Moanday Morning Syndrome

A study found that 35% of all sick leave is taken on a Monday. While the lowest sick leave rate was recorded on Fridays - just 3% of the total.

There is a simple reason for people feeling sick on Monday. It isn't due to the work, but due to the absence of play. Yes, its not due to unreasonable targets fixed by the (knowledgeable and esteemed) management. But by a single universal question asked by colleagues to one another on Monday Mornings "How was your weekend?"

The answer is of course "Slept, Ate, Watched TV. In different order. And possibly also, cooked, cribbed, washed, cleaned house, watched porn, exchanged forwards and blogged. For those with kids it would include "Slept little, Ate something, Fed kids, Watched whatever the kids were watching , yelled at the kids and did their homework". For the social types it would be "Met the same boring people, ate, and cribbed about everything".

Since we have to appear cool, its not easy to spout these truths. And when we are not creative enough to think of cool lies, we feel sick and suffer from the Moanday Morning Syndrome.

If you suffer from this syndrome, and have exhausted your sick leave, here are few tips on how to manage it.

1. Ask the question before its asked. And appear bored with the answer. The colleague becomes defensive and moves away. Attack is better than defense, even if it means spreading the syndrome.

2. Announce you are an Art Collector who collects toothbrushes of famous people during the weekends. Bring a toothbrush every Monday and display it on your table and claim it belongs to some celebrity. You will be glamorous because you hang out with stars, yet people wouldn't want to talk too much about toothbrushes. (If you don't know the details of the celeb, mention sometimes you have to deal with dealers). (For the persistent, mention you also collect armpit hairs.)

3. Say you were Skydiving from a Sky Scrapper. And ask your colleagues if they would like to join you next week.

4. Read the reviews and pretend to have watched the latest movie. If it invites more questions, explain the movie was intellectually demeaning, and so you dozed. To make it more interesting, mention you sat next to some Reality TV star.

5. What can be sexier than sex? If you are single, hint you are having an affair with a celebrity.

6. Mention you are a member of some MLM (Multi Level Marketing) concept. And start discussing the products and schemes. Its not cool, but you will be left alone.

7. Reply you were re-reading Alchemist or Fountainhead or Monk who sold his Ferrari or Jonanthan Livingston Seagull. And each time mention "I was reading about it from a philosophical/ socio-economic/ emotional/ ethical/ historical/ contemporary... perspective". Or mention you were reading War and Peace. (Its lengthy so you can get away with it for couple of years). Or better claim you are writing your own book which will be an amalgamation of the concepts in these books.

8. Think creatively like the Hindi News Channels. Mention, you were busy waiting for a flying saucer to fly or in a long queue to consult a Tarot Reader. Or you were holidaying in some haunted house.

9. Imply if you hate to be caught in a lie. Tell the truth with a mysterious smile and a mischievous wink. Throw in a knowing look with a Maaay BBe and Juusssssst.

10. Claim you have joined MNS and were working for it .(Online if you are not in Maharashtra). It may not be cool but colleagues will leave you alone and if they come up with any cool activities you can label it as "against our culture values" and quieten even them.

11. Announce you are an Artist. Say your Art is Conceptual and Context-Intellectual and Anti-Commercial. Point out Van Gogh didn't sell a painting during his lifetime. If colleagues persist, stick couple of dead cockroaches on a paper and keep it on your desk. Or mention you work with nude models, who trust you to keep their paintings private, since they are celebrities.

12. If nothing works, say "Working, of course". Its not cool, but atleast makes the colleague feel guilty. And say it louder if the Boss is around.

Whatever you say, never admit you blog. Your colleagues will google out your blog and you will have to write safe boring blogs, which will drive away your regular readers. And if there is anything worse than you suffering the Moanday Morning Syndrome its your blog suffering from UnCommented Content Syndrome.