Ash Tweets aur Bollywood

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SORP, (Son of Rich Producer) wants a different contemporary script for his debut. He has 3 choices.

1.Romantic - Assh aur Ishq
Poor boy works as a pizza delivery boy. Meets rich girl when he delivers her a pizza while she is dancing in her swimming pool. (Bikini Babes song.)
Gives bashan on Culture and they fall in love after couple of more squabbles. The contemporary touch. They follow each other on twitter and he learns she loves him through her tweets. (Dream Duet in Switzerland, France and New Zealand)
Determined to impress his inlaws comes up with new pizza flavour. Company sends him to Italian HO.(Sentimental missing you song).
Meets goras who are impressed with his work. The next day he will meet the CEO. Rich girl calls. Papa plans to get her married to his partner's son. Decides to skip his meeting with CEO and arrives at airport.
Flights cancelled due to volacanic ash from Iceland.
Popcorn-Paracetamol break.

Visits discotheque to drown in sorrow. Fast number by a blondie. Later rescues blondie from goons. She falls in love with him. Rich Papa calls. Rich girl has been abducted to Greece by his partner because she tried to escape from wedding. Inspite of all his wealth, he can't do anything about it because all flights are cancelled and his partner has his jet. Can SORP get his girl back with honour?

Blondie gets him a yacht by seducing a rich customer of hers. He sails to Greece. Swims to a beach house. Instead of dobermans, this house is guarded by sharks. He fights sharks and couple of octopuses too and then the goons. The next day, His mother arrives with the Rich Family for a wedding in Greece. Evil Partner appears again and tries to stop the wedding. His mother confronts him. The Evil Partner is actually his Father who abandoned them to marry a rich girl.

After few sentimental dialogues, Father unites with Mother, SORP marries Rich Girl.

The CEO arrives in Greece to bless the couple and offers him a position in Italy. He prefers to be the Incharge of Indian Operations.


2. Thriller - K-Ash.
Prime Minister requests SORP a secret agent to find a diamond on which an eccentric scientist has engraved a missile technology blueprint before being killed. The diamond has been stolen by a jewel thief who mocks the police by Tweeting from a new location everyday. SORP visits a discotheque for inspiration. (Skimpy girls song). SORP cracks the code and decides to go to London.
Squabbles with Miniskirt Heroine on plane and misses their connecting flight in Switzerland. And they fight more and fall in love. Duet song shot in Switzerland, Austria and Italy.
Confides his secret to her. Next day he realises his cover has been blown because she is a tv reporter & has done a story on the diamond & tweet thief. He delivers a lengthy dialogue on love and betrayal to her. She cries and repents and puts on her specs (Looking intellectual and serious style). The thief stops tweeTing.
Popcorn-Paracetamol break.

Hounded by press he goes to London, gives lengthy dialogue on irresponsible journalism to BBC. The interview ends with emphatatic BBC reporter asking in an
accent. "Ab tweet thief ko pakadenge kaise?" Later that night, he gets into a helicopter, flies to Iceland, parachutes down to a volcano and drops a grenade into the volcano. It erupts. He runs and escapes in a jeep and then sails to Belgium. The tweet thief is stranded in airport the next day. Mini Skirt Heroine, removes her specs and pretends to be a rich heiress and tweets @ tweet thief to buy the diamond. Tweethief asks her to meet him in Belgium. She drives from Switzerland to Belgium. But before she can get the diamond, another guy kills tweet thief, steals diamond. She clicks his pic &
mmses it to SORP. SORP grimances. The guy in MMS is an Old enemy, an Alqaeda operative. But even the Al Qaeda guy can't escape by air so escapes by car. SORP arrives in Belgium and with Ms Miniskirt chase the guy all over Europe. After a car chase, ski chase and a helicopter chase, catches the Al Qaeda agent, gets the diamond and drags the guy back to India for justice, even though he wants to kill him for killing SORP's parents.

She quits her career and becomes his wife and attend a private dinner in White House. They are appreciated and awarded by US President. If Al Qaeda had got the code, USA could have been wiped off. Offers him a position in CIA. But he refuses and comes back to work for India.


3. Family Entertainer - Ash mein Dash
3 Brothers. Anil Kapoor, Akshay Kumar and SORP live with their mother in a dairy farm in Switzerland.
Meets 3 girls through Twitter. 4 songs, 2 clashes, 4 slapstick comedies and 5 fights later, their mother is bitten by a rare snake.
Popcorn-Paracetamol break.
Only a herb from Iceland applied with 10 hours can save her. Akshay Kumar and SORP go to Iceland and get the herb but the volcanno erupts and flights are cancelled. They glide in the Ash from Iceland to Switzerland and save their mother at the last minute. And defeats the plan of their evil uncle who had tried to kill their mother to get their dairy farm. Uncle repents and begs for forgiveness and gives his daughter to SORP.

So which script did SORP choose. You will know this Diwali..

Killing Casteism

He came home to find his mother mentioning their caste to a stranger filling a form.

"Ma! I told you to tell we are Indians!" he screamed.

His mother clarified, "But this is for your matrimonial ad not the census."

"But Shaadi before Naukri?" he asked.

His mother took him aside and said smugly, "Your uncle has arranged it. He knows the Sales VP of the company, you wanted to work in. He is from our community. And the VP has said, if its a good boy, we will adjust the criteria.."

They were interrupted with the question "Madam, should I mention "sub-sect no bar?"". The mother and son looked at one another, then he replied "Why waste money over it. Don't mention it".

Beaten by Bangladesh

"The figures show India topping the global list for child mortality under five years. Nearly 20 lakh children die every year, 50 per cent of them in their first month. Most of the deaths are preventable. The report, titled ‘Women on the Front Lines of Health Care: State of the World’s Mothers’, identifies countries that have invested heavily in training and deploying more female health workers to deliver care to the poorest mothers and babies.... India’s neighbour Bangladesh has been doing this effectively. There, female community health workers with just six weeks of training are estimated to have contributed to newborn mortality reduction of 34 per cent and deaths under the age of five by 64 per cent".

Since this is not about cricket we need not care.

Wedding Jewellery

She agreed to the wedding, after falling in love with the wedding jewellery.
He agreed to the marry her, after knowing the worth of the wedding jewellery.

Centuries haven't changed the cliches..

Wedding might be a grand party, but Marriage requires love and commitment from both parties. Give it some respect.