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Nov 27, 2006

Finding Friendships

After thinking about it, I realised, life is tough for the singles. I mean the lucky, independent people, who live away from home, who dont have to share their income or remote control with anyone. If Singles are reading this post, buddy, I feel so sorry for you.

1. You have to put up with endless relatives who want to know why you havent been married yet..
2. And finding the soulmate isnt easier either. You dont want your family telling “I told you so..“ for the rest of your life. (And thanks to female foeticide, we have less girls than guys, and therefore, its worse for the guys. But that of course is a small price for being alive.)
3. But if there is anything tougher than finding and maintaining romantic relationships, its finding friends.

At school and college it was easy. You just had to flaunt something to get attention. And then talk about sharing and get the friend, who is too tired to move on to someone else. But now everyone's earning. And its not about just having any friend, but having the right friend.

1.Beware of friends who are married.
They will tell you its a wonderful thing to be married, and for every topic you discuss, you will get to know, what the spouse thinks about it, even if its just you two discussing it.
And if you point it out, the friend could pout and talk about twin souls, and make you feel bad about not having romance in your life.
For every plan you two make, the approval from the spouse is essential.
And worse the friend might team up with the spouse and get some terrible blind dates for you.
Hey you have enough relatives doing that, why would you want your friends too, to rub it in.

2.If there is any kind of friend worse than the married friend, its the friend who is married and has kids.
The kid will break even the stuff, the salesperson said was unbreakable,
throw away your remote or your mobile (a part of your soul),
dump every eatable on the floor after crumbling it to pieces,
hide away your keys,
spill water on your office paper work
and cry if you dont give the important papers, to make a boat.
Get hurt and Wail (and you will be blamed for not having a child friendly environment)
And you will be expected to be uncomplaining, and comment "Oh an adoring, sweet kid." If you dont, be prepared to go on a guilt trip, for being an insensitive, selfish person.
And if you think its ok to be friendly with parents whoose kid hasnt started walking, then be prepared to be assaulted by endless photos and videos of their darling baby. And you will have to come up with an original comment for every photo/ video clip and have a photographic memory of all the comments you made earlier, since comparisions would arise. It could go something like
"So you think the blue dress looks better than the green dress, last week. But last month you thought the green was better than the previous blue, is it the shade or the cut, that has made you changed your mind?"

3.If you think, Singles would emphatise with you, sigh, it isnt so easy. Its not easy telling the opposite gender. Hmmm, I want to be just friends with you. It could be treated as an insult or worse, you being coy (if a girl) or corny (if a guy). And the person could assume you really want to have a romantic relationship.

4.If you think, forget the opposite gender, let me search within my gender.
Well, you might get one, provided you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
Because, almost every single person is searching for boyfriend or girlfriend, and when they have a friend who doesnt have a romantic relationship, it might give a misleading impression of their sexual orientation. (Simply put, if you dont have a romantic relationship, you could be gay and they wouldnt want others to get the idea, they too are gay).

5.Virtual Friendships are not a bad idea.
You have an idea of what the person likes and dislikes. But then one is never sure, if its hacker, or serial killer, or the uncle you dislike, trying to do analyse you, or your colleague, who wants to tell Boss what you actually think about work. (What?? You think these people can never be on the net?)

6.Younger ones.
If you think you can move few years down the age bar, and have a fun filled friendship with younger ones, well to them, you are still an oldie, and its tough to be friendly to a person who keeps calling you "Uncle" or "Aunty".

7.Older ones.
If you think you can move up a few years on the age bar and have a fun filled friendship with older ones, well its tough to have a friendship with an oldie, who doesnt want to face reality, and wants to be on first name basis and not the respectful "Uncle" or "Aunty". (Plzzzz, is it so tough to understand, you dont use first names, because you dont want others to think, you too are an oldie? !!!)

8.Tooooo Young.
All kids are not brats, and if you think you will go out and be friendly to kids, who are entitled to call you "Uncle" or "Aunty", well you have to head to some orphanage. But just a minute.
If you are a guy the world would wonder, if you are a paedophile.
And if you are a girl, the world would wonder, if you had been pregnant as a teenager and you have a child in that orphanage and thats the reason behind you being single.

9.Sigh. There are plenty of old age homes. But instead of being thankful for your visit, the people there could act human, and ask why you are still being single, and be just like other people in your family. The people you have run away from.

10.And there are other endless complications in friendships. You dont want someone too poor, who might be interested in you just for the money. And unfortunately those richer than you, think you would be crass enough to like them for just the money. You dont want someone who is from a different caste or religion, for they might not agree you are the Best or the Oppressed. And you dont want someone from a different state, because you both might disagree on water sharing or the superior city.

To conclude, if you are single, and still have some friends, stick with them, even if they bore you to death. Its tough enough to find your soul mate, why waste the energy on finding new friends?

Finding good Friends isnt easy, but its tougher for those who are Single, and Want to Mingle, in a Friendly way..

Previous Posts on Singles
Van Gogh on Valentine
Single and Still Complete
Perplexed about Premarital Sex?
Life007 is not a guy?
Single & Ready to Mingle
Before Walking Off into the Sunset
All Posts on Relationships

Nov 25, 2006

Why Didnt you Call Daddy?

He wanted to kill his son-in-law. What had he, not done for that $#@$@!#? He had given him an educated,earning, cultured and beautiful daughter, and had spent lavishly on the wedding and other functions. And yet..he couldnt take care of his daugher.

Couldnt he have kept her atleast alive?

What had she done wrong, juggling and attending to the needs of one and all. Her husband, her child, her inlaws, her deserve death?

That pig, had murdered her, and yet, dared to say, he meant to just hurt her and it had unfortunately resulted in her death. Tears rolled down his eyes, as his grandson wailed once again, but this hands didnt wipe away his tears since they were clenched, as he thought about his daughter and her death.

Why, oh why had she not come to him earlier. Why had she not complained?
Because she believed there would be no solution?
Because she believed it might result in a stigma called divorce?
Because she wanted a father for her son?
Because she didnt want to embarrass or be an emotional burden to her parents?
Because she didnt want to let tell her parents, they had made a mistake?
Because she wanted friends and family to remember the grand wedding, and not think of it as a grand mistake?
Because she believed time will take care of her?

She had her education, income, and her family. Yet why did she put up with this abuse? If she had complained earlier, surely she wouldnt be dead now.

"Oh dear" he moaned, "Why didnt you call Daddy?"
His wife softly answered, "Perhaps, she thought it was normal.."

Rage engulfed his body and soul. He slapped her and his hands went around her throat. He wanted to choke her and hurt her and teach her a lesson. How dare she compare him with that brute of his son in law...

And felt a tug at his leg. And looked down at the scared face of his grandson.

A chill ran down his spine. How many times had his daughter tugged him away from his wife, only to be kicked for interfering.

He quietly picked up his grandson, and walked out of the door. He would make sure that in future, violence wouldnt be normal, atleast for his grandson. And perhaps, he thought, I will apologise to Her. After all her She too is a daughter..

Nov 20, 2006

12 things I Hate in many People

1.Women and Men, who think, the moment a person talks about issues relating to women, if its a woman, she is a feminist-lesbian and if its a man, he must be gay, or trying to win over a girl, by being goody-goody. And when a man posts a female bashing post he is just being a guy. And when a woman posts a female bashing post, she is being sensible.

2.Men and Women who think its silly if a man isa. A victim of a sex crimeb. A victim of violence (The offender being a woman, not a man of course)

3.Women and Men who feel for Amitabh in the movie Baghban, where he is abandoned by his 4 sons, but wouldnt have felt sorry, if Amitabh had been abandoned by 4 daughters.

4.Men and Women, who dont think its odd when only one side has to fit the wedding bill.

5.Women and Men, who dont thinkmolestation and eve teasing is to be protested against, and if the victim is silent, its not because of fear, but perhaps passive pleasure. And who think dress is the cause, even when majority of molestation still happens in the towns and villages, where the women are "more modestly" dressed.

6.Men and Women who think women need someone to protect and provide for her.
But of course wont think about widows and divorcees.

7.Women and Men who think porn is ok, as long its other girls, and not their family member. And place a premium on the virginity of a girl, but not the guy.

8.Men and Women who think its ok if an Earning Wife, works at home and office, while an Earning husband doesnt do much at home.

9.Women and Men who think a.A homemaker 's 24 x 7 job, with no weekends and promotion and retirement benefits, doesnt require any help or appreciationb.A homemaker has nothing to do since she has help and gadgets but wouldnt think a Vice President of Sales should be paid less than a Frontline Sales Staff because the VP has more gadgets and assistants than a Frontline Sales staff.c.Male Homemakers are a joke and any guy who wants to be a homemaker is a loser.

10.Men and Women who thinkA slap is a good method to "cure" a Woman. And dont cringe when they see it on Movies or Soaps.

11. Women and Men who think Issues like Maternal Mortality in India is boring, even when a woman dies every 5 minutes due to childbirth, and when our rate is one of the worst in the world and worse than Bangladesh and Sri Lanka.

12.Men and Women who think Women are a burden to the family and its better to have sons and have skewed the sex ratio from 976 girls in 1961 to 927 girls per 1000 boys in 2001. Thus making sure that two decades from 73 per 1000 boys wont get brides.

Nov 18, 2006

Ban Women

"The authorities of the Hamidia Collge want all the girls to leave the college, so the male students wont be 'distracted' any more ". Source NDTV

They deserve The Ostrich Award for Superb Solutions since this Attitude has Additional Applications :

1.Ban women from workplace. Lets not deal with complaints of sexual harrassment and it would mean more employment opportunities for men, even if they are unqualified.

2.Ban women from complaining about Dowry or Domestic Violence or Rape or Molestation, or for that matter any crime. That will mean speedier justice.

3.Ban women from travelling, (it wont stop eveteasing complaints, since thats already banned), but it could make the roads less congested.

4.Ban from educational institutions. Why waste resources on them, since education might mean they could make demands about their rights.

5.Ban women having property. That way they wont have resources to complain against the other Bans, and since they wont have buying power, the media (who need advertisements to survive) wont make a big deal of the ban.

Categories where they shouldnt be banned.

1.Women should be allowed to dance in Dance Bars, appear in Porn, work as a Sex Worker and can be allowed on Films, (only to dance in songs and weep for help). Because men need entertainment

2.Marriage. Men need women not just for entertainment but also as a resource for finance and an outlet to vent their frustration and to have someone look after them.

3.Birth. The process of partial ban, should be continued.(In India, the child sex ratio (0-6 age group) which was 945 in 1991, decreased to 927 girls for every 1000 boys in 2001.) Since, a total ban would backfire, and all men and not just 73 men per 1000 men wouldnt get brides.

Most importantly, men who are disloyal towards their gender, and who protest against this ban should be termed "Gay" and ostracised completely.

Nov 12, 2006

Do you need your Him to be Happy?

The relationship isn't bad enough for a Divorce,.smiley
But doesn't match your Dreams.smiley
Whats the point of a relationship, you wonder sometimes,smiley
When you aren't Happy most of the times.smiley

He doesn't abuse you.
Yet it would be nice, if he could care more for you.smiley
Hmmm, well he does care for you.
But it would be nice if he Expresses, the care for you, in the way you Expect.smiley

Life is already tough and seems to be getting tougher.smiley
Wouldn't it be nice, if one could go back a little?
Well not as a teenager, but atleast to the twenties
When you got attention and had fun?smiley

Now, its just burdens to be shared,.smiley
But whats the point of sharing burden?
Just living?
But when did just living constitute having a life, and being Happy? ,smiley

There is a difference between unhappiness, satisfaction and happiness.
Unhappiness : When you dont get water in the morning, just after you have shampooed your hair and its entering your eye.smiley
Satisfaction : When you get water.smiley
and Happiness? : When you become a bathroom singer, not caring about your voice being awful, but just feeling good, and living, that moment, even when the temperature of the water isnt right and you dont have the best shampoo or shower gel and a sexy guy massaging your back :) smiley

Getting back to your situation.

You have given your time and life,
And yet you don't get compliments.smiley
Just told to be thankful;
That there are few criticisms.smiley

There are 43 things you want to change in himsmiley
Even if there are 32 more important things, that you wouldn't want to change, in him.smiley

So how can You be Happy in this situation?

1.The purpose of all relationships, isn't to make you Happy. Yeah it sounds crazy, but just accept this and move on to the next point:)

2.Take control of your happiness, don't wait for him to make you Happy.

3.Its possible to be Happy, just by minor things in life, like a smile. Go ahead smile now for 5 seconds (at the risk of seeming silly or having an internet affair). And feel the difference.

4.Stop expecting from him. Forget what you think, he has to do. And feeling miserable about it later, when he doesn't live up to your expectations. Whats more important being right about your expectations, or living happily?

5.Accept he can't make you happy many times.Accepting doesn't mean saying its ok. But it simply means going after the consequences instead of brooding about the cause. For eg : When you don't get water, when you are in the shower, instead of feeling miserable, and brooding about it, its wiser to accept you don't have water, and to think what you can do about it.

6.It would be nice if he made you happy, but you dont need him to make you feel happy.Happiness is a sea which is Within you, and it doesnt need rain from him.

7.Think, what makes you Happy and plan to make yourself happy. Dont feel guilty, thinking you are being selfish. If you don't care for yourself, who will?

8.Communicate what makes you happy, even when :
a. The fun goes out, when he does only what you tell him to do, and doesn't think independently, (like you) on what would make you happy.
b. he doesn't do what makes you happy. Just because he didn't do somethings, doesn't mean he will do nothing.

9.Its tough to be loved, and not respected. Draw a line, be firm, but dont get hysteric.
Its one thing to Think he did this last year and to bring it up in a fight,
its another to Tell, Honey, just because I am not shouting or pouting ,doesn't mean I am OK with what you did yesterday.

10. Its not necessary for million autograph hunters to make you happy
Its not even necessary for someone in your family to make you happy

Your happiness, is in your hands and heart,
You dont need a reason or excuse to be happy
Being alive itself is a joy and a reason to be happy
So dont wait for a Stimulus, before you break into a Song

To reach a financial goal, its not enough to earn, its important to invest and spend wisely.
Its not enough to be in a relationship to be happy, its important to pay attention to yourself.
And you dont need him to make you feel happy, you need him, only to share your happiness.

Previous Relationships Posts
Previous Posts on Happiness : Aargh Diaries - Desires and Happiness, A Butterfly called Happiness

Nov 11, 2006

Marooned Tag

A tag by shady - You are marooned on Island miles away from civilization you can take one partner and 5 things what would that be?

1.A big flask of coffee. (Juices are great, but the no added sugar, no preservative stuff I drink could get spoiled, but I can drink coffee even if its horribly cold.)

2.Potatoes. (My favourite dish is boiled potatoes, hmmm maybe 5 kgs...)

3.Matchboxes. (To boil my potatoes, and to keep away the animals and cannibals if any, at night. Maybe a dozen.)

4.Sharp Knife. (The wood, and the branches to protect me from the weather, sun or rain)

5.Hammock .(Silly choice. A book on surviving alone, would be a better choice, but I love swings and hammock and it would be fun to doze and imagine in it, and hopefully not many insects would climb up to it:D)

Partner : A good sailor (male or female) with a boat, who will not disturb me when I am on the island and who will take me back to civilisation, when I run out of potatoes and coffee.

PS : If there is a solared powered satelllite phone, will definitely opt for it. But since I love the 5 things I mentioned, will trade in the partner for the phone (now thats truly pathetic:D)

PPS : Didnt mention my husband, because I am considerate about boring him to death, and I dont want him to die. And the option would have been boring to the bloggers to read, and the emotional health of the bloggers are important to me:) If I have to really come up with a celebrity, it would be David E Kelly (creator of Picket Fences, The Practice, Boston Legal, etc. Because he makes me think, and when I am not imagining stories in my mind, I like to think.)

Tag : Anyone interested


Nov 8, 2006

Head vs Heart

The heart said, "Go ahead"
The head said, "Stop!
You have been hurt once,
How do you know, again you would be not?

Is it worth the pain?
Would you be able to handle the pain?
What on earth, will you gain.?"
The head argued in vain.

But the heart didnt give up.
It reasoned with head,
"Remember the first time I tried to walk,
If I had listened to you, I would have never walked

Let me do what I know, in my heart is right,
Lets prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.
We are not different and our goals are not apart,
I will be your strength, just follow the heart."


The Point of Points

Muse : Where is your passion and competitive spirit?

Self : Whats your point?

Muse : You are losing points, thats my point. Dont give me, the dazed look. How can you ignore this opportunity to win valuable points, in Sulekha.

Self : Aaah. Got your, err, point. But I am blogging as before, and more comfortably (Thanks to the hard work of the Sulekha team), what else should I do?

Muse : Oh Baby, dont you want to figure out how you can win More points and improve your rankings? Shouldnt you go beyond the posting and commenting and think about networking and sending notes?

Self : But I dont want to do anything just for the sake of points.

Muse : I am so ashamed ! You are not even in the Top 100. Do you realise, the ranking also reflects on me! And I cant boast to others, when we have a Muse Meet..

Self : Enough of this. Have your ever thought about life? That it isnt going to be one or ten Big Moments, in front of the world media, but just a collection of moments. And the best way to enjoy life, is to do what you want and smile, for most of the moments.

Muse : Aaargh ! Whats the point of life, if you are not Someone in others eyes?

Self : And whats the point of life, if you are no one in your own eyes. When you let yourself down, and do something you wouldnt normally do, just because you want to shine in someone's eyes, arent we sending the message "What I think or want to do, is unimportant?" If I am not to important to myself, how pathetic would my life be?

From simple Points to Career Choice
What matters. is whether you do, what you want to do,
not whether, you live a fantastic life, from others point of view.

Its fun to have some blogging points,
but the point of blogging, need not be points:)
Points are fun, but if they become the point of blogging
They take out the fun out of life.


Nov 7, 2006

Uncoding Women

Movies perform an important sociological function. They uncode women for men. Women in the movies, (and therefore real life), have 3 stages.

1. The skimpy skirt stage : Before she meets You, the Hero. Even if she calls you "stupid", she enjoys, when you make fun of her with your buddies, and slap her bottom and kiss her. (If some guy does it with your sister, its ok to kill him, but when you do it, its because she wants You to do it.)

(This is not to be confused with the item number stage. The item number stage is about girls, who are not "worthy" enough to be your girlfriend, but who desire you, and will do anything for you and wont object to anything you do with them.)

2.The salwar kameez stage : She has now been tamed by you. You are busy in life, and she hangs around waiting to hug you and sing a song with you, when you get time to visit her.
It might also include
a.Being tied, in a godown waiting to be rescued (action movie)
b.About to catch a plane, train, bus (romantic movie), thinking stupidly you are not important. Of course, once you meet her, she "corrects" herself.

3.Sari - Matching Bangles stage : She is married to you and observes the required fasts, and has the ideal relationship with everyone in your family, and you can live happily ever after.
Sometimes if the sari stage appears early (family movie), she might not have an ideal relationship, with everyone and might talk about freedom (nuclear family) or might do the ultimate crime, argue with your mother. Just slap her, and imply you can get another woman, and she will definitely come running back to you.

But today society has changed. Its not just the movies, now its the internet forwards and porn. They dont complicate the topic with stages. Just simple rules.
1.Women are stupid. And therefore, they can never be right.
2.They have time only for shopping and talking.
3.The only exception are the mothers.
4.Porn proves only one thing, women like and desire You.
5.If someone disagrees and tells this isnt reality, they are liars, because Forwards always represent the truth.

Whatever the uncoding medium, its tough to think, there is no need to idolise women or demonise women, treating them as humans would be fine.

More in Hmmm series

Nov 6, 2006

Wondering about the Wonders

Recently I came across, another Wonder Vote in

Taj : I dont find the Taj romantic. If I die, I wouldn't want my husband to build me something, however beautiful. For me, its more romantic, if he helps with the dishes. Personally I think there are many more wonderful things in India, than the Taj. But, sigh, Taj is the only Indian wonder in this list.
(The Taj Mahal is one of the most beautiful architectural complexes in the world. Located in Agra, India, it was commissioned by the Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan (who reigned from 1628 to 1658) to immortalize a favorite wife who died in childbirth. While the white domed marble mausoleum is the most famous part of the monument, the Taj Mahal is actually an integrated complex of structures. )

Now to my personal favourite, the Great Wall of China. (Famed for its magnitude, the wall mirrors the hills and valleys of the diverse landscape as it winds across 4,160 miles of Northern China's countryside. Some sections of the wall date back 2,000 years to when Emperor Qin Shihuang, the first emperor of China, connected existing sections of the fortification as a defense against invasions and as a means to unify the country.) A wonder that can be seen from the space. As a kid I used to dream about a wall around Mumbai. And even though there would be many Chinese voting for it, my heart says, go for the concept you dreamt about.

Victoria Falls : (Victoria Falls is a spectacular waterfall located on the Zambezi River, at the border between Zambia and Zimbabwe. The Falls are twice as wide as Niagara Falls, spanning over one mile. The river plunges over a steep drop and creates a spectacular show of crashing water and rising mist. It is this ethereal display that gave this natural wonder its local name: Mosi-Oa-Tunya-- "the smoke that thunders.") . Waterfalls are fun, so perhaps the Victoria Falls, and I do have a soft corner for the African continent.

Machu Picchu in Peru : (Hidden among the Andes Mountains of Peru, the ancient Incan city of Machu Picchu sits at an elevation of 7,710 feet. Built in the 15th century and not discovered again until 1911, Macchu Picchu is now Peru's most popular tourist attraction.) Hmmm perhaps I could consider it too..

Venice : (Venice, an island city amid the Adriatic Sea, was once a flourishing maritime center and the cultural heart of Europe. Today it is an endangered wonder as the African plate on which it sits, slips beneath the European plate, causing the Adriatic Sea to rise. Since it was settled in 452, the city has been sinking at a rate of more than a centimeter a century.) I wouldnt generally vote for it, but sometimes one can't help feeling sorry for a sinking city.

Panama Canal : (Spanning nearly 50 miles, the Panama Canal connects the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans through the narrow isthmus of Panama. The construction of the canal was one of the largest and most difficult engineering projects ever undertaken. The canal took 10 years to build and an estimated 25,000 people lost their lives in the construction of this mammoth project.)
Normally I wouldnt have considered it, but when you read 25000 people died, you cant just ignore it.

Saturn V : (The Saturn V held the attention of the world as it became the first liquid propellant rocket to take man to the moon. The Saturn V was a three-stage vehicle developed by NASA. The Saturn V and its Apollo capsule were 36 stories tall and weighed 6.2 million pounds. The astronauts traveled a distance of 240,000 miles, and when they took that first step on the moon's surface on July 16,1969, 600 million people watched in amazement.) Hmmm I wont, yet when I look at the moon and think, hey someone landed on it..

Grand Canyon : (Stretching for about 277 miles on the Colorado Plateau in Northwestern Arizona, the jagged cliffs of the Grand Canyon are one of the most studied landscapes in the world. At its deepest, the canyon dips more than a mile below the rim.You can visit this beautiful vista at Mojave Point at the Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona.) Aah atleast one option I will definitely not vote for.

Its just a list, and probably, another one will come along soon. As for my vote, well I am still wondering about the wonders..
And its the last day today..

The description in italics are from the description in the website.