While the phone Rang, to Hang or Hang on

She tightened the noose around her neck. Distressed, depressed, and in despair, she had decided to simply die. But now she was distracted, by the tring tring of the telephone's ring. Her mobile had a ringtone for almost every contact in her life. But the unused landline of the landlord, which rang a bland tring tring, left her clueless about her caller.

Instead of kicking her legs off the sofa's armrest, she inserted her fingers between the bedsheet noose and her neck. With the tip of her toe, she pressed the speaker button, to answer the ringing telephone.

"Yes? " she asked gruffly. "Good evening Madam" chirped a cheerful male voice.

 A telemarketing call??? Ohhh!! She just wanted to just maul!!

Yet when she spoke, her voice sounded calm, collected and cool. "I am sorry I am busy killing myself, so I won't be able to help you. Sell your insurance, credit card or internet connection to someone who wants to live. Goodbye!!" "

I know 3 people who killed themselves" He replied softly.

"Well I am not the 4th!" She retorted. "You may know my number but you don't know me!!."

"Anything I can say.." he began

She cut him off with  "Oh please!! Spare me the cliches!!! Its my life, my responsibility! I am not drunk or drugged..I just want to die. And definitely don't want to dispute, discuss, or debate, about it, with you.. " She moved her toe over the telephone, to disconnect..

"Hang on!" he cried.

"Have you written your note, cleaned your toilet and mentioned about eye donation? The three suiciders I knew, didn't think about it. You know what's worse than neighbors speculating about your death, its neighbors gossiping about your dirty house! Even if you think neighbors don't matter,think, is it fair to kill your eyes, when they can light couple of lives? Did you know, eyes are alive up to six hours, after death?"

She took in a deep breath.

"A breath she wouldn't have taken, if few seconds ago, she had hanged.
Oh death she would have gladly taken, if only, the phone had not rang"

But how many seconds and breath, of her time and life, could a sudden stranger stretch? The pain, which had been on hold, with a fury began to unfold. It shot from her heart to her head. "I can't handle it" said, the voice in her head and began to scream "I just want to be dead!!". Her heart pounded, the abandoned pain, tossed between her heart and head, wanting to absorbed and grounded, throbbed and tightened within her neck and throat, making it impossible to whisper or weep.

 "Hello??" he tentatively asked. "Hope you haven't mentioned in your note, that you were harassed to death by an anonymous caller...By the way, are you a celebrity, then I would be a celebrity for couple of days too....You know, why decide to die today when we all are going to die someday. ?" He jabbered nervously."I wondered whats the worst, feeling unwanted or being bored.."

 "STOPPPP!!!" she finally screamed, and started laughing hysterically. Just one swing, away from the armrest, she would be finally free. Yet her mind now, was far from her intended journey.

She wanted to Kick!. Kick, the first expression of her life. A simple act, within the womb, which had made her parents swoon and feel blessed about their boon.

But, all she wanted to do now was to kick away her life. Simply kick, she told herself, just like you would kick away a pebble, on a trail. But the pebble wasn't IN her trail. It was him, she decided. She had to first kick Him, for spoiling her final moments.

She thought,
"Oh Destination Death, you sent your knight to drown me through the trail of blues, and dark hues!
Yet Destiny drives me crazy me with this voice and keeps me afloat, grabbing my ankles. Irritating and distracting me, like a pebble in my shoe!"

Between Death and Destiny she stood, stunned, unsur,e and suspended. Mind or Body which did she want to swing? 

Another deep breath she took.
And untied the bedsheet from the hook.

 "I will call again, hope you won't die..goodbye " He had hung up, before she could tell him she had't hanged. 

So many things she now wanted to ask and say..
She wondered who he was, and why he had called her today.

Months later, she greeted the first rain of the season, with a song on her lips, and a dance on her hips..
As she  inhaled deeply the fragrance which the first rain brings,
she felt shot by a hopeful thrill.
She finally heard the telephone's tring.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda (Thanks BlogAdda for bringing back my blog)

Life Lessons for my Kid

Dear Kid,
While its your life, and you have to learn your own lessons, thought I could make it easier for you by sharing some lessons I have learned.

LIFE & GOD

1.Life is not Fair
Instead of wasting your time thinking in terms of "but" this should not have happened, think "and" this has happened, what can I do now.

2.God Exists
Its tough to accept the concept life is not fair, with the existence of God. But just think of God as a Single Working Mom, who cares for her children but doesn't have the time and energy to do everything the children want or need. (When you are really mad at God, just think God is busy keeping some galaxies from colliding with each other).

3.Bad things can happen to Good people
The point of goodness is not to prevent "bad" things from happening to you. Goodness feels good, thats all.


PEOPLE
4.Don't Laugh At Anyone.
This is perhaps more of my superstition, but just trust me. Think, if Ram hadn't mocked Kaikeyi's maid, perhaps he wouldn't have been exiled. If the brothers had not mocked Surpanaka, Sita might not have been kidnapped. And if Draupadi hadn't laughed at Duryodhanan in the Palace of Illusions, perhaps the animosity wouldn't have increased. Why give "bad" people one more excuse to get back at you. (For the person who insults, its written in sand but for the receiver its etched in rock.)

5.People don't like to feel Guilty.
If you are going to make someone feel guilty, atleast provide them an excuse for their action. Otherwise they are just going to resent you. The temporary "holier than thou" high you will receive, is absolutely worthless. (This doesn't mean don't stand up for what you believe. Just don't make everything personal. (Focus on the behaviour and not on the person).

6.Trust but don't believe.
Trust intentions but don't believe everything people say. If your friend suggests you a scheme, trust the friend's intentions.But that shouldn't mean, you should believe in the suggested schemes.

7.People and You
Swat away the mosquitoes, gently sweep away the ants, be respectful of the bees, don't waste time chasing butterflies, ignore the spiders, and most importantly learn how to not get irritated with the flies. And don't be ashamed to scream, when you come across cockroaches. And if possible, corelate this with people. (A tip, the flies are the good people who behave badly). And be prepared for one category to transform into another. Just when you decide someone is an ant, they decide to become a fly.!!

CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
8.Decide if you want to be Happy or Right.(thanks Dr.Phil). 
For many years I thought I couldn't be Happy if I wasn't accepted as Right. Well now I realise, being Right isn't the Only way to be Happy.

9.Satisfied but not Happy?
Its not your partner, friend or anyone's responsibility to make you happy. Learn to generate your own happiness.

10.Patience can be a part of "Aggression"
When it comes to in-laws, just remember Sunil Gavaskar's quote "Give the first hour to the bowlers because the next five hours will be yours."

CAREER
11. Career Choices
If you have to choose between "doing what one wants to do" and "doing what one is good at", choose to do what you want to do. Even if you fail, you will at least have the satisfaction of having done, what You wanted to do. And if you are confused about what you want, just imagine things going awfully wrong with your choice. If you are still willing to accept responsibility for it, you will know its Your choice.(Btw only in theories, Bosses want you to be perfect. Make a small mistake once in a while, they would love to correct you and guide you and prove to you, they are your Boss for a reason).

SELF
12.Smile
You don't have to feel great to smile,
You don't need an excuse or reason to smile.
Yet if you feel you do, just smile for a few seconds at yourself,
You would realise you feel good.
And what better reason do you need?
Just to feel good, many abuse their bodies.
Why go for that, when you can achieve it with a simple smile.

Think of Smile as a Single Run
And a Laugh as a Six or Four.
You need not hit a Six or Four with every ball
Even singles count.
Be glad you are not out,
Instead of waiting for a stimulus to make you smile.
Stimulate yourself with a smile :)

Love
Mom.

Caste, Culture and Speed Swayamvar

Saw this (Long) ad on some Tele Shopping  channel, yesterday night.

A black SUV drives upto a snow covered mansion . A foreigner (presumably American) opens the door for a tall,handsome Hrithik like guy. A British(?) Butler opens the door of the mansion, bows deeply at our Hero and takes the laptop bag from the assistant. Our suit-boot Hero, instead of going inside,sits on the patio and says,
"Hi I am Raj. Five Years ago, when I was coming to USA, my father took me aside at the airport and said, "Your mother is a heart patient, please, please don't giver her any shocks".

(Image of Raj in an aeroplane, mournfully gazing at the picture of his parents). " I knew what he meant. And I decided to stay away from girls."

Back to mansion patio, a grim Hero. "You see my cousin  had gotten into love marriage and his wife, wasn't, from, our, caste." Bitter voice. "Of course all Castes are Equal, but The Culture; its soo different. My uncle  was broadminded. After all she was a Doctor & her parents were well educated and settled. But it was so stressful for my aunty to handle all the comments  & train Her, into the Culture of our, Community."

 "At the airport i was met by Vijay. The boy I was supposed to replace." Image of a semi-bald guy hugging over Hero, in some US airport (Filled with fair girls in mini skirts and shorts).

 And he had only one advice for me."Dude, do Date". (Vijay's voice filled with despair )

Back to patio Hero, extreme closeup. "I was Shocked" Pauses.
Sad sitar background music."You see Vijay had his reason .He had not dated anyone in US. And back home when his wedding was arranged, the bride's parents did a backgroundcheck & the report suggested.. "
Hero looks around then whispers looking away "he could be ....gay."

After few seconds , collects and composes himself and continues "And 2 years without oil bath & nutrition meant he was also LOSING HAIR. So he had to rush back home to clear his name and get married before losing more hair." eyes widened to express Horror.

"I didn't want to end up like Vijay!" with a resolute expression and a finality. (Background music, couple of drumbeats).

Recovers, with a Smug Smile "Being a software engineer I did my research & few days later came across a wonderful website & fixed an appointment with their representative."

Image of our Hero meeting a guy from some bank ad.(Clean shaven, rimless glasses and a huge comforting smile. )

Back to patio Hero. "Ravi understood my dilemma immediately. He explained I could date girls,from my own Culture. Back home parents match horoscopes, exchange pictures within their Culture & then Meet, Eat & Discuss . While people like my cousin fall in love, then Meet, Eat and Discuss. Ravi pointed out I could enter my details and requirements, in their database , and get access to pictures of girl's who match my horoscope ,within - my-OWN COMMUNITY (widened eyes). All I had to do was to Meet, Eat and Discuss. Love absolutely not required!"

"And guess what, she would prepare the food. Back home one never knows who made the Bhaji, and if the Sweet is from a shop!1"laughs heartily.

"I was worried about the character of the girl. A girl who meets strangers..."
"Then Ravi mentioned that about Chaperoned girls. An aunty would be with us all the time!"

"I consulted my parents" pauses to wipe away a small tear from his eye.
"and they consulted their elders and astrologers. And we registered for a non-manglik, musically inclined, 22-24 year old, tall, fair, pretty, professional settled in USA (within our community) who would be escorted during our dates by an Aunty,  for just $5000."

"And during the trial period, if I was not satisfied with the girls I could always, get my money back!"

"The first girl was nice, but she served Bisibellabath with potato chips." rolls eyes.
"The second made fantastic puri masal. But her favorite actor didn't match mine!"

"Frankly my friends, I was deeply disappointed. Then I again talked with Ravi. He pointed out that a Speed Swayamvar, our cultural version of Speed Dating, was being organised in Pittsburgh for all their American members, with a separate Hall for each Community . I immediately registered.After all it was just 500 dollars!"

"And one week later I walked into a hall." Image of 50 dining tables filled with food and  pretty girls in saris and heavy ornaments, near each table with aunties, in the background and our Hero dressed in light blue heavily embroidered Kurta. (And background music, Tere Bin from Guru).

Back at the Patio, Hero, takes a deep breath. "Vazhakai Bajji, Thengai Chutney, Badam Halwa & Filter Coffee aaah..I was immediately drawn to that table. And when I tasted it I realised, I had met my Princess."

Image of Hero walking away with a girl, to another room with 2 giant screens filled with their smiling parents. To video conference, I guess. (Background music Shehnai).

Back at the mansion,door opens on cue and an Asin like girl wearing a big diamond necklace, in a pink sari & mehendhied hand, full of bangles,  brings some masal vadai (not sure which chutney) & coffee (or tea).

Raj, (our Patio Hero)munches masal vadai, smiles & introduces Wife (Princess), a Vice President in a MNC Bank.

She shyly hands him a gold coin, turns to the camera & explains."YOU can also help India grow Culturally. Even if you are married refer a friend to this wonderful website & you will get a 22kt gold coin when they register!'

Turns to Hero, who has drunk his heavenly coffee or tea.'You haven't told them about your friend Vijay."

Hero Laughs "Well when I heard they have centers not only across USA but also in Europe Singapore & Australia I referred him. He was so grateful. Now he is happily settled in Paris".

Image of Vijay with his own Princess grinning near the Eiffel Tower. (For the curious, his hairline has improved, whether due to Paris water, or stress free life or some fantastic hair oil, I don't know, thats probably another ad.) (For the ultra curious, I don't know why Vijay went to Paris).

Back at the Patio, a chubby 2 year old (in a  grey suit with red tie) comes out of the mansion, hugs them while the Hero says "Call Now!" numbers scroll for various countries. (duly noted by me).
Princess says "Protect our.."
Boy raises hand "Culture!" and they all high five each other then kiss the boy and laughing merrily, enter the mansion to live happily ever after.

The point of the Long Post? Wanted to find out if anyone's interested in protecting our culture and sharing a gold coin during the process. 

PS :The next speed swayamvar is scheduled  this weekend in New Jersey & Geneva & Canberra.

Terrorising the Terrorists

Dear Mr.(Islamic) Terrorist.

Stop thinking we are sitting ducks. We are not. Don't you see how we protect our netas. Our Aam Admi? Well they are Our soldiers. Just like you don't question your Boss, back home. We don't question our Bosses (whom we elect unlike you). And while you might get martyrdom, we give the kin of Our martyrs few Lakhs. See our life is not Cheap. (In case you want to die as Our Soldier don't ask me the procedure for getting this amount, but knowing our system I am sure it will be very easy and soothing)

Stop smirking! How dare you think, we are unprepared for you. We have a 10 point Massive Retaliation Plan against you chartered by the Media, Stars & Netas:-

1.Breaking News on all News Channel with the latest information. (Yeah they will be delivered to us Immediately, even without waiting for the silly task of verfication, so that we can take further precautions against you).

2.Netas of ruling party appear on all channels appealing for calm. Netas of opposition party appear on all channels talking about the inefficiency of the CM/PM.

3.Stars empathize with the aam admi and rage against the System and You Cowards via their Tweets. And now Thanks to Sachin(!?) the World of cricketers also tweet against you.

4.Media, on the Frontline of our Fight against you, Talks against You and Talks about the Tweets of the Stars and Talks with our Netas and Page 3 Intellectuals.

5.If you dare to attack Mumbai, we have a special segment and debate on the Mumbai Spirit. (Other victim cities are trying to come up with their own Response Term).

6.Don't think the Aam Indian doesn't care. We switch on the TV, listen and discuss with other Responsible Indians and try to update each other with information. And criticise our netas, babus  police and media. (sorry media). Of course there are some, who are more proactive. We send smses and tweet (Against You) and if you let out your name in advance, we can make you a TT on Twitter. And those with more time, will blog Against You.

7.If We or our Stars and Neta, party after or during the attack, its just to show You, You don't affect us. Ha! Can your people come up concepts like this?

8.Don't think we don't know who you are. WE KNOW. Whatever your Father's name, we know your Mother's name is ISI.(Is there a way to patent this insult?) See we have a simple rule. If its a metro its You. If its some security personnel attacked in some town, its Naxals. (Saffron terror, probably Your Hindu ancestors, back from the past through some time machine.)

9.We don't stop combating you with the immediate response. We have intellectuals like Subramaniam Swamy and Digvijay Singh who have their grand own Masterplan. And we have a highly active online responsible citizens community, discussing it through Tweets and Blogs. If you are reading them and think they just the say same thing everytime and it just retweets and copy-pastes. Well, thats just to confuse You. Its all a code to confuse, you.

10.And as our final blow to you. We give you a Date. (Hopefully you idiots won't attack us again on the same date later and let us safely mourn). And erase you from our memory. Thats right we erase your wounds from our memory. Don't think you are totally forgotten, we will remember all the details, when you attack us,again. And don't think you are forgiven either. Don't you see us raging against Kasab/Kasav/Qasab?

• Even if our Force 1 doesn't have a dedicated home and a place to train, 
• Watchout 10% of them have bulletproof vests helmets and blastproof eyewear etc.
• Of Mumbai 43000 policemen, (150 yes 150 can you deal with it?) have bullet proof jackets.
• And wipe off the smirk while thinking about the quality of those bullet proof jackets. We have now extra careful babus,even if it means 50000 multifunctional belts ordered by the police haven't got the final rubber stamp of approval. And so what if the network of 5000 cctv cameras are yet to be installed. We have private enterprise. Shopkeepers had installed cameras in two of the three places where bombs exploded during 13/7.

Watchout you #@$@#$@# we are Prepared.

PS : This post is intended to strike terror in the heart of the terrorists. This is NOT the platform for any bleeding heart to talk about victims and the compensation they get or don't get. Don't suggest any ideas for helping the victims of terror. Thats just distracts us from our war on terror. Please don't get swayed by your emotions. Be brave hearted and  be Virat.

Life Living and Alive

Life is for Living
Living doesn't mean feeling
Alive, for just a few seconds
Trust not the thrills, that temptation beckons
Second Chances? Death never ever reckons

Death might Inevitable
But why Invite it, or become differently abled.

Singles too and not just Sixes and fours,
are required to make, a good cricket score.
Accept the hot sun and singles, even if they seem to be a bore
Life is about dealing with, not running away from chores.

Your enemy is not Fear
for Your life, wisely She steers.
You don't have to conquer the elements to conquer your emotions.
Stop defining and living your life by other's notions.

Throw away the shackles of fear
If she chains you from making a stand.
But if she is going to keep you from being crippled
Fight your Ego, and take her helping hand.

From heights, or to depths, you don't have to dive
Close your eyes, Dive within, and Feel alive.

Risks & Two Minute Thrills are Death's Aura
Jeena Sambhalke mere yaara,
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Comfort vs Happiness

Familiarity is soothing and comfortable. I could evolve from an animal, but I can't dissolve those survival instincts.

Why should I change, when everything changes except change, anyway?

Why should I dare to speak, when silence is easier. 

Why should I blog? When its easier to just think of a post, frame it in my mind and then move on. 

There would be no anxiety over its outcome, no pouting over the lack of comments, and no need to respond or elaborate.

Inertia is easy, and so comfortable. 

Pursuit of Happiness, requires risks and sacrifices. And perhaps, the emotion of happiness overrated? And the experts tell me, there are two types of happiness, the permanent and the temporary, "high".

I am going through many emotions at the moment. This week I have to make another trip to Chennai. And it seems to me, every time I blog, its about a trip from or to Chennai. Offline, its not just a loss of a family member, but tough times with people whom I thought were friends who thought I was just an acquaintance. And yet I have not become a cynic, thanks to the support and thoughts of  some bloggers I have come across. 

A voice within tells me the good old days of blogging are over, with the new responsibilities. While another voice says, hey you have taken the toughest step, the first step.

Aargh I was just so happy being comfortable in my zone, keeping quiet, and being wise, and yet its impossible to shut out the donkee within. 

RIP FIL

Was brave enough to face son's death.
Was brave enough to face father's death
Somehow not brave enough to accept this death.

In Chennai for couple more weeks. Had not blogged due to the medical emergency.
Will blog hopefully in May.

Shifted

Came back from trip on 18th november. Shifted home on 1st december. The shifting and organising went on till 31st december. I got the net connection in mid december.

Blogging for me is not just about posting and replying to comments but also reading and commenting on some other blogs. So while I have posted a 100 or is it 1000, posts in my mind, I didn't pick up my mobile and post it online because, I felt it would be incomplete and perhaps unfair. And I just don't have the time right now to spend couple of hours online everyday, which I used to take earlier.


Reading for more than a month, Dalai Lama's book on Happiness. I liked the perspective and I accept that compassion is the first step towards happiness.

I hated the new year, because it meant I would have to skip my routine and wish and talk to everyone I knew or come online to send greetings and of course the general hype around what did you do on the eve. But ended up feeling good about it, since I managed to wish, everyone I wanted to. I think it was a nice way to let people know I think of them, even when I don't interact with them.

When I started blogging I wanted to change the world. (Well not the entire world, but I felt change is change even if its one person, one perspective). But the longer you stare at the abyss, the longer the abyss stares at you. And due to constant exposure, I have become immune to many things I wanted to change. But the core still remains. And now I want to blog just as an expression of myself. Change or no change.

And while I used to be extremely wary about even acknowledging myself on my blogs, I have typed the "I's without counting in these post. And for that I must thank my current (hmmm will they come back this year?) bloggers for it.

Can anyone guess the actual incidents I am referring to in these posts? The post dates might offer a clue.
License to Kill
Ashamed of your Mother!
They Dare to Make Money!
A four letter word called Hurt
A Watchwoman's Wrath against Mustache

Shifting my home, shifted my perspective on home management and to an extent my priorities. But it has not changed my passion, hoping to be back in couple of weeks and blog regularly. I might not have visited your blogs but, please, you have been a BIG part of my life, and will continue to remain for the rest of my life..

Happy New Year:)

Bright Orange on a Grey Sky

• Arrived Safely in Chennai. (I hate air travel, for that matter any kind of travel. Thought I was cool and calm during take off, but the kid was rolling with laughter and now does an imitation of me being scared during take off, which involves staring straight ahead, breathing heavily and eyebrows furrowed.) (Now I spend around 10 minutes a day on how I will make the trip back home and the weather and turbulations).
• Diwali finally over (I hate festivals, wrote a post long time back on appointment with happiness or something like that on that. And Diwali is definitely the festival I dislike the most. I have never understood the hype especially amongst NRIs on Diwali back home, everytime someone gets nostalgic I want to tell them, hey now people just watch TV on Diwali and bigger the family more the number of channels to fight over. Sweets and Dresses are not just reserved for festivals. And the fireworks are more about ego and pollution than fun. But the cynic in me still liked to wish people, especially the auto drivers, sales personnel etc.) 
• Got Vijayadasami admission for kid. (And thankfully found a school which didn't give a fancy brochure on the skills they will teach. But the kid got unwell and hasn't spent much days at school).
• Saw Endhiran finally. (Those of you who follow me on twitter would have known I gave up my friday (release day) tickets to my friends because I didn't want to see an important movie without reading the  review first and choose to see Anjaana Anjani, since it was just time pass movie. Saw couple of moives too. And had to seen Endhiran again. And I liked it more the 2nd time. A Satyam loyalist, never thought I would like Kamala. But they have improved drastically. )
• No time to read the newspapers or catch up with the news. But ignorance is bliss. (One day I picked up the paper and read about tsunami in Indonesia and a flower vendor's boy being crushed to death in elevator. Enough of news for the moment. Btw newspapers seem to be more about offers and promotions than news and analysis.
• No time for TV too. Saw Neeya Nana celebrations discussion. What sort of research do they do? Why did no one mention, the woman who was behind Mother's Day spent the rest of her life fighting AGAINST it?
• Read few books. Now want to finish the post to get back to the 2 books I have started reading today.
• 10 more days to go before I travel and still 100 things to do. My excel list just keeps getting long and longer.
• I hate change and lack of control. And vacation is in a way my nightmare. But if my life remained stagnant perhaps I wouldn't grow and become wiser. So instead of resisting what I can't change, trying my best to be cool and calm but ending up many times as a dragon. And its not fun being a dragon-donkee.

I was in a dark mood, lightened up after catching the comment and email of 2 bloggers. Thank You so much. The past couple of months have been tough for me. And only I know the difference the bloggers who dropped in to enquire made to me. Reading a book about a serial killer and was thinking how naive I was when I let people into my online life few years back. While the unpleasant experiences helped me grow wiser as a person, the kindness I received in the last few months has comforted me and honestly I can't find words to convey how I feel. Its just been a bright orange on a grey sky.

TV Thoughts

They didn't want to watch the match with us, because we might not use the projector and the big screen. Then they will have to see it on a small TV, brand unknown. Not even a LCD or a flat screen, forget LED, or 42inch. What in the world were we thinking?

Decades ago, it was okat to watch TV with friends at the neighbours. Today, the neighbours decide if we are worthy of their friendship based on what TV we own.

DD was not fun but today's DD (Disappointing Distance) is more horrible. Its not just adults who judge you based on

1.The locality and number of bedrooms in your house

2.The car

3.The TV you own.

Its kids too.

I haven't forgotten the fun in waiting for some fun on DD. Watching "Aamchi Mathi Aamchi Manoos" or "Apan yaana Pahila Ka?" and thinking an interview would end, if they showed the long shot (in a neighbour's house of course). Being amazed as a teen, when a friend's sister had TWO channels and could watch a match without being at the mercy of a cable operator who rotated channels.


I have the money to buy a great TV for my kid but how will I give my kid, the fun I had with TV, as a kid?

Why is it so tough to convince my friends and neighbours its not about Price but about Value. Fun is not just about what you see, but how and with whom you see it:)


PS : They are still my friends. I do feel bad when they don't get my point of view but as DD has thought me, Life isn't What you want it to be:) And I accept and love my friends inspite of their "snobbish values".


PPS : And who am I kidding, when the ribbing gets too bad, I am glad I have the projector:)

****

I don't think Bikram's Blog needs directions from this blog, but instead of writing a post I thought I could mention his post Shaheed Sardar Bhagat Singh.

Shameful Sanitation

In the sea of humanity, some fishes are more equal than others

If the toilets offered to visitors were not hygienic I wonder about the toilets offered to 400000 CWG workers. But in an image obsessed nation, these Indian workers don't matter. 

UN estimates 55 percent of Indians still defecate outside.The media conveniently sleeps to the fact that more Indians have access to mobile phones than improved sanitation and wakes up only to criticize Kalmadi. 

I am not saying unclean toilets are okay. Just saying Clean Sanitation options should not be a luxury and should be a right of every Indian.

2 articles which didn't say the usual

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India-Circus/entry/brown-man-s-burden

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/we-just-won-the-gold/687684/

I am sick of writing about CWG, but sanitation is not a silly cause to support. Would like to recycle 180 feet and  Waste.

PS : Clicked the Pic on the latest trip. 

Offline

My brain is brimming with blog posts but I have to deal with this 2 and half year old.
***

I prefer to keep my offline life, offline, but thought I would make an exception and talk about whats been happening to me lately.

Saw Inception , after being depressed about the ending for couple of days, decided Cobb's guilt would have got him out of the dream. Guilt is more powerful than Love.


Read few days back, the three books in the Millennium series, by Stieg Larsson. Felt the original title of the first book "Men who hate women" was more apt than "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". There are not just men who hate women, but even women who hate women. My most recent encounter, a maths teacher who said, women can't compete with men when it comes to cooking. (I couldn't resist pointing out, that perhaps, men focussed on taste and were more liberal with oil salt etc, while many women who cook regularly think of their husband's cholestrol bp and are moderate in its usage.) Five minutes later, she said, girls were stupids who had to slog and study everyday but boys could study at the last minute and still be brilliant. And continued to admire boys. I didn't argue on this one. Even if I had pointed out few girls who studied at the last minute and came up with good marks, she wouldn't have admired them.  I just pitied and prayed for the girls in her maths class. I simply gave up on the conversation. And for the record, I think its stupid to generalise that one gender can cook better than the other. On maths, even if the brains are different, the ALL boys and ALL girls is a bit too much. After reading the book, I thought about her and others like her (men and women) who hate women. And wondered if there were men and women who hated men. And for a whole day I was stumped. There are different standards for men and women. If Hilary Clinton behaved liked Bill, she wouldn't have got away with it so easily.

I tried to think of atleast one woman or one man whom I have met, who hated men. And I couldn't come up with the above teacher's equivalent. Till I thought, under what circumstances will the above teacher hate men? And the answer is so simple. I have a feeling she would hate a man who decides to be a homemaker or a man who wears skirts and lipsticks occasionally. I don't know if its true. But in my mind, I have restored the gender neutral balance.

I lost few files. One of the files was an excel file a daily planner which mentions what each member of the family had and will be having for the next month, for breakfast lunch dinner and snack. What me and my kid wore, the anniversaries and the expenses and whether I walked or had fruit. And the chores I did. And a 2do list. No I am not an organised person. I have that file, precisely because I am not organised. I have shopping lists, packing lists, 2do lists because I know I am stupid and liable to make mistakes. I believe in being a wise donkey even in real life.
Now I am busy typing in all the databanks. (The Shopping list, The Packing List, The Dinner Menu List, The Dress List etc and of course the Daily Planner till December.) So that I rotate all the clothes, and recipes and don't spend too much time on trying to remember if I have forgotten something.

Unknown, if you are reading this, I didn't win or get a mention in the Freedom Contest. Didn't pout this time, just shrugged and moved on.

It might not be a coherent blog post, but just wanted to update. Rachna's comment acted as the Kick. And I have been back to mention I will have to go back for 3 more days on a short trip. Then I hope to blog till October 10th before leaving on a one month trip. And somewhere in between I have to shift my house.

I have kicked myself many times over choosing the online Identity wise donkey. (Try to tell that name to a group of bloggers in a blog meet). But now I am think thats better than Parents who think their children's kindergarden and primary school marks are a reflection of their Identity.

I have to catch up with many blog posts. Hope to catch up with them by Tuesday.

On Ayodhya, Would like to recycle Path of Ram

LegendofRajni

My tweets on #LegendofRajni started by @PritishNandy yesterday. Sorry followers for filling your timeline. Perhaps I owe an apology to Mr.Nandy too, but I was inspired and out of control.
For those who  think he is just a regional superstar, well he has fans not just in Japan. A Superstar is not a Planetary Thing.
He is the only celebrity who doesn't mind being photographed without Makeup, in the Entire Universe! How many times has Ash, his Robot co star and former Miss World , come out without make up? (Thanks $#23ror3fero from Neptune for pointing it out). So without wasting more time, lets start with the Legend of Rajni.

ASTRONOMY (SUPERR STARRR)

• In the Real #Hitchhiker'sguide2galaxy Earth is known as the cave where Rajnikanth meditates #LegendsofRajni
• 743825 telescopes across the universe are tracking Rajnikanth Live #LegendsofRajni
• #Stephen Hawking has changed his statement to Rajnikanth created & sustains Universe #LegendofRajni 
• #StephenHawking discovered today, the universe revolves around Rajnikanth #LegendsofRajni
• You may run to the end of Universe to hide from Him, but He would have strolled there b4 you #LegendsofRajni
• Stars are flashbulbs of aliens clicking pics of #Rajnikanth #LegendsofRajni
• Aliens landed on earth yesterday.Visited Universal Idol #Rajnikanth  & went back screaming He really Exists. #LegendofRajni 
• Eclipses are caused by #Rajnikanth's shadows #LegendsofRajni
• #Rajnikanth fights evil in 89283027346 planets, simultaneously  #LegendsofRajni 
• Rajnikanth's birthday is celebrated as a festival in 830239201 planets #LegendsofRajni
• Rajnikanth's birthday is a holiday in 74356454 planets 

ELEMENTS

• When Rajnikanth stares at the sun, it hides behind the clouds & it rains (Yipee! it was RT by PritishNandy)
• Rajnikanth stared at the lightning, Lightning Blinked & Closed its Eyes #LegendsofRajni

CHILDHOOD DAYS 

• Is it a bird,Is it a Plane? Oh its Bal Rajnikanth skydiving again! #LegendsofRajni
• #BalRajnikanth thought Volcanoes were just hot fountains #LegendsofRajni

SUPERPOWERS

• Rajni never gets credit card calls.A marketeer swears Rajni's hand appeared thru phone & tweaked his ear #LegendofRajni
• Rajnikanth can see through You even if you are on the other side of the Earth #LegendsofRajni 
• #Rajnikanth can find a needle in an ocean 
• When Rajnikanth wants diamonds, his hand scoops stones from volcanoes & cuts them with his stares #LegendsofRajni
• His statue at Tussads spins zooms & flies #LegendofRajni
• Once Rajnikanth reached upto the sky to save a crashing plane while retrieving a sinking ship with other hand #LegendsofRajnI
• #Rajnikanth can make #NarasimhaRao laugh. #LegendsofRajni
• #Osama cannot be found because #Rajnikanth kicked him out of Earth #LegendsofRajni
• #LegendsofRajni can never be publishd on Earth. All the Trees on Earth can't produce enough paper for even 1 Chapter
• #ThegreatRajnidiet Breakfast Bullets & Grenades shake, Lunch Knives which have crunch. Dinner Spears & Arrows. #LegendsofRajni
• He can converse in 543194 languages while sleeping (Can't tweet the languages he can speak while awake due to Twitlimit #LegendsofRajni 
• While shooting for a song in Switzerland, he held up an avalanche with his little finger #LegendsofRajni

HOLLYWOOD

• James #Bond may have license to kill #Rajnikanth has license to Thrill #LegendsofRajni 
• Hollywood has not made #LegendsofRajni movie coze it can't find technology to showcase his Powers
• Indian version of #Expendables stars Rajnkanth with 10 other Rajnikanths #LegendsofRajni 
• #Superman, #Batman & #Spiderman complained, How can we do all this! What are we #Rajnikanth! #LegendofRajni

ISHTYLE

• #Rajnikanth styles Giorgio #Armani #LegendsofRajni
• Beauty queens ape him when it comes to hair tossing

SPORTS

• If #Rajnikanth kicks a football once, the ball spins around the stadium & becomes a goal, 200 times over #LegendsofRajni
• When #Rajnikanth is made a goalkeeper he kicks 839475 goals #LegendsofRajni

DID U KNOW

• #106yearoldvirgin vowed she will mate someone like #Rajnikanth only #LegendsofRajni 
• For his honeymoon, Rajnikanth took his wife for a stroll on Jupiter's moon #LegendsofRajnI
• #SalmanKhanisShirtless coze if he meets #Rajnikanth he can get #Rajni's autograph near his heart #LegendsofRajni 
• Harry Potter is actually the story of younger Rajnikanth #LegendsofRajnI
• Rajnikanth is not on Twitter. Who needs followers when you have infinite worshipers #LegendsofRajni

SILLY TOPICS TRENDING ON TWITTER

• #mychemicalromance is the story of Japanese Robots pining for #Shankar 's #Robot #LegendofRajni 
• #1billionrajnikanthers can easily defeat #5millionbeliiebers #LegendsofRajni 
• #biggestliethatworked Rajnikanth is merely a superstar #LegendsofRajni 
• Beyonce is not celebrating her bday. Rajnikanth forgot to wish her. #LegendsofRajni #happybdaybeyonce 

MY FAVOURITE
Eyes lights candles, Smiles melts hearts, Wth Finger Flicks Evil Fought. WhoisHe,she thght.Thats #LegendofRajni Sweetheart

Audacity of Art

The giant display case on the wall, still had the newspaper cutout. It mentioned she was a Child Prodigy, and carried a picture of her with her teachers. Near it, the trophy she had won the school last year, glistened. But today, when she whispered wishes, none of the teachers, listened..She stood head bowed, outside the Principal's Office.

This year, she hadn't won the Prestigious Painting Competition, yesterday. Her Art Teacher was disgusted with her. While her parents were furious and ashamed of her. She was scared, of the Principal, but tried to console herself with, it can't be worse, I will get used to it in couple of days.

Yesterday night, she had painted on the topic again, and had taken it to the Art Teacher today morning. It was a gesture meant to convey, I get it, I can do it. But that just infuriated the Teacher more."You knew what was required, and yet had the audacity to paint, something else yesterday!" she had screamed, flinging away the painting in disgust. The seven year old girl, wondered if that was the reason she was being called to the principal's office.

Summoned, she went meekly in, scared. Not daring to look at the principal in the eye. "I heard you didn't win this time" He said. She managed to mumble, she realised what was required and that the entrance fee was big and she was sorry to disappoint all those who supported her...

He interuptted her with "Did you give it your best?"

She looked up suprised, eyes brimmed with tears, blinking. She bit her lower lip, to stop it from quivering. Choked with emotions, she managed to nod furiously.

"Well, then, well done." came the reply and she stood in a daze, and stared, amazed.

"I am not an expert on Art, but the essence of Creativity is not Popularity but Integrity. Be true to Yourself and Express Yourself. I am told, Van Gogh sold only one painting in his lifetime, yet today his paintings are worth millions. Not just in art, whatever you do, as long as you are not harming others, be Yourself, thats why You were created. You are unique, just like everyone around You."

"Now, have they given back, your painting?" She nodded and dug out the Dud Painting from her school bag. She summoned up courage and dared to ask "Do you like it?". He smiled and said, no, I won't pretend to like it. But as long as you like it, its Priceless not Worthless."

"But my parents are upset that I wasted their money and painted a Dud" she said through sobs.

"I will talk to your parents" he said. "Artists are not like fixed deposits, which churns out safe returns, but like equities. Sometimes Superlative,and brilliant  returns and at times shocking " he paused,  "Duds". If we start expecting artists to deliver safe bets, we will only produce mediocre artists, who are scared to experiment and take risks."

Passing back the painting, the Principal said she could leave, the little girl still dazed thanked the principal and with a twinkle in his eye the Principal probably said "Welcome". But why did she hear it as "Swagatham"?

Outside, the girl leaned on the wall and murmered, I am probably day dreaming again.

Dedicated to Ms.Khan, Madhavrao Bhagwat High School, Vile Parle, Mumbai. 
Mam, decades ago, I argued with you and turned out to be wrong. You didn't take me to task, for my audacity. But appreciated it with "Its good to have Its good to have confidence like this, keep it up". A passing remark, it might have been to you. But not for me. I only vaguely remember the lesson in History I argued about, but your response, when I felt humiliated, has made you an integral part of my history. Teachers like you are the true artists, who shape our nation's future. You mould us, not with just knowledge but your attitude and affection. Happy Teacher's Day.

Shades of Saffron

Dear Mr.Chidambaram (or Chidu),
Sometimes, you ask for the impossible. You want to use the word "Saffron Terror" and still get the support from All of "Us" against those XYZ terrorists. Perhaps you thought, people didn't see red, when I use Red Terror for Maoists. But excuse me, do you see Red in our National Flag? Besides, saffron has many Shades, its not just in our national flag but its also sacred to the Hindus and all right minded humans, including Julia Roberts. So if you thought by using the term, Saffron Terror, you would be alienating those XYZ terrorists from mainstream Hindus, and majority of Indians, you are WRONG. Whats your hidden agenda? You want to be called "Buddhu Chiddu"?

Being an Indian, you should have realised that we have a process for everything, so please follow the due process, and then use the term Saffron Terror, as many times as you please.

1.Prioritize.
Follow the masters, the Fairness Cream Makers. They don't say black or wheatish is ugly, just say fairness is beautiful and associated with success and desired by all.  So sponsor a meet of Hindu leaders and ask them to wear Orange. And coin a phrase "Future of Hinduism, Orange and Bright". See we are not saying anything negative about Saffron, just saying Orange is brighter and better.

2.Symbolise
Make Orange the National Fruit. Point out India is the Diabetes Capital of the World. And point out with charts and cartoons, the glycemic index of Mango is higher than that of Orange. The government cares for the health of its citizen and so we would like to make Orange the new national fruit. And have an Orange India Campaign. Point out Orange is a Pavitra Phal, while Ripe Mangoes is filled with Rich Chemicals. If the Mango growers object, threaten them quietly with "I will not let you export our national fruit".
If you are very scared of controversy, add an Orange colored National Vegetable (Pumpkin or Carrot). Follow the Beta-carotene routine instead of diabetic routine. Specifically point out that Beta carotene is great for eyes and you want Indians to be Visionaries.

3.Subsidise.
When Karunanidhi (Karuna to northies) wanted to encourage Tamil names for Tamil movies, he simply removed the entertainment tax. (50 crores loss is worth the pleasure of an aam admi, not consulting a dictonary to check the meaning of the movie.)
Subsidise all products which use the orange color. If you don't want to actually give the subsidy, just add some loopholes, even accountants won't protest, since they will be making more money. But the important point remains, you will seen as Pro Hindu, Pro Growth not Anti-Saffron. If those from other religions protest and ask for subsidies of Green White or Whatever, point out Orange is not religious but National and Neutral.

4.Internalise

The communists would probably get outraged over the dynastic influence of Dutch over the color propaganda. And the BJP might join them. So get few Swamis (wearing orange) to point out on TV, for centuries, we worshiped Orange since its closer to our fire God Agnidev. And since Orange was targeted by our Invaders, our ancestors used a duller color Saffron, to camouflage themselves. There you go, Two Birds One Stone. Orange is associated with Resistance and History and Fire Power. And Saffron  associated with fear and perhaps cowardice. Which color do you think our Hindus would opt?

Start a rumour, Saffron flower is the symbol of the Stone Throwers of Kashmir.

5.Advertise
Indian Public has lost faith in Police, Politicians, Media & Judiciary. We believe only in advertisements, especially those endorsed by Celebrities.

• Get Deepika to wear Orange at Cannes, Suggest to Julia's Stylist, Orange is in,
• Mention to Mukesh Ambani, Mumbai Indians, and therefore Sachin should wear Orange,
• Pressurise Pawar  to change Men in Blue to Warrriors in Orange (hey the team might lose but Shewag,Dhoni Sachin still sell),
• Hint to Raj Thackeray, Marathi manoos prefers Oranges to Mangoes.
• And ask Bappida to sing a tribute to Tagore wearing Orange colors, since "Tagore meditated among orange groves and conceived of a new type of university, desiring to "make Shantiniketan the connecting thread between India and the world." (It will become a hit on Youtube & Internet Hindus will be more benevolent towards Orange.)
• And get TeleShopping Network to suggest Orange colored Yantra makes the future bright and succesful. (Actually they will probably do it automatically, you don't have to suggest to them.)

6.Proxy Criticise
Next time a Godman is caught in a scandal, get a Godman wearing Orange to say its now a Saffron Shame. If someone objects, let the Orange Godman retaliate with "Sex Swami" is not Shameful?
Make sure SoniaG, BurkhaD and Arundathi don't wear Orange and get few bloggers to wonder why they haven't worn Orange yet.

Thus, after throughly ruining the Significance of Saffron, you can use the term Saffron Terror, Saffron Monster or Saffron Sadists. And you will have an Orange Outrage against those xyz terrorists.  

But then, those xyz terrorists might object to you, for associating them with Saffron.

Mr.Fevicol fixed

Kalmadiji has claimed the unaccounted crores in the CWG account books were in fact the crores paid to bookies and Pakistani cricketers to tarnish the reputation of cricket. He pointed out that he had hit two birds with one stone. "We are doing a service to the nation, when we disgrace cricket and revive interests in non-cricketing sports. And Pakistan which had been milking international sympathy with its flood victims, had been put in its place as the International Evil, with this expose", rejoiced Mr.Kalmadi. Getting misty eyed his assistant said "The PR propoganda, of Million victims in Pakistan, has been replaced by The Millions Pakistan cricketers make. Successfully the public memory has been erased and perspective not displaced."

Kalmadiji was full of praises for the Swiss Management Consultant Mr.Fevicol, who is known to fix any problem. "I approached him a fortnight back and he was able to fix the problem on the spot!" effused Mr.Kalmadi. When a smart journalist pointed out that, India would have to pay few more crores in the form of consultation fee, Mr.Kalmadi rubbished it with. "We are hosting a world class event. And we need world class consultants. To suggest otherwise is unpatriotic."

Meanwhile a paid journalist munching Swiss made Samosa enquired if the "Allegations of Corruption in CWG, could have been a paid news by BCCI to distract attention from the IPL saga."

Mr.Kalmadi magnanimously refused to target Mr.Pawar. But admitted, "We are exploring if those allegations had come from a section within BCCI which wanted to ruin the aam admi's interests in other sports, to further the commercial interests of IPL."

When asked if Mr.Fevicol had made any suggestions for making ARR's theme song more inspiring, Kalmadi shook his head and said, "When we approached Mr.Fevicol we didn't know realise a desi talent was available. We have now approached Rakhi Sawant, and she has promised not just Insaaf but also Inspiration."

Informed sources however claim, Rakhi is an eyewash, on Mr.Fevicol's advice, Anu Malik has been hired to remix Waca Waca and it will be sung and performed by Bappi Lahiri (in Na'vi costume and an extra kilo of gold).

Update : Stampedes have been witnessed all over the world, with NRIs clamouring to watch the opening ceremony of CWG. More sources have confirmed that Bappida, indeed would be performing dressed in a Na'vi costume with an extra kilo of gold and will be singing Khelo, GaOO, Khudo, Nacho, Khaa-OO.

And with soaring ticket sales, Kalmadi has been seen thundering, Avatar Jake style "WE DON'T NEED THEM, WE HAVE, US!!!"

A Flame named Freedom

In humiliation, how brightly I burn.
Consequences? I have no concern!
I am the Mighty Dragon, breathing Fire,
Revenge is all, I now thirst and desire.
My Freedom, you are a wonderful flower.
Borne from you, the delicious fruit, Power.
When Retribution I can certainly elude,
Why suddenly has my rage subdued?

Oh Freedom, you gave me Power
But Power is also true test of Character, I learn.
By Humuliation and Character
My poor dear ego, you have now been, twice, burned.

Freedom, its unfair, you fight fire with your light
My rage has been controlled and caged by your light!

I thought I was truly free,
And could go on any spree, carefree!

But, Freedom is a flame within and it ignites

A guiding light, to do the right.

Not a weapon for the might,

To be used in any and every spite.

So, Freedom, I want to be Free from You
Without you I could float in self pity and rue.
For what is the use of being free if, I,
Can but Don't, get an eye for an eye?




Freedom, you might take me to great heights
But I am just as free as a kite.
The string of integrity, chains my flight
With Wind or String, whom I should fight?

Oh please me don't tell me, I am not Ego
I am Character and Ego, I must forgo.
Thought Freedom was a frame of mind,
Why should it be a flame in my mind?

Yet, I wonder if this flame will propel Me to Rise

Like a Phoenix, from ashes of my ego's demise.

Then Freedom, from my ego, you have set me free

Perhaps to happiness, you are after all the key.

An entry for Blogadda's Frames of Freedom Contest

Note : My twitter followers would have been aware of my anger and anguish the last couple of days. Towards the end of the journey called rage, these emotions and thoughts, fell into place. Since real life is hardly poetic, my Id Ego, has only been partially burnt and blackmails me more with its scars. Nevertheless, I am at a better place and at least in partial peace.Wrote the poem and then clicked these pictures (In the dark, a candle (including the first picture), a Silverish Shell articraft for the wing effect, & a helpage calender for Mahatma Gandhi's picture (in the last image). Never thought the toughest part of the journey would be in choosing amongst all the pictures I clicked . Well freedom is definitely fun, if we don't mind the tiny burdens. The line "Power is the True Test of Character" is my favourite quote, and it explains, the source of many a problems. From littering, taking an office pencil, or crores in scam. Gandhi never advocated non-violence as a weapon for the weak,(he asked them to be brave and fight back), but asked the strong to follow non-violence to prove the strength in their soul too. Forgiveness isn't about saying its OK but choosing to Respond instead of React.

Even when you can get away with it,

Ask yourself, what you would Not Do.

Well, thats the Real You, a sum of your Values.

Rahul, Dimpy aur Insaaf

If Rakhi Sawant can deliver Insaaf better than Raj Thackeray on NDTV Imagine, Rahul and Dimpy can deliver better justice than Rakhi at a rival entertainment channel, titled "Rampy aur Insaaf ." 

Its a Royal Court with attendants in garish costumes. Trumpets blow, Shehnais and Sitars are re-mixed, as Rahul and Dimpy enter, dressed in the Latest Authentic Ethnic Finery (LAEF) and sit on a throne, from the Ramayan set.

The Host also dressed in LAEF introduces the first complainant.

A woman cries "There are more mobiles than toilets in India! We have corruption cases like Koda and Kalmadi's and their crores. And renovation cases like Yeddyurappa who spend Ten Lakhs on their toilet. What can you do to ensure every Indian gets a Toilet?"

Dimpy smiles demurely and says "I think Rahulji is better suited to answer this case since his father had groomed him to be a future PM and he is an expert on politics." Dimpy and Rahul smile at each other.(Background violin "Tujhe dekha to yeh jana sanam").

Host "Rahulji, when will you enter active politics? We know you spend lots of time doing social service."

Rahul chukles and chides the Host "My Social Service is supposed to be a Secret, otherwise my Service will be viewed as just a publicity stunt. When the time comes, I will talk about other plans. But right now, lets talk about this person's problem." Rahul turns smiles at the woman and brings a finger to the chin.

The host thunders "Ek chote se break ke baad, aapko milega Rahulji ka Jawab aur Insaaf".

After mere 6 minutes of advertisements,

Rahul with serious expression (Eyebrows knitted).

"Legal angle is a waste because it takes time," "unlike our show" jibes the Host, Audience Laughs and cheers for 3 minutes."Sorry Rahulji please continue" apologises the Host.

"And government has to spend so much money on prosecution and financing all the Swiss trips for CBI officers. Lets introduce a fine system. The accused will have to pay 25% of the scam amount as fine. Government will have more money for spending on sanitation and all will be Fine. On renovation of bathrooms, please understand, unless we give the best to our ministers they won't be able to give their best. " (Background music "All is Well").

Dimpy "Rahulji with so much of our money in Swiss Bank accounts, didn't you think we should nationalise Swiss banks and bring back the money to India?" Studio audience breaks into applause. Rahul nods, takes Dimpy's hands, looks into her eyes and vows, that it would be his first move after becoming Prime Minister, but she shouldn't spill out his secrets in public." Dimpy blushes and apologises.

Studio Audience claps while Host gets ecstatic and hands over to the complainant, a gift voucher from a sponsor, for an elite bath set and mentions a tiny break.

After 8 minutes of advertisements, the Host introduces a poor man (wearing only a dhothi) from Rajasthan, who wails, for 11 days of physical work in hot sun I got Rs.11 but MPs earn in thousands and get hikes, even if they disrupt Parliament.

Dimpy smiles at Rahul and asks permission to answer the question. Rahul, gives her an indulgent smile and nods. Dimpy in a choked voice "Sir, you got Rs.11 for 11 days but what about your wife, who has worked for your family, how much has she got? This is life, it has ups and downs." A close up shot reveals a tear flowing down Rahul's face (background sad sitar sound).

Dimpy continues "How much do you think your mother struggled to give birth to you, do you think you can pay her adequte compensation? We work for the love of our nation. MPs may earn in thousands but what about cricketers and film stars who earn in crores? Please do not confuse work, love, respect, value and money."

Turns in slow motion to Rahul and looks at him for approval. Rahul gives her a you make me feel so proud of you look (gazes with smile without blinking). (Background violin Kabhie Kabhie mere Dil Mein).

Audience claps, Host Wah Wahs and gives the Man a Chocolate Gift Hamper and the latest Fairness Cream with anti-darkening RE3 agent, specially made, for those who are out in the sun for a longtime. The complainant gives a deep bow and goes away with the hampers and a smile on his face.

After a 5 minute ad break, the Host introduces us to the final complainant. A young guy is checking his mobile, realises the camera is on him and complains tearfully,"No one reads my blog or my tweets. I have 641 followers on my twitter not a single one of them respond to my tweets."

Rahul gets down from his throne and walks up to the guy and puts his arm around him. "Life is very cruel. But instead of Twitter and Blogger if you spend your time on TV, you will feel significant, because in TV TRP is everything. And you can participate and make a difference, especially if you watch and vote with Reality TV.

The Tweeter breaks down more and cries more and while hugging Rahul tweets "Hugging Rahul Mahajan" and updates his Facebook Wall, with "Rahul thinks I Rock". Dimpy also joins them and cries, and says "I know how tough, it is to feel insignificant, and I will pray for you. And the three of them go and pray in front of the Ganesh Idol near the throne. Dimpy sings Jai Ganesh Aarthi and offers the prasad to Rahul, Host and Tweeter (who is tweeting and posting with one hand).

Rahul and Dimpy handover the latest mobile with twitwofour technology to the Tweeter and offers one final advise. "Please don't confuse Online Readers, Followers and Friends with family. The only important people exist in real life, spend more time watching TV with your family members." Audience Applauds. Background music "Insaaf ka Mandir hai yeh".

Dimpy's puppy runs to her and licks her face. Audience coo. Dimpy tells the Host they have to take leave to spend quality family time together and promise to come back to resolve more problems. Rahul thanks the sponsors and the producers. And they leave in a chariot, with two white horses, waving to the crowd, as the onlookers cheers.

Host looks directly at the camera and says "We are family, we are here to advise and suggest. Come,Share your problems with Us".

According to some sources, Dimpy gave the Tweeter, a printout of Blogadda's How to get More Readers Traffic for your blog and said, "Bhaiya, I wish they had Tips for Twitter too". Rahul got suspicious and snatched the printout and shredded it to pieces. The Director Yelled Cut! and screamed "Why mention Blogadda! They haven't sponsored us!"

If you liked this post try, The Patriot - The Celebrity with Duty

If you hated this post try, Simple Substitute for Sleeping Pill

What You Want

Spirituality, Marriage, Children, and Blogging are all like Bungee Jumping. Exhilarating for Some, but definitely Not for Everyone. Its all about the journey and not about the destination.

Don't get into them if you think it would help you become famous or make more money or because others are doing it.

Get into them for the simple reason of You wanting to do it. And you will know its what You Want, when you will accept responsibility, if something goes wrong in the process.

And all are mutually exclusive, including marriage and children.

If you agree with this you might like
Perplexed about Premarital Sex
Lonely? Get a Pet not a Spouse
Single and Still Complete
Before Walking off Into the Sunset
Dumped and Down in the Dumps
Van Gogh on Valentine
Do You Need Him to be Happy?

If you disagree you probably would have moved on before this line.