Aargh Diaries - Lesbian Blogger

An email from a dude.
"Dear Aargh
I am trying to find romance by blogging, but am worried about flirting with a lesbian and wasting my time. Any idea how one can identify them without asking directly?"

Aaah its such an easy one. This is the way many identify a Lesbian Blogger on the Web.

1.Lesbian Bloggers have an opinion. They will write about the world and issues, and stuff like that. They will rarely write about broken hearts, simply because they dont have hearts

2.They will argue for the right of humans (read woman) to dress anyway they want. And will not understand that its not wrong if men worry about women and ask women to wear a dupatta "properly" and not wear it just around the neck. Duh dont you realise why. They want to oogle at Our Women.
They would further say, most of the rapes and molestation occurs not in urban areas and not by strangers, so whats the corelation between clothes and molestation. But this only means that most of the women are lesbians, who cant appreciate the pleasure, men want them to experience.
Some of them are so smart that they say, women have also the right to even cover themselves from head to toe, if the women want to. They are just being pseduo secular and dont want men to look at their women.

3. They will ask questions like why doesnt any religion treat women equally. Why a spiritual head cant be a woman. Now they will even say how dare you call us "impure". (This probably to win favours with other women).

4.Their attitude to marriage will be alarming. They will say, I want to marry but I want to take care of my parents too. After all if my husband wants to take care of his parents, why shouldnt I want to take care of my parents. They will even suggest dowry is wrong and the marriage expenses are to be split. They will sarcastically ask "Would Baghban be a hit if Amitabh had 4 daughters?" This is simply their method of avoiding marriage.

5.At every opportunity, they will remind you that Ten million(1000000) lives has been killed in just 20 years, due to sex selection. They might even add, that means, Ten million guys have ended up with no girls.
Who are they kidding, they dont get girls, and they want to blame it on society. After all if guys needed girls, they can pay for young girls or watch porn.

6.They will protest against porn too. They might ask if porn is so ok, then will it be fine if one of your female relative becomes a porn star. After all a porn star is someone's daughter blah blah. You would think that as lesbians, they wouldnt mind seeing naked girls. Thats where you underestimate them my friend,
a.This stance would bait the sweet innocent girls,
b.This stance is a cover up of their lifestyle.

7.They would ask for equal pay at work. And talk about sexual harrassment. Thats probably because they are jealous of men. Ha !
They would also get angry over the term "working women" and say just because a woman isnt earning, it doesnt mean she isnt working. They would even say stuff like homemaker is 24x7 job, with no weekend offs, or holidays or retirement or retirement benefits.
This is probably to seduce the "regular" female homemakers, and create trouble in a marriage.
To questions on whether they would marry a homemaker, they would agree. So that the poor men can sit at home cleaning toilets, while they go out and have fun and also control the men!
If they quote United Nations and say "Women account for two thirds of the world's working hours but their share of the world's income was only 10 percent." It just means that Lesbians are working in United Nations. Duh..

8.Few of them might even talk about stuff like Every 5 minutes a Woman dies from Childbirth in India.
Or talk about sterlization camps where more than 100s are operated when the government norm is not more than 20 or the bicycle pumps used for putting air into the women's abdomen before laparoscopic operations or the lack of sterlization of equipments.
Dude thats to scare women from being with men and getting pregnant.
Their other techniques include pointing out that women have to change their name after marriage, and live most of the times with the man, and is not as per the law the legal guardian of her child. While its not same for the men. They might even get desperate and point out marital rape is not a crime, and women dont have the right to insist on contraception.
This again to prevent the sweet women from getting married.

9.When someone kindly points out to them that men would too get harrassed they would agree. But will say, the problem is with the misuse of law, not laws.
This is their cover. Their other covers include, talking about the right of men to be homemakers and wear skirts. A nice way to demean the men.
If they talk about equality in rape laws for men and women, its just to create confusion in the society.

10.They will think fairness cream ads are demeaning. Maybe thats because they dont want the girls to become fair and therefore beautiful and get boys.

11.They can speak against hunger deaths, drunk driving, smoking, casteism, riots, the time women spend to collect water environment education, sanitation etc. They could get angry when media and the whole nation talks about cricket and means only men's cricket. Dont get confused. They hate society(read men) and hence the outburst.

12.When you realise what they are up to, and write a blog suggesting that they have these opinions only because they are lesbians, they would deny it.

Cheers
Aargh

Just when I was wondering if I had been hasty and perhaps should have written the above as a book and appeared on few chat shows to promote the book, received an email.
"Idiot, I agree with the opinions of these women. I dont see why I should get paranoid about a women with an opinion. And as for equality, they dont go around saying men should get an uterus. Grow up."

Aaaaaaaaargh. I replied "Hmmm. That means you are gay."

Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.