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Dec 19, 2005

Aargh Diaries - Saurav is Safer

Went to the pantry to grab my coffee. (Aah the coffee break on a Monday morning..) And came across 2 of my colleagues arguing.

C1 : "But what about the past? He has done so much. One cant dump him, just because he isnt useful now"

C2 : "Its not dumping. Its just relocating."

C1 : "This is just not Indian culture"

C2 : "Define Indian Culture. And even if its Indian culture, who says everyone should follow it"

C1 : "And what about his hurt. So callous. Its just politics when someone new enters"

C2 : "This has nothing to do with it. Its just a coincidence thats all"

Unable to restrain myself, say, "You know whats amazing C2 you are from Bengal and C1 you from Maharashtra and still you say these things about Saurav.

C1 and C2 stare at me and C1 says coldly "We werent talking about Saurav Ganguly. This is about my father and his new Home."

AAAargh so some people dont talk about Saurav!!

Couldnt resist adding "Indian culture is about taking care of the boy's parents only?"

Now C1 is angry with me for making him feel, he should think about his wife's parents too. And C2 is angry with me for questioning Indian Culture.

Wish people would just talk about Saurav Ganguly. Life would be lot easier for me.

PS : Oh for the folks who are wondering about the title, well if I wrote what I felt about Female Foeticide and what about wives who dont take care of their parents, or asked if the wife is a homemaker, would the husband think its his duty to take care of the wives parents emotionally and financially, would anyone read? Its safer to write about Saurav, if one wants people to read their blogs.
After all Baghban wouldnt have been a hit, if Amitabh had 4 daughters instead of 4 sons.
Aargh Diaries is a fictional series, and Wise Donkey is NOT Aargh. Read Previous in Aargh Diaries Series


  1. ok first question : is this fictional or not? am Konfusd

    Actually its not only about the wife's parents but 'parents' in general are being unceremoniuosly dumped...:(

    One of the biggest casualities of nuclear family. Y dont they realise that their children looks nto them and learns from them.

    Y do u always consider females as the ill treated ones? They form the majority, but only the majority. I am not going into the male-female issue as I am mostly unbiased, except when it comes to Aquarians-leos...:D

  2. as i said in the post aargh diaries is fictional

    i am not saying all females are exploited and all males are exploiters.

    simply pointing out
    there are more cases of female foeticide than male foeticide
    read this on the number one million

    there are more cases of females being homemakers than male.

    there are more cases of females after marriage taking care of husband's parents than males after marriage taking care of wife's parents.

    financially and emotionally less women take care of their parents after marriage then men. yet while many acknowledge that the son owe something to parents, many dont question what the daughter has to do.
    how can there be equal treatment from parents when its expected there would be different duties.

    and when we talk about people taking care of parents, its about husbands and wives and mothers and fathers. so when did i become bias against men:)

  3. Saurav Ganguly.... Aargh!!!

  4. wd

    abt bhagban... would have been lot different if he had 4 daughters...

    if possible try to watch the malayalam version of it..its a bigger tear jerker...[made me cry too...]...

    and talking abt sourav ganguly being dropped is better than anytopic any given day

  5. techj:)
    i didnt know there was a malayalam version..

    on saurav well...:))

  6. haha ..Smart Move gaya ;) ...

    Creating an aura is the first task of a good writer :D

  7. amita not sure that i understood:)

  8. Great post gaya,
    But there could have been more of Saurav in it :-W.
    .. but u have raise very pointed questioned in ur fleeting touches to Indian Culture. May be centuries of Patriachial mentality.. BUT I tell ya things are changing fast... but in all strata of society not sure.. and after reading the TOI survey that sex-ratio is better in the slums than the affluent areas... am doubting if the reverse is happening behind the curtains.

  9. "Its safer to write about Saurav, if one wants people to read their blogs."---> :)

    ""Indian culture is about taking care of the boy's parents only?""-->change?!?! will it?! need more ppl who think abt the other side of the coin too!

  10. thanks angelz,
    and now why am i not suprised by the survey results:(

  11. ramses yes:)
    and when women choose to become homemakers, her parents are whoose responsibility?

    we want people to have 2 kids or one, yet if the culture is about daughters abandoning and then the element of dowry, why should we be suprised when there is female foeticide?

  12. "there are more cases of female foeticide than male foeticide"

    foeticide is foeticide whether its male or female. Its plain murder, including abortion unless its performed to save the mother.
    I am not ignoring the stigma associated with unmarried pregnant women, but still abortion is....cant find the right word.

    "there are more cases of females being homemakers than male"
    Accepted, But has that got to do with anything? I do accept women are better at it.....:D:D:D

    "how can there be equal treatment from parents when its expected there would be different duties"
    women are being treated equally in recent times than before. i am not suggesting these ideology didnt exist. I am saying things have changed, and mainly due to the nuclear family concept where parents are not at all taken care of. So now parents cannot expect either from the son or the daughter.

    But if the woman's brother is capable of taking care of the parents, does the women have to provide financial support. Of course the emotional support should always be there.

    "when did i become bias against men"
    just hav a look at ur post and comments......:P

    I wud hav split the commments but commenting is such a pain in blogspot...:)

  13. konfusd no offense but did you read the link.
    we are not facing the problem of DECLINING child sex ratio with re.boys.
    didnt you read the link?

    who said women are better homemakers i didnt. the point is how many husband whoose wives happen to be homemakers think they should support the wife's parents.

    when women talk about equal rights in property why not talk about equal rights in taking care.

    if taking care of parents is a pleasure and priveilege why should a woman be denied it , just because she has a brother.

    as for as reading comments goes, i have a feeling you dont care to read

    foeticide is foeticide, but when it comes to taking care of parents.. its whether you are a girl or boy huh?

    and taking care of parents is not JUST about livign with them. its emotional and financial support that can be expressed in many ways.

  14. konfusd you can look through this blog and and i challenge you to find one single statement which is unfair or biased against men.

    nowhere. in comments or in postings have i ever been biased against men. and in fact i would have raised couple of issues, which even men might not care to raise..

  15. "but did you read the link."
    U dont hav 2 kill me over that...:D
    And u kno the answer.

    "as for as reading comments goes, i have a feeling you dont care to read"
    Thats absolutely wrong.

    ok now i read the angelz said, the drop in sex ratio is mostly in the wealthier areas than in slums or among poor ppeople. also recently read that in some backward tribal villages they consider a girl child as a boon compared to male child.
    Doesnt mean I didnt read it earlier...:P
    And it wasnt much related to the topic on hand.

    No one is forbidding a woman from giving financial and emotional support from time to time!

    Its just that parents prefer to stay with their sons in the long term, while they wud like to stay with their daughter for short term only cos she got married and her main responsibility lies with her husbands household.

  16. ""
    U dont mean that i shud go through the entire stuff mentioned there to find a comment against men....i am now sure u are having some kind of grudge against me.....:D:
    Wow my post really had such an impact....:D:

    I'll go through the link when can find the time and its soooooo big dont expect me to finish it fast...:D

  17. konfusd
    "she got married and her main responsibility lies with her husbands household."

    and thanks for letting me know you are unbiased.

  18. no i havent given you homework:)
    if you want to say i am sexist, then get proof and then say. and i pointed out a method to get proof.

    here i am saying we should be gender neutral when it comes to rights and responsibilites.

    and you say you are unbiased, and talk about just the women's main responsibility..

    there is no need to worship women, no need to demonise women, just treat her as human. now that i suppose is asking a lot.


  19. "letting me know you are unbiased"
    Hey thats totally unfair!
    Its not bout bias....its just the way things are. Its not that everything can be equally divided amon men and women!!!
    I didnt say that women cant or shudnt take care of her parents. That wud be bias.
    Grrrr.....its no use arguing with a woman. If I say that a woman shud take care of her parents as well, then u wud say thats bias and then its additional responsibilites on her, what r men for, etc, etc...:P

  20. no of course you are not biased

    i am sure, only those who think of men and women are equally capable of being sensible say "Grrrr.....its no use arguing with a woman"

    oh and so kind of you to think when a woman takes care of her parents and her inlaws its additional responsibilities..
    but for a man to take care of his inlaws, its not an responsibility..

    PS : If you think that I have some weird grudge against you for the Leo post, you should read my comments to "rage" a fellow leo and my "thambi" when he starts his hatred campaign. so no, its not personal.

  21. konfusd,
    when it comes to right to property, there shouldnt be difference between a male and female.
    when it comes to duties to parents there shouldnt be a difference between a male and female..

    and just because one of them either the husband or wife, decides for the welfare of the family to become a homemaker, this shouldnt come in the way of one's responsibilities towards their parents..

    whats soooo wrong in this logic?

  22. "men and women are equally capable of being sensible"
    I never said men are eqal to women wrt arguements....:D:D:D
    Its not a bias.....its only an opinion ....and u are misconstructing me cos of ur bias...:P

    "but for a man to take care of his inlaws, its not an responsibility"
    Taking care of his parents or inlaws is not about additional practical yaar, if the guy's bro-in-law is willing to take care of his parennts y sud a guy force himself. His in-laws are always welcome to stay at his house....but it doesnt make sense monetary wise and otherwise to incur additional responsiblities. I wont for sure. Its not a bias, but practical thinking.

    "If you think that I have some weird grudge...." - it was a joke and in no way meant seriously.....I have commented on ur posts so many times, cant beliv that u took it seriously...:(
    Even the post is a joke!

    "duties to parents there shouldnt be a difference between a male and female"
    As mentioned above dont beliv in taking additional esponsibilities without reason. Also doesnt mean that I wud hesitate to take the responsiblities if reqd. And also no reason y the in-laws cant come and stay once in a while.

    "and just because one of them either the husband or wife..."
    I never said that it shud come in the way of responsilities. I am just saying that am opting for a balanced solution where the parents stay with the son and the in-laws can come and stay anytime. U are looking at it orely from a woman's point of view. the woman will have a desire to be with her parents, but she shud also realise that she has to take care of her husband's parents too. Taking into consideration all the above arguments if u still consider that am biased, then I dont hav any more counter arguments.

    GN...Hav 2 leav the office now....TC
    with ref to the 'grudge' stuff frankly thot u wud have known something bout me by now....:(

  23. Home-maker or career-maker, women do have responsibilities towards their parents and obviously should take care of them... But the problem is not only in the mindset of daughters. The parents are also hesitant when it comes to being with their daughters (Indian culture and bah)!!

    I know of a very nice family (its one of my close friend's parents) who actually have a very nice arrangement. They have a 2 floored house where the 2 floors are seperate houses. My friend and his parents live in the 1st floor. And his mom's parents and his dad's parents share a house in the ground floor!! I was oh-so-impressed when I met them. I absolutely love the concept. In this way, My friend's both set of grandparents maintain their independence but are with their children :). What say?

  24. wonderful twist - trust someone like you to come up with something like this!!!!

  25. konfusd this is not an im chat, since other bloggers would read it, i would have to clarify..

    i am sorry on this you are biased.
    and its pointless to argue further.

    just because a human happens to be a woman, doesnt mean she will feel differently about her parents.
    if thats so tough for you to understand, so be it.

    i remember when my younger sister was to get married, and my mother in law told my husband, you now have to be like a son to them and help them.

    Some guys, expect their wives to love his parents as her parents. but when it comes to her parents, its so tough to reciprocate, similar kind of love.
    Just makes me sick.

    wow deeps, sounds so good to be true.
    mr.ghose, thank you:)

  26. Thats true donks,
    Who cares whether u blog in o3 or blogspot...we r gonna come in and read ur thoughts..

    Seems a gr8 debate took place.. nice to read..kinda got bored arguing and providing counterpoints.Hope the arguement continue ;)

    I remember sitting between 2morons guy told 'i bought this pen to write in board' he meant his board exams..other thought it was the white board and they had one real argument abt the usefulness of that pen on the board..ofcoz i enjoyed it and after
    10mins of lauffing until tears popped out explained them ... So better be watchful when poming into arguments donk ;)

  27. WD,
    As counter arguments....i do realise that this is not im.....and if u didnt wanna ans u cud hav deleted it.....:)

    the shows over....:D:D:D

  28. konfusd good morning:)
    i dont like to delete unless its spam or abusive to another blogger.

    goodmorning bard:)

    we say a million female foeticide. and this is not about some unmarried girl etc.. but the choice among married couples to not prefer a girl child.

    when they have a girl child we wouldnt expect parents to discriminate when it comes to love,food,education or other opportunities.
    when it comes to property, we wouldnt like them to discriminate with distribution in event of death.

    Yet when the child gets married, why should the girl not support her parents, and why cant her husband help her. and if financial support is required, and if the wife decides to become a homemaker for the sake of the family, why shouldnt the husband extend support?

    People go gaga over our culture of respecting the elder. But then why be selective?

    Staying togther is not the only way of expressing support. Yet its so tough to even acknowledge it for many.

    It would be disgusting if the same husbands who wouldnt think of their duties to their inlaws, wouldnt think of refusing the property of inlaws.

    Not to imply every person who commented, or every Indian guy has this mentality. Its not all, but surely its many.

    As long as there are men and women who believe that once married the woman and her husband have rights but not duties towards her parents, female foeticide is not going to stop.

    when its death before birth for a life, just because of its sex, i dont think of it as a show.

  29. when I read the title - I was going to write - Cricket --> No comments!

    But true..... Do not judge a book by its cover or a post byb its title! ;)

    And the family thing.... I feel it already when there's still like two months to go before I tie the knot! Imagine...what'll happen later. Whose parents/family take priority?! :(

    Baghbaan ->No Comments?! ;)

  30. :)nupur
    and wish you the best on the marriage:)

  31. he he u bet..saurav is a lot

    good morning gaya!

  32. godo:)
    good morning and have a wonderful day:)

  33. *gaya

    My statement abt Creating an aura meant .. the Apt title that u have used for the post ;) ..

    And a good writer knows how to entice its readers :D

    It was a compliment dear , which i made complicated ;) hehe

  34. thanks for clarifying amita,
    but you didnt make it complicated,
    i was just dumb:)

  35. Good evening donk...sorry for waking up late. ;)

  36. :)) good evening bard:)

    heard "mala" has gone and its sunny today


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