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Nov 3, 2009

Divine Justice - Bollywood style

Movie - Kribs and Kit Kits (Kompassion ya Kruelty)

Dedicated to those who couldn't comprehend my Previous Post.

Cast
God : Amitabh Bachan
New Angel : Saif Ali Khan
New Angel's GF : Kareena Kapoor
Item Girls : Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sherawat.
Kribber : SoRP (Son of Rich Producer)
Kribber's girlfriend : Ms.Skimpy (Who will reveal if the role demands it)
Aargh Angel : Shahrukh Khan (in Special Appearance)

Voice of Amitabh as the titles role..
"In the eyes of God all are equal. Unfortunately, when it comes to Justice, I get a bad name, because I treat all your problems and prayers as equals. You wonder why there is hunger in the world. Yet, pray to God, for your Pizza boy to deliver, faster.. "

Scene 1 : Bar of a Five Star Hotel with a Stage.
Mallika Sherawat is dancing on the stage. SoRP is enjoying the song, when he checks his mobile. He sees the message and becomes gloomy and drinks heavily, mumbling to God about Insaaf..

Saif Ali Khan enters and sits next to SoRP, gives him another glass and says "Dude whats your problem. Can I help?"

Cut to Amitabh peering at earth from the clouds.
Shahrukh walks over and asks Amitabh, "What happened to my proposal, to reduce the Complaints by Creating more Problems for the Cribbers." (For complete proposal read the post, Divine Justice T20 style in Shahrukh's voice).

Amitabh : "I got another proposal. A new recruit thinks, Angels can solve the problems of even cribbers, by being kind and compassionate."
Shahrukh snorts. They are joined by a third angel, Kareena, who stares anxiously at the earth, from the clouds.

Back to the Bar.
Rakhi Sawant is now dancing.
SoRP moans : "I got defriended dude. Can you help me with the revenge?"
Sail Ali Khan smses Kareena "I have a doubt, can you meet me."

They both meet in an exotic foreign locality and dance to a song. Baddies tries to molest Kareena and Saif bashes them.

As they walk away, licking ice creams, Kareena : "Defriended means rejecting a person on the net. For example, in facebook or twitter. There was an article in CNN about it causing lots of misery among humans. But angels are forbidden to help in revenge, Sweetie".
Saif : "Don't worry babe I will think of something else" winks and enters the Bar.

SoRP is now singing a sad melodious song, Mallika and Rakhi are dancing with tears in their eyes.
SoRP is imagining his Skimpy Bikini Girlfriend.

SoRP joins Saif after the song. Saif : "I can't help you in revenge but give me the details, dude."

SoRP shows he attended acting school by emoting love, frustration, hatred, misery and anger (by furrowing his eyebrows) and then tells his story.

"Today morning, I fell in love with a girl in a bikini on the beach. But Baddies kidnapped her to a factory to demand ransom from her rich father. I bashed the baddies and rescued the girl. But when I confessed I loved her, she said she has to be my friend first, and asked if I was fit to be her friend?"
"I told her I would get 500 friends in my network by midnight to prove I was worthy of being a friend. I had 496 friends 15 minutes back. Now the 497th one was a friend of the colleague of my classmate. He rejected my invite saying "He didn't know me." I am worried it could be due to something else. Maybe my Profile Picture, or Profile Details or my latest message. What if more people start defriending me? I am doomed."

Saif sighs and says a long dialogue about hope and love then suddenly stops. He stares at the clock. Its going to be three minutes to midnight. A limousine stops in front of the Hotel. And a girl in high red heels and skimpy red skirt gets out with a pout and a poodle.

Saif asks Mallika and Rakhi to be SoRP's friends. They agree. SoRP's friends count reaches 498.

INTERMISSION

Ms.Skimpy enters and Saif asks her to accept an invite from a friendly stranger. She agrees. SoRP's friends count reaches 499. 30 seconds to midnight. SoRP and Saif stare at each other.

SoRP asks Saif for his email id. Saif hesitates. He recalls Kareena saying "Baby, unlike human beings we have only one email id, never share it with humans."

But when Saif sees the ticking clock and the pouting girl and the pained lover. He gives his email id to SoRP and accepts his invite.

SoRP proudly displays his 500 friends to Ms.Skimpy. They kiss. And SoRP says, he now believes in Divinity and Divine Justice.

In Hitech Heavenly Palace, Amitabh is seated on a throne, while Shahrukh is busy behind a laptop. The guards bring in Saif in shackles and handcuffs. Shahrukh rises with a smirk and circles Saif.

Shahrukh to Amitabh : "Dear Lord, we have before us, Mujrim Angel, the first Angel to commit a crime".
Amitabh stares at Saif.
Shahrukh to Saif : "Mujrim Angel, Did you give your confidential email id to a human being, yesterday?"
Saif nods, looks at Amitabh and says "Everything is fair in love and war"
Amitabh looks passive.
Shahrukh "Do you know the Kost... of your Krime?" turns to Amitabh "For the first time we had to spend a million on antivirus software and technicians to fix our computers."

Amitabh : "I don't know understand.."
Shahrukh deferentially : "When our Mujrim Angel gave his email id to his Human Protege, he didn't realise the Konsequence of his actions. He received invites to 9 social networking sites, 17 photosharing sites, 7 sites which united you with your classmates, 15 sites which linked you to people in your profession, and 36 forwards. Since the Bcc option was not used in forwards, all the 499 friends of his Protege, got Mujrim angel's email id, and they too started sending him invites and forwards."

"Instead of blocking them, Mujrim Angel, didn't want to cause anyone distress, so he accepted them all. He decided he would respond kindly to every email and invite in his inbox, including the offers from the kind men in Africa who wanted to share their hard earned millions with him and the women who wanted to sell sex pills and weight loss programs, for a pittance."

Shahrukh turns viciously to Saif : "But more importantly, while reading those emails, you also accepted the viruses and worms these humans create. These viruses and worms attacked and infected every computer in our Divine Network."

Amitabh gravely to Saif : "Do you have anything to say? Do you realise I could punish you with death?"

Saif looks down and then becomes defiant and delivers a long dialogue about love being priceless.

Kareena looks on with tears in her eyes, then challenges Shahrukh, to his solution, to SoRP's problem.

Shahrukh smirks and sends an email to SoRP with the subject, Naked Pics. They watch the result on the bigscreen. SoRP oogles and forwards the email to all his 514 friends and everyone's computer crashes.

"Problem solved" he smirks to Kareena. "No computer, No Virtual Friends."

Kareena laughs and points out technically, even Shahrukh gave away his email id and now they have to deal with 514 cribbers who want their computers fixed.

Saif to Shahrukh and Amitabh : "Love is the solution, not cruelty, even when it comes to Cribbers."

Amitabh nods gravely. And orders Saif to be released.

Shahrukh pouts, picks his laptop and starts to leave. But Saif and Kareena, reach out to him. Shahrukh looks suprised then gives in. They all have a group hug. And dance at the wedding reception of SoRP and Ms.Skimpy.

11 comments:

  1. Just because there's lot of illiteracy in the World and because of which too many people cannot read, doesn't mean there should be any delay in 'delivery' of your next post! ;)

    WDM, this was just too, too good! Ultra-LOL!

    Krime and Konsequence were too good!

    But you know personally, unlike Rakhi, I actually believe Mallika is one of the better actors we have in Bollywood! No, but I'm not at all offended and am absolutely not Kribbing. This post was definitely krib-ticking! Congratulations!

    It was Aargh angel's b'day yesterday!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ketan well i like mallika's face but acting...not seen too many movies of her..

    srk just plays aargh angel's part..can never b aargh angel..:)

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL! I don't befriend on Chirkut and Fussbook. So I do not get defriended. One or two times it happened long back. That was because few people deleted their profiles! But some people who decide to follow my blog do decide to defollow it. Its great fun really!

    BTW this was lot more fun than previous.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh Ketan has named you WDM?

    I just called you WMD in a comment reply to your comment. Sheesh!

    ReplyDelete
  5. thanks stupidosaur:)
    if someone follows me and then defollows me, I would be probably traumaised . then i would probably blog about it and get over it:D

    since i am not active on the social sites and twitter, don't care about them.

    ReplyDelete
  6. wdm = wise donkey madam..(since i am verrrrrrrrry old)

    this one is long, i hate typing long blogs, now..so i prefer the earlier one..but must say i had fun typing it..and i must thank the bloggers who were honest with their opinion, of the previous post, for it..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Stupidosaur, my comment here (click), might interest you! :)

    And WDM, you may or may not be verrrrry old, but you're definitely appreciably older. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. WDM, you might say you're very old but your posts sound a whole lot younger.

    Mujrim Angel ?? Krime of Kost - Hilarious !!!This is real funny !! What are you - a scriptwriter ? Because this is great stuff WDM !!!

    and about your donkey sex comment on ketan's blog - I thought 'I'd' seen everything !!! ;-) !
    And WDM, I observed a few minutes back, that, despite the fact that you have only 4 followers, there are over 11000 views to your profile !! whoa !wonder how !

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  9. WDM, just read your Blogging about Boss - you should go write a fucking book!!;-) ( ignore the oxymoron there)

    ReplyDelete
  10. p.s. would really appreciate your views on my blog posts .
    thanx and take care

    ReplyDelete
  11. the tragic life of pi.. thanks:)
    on 11000, well blogger was my backup blog..i used to comment on only 3 blogger blogs..
    the rest of the comments used to be from my friends in other blogsites..
    and if u check the archives, i am not consistent..
    and perhaps those disappointed with not getting pics of donkey having sex with women wanted to check my profile to see if they can kill me for wasting their time..

    ReplyDelete

Have a Great Day!