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Jul 25, 2005

Aargh Diaries Tips for those going to UK or USA

My friend, who is working in London, on vacation in Mumbai has even stopped criticisng the Mumbai Trains! After all, he says, it gives you a Compressed Body Massage, and increases Competitive Spirit(useful at the corporate level), unlike the London trains . Earlier it was the terrorists now its the police. (For those who decide the innocence of a person based on religion, well he happens to be a Hindu.). At the same time, he doesnt want to be a chicken either and asked me for some safety tips. Here is my list, feel free to make your suggestions.

1.Wear a Bush/Blair Tshirt
2.Avoid jackets . Well if you are about to die from cold, you can be hospitalised and have a chance of survival. But if its a jacket, people could think you are a suicide bomber. (Thanks to blogger Spark)
3.Hinglish wont do. Learn English and speak it the way locals do. (Ask tips from a call center colleague if possible).Though your tough luck if you have to be in Yorkshire.
4.It doesnt make a difference if you are an Indian and hate the Pakistanis. To Them, all Asians are terror suspects.
5.If you dont mind, wear a big cross. Sorry Om wont suffice
6.If you know of a fairness cream that works, apply it liberally Every Hour. Go for bleaching. If you are particular about your skin getting affected, go for black. Right now Somalians are not perceived a big threat. Any way soon like hair color , body color will be in vogue for the safety conscious.
7.If someone says stop, STOP and raise your hands slowly. If you are robbed, dont worry, atleast you will be alive.(Thanks again to blogger Spark). Just pray, that the mugger will leave your passport and id cards with you).
8.Never criticise Bush or Blair. Forget freedom of speech.
9.Shave your beard and dont wear anything resembling a turban (Ok this is for the men). If you are a female, avoid headscarves and covering yourself a lot.
10.Keep a nick name which is familiar and easy to pronounce for Them.
11.Avoid temples. They are not going to bother to find out the difference between temple and mosque (You are not going to Ayodhya). Soon it will come to restaurants too, so learn to eat what they eat even if its terrible.
12.If you find it tough, Thank God, for not making you an Iraqi.

Aargh Diaries Whats in a name

Mr.C was very agitated over the death of the Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes who was mistakenly shot by the London Police. and over the news -Police leaders say they will not abandon their "shoot-to-kill" policy and warn more innocent people could be killed in the fight against terrorism

After a silent prayer (though I dont know how useful) for his soul to rest in peace (hmmm if I was murdered wonder, if my soul will rest in peace), couldnt help asking Mr.C

"If it had been an Indian, would you believe so quickly that he would have been innocent?"

Spontaneously Mr.C said, "Of course I would, but it would depend on ....."

Never mind the IRA or the Naxals, we all know it would depend not on the details but just the name.

PS : Wonder if the fairness cream market will use this and market a special fairness cream for people who go and work in Europe or USA. After all if women can get scared into buying the fairness cream to get a good husband or job, surely people wont mind using it to save their life?

Jul 17, 2005

Aargh Diaries People we Dislike

Boss was out since Super Boss had come down, and to minimise the Monday Morning stress and as a compensation for all the reports we had prepared for Super Boss, we decided to play some game at the office. . we decided on "fish pond", but without names. And after consensus decided it would be a fish pond on Peope we dislike without referring to the person. (Well if one wrote against another, it would be a mini WWF) and so the paper chits were passed and the notes written, some hurriedly, some after thought and dropped into a box and read out aloud.

Some excerpts on "People we Dislike"
People who claim to be sensitive and get hurt easily, yet are insensitive to others feelings
Brats who win by wailing and parents of those brats
People who buy gold and other luxury items without bill, to avoid paying the sales tax
People who buy pirated cds and books, and yet never think they are indulging in anything criminal
People who support porn but would hate if their family members appeared in them
People who think the rapist is honourable, if he agrees to marry the girl
Women who say they should be treated like their brothers, but never think of their duties to their parents
People who dont donate because, they were never approached by ngos and no one from the ngo begged or praised them for generousity
People who believe they know A-Z when it come to food tastes
People who will pay few hundreds for pizza but not a hundred for CRY
People who expect their maids to be on time, but never on time for work
People who believe the solution for the country is military rule and dictatorship, so what if the dictator can be corrupt.
People who expect you to eat as much as they want to eat, to give them company, but wouldnt dream of having just a juice to give you company.
People who dont mind paying a bribe if it smoothens things ou
People who always believe there is a conspiracy against their caste, religion
People who never vote, wouldnt dream of encouraging their children to join politics, but blame others for electing criminals
Fat people who expect you to tell them that they have reduced (Why dont they just use the weighing machine?)
People who think housewives (homemakers) just watch TV and gossip and spend money
People who look down on a man who decides to be a homemaker
People who believe they are good and can never cause harm or hurt
People who think "white" guys are smarter and the africans brutes
Parents who expect others to praise their children
People who believe advertisements
Men who expect their wives to take care of home and also go outside to earn
People to whom "24000 die everyday from hunger, please click hungersite to give free food" means nothing
People who think its ok to waste electricity and water, if they pay the bill
People who think the height of patriotism is watching Roja/Swadesh or a Sunny Deol movie
People who thinking shopping is cure for their misery
People who will not let their daughter or son marry a person from army, yet expect others to join the army
People who will write a blog on this (Uh oh) and people who will forward it their friends without reading it completely (hmmmmmm)
People who expect promotion, but never think about their qualification or experience
People who are ungrateful for what they have been given
People who dont donate blood, but if they require it, would hope others wont be like them
Parents who think TV is a babysitter
People who dont care when a woman dies every 5 minutes in India due to childbirth, even when it is preventable
Bridegrooms who think its ok when the bride's parents pay the marriage expenses
People who talk about culture but will drink cola over tender coconut
People who waste office time and paper and energy by thinking of games like this, and discussing about games like these afterwards, and then admire the Japanese for their productivity and commitment.

Well there was a guilty pause. And we all by mutual understanding went back to our work
PS : Hmmmm and when it comes to someone who makes us feel guilty, we dont dislike, we simply hate...

Jul 13, 2005

Aargh Diaries - Desires and Happiness

Aargh Diaries - Desires and Happiness
Today's lunchtime topic revolved around happiness.
And philosophies and religion and spiritual gurus were discussed with zest.
And then Mr.C mentioned that desires were the root cause of unhappiness.

Aaargh!! Easy to say don't desire and perhaps he wouldn't desire promotion and perks.
But I have plenty of desires and at that point, merely desired to have my lunch in peace.

Sure unfulfilled desires maybe the cause of unhappiness, fury, stress etc.
But why blame the desires, and why make me think I should feel guilty about desires?

"Excuse me Mr.C, but I have plenty of desires and some of course go unfulfilled, but still I don't become unhappy" I said.
"Impossible" said Mr.C

"Well its simply that I don't desire happiness.I don't think life has to be fair and that I have to be happy all the time. I have desires, when they are realised, I become happy. But if they are arent, I don't become unhappy since, I didn't desire happiness anyway from my desires"

"And whats the point of desires and if they are not to make you happy" sneered Mr.C
"To keep me going and to make life interesting. I desire a promotion and will TRY to get it. If I get it, I will be satisfied that my desire got fulfilled, and probably be very happy too. But if I don't get it, since I didn't link promotion with my happiness, I wouldn't be unhappy about it."

I could have possibly gone on, but people hate the holier than thou attitude. Thanks to my conversation, my immediate desire got fulfilled. The room temperature dropped and I was no longer obliged to have lunch with others. I came out and had lunch in peace at my own table.

Am I happier now, Aaargh too complicated to think of that while I enjoy my lunch in peace !

Aargh is fictional character

Jul 11, 2005

A Butterfly called Happiness

Muse : You want to write a blog post on happiness?Wouldn't it be better to write a book on it with the title " 376 ways to be happy" and appear on talkshows and promote it, and try to make a million? After all everyone wants to be happy.

Self : Maybe I don't want to be happy

Muse : Huh I know you are on the crazier side, but surely everyone wants to be happy

Self : Well there is a difference between satisfaction and happiness. For eg, if my home gets water (which can be considered a luxury in India) I am merely satisified, but if the water supply is cut off for a day, I become unhappy and grumble. Similarly when 24000 die everyday from hunger, I am merely satisfied if I have a good lunch. So I have decided searching for happiness has no logic, when being satisfied itself is a big deal in today's world. Anyway I think I have arrived at the formula for happiness - Stop expecting and start accepting.

Muse : Well I guess if we realise that its futile to expect others to be what we want them to be and there is only one person we can change and thats ourself. And buying stuff which we think will make us happy, will give only temporary pleasure, but not happiness, makes sense (and reduces the credit card amount). But isnt accepting being passive and having a "I give up attitude" .

Self : an excerpt from an article I read in
"When acceptance precedes any action , there will be happiness in that action
When resistance precedes any action,there will be misery in that action.
Action is a necessity for any progess, but the question is do you want to happily progress or miserably progess.
There is lot of difference between "I dont like WHAT IS, so I want to be THIS" and "I accept WHAT IS and now I would make it THIS
.....Misery and Bliss are not matter of destiny, but a matter of choice born out of choosing resistance or acceptance.
The argument is not about what has to be done... the question is what preceds that action... resistance or acceptance?
When i resist what is happening in life, what is happening in life continues to happen, creating misery in me.
When I accept what is happening in life, what is happening in life continues to happen leaving me blissful."

Muse : Ha Ha so you do want to be happy and blissful

Self : Well its something like wanting the butterfly, the moment you try to catch it, it flies away. Act indifferent and it comes to you.

Muse : But will this apply for those with problems?

Self : Its easier said than done. And thats for me too. But lets realise even Bill Gates has problems. Instead of thinking I would be happy if so and so conditions are fulfilled, its better to think I can be happy even if the so and so conditions are not fulfilled. Happiness in life cant be achieved by escaping from problems, but by tackling problems. It would be stupid if Saurav Ganguly thought, I can hit a century provided the bowler doesnt bowl a short one. (Sorry Saurav:D)

Muse : Hmmm if happiness is a butterfly, what is sorrow, a mosquito :D

Self : Maybe a caterpillar :)