bye sob sob bye

A trip, for me.
Means shopping and packing and no time for the zillions
(ok its just 19) posts on my mind which I couldnt post.
Hmmm perhaps I better a write a reminder to write a post on Time Management.
Well it means a break for you too:)

But please please do come and check this blog, during the 2nd week of July
If you think you are likely to forget and that in this vast cosmos of blog world I am pretty insignificant,
and highly unlikely for you to remember the dates, well leave a note,
I will hunt you wherever you blog and pester you to read my blogs:)

But since I have a contract with few HR Vice Presidents (they were managers but after torturing oops exposing their employees to my blogs, to prevent net surfing, they have been promoted to Vice Presidents), and cant shut down the blog, I am leaving the links to some of my favourite posts.

Please read them one at a time. Dont forget to read the Health Warning mentioned in the blog description. For those who have become immune by my posts, click http://life007.blogspot.com for the full blog posts list.
Began with a Rupee for Lalo
Waves vs Rocks
Please Dont Hurt the Eyes
Pawn Power
You & Tsunami
7 things you could have said but didn't
Aitraaz
Right to Life, for the Wife
Single & Ready to Mingle
Before walking off into the sunset
Compatibility Checklist
The Village
After 20 years
Myths
Papa don't Preach
Sex life goes up in Smoke
Leo
Wanting to go for a drive, taken for a ride
Lessons from a Cat
Dog Dislikers
The Journey Continues
5 minutes
Short Sleep Solution
Hungersite
Life007 not a guy?
Van Gogh on Valentine
Black - No filmi formulas
What should I do??
Aargh Diaries - Men Mars Women Venus Eunuch Hell
Aargh Diaries - Mr.Popular & Saurav Ganguly
Women Cricketers & Ads on TV
Aargh Diaries - Monday Morning Mystery
Donkee's suggestion for success at work
The Do U Know Series not included.
Before leaving found time to do this interview which appears in Triplex blog

I was wondering if there are other bloggers, who would like to be interviewed. If there are, do tell me more about you, your hobbies, your likes and dislikes, etc etc

XXX:- I’m very excited about my guest tonight. She is an Active blogger who has won the “Boring Blog” award, An Enemy of the Sleeping Pill companies and has changed quiet a few o3 bloggers. Her *latest* blog post is entitled, "Sob Bye Bye Sob."
She is aspiring to win an Oscar for blogging or was it Nobel Prize, I’m not sure, lets ask her personally, Let the madness begin, Please welcome: Wise Donkey.

[Standing Ovation, ]

Xxx:- How you are?

WD:- Fine thanks xxx though busy packing for my trip and as Joey says, How you doin?

Xxx:- I"ve been better, What happened was I had this thing called Gastro-enteritis which is a*wonderful* thing to have {in your stomach, yeah.} it's a very smelly disease, so my house is basically been quarantined off.

WD : Oh ! So you are interviewing me because you have nothing else to do. Anyway lets start with the questions.

Xxx:- err, I heard that you want to win an Oscar for blogging, is that true? Or was it a Grammy?

WD : It was Nobel for blogging (rolls eyes) How can one can get an Oscar by blogging? Hmmm is it possible that those in Hollywood read the blogs, and what if they decide to make a film based on my blogs. I better search for Jim Carey's email and ask him if he would like to play Aargh. Coming back to your question, well I am not an ambitious kind of girl, so I am not
going after the Grammy.

Xxx:- Do you go to a lot of parties? Do you, DOOOOOOOOO YOU?(Ross Style)

WD : Well I am eccentric like Phoebe, obsessive like Monica and conceited like Rachel, dumb like Joey, irritating like Chandler and sincere than Ross, so no I dont party.

Xxx:- You know what , there are so many of us who would love to sit at home and just blog away. Can you give us some tips on how we can sit at home blog and still have 3 meals a day? And looking at you, 3 very healthy meals.

WD: Convince your spouse that being a homemaker is a job.If that is tough, tell the spouse you are a budding writer and you are practising by blogging and if the spouse slogs and pays your bills, you will mention in all your book's foreword - Thanks to my loving family and my spouse xyz. Or convince your boss that you need to work from home and convince your spouse to do that job, while you blog. Or convince your boss you are a budding writer and will share the spotlight with boss after winning an Oscar by blogging.


Xxx:- There was a point in your blogging life where, you started calling yourself Wise Donkey? Can I ask you why?

WD : Generally people enter blog world through annon names and then tell about themselves. Unfortunately I wanted to Also brag about my published works to anyone who would listen to me. So started with real name. Then wanted to go incognito.I had seen Shrek at that time and liked the donkee in it. I also had created a blog by mistake Kick (Hey I didnt ask you to kick me, that was blog name. And kick stands for "the first expression of life"). Anyway when you have an unused blog kick and a fan of Shrek's donkee, what can I come up with. There is also a Chinese saying on wise is the person who knows, how little he knows. So its wise donkey. I am wise, when the donkee in myself I recognise.

WD:-xxx xxx wake up.

xxx:- Huh!!!! We’ll be right back with Wise Donkey, after these messages

{Commercial Break:-

Manno Bhabhi, Manno Bhabhi."

"Manno kahaan hai?"

"Arey baba aa rahi hoon, aa rahi hoon."

"Apni Seema ko dekhne ladka pahunchne wala hoga." "NRI hai."



"Uff India, very hot, very hot.... Sheesh, yeh country hai ki bhatti hai?"

'Manno Bhabhi'

"NRI matlab na raha Indian."

"No tea, no ghee, triangles lejao"

"Wah kya meethi zabaan hai."

"Hey hey no teeka shika boom boom."

"Beta yeh toh riwaaz hai."

"Sorry babes, hamm reeti riwaaz se allergy... hai."

"Oh na Chatterjee, na Bannerji yeh toh allergy hai." "Isey to desi chhaunk lagana... padega."



"Manno bhabhi, Manno bhabhi." "Yeh riwaaz achcha hai, yeh riwaaz I like



"Mehmano ko thanda pilana hai is ghar ka riwaaz, lekin app hai high class isliye aapke liye khaali glass”

Santa Claus !!!

"Arey Bhabhiji, yeh dekhiyega, arey hum to maan liye hain reeti riwaaz... poora total



"Toh yeh lee jiye poori bottle."

"Adi wah! ek dum lalan top, tana tan, tana tan."

'Manno bhabhi' "Dekhle jab bhi yeh kabootar bhadka, laga dena thande ka tadka."

"Ghar mein rakhiye thanda, matlab Coca-Cola)

xxx:-Hey everybody, we are back, and with me here is wise donkey.

Xxx:- You're writing a book? I understand? Or you're thinking about writing a book. Or a book was thinking of writing you. I always get mixed up.

WD : Well thats the nice thing about blogging. Once in a while, a blogger who thinks I am torturing other bloggers thinks, let me get this person off blogging, and says, why dont you write a book.
Write now, Opps right now, I am just into reading books. But oneday yes, I will write a book..I have a very original title and its going to be called "Kyunki writer bhi kabhi blogger thi" (Well after the book becomes famous, maybe someone would make it into a TV serial. And hey even Shahrukh
started with TV serials).

Xxx:- What do you have to say about all those bloggers who love you and those who don’t have the guts to say they like you?

WD : To those who love me, just because you love me doesnt mean, you shouldnt or cant criticise me. (And just because I criticise your posts, doesnt mean I dont love or care for you).
And to those who dont have the guts to say they like me, uh hmm errrrrr Aaaargh, guess I dont have the guts to say something to them either.

Xxx:- we don’t get to see much of you on o3 these days. How can you get
that Oscar, I’m sorry Nobel Prize if you don’t blog on o3.

WD : Well to be honest, I cant afford the net bills and the counsellor bills which comes when I blog full fledged in o3. And there is also a conspiracy by the pharma companies against me, since the demand for
sleeping pills has been reduced, due to many people reading my blogs, and they
try to make it tough for me to blog in O3.

Xxx:- So tell me apart from blogging, what does Gayathri Eswar do?

WD: Well I think about what to blog. Browse some sites or watch a bit of TV so that I can blog on something based on it. Occassionally I am a homemaker. But I am going to find out in this trip (note I am not calling it a vacation, since, blogging is my idea of vacation). There is supposed to
be life without blogs, and tommorrow I am likely to find out.

(music at the back ground) tanda tananan tanadandandanda


xxx:-I“m sorry wise donkey, that's all we have for today. Have a wonderful trip. It was a pleasure having you on the show.


WD:- And xxx thanks for the questions, even Oprah would have been proud of you, since she wouldnt have come across such a boring person at the other end. You did a fabulous job.And more thanks to the viewers. For being sweet enough to tolearate me and not reaching for the remote err mouse control.

I would like to thank my family and also my husband by mentioning few wonderful words about him, but he wants my help in packing so got to rush
Byeeeeeeeeeee


xxx:-You can catch gaya on her blogs, which are on rediff, sify,blogspot,sulekha,spaces,tripod and o3. Have a nice day people.

BTW, this is an actual interview of wise donkey

Do U Know - Mumbai Waste

Mumbai generates 7000 tonnes of garbage a day. For more please read this article

Sray Recca Got it right
Spark got it nearly right
Sorry for the delay in posting the answer

N B Patil, principal secretary in the urban development department of the state government, reported that the Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) was spending Rs 500 crore a year on solid waste management, which works out to over Rs 1 crore a day. However, 90% of this cost goes towards paying employees who receive 129% of their salaries as dearness allowance.

Donkee's suggestions for success at work:)

Today had been busy giving suggestions to my friend wcm who wanted some work related suggestions. Thought I would share few of my suggestions with other bloggers.

For career advancement
Get a greeting card get with a puppy. (Dont choose a Pamela card since the attention will be on the pic and not your message.)


All along you have been my guide, philospher and mentor .
Earlier like others in the company I had thought you were a slave driver who had plenty of perks .
But your kindness, compassion and appreciation of my work (even if not reflected in the pay) ,
has made me realise you are not just a human being but a saint.
Boss, I have been troubled lately to realise that not only those beneath you
but also those above you do not appreciate you for the hard work you put in the company
I also realise your marriage and other relationships could be in trouble due to your dedication to your work and if you dont take care, you could be damaging your Heart too
And that dear Boss will break my Heart.

Dear Hero of my life,
let me take care of you and nourish you and cherish you
and return the debt I owe you

Dear Boss, please make me your Boss.


====================
Alternatively if you want just a raise and dont have time to get cards and can only send emails adopt this strategy


Dear (name of the hr manager of your rival company)
I thank you for your offer of ______ (the designation of ur boss) post and the salary of Rs ________ (slightly higher than ur boss salary) (of course better instead of Rs u use $ and let ur boss convert.)

But I must firmly refuse your unsolicited offer on the grounds that :
1.I am a valuable employee of the company and the company will collapse without me
2.I am a loyal employee of the company and soon I am going to become the employee of the year of my company.
3.Though I admit that the perks and position offered by you is higher then what is being offered at the moment, I am sure my boss is intelligent and smart and knows my value and will reevaluate my pay structure this week.
4.and its likely that I will get within this month

A.A bigger cabin
B.Flexible work options
C.Smarter dedicated assistants
D.Paid annual vacation to an European country of my choice
E.A chaffeur driven ____ car (specify your brand &pls dont write Ambasador)
F.Increased HRA which will allow me to live in a luxurious flat. (Add more if you can think of anything else)

There are probably better things my Creative Intelligent Boss can come up with for me, in consultation with our Competitive, Resourceful Motivating HR team, but I am too busy with my work at the moment to think of those.

But I will be fair and if you offer all this to me first, I would have to with deep regret, quit my organisation.

Yours sincerely
---------------
(your name)

Send this as an email to your boss ! When you boss brings it up, go red and ask how boss came to know about it, mumble about you sending it to boss since boss email id always in ur mind, and then slap ur hand on ur forehead and say, oh that means the rival company would think I have accepted their offer, look dazed and ask your boss with soulful eyes to help you out of this mess, by atleast giving you a raise.

====================

If you are fired dont worry, can help with your covering letter for another job application too.

For a fantastic career to God you pray,
And hope you wont be some manager's prey
Donkee is here to help your luck sway
Write this to HR,and get your way.

Without career in your Co I will decay,
And through this poem, my hopes I convey
For a chance with your org, I pray everyday
Aah what wouldnt I give, for a chance to obey.

Will never quit and your secrets betray
Have no fear I will never go astray
And will not leave even for a career in USA,
And by working hard, your fears I will allay

Will never turn up late or a project delay
Or spend time at buffet or cafe
Why will not even ask for an increased pay
And cause you stress and, dismay.

Weekend working? no probs, work for me is everyday,
After all I am all work and no play.
All you have to do is to give this application an okay
Give me a chance to prove all this is not cliche

Good luck :)

====================

This is for mngt babe blogger who wanted my "advice "for freshers interview in the same blog.

1.Get a morphed photo of yourself and some influential local. (Could be a politician IN POWER or the company CEO) . Let it "accidentally"get the attention of the interview panel. And confess Well this person is my inspiration blah blah

2.Hint your parents are millionaires, and you are working only to prove yourself (and that way you can emotionally negotiate the salary and say "but thats not even what I pay my maid !"). Also hint your grandmother another millionaire is dying and yet to write her and will use your advise for random acts of kindness, which can also include those in The panel.

3.Have your friend call you in your mobile (beg or borrow a good model) during the interview. Apologise for answering it and pretend its their rival company desperate to make you join their company. Throw figures and end with a polite "I will consider"

4.Say you are linguistic, its always a good additional qualification. With google learn few phrases of Italian,French German or other European languages. Japanese too is good, Chinese and Korean taking it too far, Thai pointless unless related to your business and if you learn some African language, dont blame me if you get kicked out. (Dont fake knowing other Indian languages, chances are you will be transferred to that area)

5.Corporatise your CV. You might be right out of college, but everyone likes experience.
So translate all your experience in the corporate lingo.
For Eg : Last summer was employed by a Leading MNC, to personally take care of their retail end of the supply chain and to smoothen the logsistics of their product delivery. Job Description also included -

• Also had to interact with their leading customers on customer satisfaction. And provide on the spot solutions to problems faced by the customer, if any and address and take appropriate, immediate action towards their complaints, if any, as per the corporate's internal guidelines.
• Being a brand ambassador for the corporate's product
• And other products, promoted through our supply chain
• Motivating other team members,
• To attend tenders and give quotations as laid down by the internal rules
• Also had to calculate the special discounts for our customer, as per the rules laid down by the Vice President - Promotions.

Entered into a non-disclosure agreement and hence cant provide additional specific details since disclosure would affect their market.

Can bloggers guess what the job would have been if not " Corporatised" ?

Aargh Diaries - Thief & Rapist

A conversation between Mr.C & Aargh

Aargh : "Imagine if a thief stole some money from your house, brutally assaulted you in the process and got caught and just before being sentenced by the judge, files an application, saying will work for you as your security, if necessary with reduced salaray, and the judge, delays the sentence and summons you for a reply, what will you say?"

Mr.C : "What nonsense! Of course I will say no. And why on earth will a judge think I will agree to the thief's offer?"

Aargh : "Well who knows, if it can happen for a rapist, why not for a thief.
And it has happened before, when the victim has married the rapist, and can happen again. Wish the girl, and her family, will be sensible like you Mr.C"

Do U Know - Assam Rifles & AIDS

In reference to a premier paramilitary force of 55,000 troops deployed across north-east India to combat the region's 30-odd guerrilla groups waging insurgencies for independent homelands or greater autonomy, it was said : "We now find more soldiers dying of HIV-AIDS than to bullets fired by militants."

Amit Recca Sray spark kavitha amita TripleX sweety AngelzFear got it right

Assam Rifles has revealed that more than 180 personnel of the force have been found to be HIV-positive, of which 32 have died of AIDS in the past decade.

Speaking to rediff.com on the sidelines of a three-day AIDS awareness campaign launched by the Assam Rifles Wives Welfare Association, Director General Lt Gen Bhopinder Singh said: "We now find more soldiers dying of HIV-AIDS than to bullets fired by militants."

from http://in.rediff.com/news/2005/apr/23aids.htm


Read other posts in Do U Know Series