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Dec 23, 2009

After the Sex

Unaware of the opening door, she murmured "That was the best sex ever". Her friend cuddled closer and said "Why didn't we do it earlier?"

He switched on the light shrieked when he saw them and closed the door behind him. Trembling he said "Twwoo of themmm".

His wife sleepily cursed "Damn cockroaches"

Dec 21, 2009

In the name of God

The handsome travelling salesman conducted his business quickly and quitely and waited for his only friend in that town.

The town had changed within a month. His regular shopkeeper had asked with hostility "Whats your religion, you have an odd name". "I am an orphan and simply ket the name I fancied." he had explained. And asked the shopkeeper the reason, for the question on religion.

"Few nights ago, someone wrote an obscene graffiti on my place of worship. We demanded the other community find and punish the offender. They agreed as an eyewash. The next day it was on Their place of worship, and they claimed tit for tat..We argued they were hiding the fact. Bad things have since happened. Everything and everyone is viewed with suspicion and even small things triggers threats and tension." The shopkeeper had said.

He was soon joined by his friend. Over tea, in a no more neutral territory, they discussed the recent tragedy.

Amazingly his friend didn't seem upset, and joked about the suspect.

"They can't protect their Gods, yet fight each other in the name of God", he laughed. "If there is a God" the salesman injected.

Punching him lightly, his friend delivered the knockout punch. "Oh there is no God, I agree with your thought, otherwise I would have been caught".

Stunned, the Salesman heard his friend say "The book you gave is smart and true. Now, I am also an atheist like you".

The salesman stared at his friend in horror and with dismay "Absence of belief in God, doesn't mean absence of morals and values! You are a sick sadist, not an atheist! The book can be your excuse not your reason!"." I am sorry but I have to tell everyone the truth."

His friend laughed "When they learn you gave me the book, they would dissect your theory or you?".

Distraut, the salesman paid his bill and left quietly, unable to accept, there could be criminals amongst, (or claiming to be) atheists too.

He wondered if he could tip off the town annonymously. But couldn't decide what would be worse. His friend saying he did it in the name of atheism and destroying the reputation of atheists. Or his friend keeping quite about his religious beliefs, to get protection from those who believed, he believed in their God..

PS : Atheists, before you protest, please note:
1.Someone from some group had to be the bad guy. You are the only group that has presence in all groups and smart enough to not hold it against me or my group.
2.The Real Atheist was Handsome and Smart.
3.Female Atheists : There were only 2 characters. If I had cast you in either one, I would have been in more trouble. And if I had made both female, the discussion would have been distracted by, are they lesbians theory.

Dec 8, 2009

Maybe but Move On

Maybe if Rahul got his people to live, for a day, in the Carbide Contamination,
Maybe if Modi disbursed the Unclaimed Crore, to Casualties as Compensation,
Maybe if the other Modi, creates Bhopal Badshahs, and its owned by Ranbir Sensation,
Maybe if Osama bin Laden, claimed, Carbide was his first operation,

Maybe, Maybe, The Victims of the Gas Tragedy would get more attention.
But more attention is meaningless, without some positive action.
There will probably be no extradiction. Let there be atleast more monetary compensation.

Maybe I live in denial and dreams,
Posting a token, to vent off my steam.
But worse than being killed and maimed by a gas
Is to be treated with apathy by the (patriotic), mass.

Tough to accept, an Indian life is worth more than the American Cough?
Move on, since you are unprivileged Indian, life will be Tough??

PS :
I am late by a week, but thats negligible compared to 1300 weeks.

Twenty-five years ago, Union Carbide's factory in Bhopal spat out 40 tons of aerial poison in the form of methyl isocyanate, killing nearly 4,000 immediately and some 15,000 since then.

The victims of the tragedy received a flat sum of a mere Rs 25,000 by way of compensation, compared to the Uphar cinema fire in Delhi whose victims received Rs 18 lakhs each.

Dec 7, 2009

Suhaag Raat

The prospects of her parents financial doom were more painful than being raped by the bridegroom.

Dec 6, 2009


She woke up because the baby inside her kicked. The baby was due in a couple of days. It was night and she could see the moon from the window. A half-moon. "It will be full moon next week" she thought. She still couldn't understand why the moon changed its shape everyday. Her father had explained it to her when she was a child. It had something to do with the sun and light, she remembered vaguely. And suddenly grimaced. Light!

She remembered how her husband had mocked her because her precious plant that she had tended so lovingly, had died just after it bore fruits. "It needs the sun's rays and water. You have to select the place where it is to be planted carefully", he had told her before uprooting it that evening. "He threw it away as though it was a weed", she thought angrily. She had to hide her tears as she didn't want to be a laughing stock. No one understood her feelings. She couldn't explain the joy she had experienced when she saw a small plant bearing fruits, in her uncle's garden. When she had asked him for its seed, her uncle, maybe out of politeness, had not mentioned about the essential things required to grow a plant.

The baby kicked once again. "But the seed could still be there inside the fruits of the dead plant and it may grow", she thought suddenly excited. And if she were to plant it, this was the right time. All of a sudden, she was full of energy. "I will sow the seed and the plant will grow and bear fruits", she said to herself.

It seemed like an eternity when she finally walked out of her house, careful to not wake others. The plant was lying at the place where her husband had thrown it that evening. She plucked the fruit and placed it a little farther from where the plant had been earlier and covered it with soil. She was about to go inside when the moon shone on the roots of the plant.

"Roots. That's how women should be", her grandmother had told her when she was a child. "Unseen, unnoticed but still support the family, said her grandmother. "And never appreciated", her mother had retorted softly.

She stared at the roots. "Beauty lies in the purpose for which it was created", she thought. She gently touched them. It was very true. She had grown the plant only for its flowers and fruits, and not for the roots. And yet what was a plant without the roots? But again, what is the value of the root if the plant doesn't give fruits, flowers or leaves, which can be of use to mankind? She knew that some roots could be eaten, but she still felt depressed. "If it is of no use, it will be considered a weed and uprooted," she thought. She shook her head. She must go in. Yet in the moonlight the roots looked enchantingly beautiful. "What about the forest? No one has planted the trees and plants there carefully! Yet they grow", she mumbled under her breath. "Yes, I will ask my husband this question", she thought. But deep inside, she knew he was right. The plant had died because it didn't get sufficient sunlight, water, soil and perhaps those fertilizers. "Maybe many plants die in the forest too this way. And as it is vast, no one notices or cares for it." She nodded. Not just in life, but even in death, the place of your birth is important.

She got up. She looked at the moon. "I shall see you with my baby, when you shine as a full moon", she said softly, and went inside.

A week later the full moon shone on her house. It shone on the small newborn baby that was crying for its mother. The mother who was not there. One among every thirteen women in developing countries die during pregnancy or childbirth due to complications. And she was one of those unlucky ones. If she had been in a developed country, she would have been one in four thousand and one hundred!

We don't even know her name because it's a jungle out there. So, she will remain just a number in the UNICEF statistics Every Day, Every Minute a woman dies while giving birth.

Does it take a minute to read this? And has yet another woman died somewhere - unknown, unseen and unheard?

The seed she had planted may develop roots, but what are its chances of survival?


This is my first writing. I had just read the UNICEF statistic, was outraged, and was sulking when my spouse said, if I wrote about this cause to a local newspaper, I wouldn't win a pen it offered.
The next day I came across, the Sify Short Story Competition. The Theme : Roots. In anger within few minutes actually, wrote the story and sent it.
It won. And got the editor's attention and I started writing a series of Short Stories with Legal Angle. (Paid)

I hadn't written because I wanted to win. I genuinely believed, the world would change, if people knew this happened. I have come a long way in 7 years. I don't believe things would change so easily but I refuse to believe nothing can improve.

Republishing it, since its probably in the internet dust of the copyright owner.

Dec 5, 2009


In measure of time, a tiny scar.
Scares me with the "staring abyss", away from which I want to Walk.
Walk I would, but my memory cements those dark velvety churns..
Churns control me, I float, drift or perhaps, walk in a quicksand..

Sandwhiched between self loathe and rage.
Raging for retribution, as I am roasted by a fury from within,
Within also flickers a flame of hope,that I would respond and not react.
Act only because I want. Prove its just I won't, not I can't.

Can't yet climb back on the pedestal, without a final kick..
Kicking hard to get the slush off, from my mind and feet.

Nigerian Noble

An email I received.

"We are honored and privileged to present you with the Nigierian Noble. Each Category gets you 10000 USD.

My father, a Nigerian nobleman, left Nigeria few decades back and settled in USA. He became Uber Rich by investing (and getting out at the right time) in the Internet. Known as the the Nigerian Noble in the financial circles, he decided, his legacy should be a prize which would one day be as coveted as the Nobel.

He decided to award blogs, to empower the New Net Era. We have therefore introduced the Nigerian Noble in 4 categories. Since my father was a shy yet powerful man, he decided these categories, would be dedicated to the Vice Presidents of USA.

A blog has to have Purpose and Intelligence. While browsing through your posts, we were stunned by your answers to the question Do I Look Fat?. This question had stumped every Philosopher, Counsellor and Agony Aunt, till now. Congratulations! This post has won you the Dan Quale Quest Award.

A blog has to be Powerful, and create an impact. (Otherwise it would be merely words). Your post Not Psycho a Psychologist , has become a mantra and a rallying cry of almost every Mental Health Care Professional. If they are treated with respect, and dignity, its definitely due to your post. Hence please also accept the Al Gore Power Award

Intelligence and Power are meaningless in Humans without Compassion. Bollywood has conquered not just the Oscars. The Nigerian Noble Jury too were moved by your post Divine Justice Bollywood style - Kompassion ya Kruelty. We hope you will be kind enough to accept Dick Cheney Compassion Award.

Intelligence, Power, Compassion, are wasted in the blogworld if the post does not have brevity. After all, almost every reader is a blogger, who reads and comments, in the hope you would return the favor. And to maximise the results in minimum time, bloggers seek a post that is brief, concise and to the point. Your post Thankfully I am not a Celebrity achieved the impossible. Please honor us by accepting the Joe Biden Brevity Award.

Super Blogger
In the history of Nigerian Noble, this is the first time, a blogger has won all the 4 awards. We have now instituted a new Category, Super Blogger Award. Please also accept 5000 USD with this award.

As a tribute to the New Net Era, you can accept this award over the internet and display it on the blog, if you agree to accept it.

In the past, winners had blown away the prize money within a year, given up blogging, and taken to booze. And the Prudent US Corporates had blown it away, faster. Therefore your award money USD 45000 has been used to purchase an Annuity from a Careful Chinese Corporate and you will get your annuity from your next birthday, throughout your lifetime.

Unfortunately the New Net Era enables pirated Awards which takes away your Exclusivity. To cover the legal costs of going after these, Pirates of the Blogworld, we require an advance of 1000USD from you. If you are interested, and willing to Accept the Awards, reply with the subjectline Thankyou Thank you Thank you, to us with your date of birth (to receive your Annuity).

With Regards and Respects
The Simple Son of a Nigerian Noble."

Of course I sent the 1000 USD. Why would I deny my blog, what it deserves. I got an .exe file, the 5 awards and an offer to accept or nominate another blog for "Clinton Conscience Award" "Bush Bravery Award" and "Obama Well Deserved Award". with prize money of USD 25000 for each. (Legal fees 100 USD, each), in honor of his Mother, the Primary Power. If you are interested let me know. I am not the greedy kind, 5 awards are enough for me.

If you are interested let me know. I am not the greedy kind, 5 awards are enough for me.

The Educational Blogger Award Quale Quest Award to Wise Donkey

A dead cockroach Gore Power Award to Wise Donkey

A karate kick to the groin Cheney Compassion Award to Wise Donkey

A dead horse (so it can be mercilessly beaten) Biden Brevity Award to Wise Donkey

A pair of clean underpants Nigerian Noble to Wise Donkey The SuperBlogger

Dec 2, 2009

Fourth Finger Fever

When I bookmarked, Who's a playboy? 4th finger to tell you might have said stupid research and moved on (unless you happened to have a longer fourth finger). But Economic Insiders believe this Fourth Finger might punch or poke out the recession itself. And 2010 Nobel for Economics could be bagged by these researchers.

The condom industry was first to jump on the Fourth Finger bandwagon. Tired of having customers who want to buy the product but feeling too shy to ask for it, it decided the fourth finger would be the universal symbol for "Sell me a condom".

The pharmaceutical industry meanwhile pushed down the research on curing malaria even further and have decided to allocate billions to helping the fourth finger grow. They feel this could be bigger than Viagra since men would want to flaunt their playboy status. Balding men need not fear, the cure for baldness has higher priority than the cure for short fourth finger.

Following the pharmaceutical industry, without waiting for any research, the teleshopping network is going to launch few new products which would lengthen your fourth finger. So while you lose your weight while watching TV and eating potato chips, by wearing a belt, lengthen your fourth finger too, by wearing a new ring and announce to the world you are a Playboy. If you are pregnant, there is a tea which can increase your child's fourth finger. Fear not, if its a girl, the tea would automatically shorten the fourth finger.

(Yawn) Do I have to mention Fotox has replaced Botox as the must do in Celebs list. And now its not just hair extensions and nail extensions, but also finger extensions...Magazines which went bust due to recession are repositioning and relaunching themselves. Their target audience, rich, glamorous people with longer fourth finger. (Their actual readers, people who want to be rich and glamorous with longer fourth finger.) Meanwhile Indian newspapers are rubbing their hands in glee. Now the matrimonial ads would get longer. Instead of seeking Fair, homely, professional brides, Indian men would search for Fair, homely professional girls with shorter fourth finger. And matrimonial websites would now have a new segment to target their fairytale ads.

Its absolutely wonderful news for the Indian gynecologists and quacks who profit from female foeticide. Now even parents who were willing to have a girl, would be scared into aborting their girl if she has a longer fourth finger. After all who would marry a playgirl? And wouldn't she be a stigma to the family name and a financial burden. Of course this would mean fewer women for Indian men to marry.

But thats where the astro-jewellers jump in. Wearing a rare jade would get you married. And if the couple wear an emerald stone, they would not get a child with longer fourth finger. (If they want a boy with longer fourth finger, you will have to wear a ruby stone). And if the bridegroom is gifted with a platinum ring during marriage, he would remain a loyal, husband (irrespective of the length of the fourth finger.) And a diamond collection is going to be launched for the new Independent Indian woman, which will also prevent her from falling for the charms (and evil designs) of the men with a longer fourth finger.

Telemarketers are now back with a new range of Edgy Credit Cards. Blue cards for those with longer fourth finger and green cards for those with longer forefinger. This will be followed by new cars, deos, and mobiles for people with longer or shorter fourth finger. A forgotten Filmstar has now decided to start a NGO dedicated to those with shorter fourth finger, unlike him. His PRO has confirmed the "has been celeb" has a moving speech on the "under privileged".

Some organisation has decided that the condom industry's move is commercial, exploitative, absolutely obscene, and against our culture and plans to attack people who buy or sell condoms via the finger signal. But thats not the reason why we haven't been hit by the fourth finger blitz.

You see, the banks and other major corporates want to suck out more billions from their governments, before coming out of recession. Experts say the cat would be out of the bag by 2012, when Dick Cheney - Sarah Palin would win the election of bankrupt USA. An auspicious year according to Chinese Calender.