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Nov 13, 2005

Perplexed about Premarital Sex?

These reasons aren't enough, to have premarital sex.

1.My friends are doing it
You are not your friends. You have your own identity.

2.It would be cool
When you want to be something you arent, you are Wannabe Kewl not Cool.

3.I would lose my partner
If your partner cant respect your decisions, you ought to dump the partner.

4.I dont want my friends/partner to think I could be gay
Better be thought a gay, then being in a closet and doing things you dont want to.

5.What if I die tommorrow?
Why are you terminally ill or verrrrrry old? Well I do know there could be a tsunami or earthquake or a terrorist attack. And you could be an unfortunate victim.But we dont yell at our Boss thinking what if I die tommorrow, or spend everything in the bank thinking what if I die tommorrow.

6.Its seem so great in the movies
People jump from tall buildings and never get hurt in the movies.

7.I feel bored
Get a hobby

8.I feel lousy now perhaps I would feel better after sex
10 minutes afer sex you are probably going to feel lousy too. And if you dont really want to do it, and have sex just because you think it will make you feel great, you are just expecting too much and perhaps will end up feeling lousier.

9.I have the money and someone needs the money.
Its unethical and illegal (Yes I Know you Know).
And those who get caught never thought they would get caught.

10.Porn feels good, sex should feel better.
Looking at an icecream advertisement is not the same as eating a melted icecream. Things could get sticky and yucky too. And you might not like the flavour.
Those in the ads, are paid to look as if they are enjoying it.

11.Someone hot and popular wants to do it with me!
Chocolate is great, but 15 minutes after having it, you are not going to feel great. Its never worth it if you really dont want it.

12.I want to blog about it or talk about it
Read couple of other blogs which are on it, and blog. None would know the difference. Or better blog about something different about you. If talking about it, is the reason for it, or if thats the added advantage, well generally its supposed to be personal..

new 13.The magic of unknown.
If thats your only reason, ask yourself, if your are going to stop after it becomes known. The best thing about the sex doesnt lie in the first time. Then people would do it only once:) By the way, the magic of Yelling back at the Professor or Boss is unknown to many too:)

new 14. I have done it in the past
Sex is not just a habit. Let it be meaningful to you. Every breath of life, is an opportunity to be yourself. Just because you thought it was fine, in the past doesnt mean you would think its fine now.

new 15.Kissing, Oral Sex etc are not the same as intercourse.
Yeah of course they arent. But whatever the nature of the sexual act, dont do it for the wrong reasons

Whats enough? Well if you really want to do it for yourself and after you have considered the Premarital Sex Checklist

1. Spontaneous maybe fun, but definitely not at the cost of safe sex. There is nothing romantic about unplanned premarital pregnancy, HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

2. Dont rely on peer knowledge, better to get the doubts clarified from a doctor.

3. Be prepared also for the possibility of a seperation in future. If you are having sex, kissing, oral sex etc, only in the belief that the person will marry you , well why not wait a few more years. If these activities, make you feel vulnerable and if you think you will not be able to emotionally handle, a seperation later, dont.

4. Never have sex just to prove your love. This is just a form of emotional blackmail. The partner can always " prove the love" by going for a socially recognised method of "proving love".

5. Look around before exposing or indulging in sexual activities. One of the key ingredients of the Jalgaon scandal which happened some years ago was women being duped in the name of love, and recording the act and then blackmailing into doing more , with the video.

6. Be prepared for police raids if you are doing it in a public place and not your home (Check TOI on the number of people caught in "cola bars"in Gujarat and cyber cafes in UP etc).

7. Dont allow yourself to be photographed while doing something or while exposing yourself , by mobile cameras etc (Do I have to explain why??)

8. Oral sex is Medium HIV risk. Kissing can be a risk if you have open wounds. This is just for HIV, if you are so keen on having sex, do a basic research on other Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

9.Even if its just casual sex, think of the consequences if your future life partner gets to know about it. Think if you would be able to face any problems created due to this.

10.Also worth a check : The age of your partner and if the partner has another jealous "partner" or a family member with homicidal tendencies
So this concludes the post on premarital sex
For both the chromosones, xy and xx
Its really not very complex
But better, to exercise these mental checks.

Other Posts on Relationships
Post No. 211.


  1. neaaaaat post!
    if only ppl think these 12 + 10 times,before going for it!

  2. That was a really, really, really good post.

    My mom/dad never talked about this to me or my brother. Very understandable. But I had always thought I would definitely talk about this to my kids. I didn't know just what to say. Now, thanks to your post I have a few tips. The kids part is still a bit far off in the future, I know, but hey, better be prepared ;-).

    Now my humble request to you is pllllllease don't delete your blog forever or if you anyday plan to, send me a warning comment atleast before a week or so, so that I can copy all that I want to ;-).

  3. deeps thanks:)

    well i dont think the we faced the kind of pressure that people today feel.

    this post was influenced by mainly oprah show on teen sex
    b.a blogger who was writing about a kiss and her ex. they were not the highlight of the post, but for her that kiss meant a lot.

    and its not easy handling rejection, after you have made urself vulnerable.

    and i think this post would apply equally to both men and women.

    i hope readers will be able to distingush this from the "women must preserve herself" posts.

    because i havent said premarital sex is wrong, just said, dont do it for the wrong reasons.

    wise of u to think of talkin to kids, i hope when i have , i will be wise too..(hey its not easy!! but perhaps in future it will be easier)

    One thing you need not worry about, is me deleting my blog. i just worry so much over it being deleted.

    in o3 where i was mainly bloggin b4 starting in blogspot, they did delete my blog, thankfully i had taken backup.

    i blog in rediff, sify,tripod,msn,o3,sulekha besides blogspot, though i dont post everywhere and my blogspot blogs contain almost all my posts.

    even now i have identified a new site and busy taking backups of my blogspot blog:d

    there r many things i do in anger but deleting blog not one of them, it would be like killing a child :)

    and even now i am protesting in o3 over being denied access to my blog. o3 bloggers are tired of my problems with o3 admin which seems to be endless, and its going to be a post a day on that
    check it out

  4. what's that Kushboo?

  5. The reasons may or may not be valid but frankly, for some the curiousity is a good enough reason. Moving away from the topic slightly, have you thought about all those for whom the only reason of getting married is "sex"? If you ask me ( didn't i know), I'd choose premarital sex whether the reason is curiousity or peer pressure :-) coz those 15 reasons together don't add up to the ONE reason many get married

    One more thing: Did you notice that out of the 15 reasons, are more specific to men? ;-)

    I like how you have organized your posts on life007. I think I am going to do that on mine..Thanks for the idea.

  6. Cool neat post. Something to ponder about.

  7. kushboo is entitled to her opinion:)
    i didnt say premarital sex is wrong, just said dont do it for the wrong reasons:)
    cosmic project
    i agree sex alone is not a good enough reason for marriage see my Before walking off into the sunset post 3rd point
    btw i did write keeping the men and women in mind. nothing i wrote was for one gender in particular.

    amit thanks:)

  8. very very short font and ur blog is very unlike me. I talk abt everything in a less serious tone. good post. but those wud wud agree, will read it. those who wont, they wont, and it shud AFFECT them the most.

  9. gemini girl thanks:)
    well i think my font size is avergae since my IE text size is set to medium...
    well i am not always serious either:)
    yeah one cant please all the people all the time:)

  10. Interesting post!

    11.Someone hot and popular wants to do it with me!
    Chocolate is great, but 15 minutes after having it, you are not going to feel great. Its never worth it if you really dont want it.

    That was good.

    Somehow...i believe.. "u need to be in love to make love"... for this the world thinks i'm crazy and a dodo!

    My first time to your blog. Its great!

  11. dreamvendor thanks:)
    who cares what the world thinks
    one cant please all the people all the time:)

  12. I find this alarming than amusing. Although India has to control its population, it doesn not mean that the govewrnment should ignore this issue. With many children dying before birth, it might affect the overall health of the people. The lack of funds is a constraint, but the UNICEF can always provide aid.

  13. Point 6 in the first set of points scares me, now!!!

    Also, in comments you mentioned, one must not do it for wrong reasons. May I know what could be the 'right' reason, which would be able to wade through all the points you've mentioned in the post? ;)

    I've a weird take on the whole issue. I don't find premarital sex wrong, but personally, am highly unlikely to indulge in it. :)

    Reasons are complex, which I've myself fully not explored. Might do a post on it someday, when highly motivated.

    Enlightening post, as far as I'm concerned! So thanks!


  14. the "right reason" which i mention in many posts (on marriage sex etc) is elaborated in my fly post..
    when you don't hesitate to take responsibility for your mess, its Your reason. i.e. when you think, ok, i might get a STD, but still i want to do it..and even if i feel bad after getting STD, its ok since it was MY choice..

  15. No one talks this open. Kudos.

    I liked the way you put it. Peer pressure and getting enlightened from wrong source is main cause I guess. As long as people know what they are getting into it; its fine.


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