Dear Diary
Wrote Two Posts Today
Post 1
"Claimer you are being Childish!
Claiming the land, is not enough. When you dont care about the people who live on that land. Sure you can claim, your people were driven out, but isn't it time, you woke up to the ground realities..and your need to appease your citizens.
If the land is yours, what are the rights, you give to those who live on that land. Do they carry your passport? Do they get your grants for developement? What do you and your people, DO for those living on that land?"
Even if you claim to own the piece of land on Paper, the People are Ours.. Just keep dreaming of owning them.."
Post 2
Thieves!
You stole the land and drove away our people. You may have won a battle, but we will win the war. We will drive out the illegal occupiers, and retrieve the land to its rightful owners.
Don't you Dare to Provoke us, You cowards! "
Pak bashing is generally the shortcut to patriotic popularity on the blogs. Then I thought, it would seem more patriotic, to indulge in Chinese bashing too.
So wrote two posts, but in my hurry to popularity, got my post title mixed..For the 1 I wrote, PoK and for Post 2 Arunachal Pradesh..
Now the blogworld is out for my blood, thinking I am a Chinese-ISI agent!
Aargh! When will I ever get it right!!!
Note : Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.
Showing posts with label Aargh Diaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aargh Diaries. Show all posts
Oct 25, 2009
May 18, 2009
Wrong Results Wrong Emails
Dear Diary
I had thought it would be cute to greet my colleagues with a "future email" on Monday morning after the results, last week. Based on few blogs and media bytes, I had assumed the BJP would win.
To the closet Congressites at work, emailed
"Its all because of Manmohan Singh, Rahulji has nothing to do with it"
And to the shrill BJPites
"Its all because of Ram's blessings".
Needless to say, the Congressites and the BJPites unitedly hate me.
Aargh
I had thought it would be cute to greet my colleagues with a "future email" on Monday morning after the results, last week. Based on few blogs and media bytes, I had assumed the BJP would win.
To the closet Congressites at work, emailed
"Its all because of Manmohan Singh, Rahulji has nothing to do with it"
And to the shrill BJPites
"Its all because of Ram's blessings".
Needless to say, the Congressites and the BJPites unitedly hate me.
Aargh
Aug 20, 2007
Aargh Diaries - Wives aren't Women
On my way to the pantry, stopped near a female colleague, who had been talking a lot, about how she gives her son everything he wants, blah, blah, blah..
"Why do you want to ruin your son's life by giving him everything he wants instead of everything he needs. Now he is going to think its the duty of every woman in his life to take care of him and agree with him. And what kind of relation would he have with his wife; who wont live upto your standards in his eyes? And if she has a boy, she is probably going to express her resentment by giving your grandson everything he wants and getting the male approval from him, continuing the cycle.."
and hurried away before she could throw a heavy file at me, into the pantry to hear Mr.C say "Well, wives aren't women".
Since motherhood was on my mind, couldn't resist asking "So Mr.C, your mother wasn't a woman or wasn't a wife?"
Logically legitamate but socially, it makes you feel as if, you are working in a freezer, in the Artic, before global warming era.
I dont understand why women have to be idolised in one relationship
and demonised in another relationship
Whats the big deal about women
Why not just treat her as human.
Hmmm, atleast I have achieved equality at work
The men and women hate me, equally.
A kind colleague whispered, "How can you abuse mother, don't you realise its against our culture.."
Aargh!
A married mother isn't a natural guardian or atleast a co-guardian of her child, and a divorced woman had to go to Supreme Court because the RBI would let her open a fixed deposit in her child's name..
And we have women dying every 5 minutes in our Mother Worshipping Nation, due to childbirth and a mother in Sri Lanka, Bangladesh or Pakistan has a better chance of survival than the Indian mother. But losing to them on Maternal Mortality Rate isn't as important as losing our men's cricket team, losing to their cricket team.
Please! We care more for Munnabhai, than the Indian mothers.
Well I dont enjoy working in a freezer, so nodded quietly, with apparent remorse to the colleague's comment.
PS : Thankfully Munnabhai's bail plea has been granted, and the office is busy discussing him, bailing me out of my, "Mother Mess".
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series and Aargh is an Anonymous, Annoyed, Reasonably, Good Human.
"Why do you want to ruin your son's life by giving him everything he wants instead of everything he needs. Now he is going to think its the duty of every woman in his life to take care of him and agree with him. And what kind of relation would he have with his wife; who wont live upto your standards in his eyes? And if she has a boy, she is probably going to express her resentment by giving your grandson everything he wants and getting the male approval from him, continuing the cycle.."
and hurried away before she could throw a heavy file at me, into the pantry to hear Mr.C say "Well, wives aren't women".
Since motherhood was on my mind, couldn't resist asking "So Mr.C, your mother wasn't a woman or wasn't a wife?"
Logically legitamate but socially, it makes you feel as if, you are working in a freezer, in the Artic, before global warming era.
I dont understand why women have to be idolised in one relationship
and demonised in another relationship
Whats the big deal about women
Why not just treat her as human.
Hmmm, atleast I have achieved equality at work
The men and women hate me, equally.
A kind colleague whispered, "How can you abuse mother, don't you realise its against our culture.."
Aargh!
A married mother isn't a natural guardian or atleast a co-guardian of her child, and a divorced woman had to go to Supreme Court because the RBI would let her open a fixed deposit in her child's name..
And we have women dying every 5 minutes in our Mother Worshipping Nation, due to childbirth and a mother in Sri Lanka, Bangladesh or Pakistan has a better chance of survival than the Indian mother. But losing to them on Maternal Mortality Rate isn't as important as losing our men's cricket team, losing to their cricket team.
Please! We care more for Munnabhai, than the Indian mothers.
Well I dont enjoy working in a freezer, so nodded quietly, with apparent remorse to the colleague's comment.
PS : Thankfully Munnabhai's bail plea has been granted, and the office is busy discussing him, bailing me out of my, "Mother Mess".
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series and Aargh is an Anonymous, Annoyed, Reasonably, Good Human.
Feb 3, 2007
Aargh Diaries - Gadgets and Chores
Yesterday received an email : "My wife thinks, gadgets are not enough, and I need to put it in more at home. Please dont tell me she is right, just let me know if you can think of any excuse I can give."
I replied"The best excuse/reply an Indian husband can give is "My mother and my grandmother didnt have what you have and yet managed.." Your wife would want to seem better than them and would be more err..self reliant."
Later I sent 27 smses asking him, if he had succeeded and got no response.
Now I have received an email from his office."Thanks to your brilliant idea, I am now without my, mobile, laptop, ipod, and car, since my father and grandfather, didnt have them and still managed to live"
Hmpf I dont know why he is complaining, after all its easier to live without these gadgets than to help with the chores everyday..
Posts in the Fictional Aargh Diaries Series Post no.351
I replied"The best excuse/reply an Indian husband can give is "My mother and my grandmother didnt have what you have and yet managed.." Your wife would want to seem better than them and would be more err..self reliant."
Later I sent 27 smses asking him, if he had succeeded and got no response.
Now I have received an email from his office."Thanks to your brilliant idea, I am now without my, mobile, laptop, ipod, and car, since my father and grandfather, didnt have them and still managed to live"
Hmpf I dont know why he is complaining, after all its easier to live without these gadgets than to help with the chores everyday..
Posts in the Fictional Aargh Diaries Series Post no.351
Aargh Diaries - Color and Water
Mr.C is upset that Water has been shortlisted for the Oscar and not Rang de Basanti. He is upset that a film which talked about people like Bhagat Singh has been upset by a film that potrays the situation of women in India in the 1940s, in a bad light.
Stupid of me perhaps but I tried to reason with Mr.C."Mr.C, even today, a woman who has lost her husband isnt treated like a man who has lost his wife, so the film isnt unrealistic.
Water had characters, all Rang de Basanti had was heros killing politicians and then saying in the climax, "Sorry". It had no practical solution like participation in politics as in Yuva or even a dialogue like "You have to be in the system to change system",as in Page 3".
Its not fair to ignore the role of almost 50% of our population. While in Water there were good and bad men and good and bad women, in Rang De, women were simply passive.."
An outraged Mr.C replied "But what will the world think about us?"
"Hmmm, why should we worry about what the world thinks, about the widows in India, when we dont think about them. Why should we worry about Rang de Basanti not getting an Oscar, when we prefer to only moan and not do anything, about corruption or dirty politics?Instead of caring about Rang de Basanti not getting an Oscar,Why not care about Widows in India, not having Color in their life?"
Angrily Mr.C said loudly "You are so unpatriotic" and stormed off..And now others are looking at me suspiciously wondering if I am a terrorist.
Aargh Diaries is a Fictional Series.
Posts in Aargh Diaries Series
Post no.350
India widows Oscar movieRang de Basanti Water
Stupid of me perhaps but I tried to reason with Mr.C."Mr.C, even today, a woman who has lost her husband isnt treated like a man who has lost his wife, so the film isnt unrealistic.
Water had characters, all Rang de Basanti had was heros killing politicians and then saying in the climax, "Sorry". It had no practical solution like participation in politics as in Yuva or even a dialogue like "You have to be in the system to change system",as in Page 3".
Its not fair to ignore the role of almost 50% of our population. While in Water there were good and bad men and good and bad women, in Rang De, women were simply passive.."
An outraged Mr.C replied "But what will the world think about us?"
"Hmmm, why should we worry about what the world thinks, about the widows in India, when we dont think about them. Why should we worry about Rang de Basanti not getting an Oscar, when we prefer to only moan and not do anything, about corruption or dirty politics?Instead of caring about Rang de Basanti not getting an Oscar,Why not care about Widows in India, not having Color in their life?"
Angrily Mr.C said loudly "You are so unpatriotic" and stormed off..And now others are looking at me suspiciously wondering if I am a terrorist.
Aargh Diaries is a Fictional Series.
Posts in Aargh Diaries Series
Post no.350
India widows Oscar movieRang de Basanti Water
Jan 8, 2007
Aargh Diaries - 100 Rupees Raise
The coffee was fantastic,
But I couldnt enjoy it.
The 53 year old looked eagerly, at me
Would he get atleast this year
A raise?
Rs.100 would be wonderful.
I pretended to be busy with the coffee
Then looked him in the eye,
And shook my head..
Thinking,sometimes its better to be dead.
He tried his best to hide his disappointment and be cheerful.
And I walked back to my seat, woeful.
Hey we arent in Software or BPO
And we have 14 branches all over India.
And if we increase his salary
what about the other office boys?
That would be a major policy decision,
And since he is not in sales,
we can afford to lose him.
And even though he works hard,
At this age, it would be tough for him,
to find a new job.
Yet I had pleaded with my Boss
who had pleaded with her Boss, our Branch Manager
And who had made this extraordinary request
To the Vice Presidents, in their annual meet.
Surely we should understand,
the company is not doing well
When for the annual meet, instead of France
The executives settle for, Greece..
Aargh Diaries is a Fictional Series.Posts in Aargh Diaries Series
Post no.346
But I couldnt enjoy it.
The 53 year old looked eagerly, at me
Would he get atleast this year
A raise?
Rs.100 would be wonderful.
I pretended to be busy with the coffee
Then looked him in the eye,
And shook my head..
Thinking,sometimes its better to be dead.
He tried his best to hide his disappointment and be cheerful.
And I walked back to my seat, woeful.
Hey we arent in Software or BPO
And we have 14 branches all over India.
And if we increase his salary
what about the other office boys?
That would be a major policy decision,
And since he is not in sales,
we can afford to lose him.
And even though he works hard,
At this age, it would be tough for him,
to find a new job.
Yet I had pleaded with my Boss
who had pleaded with her Boss, our Branch Manager
And who had made this extraordinary request
To the Vice Presidents, in their annual meet.
Surely we should understand,
the company is not doing well
When for the annual meet, instead of France
The executives settle for, Greece..
Aargh Diaries is a Fictional Series.Posts in Aargh Diaries Series
Post no.346
Oct 10, 2006
Aargh Diaries - If my neighbour's housekeeper started blogging
Its the right of every Blogger to write Boring Blogs. But my day would be more interesting, if my neighbour's housekeeper started blogging.
1. I would finally have proof of the nasty things, they talk about me, behind my back. And perhaps I could sue them and win something, even if it takes five decades to win it.
2. I could ask them, "Why do you want your housekeeper to be on time, when you dont go to work on time."
3. Next time I visit their house and they are showing off something they got from abroad, I can murmur, "but still you get your stationary from the office."
4. I can ask them casually, "You didnt mention your fourth bank account in your tax returns?"
5. When they crib about politicians, I can say, "But you didnt vote last time."
6. When he cribs about the Ekta serials, I can say "But didnt you cry last week when the hero seemed to have died and whoop with joy, when,yesterday, you found out, he had only lost his memory?"
7. And when they talk about a bad movie I can retort "Well how can we expect good movies, when we watch them on pirated cds?".
8. When he talks about human rights, I can ask, "But why do you insist your left handed child should use the right hand?"
9. When he talks about values, I can ask, "You mean, saying its ok to cheat in exam, to get a good rank?"
10. When we are stuck in the elevator, I can ask, "So you gave the sweets, you got 10 days back, to your housekeeper, yesterday, just when a fungal layer formed on it".
11.Or I could ask, "So you tried to kill a cockroach with a spray. And when you found, you had ran out of spray, you ran out of the room and locked yourself in the kitchen.“
12. I could also say "So last week, when the building maintainence said we wont get water for 2 hours, you filled 20 big buckets with water, and simply threw them away, the next day?."
13. I could ask him, "Hmmm, you didnt come down to the blood donation camp, because you were scared of the needle, and not because you gave blood last week."
14. I could also ask him "The rains were heavy for you to sit at home and watch TV, but not heavy enough for her to get a day off?"
15. And when I have to do the dirty dishes and wash my clothes, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I can be thankful that I dont have a housekeeper who could wash my dirty linen in the blogosphere.
And if my neighbour decides to fire the housekeeper, I can finally be on TV, and say "Not only was the housekeeper terrific, the blog was interesting. And its a shame, that this act against freedom of expression, happened in our nation. And when the entire nation is celebrating Gandhigiri, a housekeeper should be fired for telling the truth".
Aargh Diaries is a Fictional Series.
Posts in Aargh Diaries Series
Post no.327
1. I would finally have proof of the nasty things, they talk about me, behind my back. And perhaps I could sue them and win something, even if it takes five decades to win it.
2. I could ask them, "Why do you want your housekeeper to be on time, when you dont go to work on time."
3. Next time I visit their house and they are showing off something they got from abroad, I can murmur, "but still you get your stationary from the office."
4. I can ask them casually, "You didnt mention your fourth bank account in your tax returns?"
5. When they crib about politicians, I can say, "But you didnt vote last time."
6. When he cribs about the Ekta serials, I can say "But didnt you cry last week when the hero seemed to have died and whoop with joy, when,yesterday, you found out, he had only lost his memory?"
7. And when they talk about a bad movie I can retort "Well how can we expect good movies, when we watch them on pirated cds?".
8. When he talks about human rights, I can ask, "But why do you insist your left handed child should use the right hand?"
9. When he talks about values, I can ask, "You mean, saying its ok to cheat in exam, to get a good rank?"
10. When we are stuck in the elevator, I can ask, "So you gave the sweets, you got 10 days back, to your housekeeper, yesterday, just when a fungal layer formed on it".
11.Or I could ask, "So you tried to kill a cockroach with a spray. And when you found, you had ran out of spray, you ran out of the room and locked yourself in the kitchen.“
12. I could also say "So last week, when the building maintainence said we wont get water for 2 hours, you filled 20 big buckets with water, and simply threw them away, the next day?."
13. I could ask him, "Hmmm, you didnt come down to the blood donation camp, because you were scared of the needle, and not because you gave blood last week."
14. I could also ask him "The rains were heavy for you to sit at home and watch TV, but not heavy enough for her to get a day off?"
15. And when I have to do the dirty dishes and wash my clothes, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I can be thankful that I dont have a housekeeper who could wash my dirty linen in the blogosphere.
And if my neighbour decides to fire the housekeeper, I can finally be on TV, and say "Not only was the housekeeper terrific, the blog was interesting. And its a shame, that this act against freedom of expression, happened in our nation. And when the entire nation is celebrating Gandhigiri, a housekeeper should be fired for telling the truth".
Aargh Diaries is a Fictional Series.
Posts in Aargh Diaries Series
Post no.327
Jul 27, 2006
Aargh Diaries - Mango Mystery
He said, "Sorry, I dont like mangoes", when the lady in red, offered it to him. And some of us gaped. The rest of us quickly gulped the mango slices we were eating and then gaped. Perhaps he didnt dig the idea of the entire lunchroom, staring at him as if he was a weirdo, or perhaps, being new, he believed lunchhour was only for having lunch, because he got up. He had opened the door, when someone managed to ask him, "Why?".
"Oh. Just like that, you know, I dont like its taste." And he left.
Well work could wait, was the silent mutual consent, as we all stared at each other in shock. Then the theories flowed.
Voice1 "Perhaps as a kid, he was caught stealing mangoes and was given a big beating for it".
Voice2 "Perhaps he is diabetic".
Voice3 "Then he wouldnt have said, "I dont like", he ought to have said, "I like but I cant eat"".
Voice 1 "Perhaps he had studied in Mumbai as a kid, and had thought he had written Aam correctly in his exam, and had asked his teacher what was wrong and she had slapped him and pointed out that it was his Marathi paper not his Hindi paper. (As if you couldnt guess, Voice 1, was a Southie who grew up in Mumbai, (who mixes Hindi with Marathi) and probably had the traumatic experience, of going up to the teacher, swelling with pride, and coming back with a swollen ear.)
The topic was juicy, but for me the mangoes were juicier. I didnt care why he disliked it, as long as I could have the mangoes that had been meant for him. And my hands had been slowly reaching over to the mangoes, when Mr.C suggested, "Its antinational. Mango is our national fruit. Unless one has medical or financial reasons, to say no to it, its an insult."
"He could be a terrorist?" A meek voice.
"How can he be a terrorist, he is not a Muslim!". Voice 2. And there was a silence. And before the attention could be diverted from him to his mangoes, and the tiny white plate that I had been dragging across the table, nonchalantly; I suggested, "Well he could be a naxalite. Recently there was a news that they had played a role in the Stock Market. And maybe he wants to do something like that by working with us."
I had managed to drag the mangoes, over to me while maintaining eye contact with the rest of them.
"That idiotic, he cant be a naxalite, he is well educated." said Yboy. (Educated doesnt mean a Phd, just that his English was impeccable). I prefered to attack the mangoes, then discuss terrorist profiling.
"But I say its still antinational" Mr.C, unwilling to give up. I had swallowed my first bite. And couldnt resist, "Mr.C. you also told me I should take interest in hockey, when I was interested in cricket, do you know the score of the first match between, India and South Africa, which is being played in South Africa?"
Mr.C bristled, "You are lying, there wasnt a mention in the media."
"Well that could be because women were playing. (After all, when cricket means only men's cricket, why cant hockey mean only men's hockey?). But we dont term the media anti national do we, because they dont mention the results of hockey, our national game, after the match? Or the readers antinational because they wouldnt read or listen to the results, if it was mentioned by the media?"
We both stare at each other coldly. Sure I havent contributed to the mango theory, but importantly I have shot down his contribution. Thats the criteria for success in politics.
"Maybe as a kid, his family suddenly became poor. And he couldnt eat mangoes because they were expensive". Voice 2, coming to my rescue. Now I could attack the mangoes again.
"That would mean he would eat more mangoes now, not less mangoes.Unless he was stuffed with mangoes as a kid. You know they say, Those who get everything, value nothing.", Voice 1
"Or maybe its a protest against the goverment policy to export mangoes. I read long back that the locals couldnt afford mangoes in Maharashtra or something like that", Voice 3.
"Maybe the girl he loved, loved mangoes a lot and now they have broken up", a timid voice. Hmmm has she broken up with someone recently? Anyone at work? But the mangoes are more interesting. And the ones not meant for you are always, more delicious.
"Or maybe the first mango he ate, was rotten. And therefore he swore, he will never eat mangoes again, because they are not worth the risk", an angry voice. As I relish the mangoes, I wonder, hmmm any connection between the angry voice and timid voice?
"Or maybe he had too much expectation from the mangoes. And it was not his fault, and not the mangoes." the timid voice (now through an angry voice) retorted. Yup, there could be a connection or atleast two colleagues in similar situation. And I popped into my mouth, the last slice.
"Perhaps he wanted to win friends, since he is new, and thought by sacrificing the mangoes for us, he would get new friends", Voice 3.
Before she could finish the sentence I had pushed away the plate to its original location, silently and smoothly; wiped my mouth, and gulped the piece I had been tossing from one end of my mouth to another.
And to avoid their attention, to the plate, as soon she finished the sentence, said "Why mangoes, to colleagues? A sensible guy would give it to his Boss". Nods and a pause, as each one thought of the best way to butter up to the Boss.
So for your information the best Ethan Hunt, is not Tom Cruise,(who has the luxury of retakes), but yours truly, who is quick with the hand and mind.
And as a cue to : Boss would prefer us working instead of wondering why some guy doesnt like mangoes, I stood up, closed my lunch box and left. And others followed.
We dont know why he doesnt like mangoes. Perhaps, he lost a dumb charades game, when someone made up, the Hindi Film "Aam ki Kasam" or worse, he wrote a script, "Aam ki Kasam" and it got rejected. After all who can dislike mangoes without a reason?
Posts in Aargh Diaries Series
Post no.318
"Oh. Just like that, you know, I dont like its taste." And he left.
Well work could wait, was the silent mutual consent, as we all stared at each other in shock. Then the theories flowed.
Voice1 "Perhaps as a kid, he was caught stealing mangoes and was given a big beating for it".
Voice2 "Perhaps he is diabetic".
Voice3 "Then he wouldnt have said, "I dont like", he ought to have said, "I like but I cant eat"".
Voice 1 "Perhaps he had studied in Mumbai as a kid, and had thought he had written Aam correctly in his exam, and had asked his teacher what was wrong and she had slapped him and pointed out that it was his Marathi paper not his Hindi paper. (As if you couldnt guess, Voice 1, was a Southie who grew up in Mumbai, (who mixes Hindi with Marathi) and probably had the traumatic experience, of going up to the teacher, swelling with pride, and coming back with a swollen ear.)
The topic was juicy, but for me the mangoes were juicier. I didnt care why he disliked it, as long as I could have the mangoes that had been meant for him. And my hands had been slowly reaching over to the mangoes, when Mr.C suggested, "Its antinational. Mango is our national fruit. Unless one has medical or financial reasons, to say no to it, its an insult."
"He could be a terrorist?" A meek voice.
"How can he be a terrorist, he is not a Muslim!". Voice 2. And there was a silence. And before the attention could be diverted from him to his mangoes, and the tiny white plate that I had been dragging across the table, nonchalantly; I suggested, "Well he could be a naxalite. Recently there was a news that they had played a role in the Stock Market. And maybe he wants to do something like that by working with us."
I had managed to drag the mangoes, over to me while maintaining eye contact with the rest of them.
"That idiotic, he cant be a naxalite, he is well educated." said Yboy. (Educated doesnt mean a Phd, just that his English was impeccable). I prefered to attack the mangoes, then discuss terrorist profiling.
"But I say its still antinational" Mr.C, unwilling to give up. I had swallowed my first bite. And couldnt resist, "Mr.C. you also told me I should take interest in hockey, when I was interested in cricket, do you know the score of the first match between, India and South Africa, which is being played in South Africa?"
Mr.C bristled, "You are lying, there wasnt a mention in the media."
"Well that could be because women were playing. (After all, when cricket means only men's cricket, why cant hockey mean only men's hockey?). But we dont term the media anti national do we, because they dont mention the results of hockey, our national game, after the match? Or the readers antinational because they wouldnt read or listen to the results, if it was mentioned by the media?"
We both stare at each other coldly. Sure I havent contributed to the mango theory, but importantly I have shot down his contribution. Thats the criteria for success in politics.
"Maybe as a kid, his family suddenly became poor. And he couldnt eat mangoes because they were expensive". Voice 2, coming to my rescue. Now I could attack the mangoes again.
"That would mean he would eat more mangoes now, not less mangoes.Unless he was stuffed with mangoes as a kid. You know they say, Those who get everything, value nothing.", Voice 1
"Or maybe its a protest against the goverment policy to export mangoes. I read long back that the locals couldnt afford mangoes in Maharashtra or something like that", Voice 3.
"Maybe the girl he loved, loved mangoes a lot and now they have broken up", a timid voice. Hmmm has she broken up with someone recently? Anyone at work? But the mangoes are more interesting. And the ones not meant for you are always, more delicious.
"Or maybe the first mango he ate, was rotten. And therefore he swore, he will never eat mangoes again, because they are not worth the risk", an angry voice. As I relish the mangoes, I wonder, hmmm any connection between the angry voice and timid voice?
"Or maybe he had too much expectation from the mangoes. And it was not his fault, and not the mangoes." the timid voice (now through an angry voice) retorted. Yup, there could be a connection or atleast two colleagues in similar situation. And I popped into my mouth, the last slice.
"Perhaps he wanted to win friends, since he is new, and thought by sacrificing the mangoes for us, he would get new friends", Voice 3.
Before she could finish the sentence I had pushed away the plate to its original location, silently and smoothly; wiped my mouth, and gulped the piece I had been tossing from one end of my mouth to another.
And to avoid their attention, to the plate, as soon she finished the sentence, said "Why mangoes, to colleagues? A sensible guy would give it to his Boss". Nods and a pause, as each one thought of the best way to butter up to the Boss.
So for your information the best Ethan Hunt, is not Tom Cruise,(who has the luxury of retakes), but yours truly, who is quick with the hand and mind.
And as a cue to : Boss would prefer us working instead of wondering why some guy doesnt like mangoes, I stood up, closed my lunch box and left. And others followed.
We dont know why he doesnt like mangoes. Perhaps, he lost a dumb charades game, when someone made up, the Hindi Film "Aam ki Kasam" or worse, he wrote a script, "Aam ki Kasam" and it got rejected. After all who can dislike mangoes without a reason?
Posts in Aargh Diaries Series
Post no.318
Jul 17, 2006
Aargh Diaries - OK
The Prime Minister is not doing what he is supposed to do according to, almost Everyone. Its OK and good for national unity. After all, who has managed to create this sort of national unity, besides Saurav Ganguly?
A TOI journalist could buy gelatine sticks for Rs.50 in the Tansa lake area, approximately 50 miles from Mumbai, three days After the Mumbai blasts. Its OK. Terrorism is shocking, corruption is not.
Naval War room leak. OK. First lets get the result of Bofors, then I will read about the leaks and the shady deals and boring stuff about national security.
A month back, routine murder investigation led the Haryana Police to uncover that an individual had 290 cell phone connections in his name from one company. (He owned one prepaid connection, the remaining 289 were sold to different people using his identity). "Ninety-five per cent of the cell phones being used by criminals come through this method," said the SP in that article. Oh we do have rules, if more than 10 connections are issued to any single person or address, the government has to be informed. Which wasnt done in this case by Service Provider. Its OK there is no connection to the Mumbai blasts.
Mulayam has clarified that he has been misquoted on SIMI. OK. He was being Politically Correct and fair, not Politically Calculative. .
Modi wants some terror laws. OK.
17 killed as Naxals unleash terror in Chhattisgarh. Its OK. Naxals dont target the cities.
The weekend TV was lousy. I am now getting confused between the news channel and the movie channel. And between programs and advertisements. Its OK. The media needs money, and only corporates can pay. And that means we will always get want we want, even if its not what we need.
7000 Indians die Everyday from Hunger. And if I dont click on http://www.bhookh.com/ today, someone might not get food. Its OK. Someone who reads this, might click instead of me.
At work
Yboy is watching porn on the net, while Boss thinks he is working hard. Its OK as long as its not our children he is watching.
Mr.C is discussing about some movie with his friend over phone. He had watched it on a pirated cd and is now cribbing about the quality of print. And no he doesnt think its wrong to watch a pirated cd, even if Interpol thinks Dawood gets a neat bundle from this industry. Its OK because, everyone does it.
Bigbag has stashed a bundle of A4 size bond paper, in his big, bag. So this month, he has taken from the office supplies : 1 marker, 3 pens, 4 pencils, one stapler, 2 boxes of stapler pins, 8 files and 3 cds and besides paper. OK that just means I am dumb to buy pens.
FrustratedParent is cribbing about a school. Seems they encourage consumerism and his child's school is targeted by multinationals. Its OK. Dont take it personally. It happens everywhere. The companies are supposed to sell, and the schools have to make money.
Charmer got a hike. Its OK, after all it was just through flattery and home errands, not sex.
I am not able to access Blogspot because some say the government has instructed ISPs to block blogspot. What! Are we in China! But since there are other blogsites, its OK.
I didnt take bath because I didnt get water. Its OK. Deo is cheaper than Water. And I get water for 3 hours most of the days.
I have wasted my precious minutes of my life, by writing this post, which everyone will say is stupid. Its OK as long as I dont waste more time, saying this is an intelligent sensible post.
Aargh Diaries is a FICTIONAL series.
Blog Post no.311. Aargh Diaries Series.
A TOI journalist could buy gelatine sticks for Rs.50 in the Tansa lake area, approximately 50 miles from Mumbai, three days After the Mumbai blasts. Its OK. Terrorism is shocking, corruption is not.
Naval War room leak. OK. First lets get the result of Bofors, then I will read about the leaks and the shady deals and boring stuff about national security.
A month back, routine murder investigation led the Haryana Police to uncover that an individual had 290 cell phone connections in his name from one company. (He owned one prepaid connection, the remaining 289 were sold to different people using his identity). "Ninety-five per cent of the cell phones being used by criminals come through this method," said the SP in that article. Oh we do have rules, if more than 10 connections are issued to any single person or address, the government has to be informed. Which wasnt done in this case by Service Provider. Its OK there is no connection to the Mumbai blasts.
Mulayam has clarified that he has been misquoted on SIMI. OK. He was being Politically Correct and fair, not Politically Calculative. .
Modi wants some terror laws. OK.
17 killed as Naxals unleash terror in Chhattisgarh. Its OK. Naxals dont target the cities.
The weekend TV was lousy. I am now getting confused between the news channel and the movie channel. And between programs and advertisements. Its OK. The media needs money, and only corporates can pay. And that means we will always get want we want, even if its not what we need.
7000 Indians die Everyday from Hunger. And if I dont click on http://www.bhookh.com/ today, someone might not get food. Its OK. Someone who reads this, might click instead of me.
At work
Yboy is watching porn on the net, while Boss thinks he is working hard. Its OK as long as its not our children he is watching.
Mr.C is discussing about some movie with his friend over phone. He had watched it on a pirated cd and is now cribbing about the quality of print. And no he doesnt think its wrong to watch a pirated cd, even if Interpol thinks Dawood gets a neat bundle from this industry. Its OK because, everyone does it.
Bigbag has stashed a bundle of A4 size bond paper, in his big, bag. So this month, he has taken from the office supplies : 1 marker, 3 pens, 4 pencils, one stapler, 2 boxes of stapler pins, 8 files and 3 cds and besides paper. OK that just means I am dumb to buy pens.
FrustratedParent is cribbing about a school. Seems they encourage consumerism and his child's school is targeted by multinationals. Its OK. Dont take it personally. It happens everywhere. The companies are supposed to sell, and the schools have to make money.
Charmer got a hike. Its OK, after all it was just through flattery and home errands, not sex.
I am not able to access Blogspot because some say the government has instructed ISPs to block blogspot. What! Are we in China! But since there are other blogsites, its OK.
I didnt take bath because I didnt get water. Its OK. Deo is cheaper than Water. And I get water for 3 hours most of the days.
I have wasted my precious minutes of my life, by writing this post, which everyone will say is stupid. Its OK as long as I dont waste more time, saying this is an intelligent sensible post.
Aargh Diaries is a FICTIONAL series.
Blog Post no.311. Aargh Diaries Series.
Jul 2, 2006
Aargh Diaries - Lesbian Blogger
An email from a dude.
"Dear Aargh
I am trying to find romance by blogging, but am worried about flirting with a lesbian and wasting my time. Any idea how one can identify them without asking directly?"
Aaah its such an easy one. This is the way many identify a Lesbian Blogger on the Web.
1.Lesbian Bloggers have an opinion. They will write about the world and issues, and stuff like that. They will rarely write about broken hearts, simply because they dont have hearts
2.They will argue for the right of humans (read woman) to dress anyway they want. And will not understand that its not wrong if men worry about women and ask women to wear a dupatta "properly" and not wear it just around the neck. Duh dont you realise why. They want to oogle at Our Women.
They would further say, most of the rapes and molestation occurs not in urban areas and not by strangers, so whats the corelation between clothes and molestation. But this only means that most of the women are lesbians, who cant appreciate the pleasure, men want them to experience.
Some of them are so smart that they say, women have also the right to even cover themselves from head to toe, if the women want to. They are just being pseduo secular and dont want men to look at their women.
3. They will ask questions like why doesnt any religion treat women equally. Why a spiritual head cant be a woman. Now they will even say how dare you call us "impure". (This probably to win favours with other women).
4.Their attitude to marriage will be alarming. They will say, I want to marry but I want to take care of my parents too. After all if my husband wants to take care of his parents, why shouldnt I want to take care of my parents. They will even suggest dowry is wrong and the marriage expenses are to be split. They will sarcastically ask "Would Baghban be a hit if Amitabh had 4 daughters?" This is simply their method of avoiding marriage.
5.At every opportunity, they will remind you that Ten million(1000000) lives has been killed in just 20 years, due to sex selection. They might even add, that means, Ten million guys have ended up with no girls.
Who are they kidding, they dont get girls, and they want to blame it on society. After all if guys needed girls, they can pay for young girls or watch porn.
6.They will protest against porn too. They might ask if porn is so ok, then will it be fine if one of your female relative becomes a porn star. After all a porn star is someone's daughter blah blah. You would think that as lesbians, they wouldnt mind seeing naked girls. Thats where you underestimate them my friend,
a.This stance would bait the sweet innocent girls,
b.This stance is a cover up of their lifestyle.
7.They would ask for equal pay at work. And talk about sexual harrassment. Thats probably because they are jealous of men. Ha !
They would also get angry over the term "working women" and say just because a woman isnt earning, it doesnt mean she isnt working. They would even say stuff like homemaker is 24x7 job, with no weekend offs, or holidays or retirement or retirement benefits.
This is probably to seduce the "regular" female homemakers, and create trouble in a marriage.
To questions on whether they would marry a homemaker, they would agree. So that the poor men can sit at home cleaning toilets, while they go out and have fun and also control the men!
If they quote United Nations and say "Women account for two thirds of the world's working hours but their share of the world's income was only 10 percent." It just means that Lesbians are working in United Nations. Duh..
8.Few of them might even talk about stuff like Every 5 minutes a Woman dies from Childbirth in India.
Or talk about sterlization camps where more than 100s are operated when the government norm is not more than 20 or the bicycle pumps used for putting air into the women's abdomen before laparoscopic operations or the lack of sterlization of equipments.
Dude thats to scare women from being with men and getting pregnant.
Their other techniques include pointing out that women have to change their name after marriage, and live most of the times with the man, and is not as per the law the legal guardian of her child. While its not same for the men. They might even get desperate and point out marital rape is not a crime, and women dont have the right to insist on contraception.
This again to prevent the sweet women from getting married.
9.When someone kindly points out to them that men would too get harrassed they would agree. But will say, the problem is with the misuse of law, not laws.
This is their cover. Their other covers include, talking about the right of men to be homemakers and wear skirts. A nice way to demean the men.
If they talk about equality in rape laws for men and women, its just to create confusion in the society.
10.They will think fairness cream ads are demeaning. Maybe thats because they dont want the girls to become fair and therefore beautiful and get boys.
11.They can speak against hunger deaths, drunk driving, smoking, casteism, riots, the time women spend to collect water environment education, sanitation etc. They could get angry when media and the whole nation talks about cricket and means only men's cricket. Dont get confused. They hate society(read men) and hence the outburst.
12.When you realise what they are up to, and write a blog suggesting that they have these opinions only because they are lesbians, they would deny it.
Cheers
Aargh
Just when I was wondering if I had been hasty and perhaps should have written the above as a book and appeared on few chat shows to promote the book, received an email.
"Idiot, I agree with the opinions of these women. I dont see why I should get paranoid about a women with an opinion. And as for equality, they dont go around saying men should get an uterus. Grow up."
Aaaaaaaaargh. I replied "Hmmm. That means you are gay."
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.
Jun 15, 2006
Aargh Diaries - Hot Idea, Cold Reception
At lunch, the admin guy was worrying about high electricity bills to his colleague. Eager to curry favour with the admin people, I chipped in, "Perhaps its due to high usage of the air conditioner. A.C is not a need but a luxury, minimise its usage and your bill would automatically reduce."
He seemed extremely pleased and thanked me and left soon, presumably to tell his wife to switch off the AC during afternoon. And pleased with myself, I had a leisurely lunch and came back to find my cubicle, hot.
Aargh,! Seems he had been worried about the EB bill at work and not home.
Now I am busy, hoping to find a clause in my contract which mentions that the hours I put in, has to be in a pleasant cool atmosphere, though my colleagues try to compensate it with looks, that could convert Sahara into Antartica.
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series. Previous Aargh Diaries. Blog Post No.296
He seemed extremely pleased and thanked me and left soon, presumably to tell his wife to switch off the AC during afternoon. And pleased with myself, I had a leisurely lunch and came back to find my cubicle, hot.
Aargh,! Seems he had been worried about the EB bill at work and not home.
Now I am busy, hoping to find a clause in my contract which mentions that the hours I put in, has to be in a pleasant cool atmosphere, though my colleagues try to compensate it with looks, that could convert Sahara into Antartica.
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series. Previous Aargh Diaries. Blog Post No.296
May 30, 2006
Aargh Diaries - A Quote on Quota
"Would you mind if you were treated by a Quota Doctor." Ten days back, this was the question that a TV journo asked me when I was out for my morning jog.
And I cursed to myself. Just my luck. My 30 seconds of fame should when I am sweating profusely and in an unflattering outfit. But though I may not look my best, and look far worse when next to the journo who had time for makeup, I wanted the maximum time on TV, and that meant neither a Yes nor a No as an answer. So replied.
"Why not?"
"You mean you wouldnt mind being treated by a Quota Doctor?" (I guess the journo would have thanked his stars. After all there could be claims of bias from the proquota guys, saying how come you never come up with an non-political intellectuals (Citizens who can speak English, even if they dont vote) who agrees with quota. And now the journo would be able to fill that quota of quotes and say their channel truly reflects society and all views.)
I replied "Well a doctor is a doctor. Just because a doctor got admission due to a quota doesnt mean the doctor wont pass out. Rather than worry about just the admission basis, shouldnt I also worry about how the doctor passed, whether there was any copying involved or some leaked question papers or big donation or some bigee's influence etc? Anyway right now I dont ask my doctor, did you pass out on top of the class or where you at the bottom of the class or if you cheated during exams ."
(Right now I judge my doctor by :
1.The ability to speak English
2.The car (bigger the car, more successful the doctor and more successful the doctor, better probably was the treatment).
3.And the skin color. (somehow fair skin means smarter people, as the fairness cream ads point out.))
Journo with an earnest expression "So you think merit isnt important in a holy profession?"
"Holy profession! Most of the doctors treat for fees. Nothing wrong with that, but nothing holy about it either. Why does the holiness disapper when One Crore girls are aborted in just twenty years due to ultrasound scans, making it tough for perhaps one crore guys to get dates. Why does the holiness disappear when I have to wait for couple of hours to see my doctor , though I have an appointment, but allows the medical representatives to walk in almost immediately. If the doctor got the admission by merit, then why cant they see the patients by merit? Why do they need medical representatives? And do they let me know on what basis they decide the merit of the medicine they prescribe to me? The price, the effectiveness or the presentation of the rep? And what about the doctor-lab nexus or kidney .."
Just when I paused to breath, I get the next question
"So you think after so many decades reservation is still required"
When millions still cant think "Caste no bar" when it comes to marriage, how can caste be irrelevant? And when will caste become no bar in a marriage? When the "lower caste" is a doctor or an engineer? Not when the other person is a scavenger? Why do we worry about quotas imposed by politicians and not about quotas imposed by society. Why do we not ask why after Tsunami only one caste handled the dead bodies without any protective gear in Tamilnadu? Why dont we care about these reservations and say hey its not fair? Because our children wont be affected by this, right? Forget caste, we wouldnt want our maid's daughter to become a doctor, if our daughter is just a nurse."
"So you think the economic criteria is important?"
Yes. The underpriveileged are not from just one caste. But lets not pretend to care for the poor in the "forward castes" just when there is a talk about reservations."
"So you agree with Arjun Singh and VP Singh in principle?"
I hate Arjun Singh, just like I hated the Joshi before him. They indulge in gimmicks and have "ideas" for IIMs and IITs etc, just so that they would get more coverage, instead of worrying about the datas like 50% of Indian children aged 6-18 do not go to school" or "In India, only 20% of habitation has a secondary school And VP Singh, he can talk about reservations at home, but goes abroad for his own medical treatment, because the water is cleaner there. Instead of reservations let there be a rule that all MPs and MLAs should get treatment from a government hospital in his/her constituency. And then ask these MPs and MLAs, do you mind a lot because you are treated in your constituency?"
"So you are for quota or against quota"
"I am against this hypocrisy of all things are right except the quota system. And I am against the hypocrisy of pretending that because doctors in some cities go back to work, all will be fine with our nation. Instead of talking about the doctors who are not working, why doesnt the media talk about the people who dont have a doctor. Why doesnt the media talk about sterlization camps where more than 100s are operated when the government norm is not more than 20 or the bicycle pumps used for putting air into the women's abdomen before laparoscopic operations or the lack of sterlization or that 63% of injections are unsafe in India?
Instead of talking about doctors from a majority community and the quota for them, why not talk about the lack of healthcare to the majorityIndians? Quota might be an issue and just because the medicos are striking it could become an urgent issue. But lets not forget the important issues, just because majority of Indians dont go on strikes.
I got a curt "Thank you" and I am still waiting for it to be aired. I have told all my friends and relatives have made the biggest sacrifice in life for me. They have stayed away from the remote and watched just that channel. I had even worked out a smooth shift schedule. And I had planned to transfer the tape and make it into a video blog. And they havent still aired my opinion.
Well if it was aired, maybe I would have been ostracized by my community and my doctor wouldnt be pleased, so perhaps it was for the best. I will just continue to jog everyday with designer clothes and make up and hope a TV crew asks me for my opinion on Rakhi Sawant.
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.
And I cursed to myself. Just my luck. My 30 seconds of fame should when I am sweating profusely and in an unflattering outfit. But though I may not look my best, and look far worse when next to the journo who had time for makeup, I wanted the maximum time on TV, and that meant neither a Yes nor a No as an answer. So replied.
"Why not?"
"You mean you wouldnt mind being treated by a Quota Doctor?" (I guess the journo would have thanked his stars. After all there could be claims of bias from the proquota guys, saying how come you never come up with an non-political intellectuals (Citizens who can speak English, even if they dont vote) who agrees with quota. And now the journo would be able to fill that quota of quotes and say their channel truly reflects society and all views.)
I replied "Well a doctor is a doctor. Just because a doctor got admission due to a quota doesnt mean the doctor wont pass out. Rather than worry about just the admission basis, shouldnt I also worry about how the doctor passed, whether there was any copying involved or some leaked question papers or big donation or some bigee's influence etc? Anyway right now I dont ask my doctor, did you pass out on top of the class or where you at the bottom of the class or if you cheated during exams ."
(Right now I judge my doctor by :
1.The ability to speak English
2.The car (bigger the car, more successful the doctor and more successful the doctor, better probably was the treatment).
3.And the skin color. (somehow fair skin means smarter people, as the fairness cream ads point out.))
Journo with an earnest expression "So you think merit isnt important in a holy profession?"
"Holy profession! Most of the doctors treat for fees. Nothing wrong with that, but nothing holy about it either. Why does the holiness disapper when One Crore girls are aborted in just twenty years due to ultrasound scans, making it tough for perhaps one crore guys to get dates. Why does the holiness disappear when I have to wait for couple of hours to see my doctor , though I have an appointment, but allows the medical representatives to walk in almost immediately. If the doctor got the admission by merit, then why cant they see the patients by merit? Why do they need medical representatives? And do they let me know on what basis they decide the merit of the medicine they prescribe to me? The price, the effectiveness or the presentation of the rep? And what about the doctor-lab nexus or kidney .."
Just when I paused to breath, I get the next question
"So you think after so many decades reservation is still required"
When millions still cant think "Caste no bar" when it comes to marriage, how can caste be irrelevant? And when will caste become no bar in a marriage? When the "lower caste" is a doctor or an engineer? Not when the other person is a scavenger? Why do we worry about quotas imposed by politicians and not about quotas imposed by society. Why do we not ask why after Tsunami only one caste handled the dead bodies without any protective gear in Tamilnadu? Why dont we care about these reservations and say hey its not fair? Because our children wont be affected by this, right? Forget caste, we wouldnt want our maid's daughter to become a doctor, if our daughter is just a nurse."
"So you think the economic criteria is important?"
Yes. The underpriveileged are not from just one caste. But lets not pretend to care for the poor in the "forward castes" just when there is a talk about reservations."
"So you agree with Arjun Singh and VP Singh in principle?"
I hate Arjun Singh, just like I hated the Joshi before him. They indulge in gimmicks and have "ideas" for IIMs and IITs etc, just so that they would get more coverage, instead of worrying about the datas like 50% of Indian children aged 6-18 do not go to school" or "In India, only 20% of habitation has a secondary school And VP Singh, he can talk about reservations at home, but goes abroad for his own medical treatment, because the water is cleaner there. Instead of reservations let there be a rule that all MPs and MLAs should get treatment from a government hospital in his/her constituency. And then ask these MPs and MLAs, do you mind a lot because you are treated in your constituency?"
"So you are for quota or against quota"
"I am against this hypocrisy of all things are right except the quota system. And I am against the hypocrisy of pretending that because doctors in some cities go back to work, all will be fine with our nation. Instead of talking about the doctors who are not working, why doesnt the media talk about the people who dont have a doctor. Why doesnt the media talk about sterlization camps where more than 100s are operated when the government norm is not more than 20 or the bicycle pumps used for putting air into the women's abdomen before laparoscopic operations or the lack of sterlization or that 63% of injections are unsafe in India?
Instead of talking about doctors from a majority community and the quota for them, why not talk about the lack of healthcare to the majorityIndians? Quota might be an issue and just because the medicos are striking it could become an urgent issue. But lets not forget the important issues, just because majority of Indians dont go on strikes.
I got a curt "Thank you" and I am still waiting for it to be aired. I have told all my friends and relatives have made the biggest sacrifice in life for me. They have stayed away from the remote and watched just that channel. I had even worked out a smooth shift schedule. And I had planned to transfer the tape and make it into a video blog. And they havent still aired my opinion.
Well if it was aired, maybe I would have been ostracized by my community and my doctor wouldnt be pleased, so perhaps it was for the best. I will just continue to jog everyday with designer clothes and make up and hope a TV crew asks me for my opinion on Rakhi Sawant.
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.
May 29, 2006
Aargh Diaries - Partners at Work
"Dear Aargh
Our company has started a matrimonial website for us. What do you think?
S"
I dont know if the person who devised this idea is a fan of Arjun Singh, I think it has more problems than benefits. Dont even dream of marrying someone within your office. And here are some reasons to avoid it.
1. You cant party all night and say you were working late. (So what if it works for the spouse too. Its just going to lead to resentment within marriage).
2. You cant pretend to be the most important person at work.
3. Your spouse will be aware of every bonus, incentive, raise that you get or dont get.
4. Colleagues who want to annoy you, would either flirt with your spouse or mention you were flirting with them (depending on their sex or sexuality)
5. Its tough to site traffic jam as an excuse for being late, when your spouse arrives on time.
6. Neither of you would be able to finish work at the same time, yet you would be obliged to wait for one another, in view of petrol hikes, and its just going to lead to resentment and more time at work. (You would think, let me finish this report while I wait, and your spouse would finish it 15 mins before you finish that report and then would start on another report till you finish this report.. )
7. Chances of both of you getting the same day off is slim, if in the same department.
8. It would be tough for one of you to quit on the spot, after yelling at the boss because, the other would have to face the heat.
9. If your building collapses, both of you are going to suffer physically.
10. If you work in a company like Enron, both of you are likely to suffer, financially
11. If you have a fight at home, others at work might know about it and as luck would have it, the colleague you hate the most, would be your spouse's best friend.
12. Your spouse could end up being your boss, and thats just going to cause resentment at home and irritation at work, and ultimately, a dash for divorce.
In a nutshell, if you are partners at work,
chances are, your life partnership wont work.
And instead of being eternally grateful and offering me a month's salary atleast, I got this reply from S
"#$#@$#@@$, this was my idea,did you forget I am in HR?
Some corporates are already doing it in India and it isnt bizzare
And instead of saying I would get a promotion at work
You are stupid enough to think this wont work."
Aargh :(
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series
May 6, 2006
Aargh Diaries - Mr.Wannabe Popular and TN Elections
An Email from my friend who is not from Tamilnadu.
Dear Aargh
I will have to go to Chennai tonight. I dont want to appear dumb when the local politics is being discussed and want to blend by voicing the popular view. So tell me what I should tell where.
Dear Friend, this is a quick guide to TN Assembly Election.
1.Forget BJP and Congress. Unlike in other states, they are not a major ruling or opposition party. But they allign with AIADMK and DMK. And of course they switch their alliances.
2.To find out who belongs to which party and believes which party will win, just ask which TV channel they watch. AIADMK followers will watch Jaya TV and of course will believe that Amma will rule again. DMK followers will watch Sun TV and obviously believe that Karunanidhi will win. Even if they aren't Party followers, those who watch these channels would have been brainwashed into believing it through endless ads and "news".
3.The hot topic would be the switch of Vaiko, MDMK.
He was earlier imprisoned by Amma under POTA. But now he has switched from DMK to AIADMK. If you meet a Sun TV viewer, moan how money is everything in politics and that Vaiko has no shame and mention people are not fools now. If you meet a Jaya TV viewer point out that even Karunanidhi changes from BJP ,led NDA alliance, to Congress, and he cant expect others to be unlike him. If the person nods but is uncomfortable in praising Amma, its a Vaiko fan who believes that after defeating DMK, Vaiko will rise and defeat Amma and become Chief Minister one day. Dont suggest, but if you come across this suggestion, just nod and say of course.
4.DMK has promised, it would lower the price of rice to Rs.2, and free Color TV, Gas stove, and assignment of 2 acres land to the landless poor farmers, waiver of all cooperative loans of the farmers etc. AIADMK has promised free rice of 10kg and a computer to every student who clears 12th std and some more freebies
To the Sun TV viewer, mention how finally the manifesto is pro people and how Amma initially mentioned the rice rate was impossible and then changed to free rice. To the Jaya TV viewer point out, DMK is not giving it from its party funds, that ultimately its taxpayers money. And ridicule free TV and compare it with computer.
Dont be stupid enough to mention almost 60% of Tamilnadu's rural population dont have access to a toilet. So how come TVs are more important than toilets?Or ask has anything been mentioned on healthcare and is there a policy on HIV/AIDS since the state has the highest number of HIV/AIDS patient?
5.Star Wars. Simran and Kushboo are with Amma, Radhika and Sarathkumar have gone from DMK to Amma. T Rajendar has gone back to DMK again, from Amma. Karthik is with a different party and claims his candidates are being threathened by AIADMK. Vijayakanth has a new party but since he has no TV channel, people dont seem to care much for him. Veerapan's wife is standing as an independent candidate and you can always talk about Veerapan, even if you dont know nothing about his wife. If you are with a Sun TV viewer, mention the IT minister Dayanidhi Maran is a big hit. To the Jaya TV viewer point out that thanks to Maran, Sun News can have live telecast of speeches but not Jaya TV and the crowds come not to hear the speeches but to be on TV.
Of course you can come across a person who says I watch Vijay TV, Raj TV, Win TV, DD or someother channel.. But if you do, just ask them their opinion , they are bound to have one. And nod..And you can always get away with most of the politicians are cheats and nothings going to change.
And dont make the mistake of asking if they will vote to the people you meet. Having an opinion on who should win and who will win and why someone will win doesnt mean the person will vote.
For more on the leading parties, watch the Channel wars and even though the propoganda is supposed to end today, I dont think the channels will stop airing their "news".
Dear Aargh
I will have to go to Chennai tonight. I dont want to appear dumb when the local politics is being discussed and want to blend by voicing the popular view. So tell me what I should tell where.
Dear Friend, this is a quick guide to TN Assembly Election.
1.Forget BJP and Congress. Unlike in other states, they are not a major ruling or opposition party. But they allign with AIADMK and DMK. And of course they switch their alliances.
2.To find out who belongs to which party and believes which party will win, just ask which TV channel they watch. AIADMK followers will watch Jaya TV and of course will believe that Amma will rule again. DMK followers will watch Sun TV and obviously believe that Karunanidhi will win. Even if they aren't Party followers, those who watch these channels would have been brainwashed into believing it through endless ads and "news".
3.The hot topic would be the switch of Vaiko, MDMK.
He was earlier imprisoned by Amma under POTA. But now he has switched from DMK to AIADMK. If you meet a Sun TV viewer, moan how money is everything in politics and that Vaiko has no shame and mention people are not fools now. If you meet a Jaya TV viewer point out that even Karunanidhi changes from BJP ,led NDA alliance, to Congress, and he cant expect others to be unlike him. If the person nods but is uncomfortable in praising Amma, its a Vaiko fan who believes that after defeating DMK, Vaiko will rise and defeat Amma and become Chief Minister one day. Dont suggest, but if you come across this suggestion, just nod and say of course.
4.DMK has promised, it would lower the price of rice to Rs.2, and free Color TV, Gas stove, and assignment of 2 acres land to the landless poor farmers, waiver of all cooperative loans of the farmers etc. AIADMK has promised free rice of 10kg and a computer to every student who clears 12th std and some more freebies
To the Sun TV viewer, mention how finally the manifesto is pro people and how Amma initially mentioned the rice rate was impossible and then changed to free rice. To the Jaya TV viewer point out, DMK is not giving it from its party funds, that ultimately its taxpayers money. And ridicule free TV and compare it with computer.
Dont be stupid enough to mention almost 60% of Tamilnadu's rural population dont have access to a toilet. So how come TVs are more important than toilets?Or ask has anything been mentioned on healthcare and is there a policy on HIV/AIDS since the state has the highest number of HIV/AIDS patient?
5.Star Wars. Simran and Kushboo are with Amma, Radhika and Sarathkumar have gone from DMK to Amma. T Rajendar has gone back to DMK again, from Amma. Karthik is with a different party and claims his candidates are being threathened by AIADMK. Vijayakanth has a new party but since he has no TV channel, people dont seem to care much for him. Veerapan's wife is standing as an independent candidate and you can always talk about Veerapan, even if you dont know nothing about his wife. If you are with a Sun TV viewer, mention the IT minister Dayanidhi Maran is a big hit. To the Jaya TV viewer point out that thanks to Maran, Sun News can have live telecast of speeches but not Jaya TV and the crowds come not to hear the speeches but to be on TV.
Of course you can come across a person who says I watch Vijay TV, Raj TV, Win TV, DD or someother channel.. But if you do, just ask them their opinion , they are bound to have one. And nod..And you can always get away with most of the politicians are cheats and nothings going to change.
And dont make the mistake of asking if they will vote to the people you meet. Having an opinion on who should win and who will win and why someone will win doesnt mean the person will vote.
For more on the leading parties, watch the Channel wars and even though the propoganda is supposed to end today, I dont think the channels will stop airing their "news".
Apr 29, 2006
Aargh Diaries - Akshaya Tritiya Plan
Today at work, its not "Whats your weekend plan?" but "Whats your Akshaya Tritiya Plan?"
So while most of the colleagues have made a booking with their jewellers and bankers (who are smart enough to be open on Sunday), there are still a couple of colleagues who are still trying out to figure the best deal from few hundred brochures.
Of course its not just gold, one colleague has decided to buy a car and has received 28 suggestions and offers for 5 car loans till now.
One is going to give to charity. And the rest of the office is advising her against it. After all what if she would have to spend the rest of the year giving to people? So she has decided to buy something and then think of giving.
And aargh now its my turn..so I stammer"Hmmm well you know actually Akshaya Tritiya is also celebration of Parasuram's birthday. You know the avatar of Vishnu where he had an axe and so uh, I am going to get an axe.."Stares from every corner, and then a voice asked "Gold Axe?"
"No" my conscience replied. But then I dont want to be the Weirdo at Work so added "in Platinum. Miniature of course.. but you know platinum is now in. And in akshayatritiya.org platinum is mentioned as the blessed metal."
Well now its gold vs platinum discussion and I am not a pathetic loser in the eyes of my colleagues..
As for my akshaya tritiya plans.. I know its going to be crowded. And I dont want to come back with a lost wallet (Would it mean I would keep losing something everyday?). Sure I could buy online but then even thats bound to be crowded. And who wants to spend hours before a screen.
Will have fun with my friends and hope the entire year will be filled with fun. But then, my friends have their own Akshaya Tritiya Plans....Hope they have something good on TV tommorrow..
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.
So while most of the colleagues have made a booking with their jewellers and bankers (who are smart enough to be open on Sunday), there are still a couple of colleagues who are still trying out to figure the best deal from few hundred brochures.
Of course its not just gold, one colleague has decided to buy a car and has received 28 suggestions and offers for 5 car loans till now.
One is going to give to charity. And the rest of the office is advising her against it. After all what if she would have to spend the rest of the year giving to people? So she has decided to buy something and then think of giving.
And aargh now its my turn..so I stammer"Hmmm well you know actually Akshaya Tritiya is also celebration of Parasuram's birthday. You know the avatar of Vishnu where he had an axe and so uh, I am going to get an axe.."Stares from every corner, and then a voice asked "Gold Axe?"
"No" my conscience replied. But then I dont want to be the Weirdo at Work so added "in Platinum. Miniature of course.. but you know platinum is now in. And in akshayatritiya.org platinum is mentioned as the blessed metal."
Well now its gold vs platinum discussion and I am not a pathetic loser in the eyes of my colleagues..
As for my akshaya tritiya plans.. I know its going to be crowded. And I dont want to come back with a lost wallet (Would it mean I would keep losing something everyday?). Sure I could buy online but then even thats bound to be crowded. And who wants to spend hours before a screen.
Will have fun with my friends and hope the entire year will be filled with fun. But then, my friends have their own Akshaya Tritiya Plans....Hope they have something good on TV tommorrow..
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.
Feb 8, 2006
Aargh Diaries - Service Tax Campaign and Mothers
The Service Tax Ad Campaign tells the children to ask their Father if he has paid Service Tax. Why just Father? Why not parents?
Is it because there are no mothers out there who may have to pay Service Tax? Now thats not possible, since I know a mother who pays Service Tax.
So I went and asked that lady, if she felt insulted, by this hmmm, lack of recognition.
She retorted "Insulted? No. Perhaps the Central Excise Department thinks, the mothers dont evade the Service Tax and hence no need for the children to remind their mothers."
Aargh
Post no.
Is it because there are no mothers out there who may have to pay Service Tax? Now thats not possible, since I know a mother who pays Service Tax.
So I went and asked that lady, if she felt insulted, by this hmmm, lack of recognition.
She retorted "Insulted? No. Perhaps the Central Excise Department thinks, the mothers dont evade the Service Tax and hence no need for the children to remind their mothers."
Aargh
Post no.
Jan 7, 2006
Aargh Diaries - The Borrow Sorrow
Got an email from a friend.
Aargh what can should I do? My friend didnt return what I gave. I feel miserable. Please advise.
So emailed back.
Dear ...,
Let this be a lesson. Dont lend. If you still want to lend, lend it without expecting it to be returned.
Well this is a quick guide on What to Do When your Best Friend Borrows and doesnt return or says its Lost. What matters is not the price of your item, but its value. Even if you didnt care much for it earlier, Even if it costs less a Rupee, it was yours, and you expected it to be returned. And when it doesnt happen, you have every right in the world to be upset. And want to do something about it.
1.Keep borrowing the friend's stuff. And return them the next day. The purpose of borrowing is not for you to use it, but to scare the friend into thinking, what if it doesnt get returned and its a tit for tat. And to make the friend feel guilty when you return it promptly.
2.Buy what has been misplaced, and give the friend the bill. Might seem the sensible option. But life is not about doing whats sensible, but what feels good.
3.Talk about the case in, Texas USA where one friend sued another for not returning a book and won $15000 in emotional damages. No big purpose, just would make the friend guilty and be thankful for not being born there and being aware of a factor called Emotional Damage.
4.If its a lost CD or Book or anything which has a name, whenever you meet your friend, wear a Tshirt with that name. For variations, wear another Tshirt which says "The Mystery of the Lost ___".(Fill the name of your precious object in the blank, dont leave it a blank).
5.Blog about it. Write about the loss of faith and loss of trust when something that is yours is taken away for ever. And get another friend to send your friend that blog link. And if your friend confronts you with it, say, you will blog about it again if you get it back. And point out your friend could be the symbol of being better late than never.
6.Mention that you will be on TV next week, and they will be asking you about your friends. After a minute, ask if there is any chance of you getting back what was yours and precious to you. Hopefully your friend wouldnt want you telling on TV to the world, that he/she lost what was precious to you and perhaps would search seriously this time.
7.Ring up the music channels and the FM channels and start dedicating songs to your precious item. And say solemnly, you miss it so much and life is so tough, because it was your friend who lost it. Refuse to name your friend, though. Do it every week. And of course life would be wonderful, if your friend watches or listens to that program.
8.Challenge your friend, by saying, I dare you to find that precious item, exactly within 6 hours 23 minutes and 12 seconds
9.If sms is free, SMS "Good morning, did you find it" atleast once every day. Or send ecards which say "Have a great day and hopefully I can have a great day tommorrow, when you finally tell me you found it."
10.Always be aware of the dates regarding the precious item. The date of buying, the date of lending, the date of being first told its lost, and today's date. Whenever you reach any of the anniversaries, dont forget to celebrate it with your friend.
All this may not ensure you would get back your precious.
But atleast next time your friends would think twice about losing something that is yours.
Of course if the friends decide to dump you, fine, who wants friends with people who dont return stuff.
All the Best
Aargh
Got the 2nd email. I expected a warm thank you email. But all it said was -
"Aargh I am confused. I gave my heart to my friend..."
Aaaargh
Aargh is a fictional character.
More from Aargh Diaries Series . Blog Post No.262
Aargh what can should I do? My friend didnt return what I gave. I feel miserable. Please advise.
So emailed back.
Dear ...,
Let this be a lesson. Dont lend. If you still want to lend, lend it without expecting it to be returned.
Well this is a quick guide on What to Do When your Best Friend Borrows and doesnt return or says its Lost. What matters is not the price of your item, but its value. Even if you didnt care much for it earlier, Even if it costs less a Rupee, it was yours, and you expected it to be returned. And when it doesnt happen, you have every right in the world to be upset. And want to do something about it.
1.Keep borrowing the friend's stuff. And return them the next day. The purpose of borrowing is not for you to use it, but to scare the friend into thinking, what if it doesnt get returned and its a tit for tat. And to make the friend feel guilty when you return it promptly.
2.Buy what has been misplaced, and give the friend the bill. Might seem the sensible option. But life is not about doing whats sensible, but what feels good.
3.Talk about the case in, Texas USA where one friend sued another for not returning a book and won $15000 in emotional damages. No big purpose, just would make the friend guilty and be thankful for not being born there and being aware of a factor called Emotional Damage.
4.If its a lost CD or Book or anything which has a name, whenever you meet your friend, wear a Tshirt with that name. For variations, wear another Tshirt which says "The Mystery of the Lost ___".(Fill the name of your precious object in the blank, dont leave it a blank).
5.Blog about it. Write about the loss of faith and loss of trust when something that is yours is taken away for ever. And get another friend to send your friend that blog link. And if your friend confronts you with it, say, you will blog about it again if you get it back. And point out your friend could be the symbol of being better late than never.
6.Mention that you will be on TV next week, and they will be asking you about your friends. After a minute, ask if there is any chance of you getting back what was yours and precious to you. Hopefully your friend wouldnt want you telling on TV to the world, that he/she lost what was precious to you and perhaps would search seriously this time.
7.Ring up the music channels and the FM channels and start dedicating songs to your precious item. And say solemnly, you miss it so much and life is so tough, because it was your friend who lost it. Refuse to name your friend, though. Do it every week. And of course life would be wonderful, if your friend watches or listens to that program.
8.Challenge your friend, by saying, I dare you to find that precious item, exactly within 6 hours 23 minutes and 12 seconds
9.If sms is free, SMS "Good morning, did you find it" atleast once every day. Or send ecards which say "Have a great day and hopefully I can have a great day tommorrow, when you finally tell me you found it."
10.Always be aware of the dates regarding the precious item. The date of buying, the date of lending, the date of being first told its lost, and today's date. Whenever you reach any of the anniversaries, dont forget to celebrate it with your friend.
All this may not ensure you would get back your precious.
But atleast next time your friends would think twice about losing something that is yours.
Of course if the friends decide to dump you, fine, who wants friends with people who dont return stuff.
All the Best
Aargh
Got the 2nd email. I expected a warm thank you email. But all it said was -
"Aargh I am confused. I gave my heart to my friend..."
Aaaargh
Aargh is a fictional character.
More from Aargh Diaries Series . Blog Post No.262
Dec 19, 2005
Aargh Diaries - Saurav is Safer
Went to the pantry to grab my coffee. (Aah the coffee break on a Monday morning..) And came across 2 of my colleagues arguing.
C1 : "But what about the past? He has done so much. One cant dump him, just because he isnt useful now"
C2 : "Its not dumping. Its just relocating."
C1 : "This is just not Indian culture"
C2 : "Define Indian Culture. And even if its Indian culture, who says everyone should follow it"
C1 : "And what about his hurt. So callous. Its just politics when someone new enters"
C2 : "This has nothing to do with it. Its just a coincidence thats all"
Unable to restrain myself, say, "You know whats amazing C2 you are from Bengal and C1 you from Maharashtra and still you say these things about Saurav.
C1 and C2 stare at me and C1 says coldly "We werent talking about Saurav Ganguly. This is about my father and his new Home."
AAAargh so some people dont talk about Saurav!!
Couldnt resist adding "Indian culture is about taking care of the boy's parents only?"
Now C1 is angry with me for making him feel, he should think about his wife's parents too. And C2 is angry with me for questioning Indian Culture.
Wish people would just talk about Saurav Ganguly. Life would be lot easier for me.
PS : Oh for the folks who are wondering about the title, well if I wrote what I felt about Female Foeticide and what about wives who dont take care of their parents, or asked if the wife is a homemaker, would the husband think its his duty to take care of the wives parents emotionally and financially, would anyone read? Its safer to write about Saurav, if one wants people to read their blogs.
After all Baghban wouldnt have been a hit, if Amitabh had 4 daughters instead of 4 sons.
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series, and Wise Donkey is NOT Aargh. Read Previous in Aargh Diaries Series
C1 : "But what about the past? He has done so much. One cant dump him, just because he isnt useful now"
C2 : "Its not dumping. Its just relocating."
C1 : "This is just not Indian culture"
C2 : "Define Indian Culture. And even if its Indian culture, who says everyone should follow it"
C1 : "And what about his hurt. So callous. Its just politics when someone new enters"
C2 : "This has nothing to do with it. Its just a coincidence thats all"
Unable to restrain myself, say, "You know whats amazing C2 you are from Bengal and C1 you from Maharashtra and still you say these things about Saurav.
C1 and C2 stare at me and C1 says coldly "We werent talking about Saurav Ganguly. This is about my father and his new Home."
AAAargh so some people dont talk about Saurav!!
Couldnt resist adding "Indian culture is about taking care of the boy's parents only?"
Now C1 is angry with me for making him feel, he should think about his wife's parents too. And C2 is angry with me for questioning Indian Culture.
Wish people would just talk about Saurav Ganguly. Life would be lot easier for me.
PS : Oh for the folks who are wondering about the title, well if I wrote what I felt about Female Foeticide and what about wives who dont take care of their parents, or asked if the wife is a homemaker, would the husband think its his duty to take care of the wives parents emotionally and financially, would anyone read? Its safer to write about Saurav, if one wants people to read their blogs.
After all Baghban wouldnt have been a hit, if Amitabh had 4 daughters instead of 4 sons.
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series, and Wise Donkey is NOT Aargh. Read Previous in Aargh Diaries Series
Oct 15, 2005
Aargh Diaries - Thank you Saurav
Uh Oh I have to go to Boss Cabin
Boss (comes straight to the point)Do you blog?
Aargh : Yes (aaargh should have said no.)But only during...
Boss : Well its better than watching porn at work
Aargh sighs of relief and puts on stupid grin
Boss continuing : And many corporations in the west are encouraging their workers to blog. Its a good destressing tool too.
Aargh continues stupid grin
Boss : Of course, its not wise to talk about the company, and its implied that its better to not go against the company's stand.
Aargh nods heavily
Boss : So what do you blog about, yourself, your family??
Aargh : Welll its boring to blog about me and my family values its privacy
Boss furrows eyebrows : You blog about issues?
Aargh : No no if I did, people wont read my blogs. True I could win Best Blog on Social Issues (due to lack of heavy competition) but its not worth it
Boss : Politics and corruption?
Aargh : Uh no, if I get into specifics in politics, goons might knock on my door and break my bones
Boss : But I thought you were opinionated..
Aargh nods automatically and then realises the trap and takes off the stupid grin.
Sweetly Boss continues : One has to be careful what one blogs about these days otherwise one can be sued. One should be careful when writing about mediah or institutions. Of course its not as bad as being jailed like Mojtaba SamieNejad
Aargh : Well I agree that if someone wrote slanderous about me, I wouldnt be pleased and be tempted to sue. Hey thats a democratic thing to do. After all, I am not sending goons or giving a supari. But its always a bit tough to understand the law.
I tried to understand the law through films (just like I try to understand about sex and the opposite sex through them) but no one cares if they misrepresent the law in the films. But people care if they misrepresent an institution or a person. They care if people misrepresent a perception, leave alone a fact.
I dont earn enough (cue for Boss to pick up phone) to hire a lawyer to go through my blog posts before publishing it. And even if I do,
And what is legally right? I mean a Supreme Court judge can disagree with a High Court judge. So if a High Court judge cant understand the law, how can I or my lawyer understand the law. And if I dont understand the law, how can I make sure that I dont break the law?
Boss has finished talking on the phone. : Hmmm what were you saying.. well never mind. IBM could be understanding and supportive. But I dont like the idea of you blogging about something, and our clients burning *********(hey Boss cant say I divulge corporate details).
Aargh : Well trust me I wouldnt risk that. (though no one would be idiotic enough to burn *****)
Boss : But you admitted you are opinionated. So do you write about religion?
Aargh : No. I am aware there is a law on that. And if I try to be popular, I will go against it. And if I try to have a practical perspective, no one will read it.
Boss : So what do you write about?
Aargh : Saurav Ganguly
Boss in suprise : Saurav Ganguly !
Aargh : Yes he is the only guy I can write anything about and not worry about being sued. In fact nothing I write can be offensive to him, since something worse would have been written by the media or the coach. Bloggers never get tired of the topic. And so I can be popular and feel good and destressed and thus work in a more effective manner for the company.
Boss slowly : Interesting that you blog about Saurav Ganguly..Did you write the post Axe Saurav Performance is Everything last month
Aargh laughs : Of course, and there was lots of support for it , except for one blogger.
Boss softly : You mean the blogger you called Joker.
Aargh nods and then realises must stop nodding and realises the meaning of the menancing look : But.. But... you are not Bengali..(aaaaaaargh shouldnt have said that too)
Boss : Saurav is Indian, I am Indian. Of course its the freedom of expression. And you are entitled to blog about your views and I am entitled to blog about my views... You may go. Just make sure you dont get sued.
Hmmm so guess this should be my next blogpost.
Saurav Oh Saurav, Thanks for being you
Thus enabling me to be offensive to you
Without worrying whether I will be sued by you
When clueless on blog topics, thanks for coming to my rescue.
Actually you are not that bad,
and hey my perfomance Sometimes too can be sad
But my Boss is warm and understanding, unlike Greg to you
Just like your supporters these days few, Good Boss too are few
And if I called anyone a joker for supporting you
I apologise sincerely for that too
Boss if you are reading, this is not just for you
In my own way I have apologised to Saurav too
If only we can blog without worry of being sued
Saurav, I wont be writing just about you.
Saurav Thank you , Thank you , for being You.
Boss remember this post too, during the performance review.
Note : Aargh Diaries is a fictional series
Boss (comes straight to the point)Do you blog?
Aargh : Yes (aaargh should have said no.)But only during...
Boss : Well its better than watching porn at work
Aargh sighs of relief and puts on stupid grin
Boss continuing : And many corporations in the west are encouraging their workers to blog. Its a good destressing tool too.
Aargh continues stupid grin
Boss : Of course, its not wise to talk about the company, and its implied that its better to not go against the company's stand.
Aargh nods heavily
Boss : So what do you blog about, yourself, your family??
Aargh : Welll its boring to blog about me and my family values its privacy
Boss furrows eyebrows : You blog about issues?
Aargh : No no if I did, people wont read my blogs. True I could win Best Blog on Social Issues (due to lack of heavy competition) but its not worth it
Boss : Politics and corruption?
Aargh : Uh no, if I get into specifics in politics, goons might knock on my door and break my bones
Boss : But I thought you were opinionated..
Aargh nods automatically and then realises the trap and takes off the stupid grin.
Sweetly Boss continues : One has to be careful what one blogs about these days otherwise one can be sued. One should be careful when writing about mediah or institutions. Of course its not as bad as being jailed like Mojtaba SamieNejad
Aargh : Well I agree that if someone wrote slanderous about me, I wouldnt be pleased and be tempted to sue. Hey thats a democratic thing to do. After all, I am not sending goons or giving a supari. But its always a bit tough to understand the law.
I tried to understand the law through films (just like I try to understand about sex and the opposite sex through them) but no one cares if they misrepresent the law in the films. But people care if they misrepresent an institution or a person. They care if people misrepresent a perception, leave alone a fact.
I dont earn enough (cue for Boss to pick up phone) to hire a lawyer to go through my blog posts before publishing it. And even if I do,
And what is legally right? I mean a Supreme Court judge can disagree with a High Court judge. So if a High Court judge cant understand the law, how can I or my lawyer understand the law. And if I dont understand the law, how can I make sure that I dont break the law?
Boss has finished talking on the phone. : Hmmm what were you saying.. well never mind. IBM could be understanding and supportive. But I dont like the idea of you blogging about something, and our clients burning *********(hey Boss cant say I divulge corporate details).
Aargh : Well trust me I wouldnt risk that. (though no one would be idiotic enough to burn *****)
Boss : But you admitted you are opinionated. So do you write about religion?
Aargh : No. I am aware there is a law on that. And if I try to be popular, I will go against it. And if I try to have a practical perspective, no one will read it.
Boss : So what do you write about?
Aargh : Saurav Ganguly
Boss in suprise : Saurav Ganguly !
Aargh : Yes he is the only guy I can write anything about and not worry about being sued. In fact nothing I write can be offensive to him, since something worse would have been written by the media or the coach. Bloggers never get tired of the topic. And so I can be popular and feel good and destressed and thus work in a more effective manner for the company.
Boss slowly : Interesting that you blog about Saurav Ganguly..Did you write the post Axe Saurav Performance is Everything last month
Aargh laughs : Of course, and there was lots of support for it , except for one blogger.
Boss softly : You mean the blogger you called Joker.
Aargh nods and then realises must stop nodding and realises the meaning of the menancing look : But.. But... you are not Bengali..(aaaaaaargh shouldnt have said that too)
Boss : Saurav is Indian, I am Indian. Of course its the freedom of expression. And you are entitled to blog about your views and I am entitled to blog about my views... You may go. Just make sure you dont get sued.
Hmmm so guess this should be my next blogpost.
Saurav Oh Saurav, Thanks for being you
Thus enabling me to be offensive to you
Without worrying whether I will be sued by you
When clueless on blog topics, thanks for coming to my rescue.
Actually you are not that bad,
and hey my perfomance Sometimes too can be sad
But my Boss is warm and understanding, unlike Greg to you
Just like your supporters these days few, Good Boss too are few
And if I called anyone a joker for supporting you
I apologise sincerely for that too
Boss if you are reading, this is not just for you
In my own way I have apologised to Saurav too
If only we can blog without worry of being sued
Saurav, I wont be writing just about you.
Saurav Thank you , Thank you , for being You.
Boss remember this post too, during the performance review.
Note : Aargh Diaries is a fictional series
Aargh Diaries - Help I dont have a girlfriend
Dear Aargh
I was too busy studying in college. And for the past couple of years too busy working.Now everyone is asking me about a girlfriend.Its not that I dont want a girlfriend, its just that I am not desperate to have a girlfriend and am not keen on the girls I have met so far. So what do I say to people who think I am a lousy loser because I dont have a girl.
PS : Give me a serious reply and not "tell them you are gay" reply.
Aaargh Advises
Mate heres 12 stuff you can say
and none of them say, hey I am gay.
1."She is in Russia. She is helping the Russian children, after the terrorist attack last year. She was in BBC for half minute last month. Didnt you see her?" Start talking about Russia and the weather there etc.
2."We have split up and I am still recovering." And give a distant look. Write a few sob blogs, and send the links to all your friends.
3."Oh I will have one as soon as she dumps you. “
(Its worth the look on the "friends" face. But you cant tell that to women, unless they are lesbians)
4."Why should I tell you about her?" (Puts the guy on defensive, use it if you dont want a relationship with that person)
5."She is busy with her career and doesnt have time for fun."(Keep it vague)
6."Who needs a girlfriend, would you get a cow for milk." (Dont use it with women around. Otherwise they too will start saying that, and other guys too wont get girlfriends)
7."Statistically its impossible for every Indian to get a girlfriend." And talk about the declining sex ratio and that in many states the child marriage ratio is above 50% You can always use wisedonkey's blog for additional information.(For heavensake unless you want others to avoid you like a plague, dont say it)
8."She is a police officer, so busy."(Thats just for intimidation)
9. "Well she is a coworker so wants to keep it a secret." (Works if you have 15 single women at work not if you have just a couple)
10."She died last month." Look distraught, no questions will be asked. If they dig, mention a long battle with cancer (dont say HIV)
11.“She is a celebrity and thinks if I talk about her, tabloids, will immediately pay you and publish it. She wants to introduce me in a press conference, not through a tabloid.”
12."She is a Saurav Ganguly fan and has kept a vrath with Durga Ma. She will come out with me only when Saurav scores a double hundred in a Test match against a strong team and proves his critics wrong."
Any other suggestions???
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.
Suggestions
Samy : " My girl friend is an agent with RAW..SO...now you see her, now you dont!!"the asker will run a mile:)) neways , ppl always accept what we say with conviction, isnt it??
R.Subramanian : she has gone to act in a megaserial and would return after completing it...
Sunny : She is Ms.India! She's by my side alwayz!! 'U' need red-coloured glasses to see her!"....or..."We are waiting for Halley's comet to appear next, before we get engaged! Will definitely invite u to my engagement if you are around then, pal!" ;))
Idiot : well she knows you but she doesnt like u .she kinda hates u, she thinks ur a dumb fellow and actually hates me for talking to you!
Idiot : my girlfriend? ohh she has just taken up shooting and practices using the good old method of placing a apple on ones head and aiming for the apple. but she is new as i told u so am afraid to see her or talk to her u wanna meet her ? go to the shooting club an don forget the apple
Dinesh : She's from a very pious/ orthodox family and her parents aren't cozy abt party/ going out. (Been There :-(
lust4life " My GF has been promoted last month and is living in USA since then "
Wisedonkey : Told her I am a blogger and could get sued. She has dumped me, in order to avoid being sued too.
Prasad hey dint u know ur gal is actually 2 timing...
ramses : "i have a life!!!!":D:D
ramses : "can't manage expenses, live on a limited income"!
idiot actually am dying to tell her name. but she happened to be a nun and she is cursed that the first person who is goin to know abt this gonna die. i think u wont mind dying for a freind like me
idiot i will tell if u promise not to hurt her!!!(can be risky)
idiot she is trained by wisedonkey ;) ;) ;)
metallica:just_4_geeta "My previous GF was stolen by a friend like you and so, I don't want to lose my current one by telling you about her." ...
mountainaura My girlfriend hails from the infamous aborginals tribes of Australia (austrailia) !! Her folks are always hungry for a kill you see........so, do u still wanna meet her !!
yes-G "She's Pakistani. The govt. is delaying her visa."
Gopala_G0pala Wear a t shirt that says, "Others have girlfriends but I get all the ***"
BangaloreGuy said...
1) she really cant stand single people(men) anymore!2) she's taking care of our infant.3) she's probably making out with my other gf at her place4) she's obsessed with black magic - and spends time casting spells on people she thinks are my pals, and she knows you're a good pal of mine!thats all I could come up with, right after work
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