Aargh Diaries - The Borrow Sorrow

Got an email from a friend.
Aargh what can should I do? My friend didnt return what I gave. I feel miserable. Please advise.

So emailed back.
Dear ...,

Let this be a lesson. Dont lend. If you still want to lend, lend it without expecting it to be returned.

Well this is a quick guide on What to Do When your Best Friend Borrows and doesnt return or says its Lost. What matters is not the price of your item, but its value. Even if you didnt care much for it earlier, Even if it costs less a Rupee, it was yours, and you expected it to be returned. And when it doesnt happen, you have every right in the world to be upset. And want to do something about it.

1.Keep borrowing the friend's stuff. And return them the next day. The purpose of borrowing is not for you to use it, but to scare the friend into thinking, what if it doesnt get returned and its a tit for tat. And to make the friend feel guilty when you return it promptly.

2.Buy what has been misplaced, and give the friend the bill. Might seem the sensible option. But life is not about doing whats sensible, but what feels good.

3.Talk about the case in, Texas USA where one friend sued another for not returning a book and won $15000 in emotional damages. No big purpose, just would make the friend guilty and be thankful for not being born there and being aware of a factor called Emotional Damage.

4.If its a lost CD or Book or anything which has a name, whenever you meet your friend, wear a Tshirt with that name. For variations, wear another Tshirt which says "The Mystery of the Lost ___".(Fill the name of your precious object in the blank, dont leave it a blank).

5.Blog about it. Write about the loss of faith and loss of trust when something that is yours is taken away for ever. And get another friend to send your friend that blog link. And if your friend confronts you with it, say, you will blog about it again if you get it back. And point out your friend could be the symbol of being better late than never.

6.Mention that you will be on TV next week, and they will be asking you about your friends. After a minute, ask if there is any chance of you getting back what was yours and precious to you. Hopefully your friend wouldnt want you telling on TV to the world, that he/she lost what was precious to you and perhaps would search seriously this time.

7.Ring up the music channels and the FM channels and start dedicating songs to your precious item. And say solemnly, you miss it so much and life is so tough, because it was your friend who lost it. Refuse to name your friend, though. Do it every week. And of course life would be wonderful, if your friend watches or listens to that program.

8.Challenge your friend, by saying, I dare you to find that precious item, exactly within 6 hours 23 minutes and 12 seconds

9.If sms is free, SMS "Good morning, did you find it" atleast once every day. Or send ecards which say "Have a great day and hopefully I can have a great day tommorrow, when you finally tell me you found it."

10.Always be aware of the dates regarding the precious item. The date of buying, the date of lending, the date of being first told its lost, and today's date. Whenever you reach any of the anniversaries, dont forget to celebrate it with your friend.

All this may not ensure you would get back your precious.
But atleast next time your friends would think twice about losing something that is yours.
Of course if the friends decide to dump you, fine, who wants friends with people who dont return stuff.

All the Best
Aargh

Got the 2nd email. I expected a warm thank you email. But all it said was -
"Aargh I am confused. I gave my heart to my friend..."

Aaaargh

Aargh is a fictional character.
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