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Dec 22, 2005

Kidding - Why cant I become a homemaker?

Dear Diary

I got excited when Uncle asked me what I wanted to become.
I decided to come out with my secret.
Taking a deep breath, I said "I want to become a homemaker".
And everyone gasped.

Uncle thought I was joking and being rude to him.
Aunty questioned my mother on my ranks and was more shocked to realise I was a topper.
"What a waste of education", said my aunty.
Now if I studied to become an engineer and decided later to become a film star or politician, I am sure she wouldnt have said that.
"Well I will study BSc Home Science" I replied.
Uncle laughed and said "And sit at home and watch TV".
Yeah just like you sit at office and watch net porn I wanted to ask, but of course I didn't say.
"And who will marry you" asked my uncle?

My sister came to my rescue and said she wanted to become a doctor. A diabetologist. (Required before almost every surgery in India).
Everyone made approving noises.
And I left the room.

Later my sister came into my room.
I was tense. Even though I was aware that the idea wouldn't be welcomed. I had hoped for a word of support from my Mom. But she just looked dismayed.
I want to be a homemaker, because I genuinely believe I can be good at it.
And perhaps as my own tribute to Mom. And yet..

"You know the GDP of the nation comes down when the housekeeper becomes a homemaker" my sister joked, trying to break the ice.
"And why cant they assign a value to the tasks?" I retorted angrily.
"Well its done out of love.." She said hesitantly.
"I am sure Sachin, Shahrukh etc would love their job. But that doesn't diminish the value does it.? Being a homemaker can be valued and even though it need not be paid." I said angrily.
She seemed to be losing her cool as she said,"Well.. you know with appliances and hired help.. the job is easier nowadays"
"In a corporate structure one doesn't go to the Board of Directors and say, hey your company has a sales force, and everything is mechanised. Your job is of no value." I retorted angrily.

"But why do you want to become a homemaker of all things" she asked.

Even though I was upset, I couldnt help laughing.
"If Mom had been a politician or star or doctor, and if I decided to follow her, you wouldn't have asked would you? She did a lot for the family, even before we were born. I just appreciate it and think I would be good at it."

"Well then why don't you think about a career in interior design.."she started.
"What! You think thats what mother did?" I was frustrated.
She looked away and seemed to struggle with the thought of asking and then asked "Are you gay?"
I stared stunned.
I wanted to be hysteric, but then perhaps they would fix an appointment with a therapist (perhaps they have already done it).
So calmly I said "no".

"Well who will marry you? And in marriage do you think you will have respect?"
"Well just because I dont earn, doesnt mean I won't be working. And anyway, isnt it pointless to marry someone who marries you just for the sake of your career. What if I get laid off or later meet with an accident, and become unfit to earn. Would that mean the end of marriage?"

She frowned, and perhaps got frustrated.
And she got up and left with, "Well I think its just another form of rebellion and you will change your mind later. Trust me, if you dont, then life is going to be very tough for you."

I shrugged and said ok.

To be honest I am anxious. If I dont have support from my family, then how can I expect society to understand me.
But then, when the women started earning first, things wouldnt have been easy for them too. So why give up the idea so soon..

A 15 year old boy.

DO READ THIS ON Genuine Progress Indicator

Kidding is a fictional series. Read previous Kidding entries Post no.249


  1. the ultimate goal in the life of any individual (man or woman) is to be a successful home-maker. that is what living is all about. one is happy to boast that he/she has been able to bring up a family of which he/she is proud of.

  2. Wise Donkey,

    Wonderful post mate...

    i started my career when i am less than 20...dunno what i want to be...hmmm..very painful start... will end in a good note...

    fun purpose, i want to show this to my parents who pressurised me to start a career...

    kitne acha lagega...ghar me aramse bhaitke, aapni marjise kaam karna...

    vl not be blogging 2-3 days, wish u a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year...

    vl update on my my marriage blues:)

  3. mr.ghose, well said.
    and its a pity when that thought is not respected.

    good luck re.the marriage,
    "e acha lagega...ghar me aramse bhaitke, aapni marjise kaam karna..." well it isnt that simple:)

  4. gender equality isnt possible without gender respect.
    and its not about just allowing women to wear "pants" but also includes respecting men who choose to wear "skirts".

  5. I agree absolutely on this :D ..

    Given the fact that today i work & spend most of my waking hours in office ...

    I wud still love to be a homemaker " One fine day " :)

    After all with 6 kids that i plan to raise , it wud be sheer stupidity if i think abt working ;) hehe ..

    Spending time with my family and kids wud take highest priority nyday compared to corporate life ...

    And if someone is gonna judge me with the money i make .. That wud always be a Wrong Number :))

  6. amita , wrong number:))
    thats a good one.
    btw do read the link i have given on accounting

  7. Gaya

    I had learnt those terms for my insurance exams ...

    Mothers shud be billable now for sure ;) hehe

  8. Uhm.... at first i thought this was your story until I came across the line "15 yr old boy". And yes, being a home-maker certainly isn't as easy as it looks.

    Though I personally wouldn't like the idea of being a home-maker. Kinda lazy, I think. (Oops... I just contradicted my own statement)

  9. eh....all along I thot it was a girl...:-)

    But becoming a homemaker ??? Somehow doesn't makes sense for a boy. dunno but how will he feed the baby? assuming they have one after the marriage..

    but there are male home makers in US so may start here also..

  10. Clarify whether u mean homemaker as a profession or as without pay, ie. the traditional wife's place. Now dont throw up the biased stuff pls....:D:D:D

    Interesting topic.

  11. amita :D
    vaibhav :))
    just curious:)))and thank you:)
    spark if they have a baby, it will be a-stay-at-home-dad, not just a homemaker.
    konfusd earlier the homemaker was refered to as "housewife"

    the donkee believes and practises what she writes:)
    for those who didnt know, there was a period when my husband took a deserved break from career and i was working.
    in future too, if we feel like it, I would mind repeating it.
    Sure its embarassing when asked what your husband is doing now, but then society shouldnt rule my life right:D

  12. Hmmmm.......I know one thing......I wudnt mind doing housework for sometime, while my wife earned for the family......But not on the long term basis......probably a year or so......once in 6-7 yrs.

    Doesnt mean that she shud stay home and not work rest of the time....:D:D:D

    Believe in equally maintaining the home.....for eg peshwa's last scentance on his post today....:D:D:D

    GN D.

  13. I really admire you and your husband :). The society and the surroundings teach a man that he should be the one who works and brings in money. He shouldn't cry etcetera etcetera.

    Honestly speaking I can't relate to the home-maker concept. Maybe because of the fact that my mom worked outside too. I always admired my parents in a way that they synchonized with each other. They both would work outside and later when mom would do the house-hold work, dad would help her out. And we (me and my brother) never felt neglected. We sorta had the best of all worlds ;-) :).

    Now my hubby also helps me out in my day-to-day house hold work and we both work out too. So, I guess darwin's theory is holding good ;-).

  14. Hi WD
    When we speak of gender equality we speak in terms of women "upgrading" to men's status and not vice versa.
    Well captured.

  15. Yeah donks..lot of folks..esp younger generation scorn when speaking abt home makers... I think the better n tougher challenge lies when they try to baalnce work n office.

    Many of my classmates are homa makers as they dont find a financial necesstiy to work, have seen them being scorned at for wasting their education.. unfortunate that we as a society have equated education = earning money rather than knowledge, independence etc.,.

  16. Donks...

    I have always believed that being a homemaker is a full time job...and a very important one at that !!

    Frankly, it's for the couple to work out between themselves what works best for them.

    One thing's not something that one needs to feel out of place about...!!

  17. a clarification.
    my mom was a working mother and this is NOT my story:D

    and i am not a homemaker now. i was earlier. now, when i spend more than 7 hours everyday on bloggin or research for blogging, i prefer to term myself as a stay at home blogger, however idiotic it sounds.
    there r things which i used to do, which i am not doing now, and i am certainly not juggling well both the tasks. though next year i would prefer to be more organised, and concentrate on my studies (since exams would be round the corner(msc psy. for the curious:D)

    lol konfusd on the peshwa's last sentence of his post, well whatever u decide its between u and ur wife:D

    deeps my mom too worked though dad didnt help much (grrr).
    and even though i am not working outside, it doesnt mean my hubby cant or doesnt help me at home (rather than all the diamonds, if he makes coffee for me,when he has to rush to work thats really heavenly as far as i am concerned:D)

    moodsandcolors :)

    bard, i think it depends on personal and family situations, and i dont care to judge those who do both or just stay at home, whether they are women or men:D
    and earning is not everything:)
    as i pointed out, if we earn more, in a field not relevant to our education but not if its less in another field. and btw for those who didnt read the link
    homemaking is the biggest occupation in most countries.

  18. sanjeev agree with you, but just because a man chooses it, doesnt mean one should look down on him is my point:)

  19. Donkeeeee(gues i can cal u tht :DD)
    LOL...LOL...neat one man..aahhhh a house husband :DDDDD man tht will b neat....hhmmmmmmm now u got me thinkin :DD

  20. sorry but forgot to add...

    cheers to me :DDDDD i got the last did u know correct :DDDDD

    merry 'xmas hav fun WD.

  21. interesting discussion..but its perfectly valid..why can't a man aspire to be a homemaker with the woman earning??

    though in not very strict terms, homemaking is an area where men can at least share some responsibilities with the woman...

    and I do not believe in gender equality...for if man and woman were supposed to be gender equal, they wouldn't have been made different!!

    The important thing is to keep in mind the differences...and maintain the freedom of doing whatever a man/woman wants to do..whether that means a woman working for 8 hours with the man being a homemaker!!

  22. prasad donkee is perfectly fine:D
    mery xmas prasad, and yes yipeee to you for the last post:)

    gender equality is not gender similarity @$#!$# .
    there are differences, and to me it would mean, respecting the differences, and not respecting because of the differences:)
    (when i say not respecting, it doesnt imply that only men dont respect women,:D, and thats the point of the post)

  23. Hello Home Blogger,
    This is fellow Office Blogger....:)

    msc psycho???
    So u been doing the basic R&D here Huh....:D:D:D
    Now hav to be carefull bout u.....


  24. hey wd,
    Appreciate the boy's view...nuthin wrong but there is a boo-er caled 'society'...they are the best to blow outta proportions any not-normal things and trample over good...

    But considering the present generation, i think there would be so many people ready to support him....

    no support from family and society is a matter of generation and perceptions.....

  25. aargh!
    konfusd no.
    psychology is a vast subject.

    my focus is on industrial psychology. which would involve stuff like stress motivation etc.

    please do be careful with me, but then i think one has to be careful with almost everyone, not just psychology student.

  26. thank you and wish you the same vaibhav:)
    hope you have a wonderful weekend:)

  27. :) u covered such a pressing thing so well:)

    no cms as such on it:)

  28. :) rams
    wonder if you read the link..

  29. hahaha :) hey actuallly i was planning to pounce on you..... naatula so many families are not allowing a girl child to study higher and etc., and you complaining about ur relatives who wants you to pursue a career...... was thinking about the points i shud write in comment and when i saw the foot note (from a 15 year old boy) hehehhee nalla asadu vazhinjen..... and then burst out to laughter :)

    WISH YOU A HAPPIEST NEW YEAR AKKA (err..unga peru ennavo?)

  30. r.s :D

    well i already wrote about the thought behind the post thru previous comments, and did give a link which would make lot of sense to what i wrote.

    my name is gayathri e.

  31. Did you want information overload about this?

    interior design photo

  32. my name is amrita.i really found your writing very good and my appreciation comes not from the depths of reality that you have shown but from the excellent logical aspect of your writing.keep it up...........

  33. Good :)

    I wouldn't like to be a full-time homemaker, simply because, I wouldn't like to remain financially dependent on anyone (either gender).

    Whoever, whenever I marry, I would encourage my wife work, exactly for the same reason as me. The practical reason for this is, in my knowledge, it is very difficult to enter the job market after a huge hiatus. But I could be wrong on all counts. :)

    But I do not consider any work to be lowly.

    And though, however lazy I might be, I have done and can do all the household work.

    But I repeat, I'm very lazy! :) Which just means that some work never gets done, and I would down play its importance, rather than making someone else do it. :) For instance, cleaning the room (relevant since by now I've lived a significant portion of my life in hostels). Also somehow, my conscience doesn't permit me to ask someone else to do some work for me, which I would myself not like to do, except for if I'm paying them adequately or doing something for them in exchange.

    Huge rant (as usual) coming from me, but totally induced by your post. :)


  34. Oh yes, I can shamelessly ask someone to kill a cockroach, as I'm too afraid of them. :(

  35. Did you by any chance miss my earlier comment? Or did I say something insane? Or did you probably want to disagree with me, or maybe point out something, which you felt could upset me? I don't anything you say would upset me. Your smiley was very, very, very, or rather impossible to decipher. :(

  36. This is a lovely post. Your ideas are always different and fun to read :) Great stuff!

  37. Dear wise donkey, am all praise for your lively words, read one of your comments on an activist's blog followed by - K I C K.

    APPRECIATIONS friend !


Have a Great Day!