concerts, applies here too.
And if you want courage to muster asking to him, you could walk out with him couple of times and talk generally, if you are working together etc.
If you have asked him for the coffee, dont approach for the second date. Let him ask you. But keep the communication channel open by being pleasant to him. The guy could be unsure on whether you are still interested in him and perhaps if you are interested in him, think you would ask for the 2nd date also. On the other hand the guy could have been emotionally pressurised to accept the first date or he might not be interested in you. Its safer to not ask for the 2nd date, but just be pleasant and polite.
Can't find a guy.
Huh even though the population is in favour of the girls, sometimes Mr.Right is not always around the corner.
Well what I said for guys apply here too, but just be more careful when you have to meet strangers. Dont paste your pic on the net, even if it increases the chances of meeting Mr.Right, it just increases the chances of you meeting Mr.Wrong a lot.

Common for both
Everyone would be curious to view your picture. But that doesnt mean you will have to share it with everyone. And the pic of the person displayed need not be the true pic.
Keep two email ids, one for important stuff like etransactions, family etc. And the other for friends. Especially friends who forward emails to everyone on the planet.
Exchanging email ids instead of telephone nos. Generally when its the first date, one might blabber or get nervous or get too excited etc. Therefore email id is better then phone, it gives both of you plenty of time to get composed and then compose what you want to say:)
What if you discover you are not interested in the second date, especially if you have asked for the first date. Well its insulting when you suddenly ignore the person, especially if you know the person, be pleasant but do maintain some distance. Though cliched, if the other person mentions another date, make an excuse of not being available and the I will get back to you routine.
Though tempting avoid asking your dates for their friend's email ids :) If you want to ask, ask after you are on good terms with that person.
Valentine day
Well here I am clearly talking about dating not romance. Its better to go on a date and check for the chances of romance then to give the impression that you are madly in love and then break up after a month.
Obviously all are not the same, and these are just broad guidelines. These are not rules, magazines are there for that.
The idealists would object to my term of dating being "exploring the possibility of romance".This post is not for these idealists. It would of course be lot easier if people just fall in love at first sight. But it doesnt happen always.
And how does one know that the quest has ended? Aaah thats another post:)
Other Posts on Relationships


  1. thanks. came to ur blog but couldnt comment.
    even i dont care for barbie.


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