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Oct 28, 2009

He Chose to Rinse his Mouth

He felt confused, as he rinsed his mouth, once again.
His mother yelled at him, he had wetted his shirt, again.
His father dragged him inspite of the wet shirt, into the car.
After all, they were going to the beach and it was not far.

The seven year old, walked with his parents, kicking the sands on the beach.
Feeling they were so near, and yet,so out of reach.

Suddenly his mother, ordered him to close his eyes,
while his father moaned, because of some, culture dies.

As his parents dragged him away,
He turned around to look,
At the couple who hugged,
unconscious or uncaring of glaring looks.

How will I tell them, he furiously thought
As his parents stood to watch, two men who fought.
He dragged them to the waves, from the cheering crowd.
But couldn't enjoy, even the waves, he dearly loved.

Yesterday he had easily confided to his parents, when a student had kicked him.
But today felt ashamed and didn't want to confide, what had happened, to him.

Confused between their shame towards affection
And the interest towards aggression.
He couldn't decide, if what had happened to him,
was affection or aggression.

What if it was something, that everybody did as a whim?
What if he mentioned it to his friends and they laughed at him?
It didn't happen in the cartoons and movies he saw..
Perhaps it was not even against the law.

You are Special and this is a Secret, he had been told
And what would his parents do, if the truth he told?
It wasn't a stranger, but a person, his parents knew,
Perhaps, this was something his parents already knew.
Will they tell this was just something he had to obey?
Or would they blame him for not running away?

Angry over being a pawn in someone's game.
He hated the Special Secret and feelings of Shame
Yet felt happy over being the chosen one..
If only he knew what he should have done..

He was a boy, and wasn't supposed to cry.
Yet salt water ran down from his eyes.
So he splashed more into the waves,,
Trying to hide the tears from his eyes.

Before leaving, he ran back to the sea
Annoying his parents by, again rinsing his mouth.
Well, It was easier to rinse his mouth,
than to utter the word sex from his mouth.

Oct 27, 2009

Divine Justice T20 style

The Committee which looked into the reason for Bad PR on Divine Justice, came to the following conclusion. Humans dont remember the Before Birth Contract. And the lines of the Divine Helpline are being spammed by cribbers, (Humans who Dial the Divine Helpline instead of Divine Thanksline), which Delays Divine Justice, almost infinitely.

The Supreme immediately appointed an Aargh Angel, to give, sweeping, swift 20-20 style Divine Justice to cribbers.

The Aargh Angel decided on the following

1. Men who crib women, had it better, would be transformed into women. If they would crib further, into the third gender.

2. Executives who crib about their income tax amount would become unemployed. No income, no direct tax atleast. If they crib further, they would become homemakers. They would have to work, without pay, promotions or holidays and yet be labelled "not working".

3. Liberated women who lament the lack of liberated men, would get husbands who would have no problem being a homemaker and wearing pink skirts. If they crib further, they would get sons who want to follow their father's footsteps.

4. Husbands who crib about their wives spending too much time watching TV, would have wives who watch porn about young men, while claiming to being busy at work. If they cribbed further, the wives would start smoking, and drinking.

5. Couples who crib about lack of a boy (to take the family name forward) and indulge in female foeticides would get a boy who would not be able to find a girl due to the dwindling female population. If they crib further, the boys would be out of closet gays, who would take the aversion to girls, to an acceptable level.

6. "Forward Caste" people who crib about caste quotas but not NRI quotas and management quotas, will have their offsprings marry into "Lower Caste" only. Thus the future generations could reap the benefits denied to their ancestors. If they crib further, they will not have the money to bribe an official for a caste certificate.

7. Politicians who crib about reality shows like "Sach ka Samna", would be made participants in the show. If they crib further, there would be no talk of their sex life, but only their professional life.

8. Congress ministers who crib about austerity measures, would be turned into Iraqi politicians. If they crib further, they would be blown to pieces.

9. Twitterers who crib about lack of followers, would get stalkers as followers. If they crib further, the stalkers would be serial killers.

10. People who crib about Obama winning the Nobel would have to deal with Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaksa winning it in 2010 for his victory over terrorists. If they crib further, it would go to Bin Laden in 2011 for choosing to not strike Sweden.

Any other Cribs???

Oct 25, 2009


He came home early. His son hurriedly shut the porn he was watching on his laptop.

After helping himself to the hot samosas and tea, he grabbed his briefcase.

He handed the photocopies of the book he had copied for his son, at his office, along with the color printouts for his project. And said "I had to pay 25 lakhs for your seat, study hard".

His son nodded and grabbed his father's mobile, to play games in it. He stared at his son, wondering if he should remind him to not crash his mobile again. After all, even if he was a hotshot at work, people talked about his frequent mobile changes.. His son perhaps read his mind, since he showed him, how to hack into their neighbour's wi-fi. He didn't understand most of it, but pretended to understand. "My son is a genius, I must nurture him," he thought proudly and moved on to his wife.

He gave her a jewel box and smiled when she squealed and gleefully took out the new necklace. "Better than the neighbour's Anniversary gift?" he asked with a smirk? The necklace had been sponsored by the three new candidates he had selected. Since they didn't deserve to be selected, for them, it was a bargain to pay him.

"Lets go out for dinner " he said. (To a new restaurant, which his colleagues had praised). And of course on the expense account. After all, how could he take clients out to a restaurant, he hadn't tested and tasted?

"But I wanted to watch movie. New release and the print is great! " his son complained holding out the pirated cd. "Lets order pizza." his son suggested. He hated pizza. Just hype, he thought. He looked at his wife for support. "Lets go out, he can order a pizza for now, and we can get a parcel for him" she decided.

"Shall we invite our "Favourite Neighbours"?" he asked. After all, what was the point of a lifestyle, if you didn't have an audience. "I don't think they will be in the mood "she said. "It turned out to be a Girl for their daughter. So they had to "take care of it" today. He nodded in approval " Well they should be pleased they found out early. See if you can find someone else for dinner."

He grabbed the TV remote and began channel surfing, to find a dinner discussion topic. The news was the usual mix of Page 3 promotions, corrupt politicians and past cricketers who criticised the present bunch for being greedy and ineffective. He muttered, "Rotten corrupt people without values. The system is hopeless.."

Aargh Diaries - Land vs People

Dear Diary
Wrote Two Posts Today

Post 1
"Claimer you are being Childish!
Claiming the land, is not enough. When you dont care about the people who live on that land. Sure you can claim, your people were driven out, but isn't it time, you woke up to the ground realities..and your need to appease your citizens.

If the land is yours, what are the rights, you give to those who live on that land. Do they carry your passport? Do they get your grants for developement? What do you and your people, DO for those living on that land?"

Even if you claim to own the piece of land on Paper, the People are Ours.. Just keep dreaming of owning them.."

Post 2

You stole the land and drove away our people. You may have won a battle, but we will win the war. We will drive out the illegal occupiers, and retrieve the land to its rightful owners.

Don't you Dare to Provoke us, You cowards! "

Pak bashing is generally the shortcut to patriotic popularity on the blogs. Then I thought, it would seem more patriotic, to indulge in Chinese bashing too.
So wrote two posts, but in my hurry to popularity, got my post title mixed..For the 1 I wrote, PoK and for Post 2 Arunachal Pradesh..

Now the blogworld is out for my blood, thinking I am a Chinese-ISI agent!
Aargh! When will I ever get it right!!!

Note : Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.

Oct 22, 2009

Being Right on a Dark Road

The car with five men, slowed down to navigate a hairpin bend, on a dark rainy night. A lightning flashed. It revealed a man on the ground, few feet from the road. The car stopped. The driver rolled down the window. Did the thunder almost drown the man's moan?

Another lightning lit up the sky. They saw details they had missed before.

"He is without shoes, and no car around, perhaps he has been robbed" said the Red Tshirt.
"Or wants to rob us by pretending to be helpless. We should move" urged the Blue Tshirt.
"But he appears to be fair and tall, perhaps he is someone famous. Didn't they hint at the resort, someone famous was also staying nearby." wondered the Yellow Tshirt.

"Just a drunk. I saw a bottle near him" said the Grey Tshirt.
"Lets not waste time on some drunk, its not our problem" decided the Blue shirt.
Unfortunately the driver was the Red Tshirt who argued "What if it wasn't his fault for being drunk. What if someone had slipped him something.."
"If only we could see his face" grumbled Yellow Tshirt.

"So we should get down, and look at his face, if he is famous or someone we know, we can ask him, did you get drunk on purpose, if not, we will help you. Perhaps we should also check if he belongs to our community" chortled the Green Tshirt.
The four glared at the Green tshirt. "For all you know it could be a ghost" the Green Tshirt added with a hint of mischief.

"Lets move!" shouted the panicked Yellow Tshirt.
"Or it could be part of a new reality program on TV" added the Green Tshirt.
The Yellow Tshirt, looked desperately at the figure on the ground, and quickly looked away. "Whatever, just decide on something" he grumbled.
"Move. I dont want to suffer for someone's mistakes" hissed Blue Tshirt.

"This is not a girl and not the place we are familiar with, and we dont even have a mobile, to call for help, so its not worth the risk. Lets pray for him and leave" decided the Grey Tshirt.
"Morals and Prayers are pointless without Responsibility and Humanity. Its just not Right" argued the Red Tshirt.
"Humanity shouldn't mean stupidity, If you get down, we will move on" threathened the Blue Tshirt.

The Red Tshirt simply got down from the car.

The Blue Tshirt got in the driver's seat and the car navigated the hairpin bend. The trio tried to look back, but couldnt make out much. And a lightning didn't oblige them.

The Grey Tshirt said "You know the moral of this incident, No more mobile free weekends and waiting for the traffic to clear before leaving."

" No more hill station getaways." added the BlueTshirt.
"It would be an Ironic Twist if its part of some Reality TV show called "Being Right on a Dark Road"" sighed the Yellow Tshirt

"Shut up... I hope there are no mudslides." muttered the Blue Tshirt
"Drive slowly", suggested the Green Tshirt, "If you drive us over the hill, that would be a Worse Ironic Twist."

Oct 20, 2009

Do I Look Fat?

Answers are generally never simple. But there are some simple answers. Like the answer to "Do I look Fat?".

The answer : "No" or better "Of course NOT!"

Unless the "asker" is visually challenged, the asker knows the answer is Yes. The asker asks your help, only to float in denial land, and you are not expected to make them crash land to reality, with Your Yes, unless you wanted to be hated, forever.

If you find this tough to accept or understand; well, we don't tell, first kill the chicken, when asked for a chicken recipe, or Boss I want to wring your neck for waiting till evening to give me this job or I want to marry you to be my unpaid maid. Its not about thoughts, its about How You make them Feel. And thats why I am NOT saying "You are a Sick Sadist, who confuses being truthful with being factually correct. Don't you have any mercy within you??"

We are humans! Our best invention is Lying..If you are still uncomfortable with a No and tempted by Yes, Wait, there are other options :

1.The fabric has shrunk? or The tailor has messed it up again? or Salesperson gave you wrong size..or the Labels say XL but the dress looks Medium. (Always blame someone - The Cricket Analyst style)

2. Wear Well Fitted, Vertical Designs with a V neck and smaller prints. And please throw away those high waisted pants with tapering legs. You would look a lot thinner. (Fashionesta style)

3. Hmmm Of course Not! Look in the mirror! (It looks cloudy but it won't rain - Meteorologist style)

4. What matters is not how you Look, but how you Feel! How do you Feel? Surely Great! (TV Guru style)

5. Oh I dropped my lenses again! or Something wrong with my ears..What did you say? (Bollywood Slapstick comedy style)

6. Did you know what Sharukh did...? (Distraction is Best - Breaking News style)

7. Lets discuss it later..(The Judicial style)

8. You look Sexy! (Sex sells colas and cars and cement - The Ad industry style)

9. Lets ask @!$% and %$^% also (Lets appoint a Committee's equivalent in the Political style)

10. Do You think I look Fat? (Let me get even with you for making me feel guilty about lying - Spousal style)

11.You make me feel like a Beauty Pageant Judge! (The Successful Employee style)

12.I asked the same question 3 months back but now I don't ask. You know why? I joined $##@$, ate $#@$^#. And now you can Earn Money, Eat whatever you Want and Never Worry about being Fat..(The "friendly MLMer" style)

13. Why? (Questioning the Obvious, Philosopher style)

14. I was just being sarcastic when I tweeted you look fat. (Shashi Tharoor style)

15. No dear, have a Cookie. (Nobel Committee style)

PS : Please refrain from being Factually Correct. Since Saying "You look Fat" can be hazardous to Your Health..(And if someone murdered you for being "truthful", who would read my blogs?).

Oct 19, 2009

Kidding - Body and Mind

Dear Diary

I wish I could discuss my body without being ashamed
I wish I could discuss my mind without being labelled a weirdo

I wish I could talk and understand
what I am feeling and why I am feeling

Whats the point in knowing about cultures and civilisation
About lands and inventions and formulas
When I ignore my mind and my body.

Why should I be made to feel ashamed of my private parts
Why should I be made to ignore my feelings and thoughts

When I hurt my finger, I know first aid
But when I feel hurt and alone, I feel ashamed to ask for aid

How will I ever know, if what I think and feel is normal
When sex education and psychology are not, subjects normal.

Whats the point of MY life, I want to think and ask
But let me get on with my algebra, otherwise I will be taken to task

A 13 year old girl

Oct 15, 2009


More than Genetically Modified Brinjals which are resistant to some insects,
We need Genetically Modified Netas and Babus who are resistant to corruption.

Btw, European Union has banned genetically modified food crops. Why?

Oct 14, 2009

Nobel Reasons

I don't want to jump on the Nobel Committee is Stupid Bandwagon. I am sure they had their reasons.

1. He came up with an unique strategy to free Tibet.
President Barack Obama faced criticism for putting off a meeting with the Dalai Lama until after his China trip next month. The White House defended the move saying 'a strong relationship with Beijing helps the Tibetans. Our relationship with China - having a strong relationship and a good dialogue with them allows us to talk to them about the cares and concerns of the Tibetan people'.

2. They wanted to prevent wars with Iran or N Korea.

3. They couldn't find Superman.

4. His name rhymes with Osama, his VP's name rhymes with Laden, his middle name is Hussien, he is half Black & yet he didn't do a Gore & saved the world from Sarah Palin!
They thought perhaps He Is Superman.

5. He has to clean the Bush Mess. Even Superman needs encouragement to do that Olympian task.

6. They take all recommendations of Oprah seriously. Not just her Book Club Choices.

7. There wasn't a choice. Who could they give it to, Gandhi??

8. The Committee wanted the world to know they existed. Perhaps too much attention on Laureates earlier.

9. Its recession time & the Committee wanted to ask Pepsi for Sponsorship. Or Obama for a Bailout Package.

10. The Committee wanted a benchmark before giving it to George Clooney next year

Oct 13, 2009

Before Birth Contract

This is an agreement between the Creator and You, The Wannabe Human (TWH)
The Creator, agrees to give you Life.

But giving you the spark of Life doesn't mean, helping you, in having a Life. To put it simply :
Life will not be fair. This is the main clause, and it summarises all the other clauses. But while other creatures, understand this simple rule, being a complex creature, you don't seem to understand this point, when you become human.

The TWH should realise, that the Creator will be busy managing the infinite universe, and will not be inclined to the infinite problems of the TWH.
Simply Accept the Situation and do what you can, to Change it.

The Creator appreciates you being truthful sincere and honest. But being that is its own reward. If you make a choice otherwise, be prepared for the consequences and please do not call the Creator.

When in doubt, behave like other creatures, who have nothing and yet do not crib or complain.

The Creator creates humans, Humans create the concepts of Religion and Money and emergencies like slower internet or traffic jams.

The TWH should realise, there would be some TWHs who seem to have it all, and some TWHs who would seem to have nothing. The onus falls on the TWH to mend this situation.

Eventhough You are not giving anything back to the Creator, the Creator understands, TWHs need an incentive to follow this Contract. If you follow this Contract, in your next birth, you will be born as a Cockroach, (subject to availability ).

Being a Cockroach ensures,
1. You scare most of the Humans
2. You dont have to worry about Anything.

Please kick if you have understood and accept to the Contract.

Oct 12, 2009

Oh God

The dog was well taken care of ,
it thought, these people are God !
The cat was well taken care of,
it thought, they realise I am God !

The brat was well taken care of,
but it thought, how cruel is God..
Life is just not fair, when,
I cant get, even the latest Ipod!

Oct 11, 2009

Winds of Hope

In 2002, during Malawi's worst droughts, 14 year old William Kamkwamba had to forego schooling, since his family couldn't pay his fees. Based on a book in a library, he made, in three months, a Windmill!

His "resources" : spare bicycle parts, a tractor fan blade and an old shock absorber, and fashioned blades from plastic pipes, flattened by being held over a fire. He bolted the pieces using a screwdriver made of a heated nail attached to a corncob.

This is the subject of the book "The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind" by Bryan Mealer

From , ,


Why haven't I posted for so long
I can blame it on the net connection
or mention the lack of time
Point out I was out of station for two months
or mention my dad died and how I am trying to cope
Or brag about my kid..

But actually Silence is Easier than words
And hopefully this time around I would blog more..
Its nice to be home at the blogs..