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May 5, 2005

Aargh Diaries - Thief & Rapist

A conversation between Mr.C & Aargh

Aargh : "Imagine if a thief stole some money from your house, brutally assaulted you in the process and got caught and just before being sentenced by the judge, files an application, saying will work for you as your security, if necessary with reduced salaray, and the judge, delays the sentence and summons you for a reply, what will you say?"

Mr.C : "What nonsense! Of course I will say no. And why on earth will a judge think I will agree to the thief's offer?"

Aargh : "Well who knows, if it can happen for a rapist, why not for a thief.
And it has happened before, when the victim has married the rapist, and can happen again. Wish the girl, and her family, will be sensible like you Mr.C"


  1. This practice of asking the raped if she wants to marry the rapist, needs to be stopped. It is not the court's business. If they want to marry, fine.. but the rapist needs to get the punishment for the crime. A thief gets his punishment even if all the goods are recovered... so why not the bloody rapist?

  2. the judge has set a terrible precedent by agreeing to wait for the nurse's family reply.
    the ward boy deserves punishment .its merely a ploy to escape punishment....

    Hope the girl comes into the court and slps the ward boy in her reply.

  3. Well there have been cases and if one searches thru, one can come across them.
    but the problem mainly comes when people sympathise yet at the same time think a rape victim is a stigma when it comes to marrying
    and hence the parents and family think the girl needs a husband and even if its a rapist, why not.
    thankfully in the latest Delhi case the girl said, rather stay unmarried then marry the rapist.

  4. The attitude of the judge reflects the indian mindset. And does that imply that if i want to marry someone, who is not willing to marry me, the best way is to rape her and then give marriage proposal though the court?

  5. Wokeup at 7am,took the newspaper and the headlines were " Rapist offers to amrry the victim" And my sleep vanished and i threw away the paper.What do they think,some kind of a joke?? and the lady is a nurse and the idoit culprit was a wardboy.and thankfully the victim rejected and she said "i wish it were a death sentence" Well,i wish it were more than that.And i also hope the social stigma sourrounding the rape victims comes down in this country.Why do they have to live with the harsh reality that they lost their virginity,they are not worth anything more,they have to go through a trauma because of the assault and more than that because of the attitude of the society. Well,they were victims of a physical assault,and they lost their selfrespect more than anything.And let them have a normal life after that.In many cases when the offer for marriage is given it is more out of pressure from the parents and lawyers and friends.Its a kind of settlement of life,getting married is better than staying alone.If i were the judge i would have told to chop off the hands of the culprit with which he forced the victim.Damn them all,i hate it to read abt being helpless just because she was a women.Why the hell is physical pressure so imp to the opposite sex{not everyone,in this case i am talking abt the culprits} that they can forcefully get it?In one such case of rape the culprit gave her a few hundred rs after the assault and threatened her with worst,but she still complained against him,but in the court he offered to marry her and she accpeted and withdrew the case.Forget abt her acceptance,what the hell was the judge doing,dont we have a rule that he is anyways punishable? let him marry her after serving the sentence.or marry her and then go to the prison.

  6. by the way i changed my name in the blog from neelima to akruti:)

  7. well its more of a personal opinion...
    where one lady chose to hae the victim punished, the other decided to marry him.

    We must agree that there must be some circumstance that led to the girl marrying the rapist, and we (at least I ) do not know that was..

    And as the joke goes..."is marriage not enough punishment ? "

    Hy neelima, that's a nice name to go by...will drop by your blog soon.

  8. akruti i read that case, i did do a search on cases where the victim married the rapist. and there was another one on times about a case in mumbai.

    actually i am suprised at the reaction of media over the Delhi judge, within the last 6 months i read an article on judges i think in orissa considering that b4 sentence. and i think its more of the norm.

    u mention the rapist a ward boy , if he had been a reputed surgeon, or a political bigwig's son, shudder to think the pressure from society Could have been different:(

    ultimately its just about givin in to social pressure.

    i dont believe in death sentence for rape but i do think the laws should be made more effective.
    had written a do u know on rape

    personally think the marriage joke in bad taste:) its not funny to live with a person who has abused u and when u live just because the person has abused u.
    and the number one circumstance for such marriage, is the fear that u have to be married and you wont get a husband, i think.

    spark sad but true.

    Worth a read
    Do U Know - Rape marital status age and gender

  9. The standard reason given for such situations is: oh, no one will marry the girl, so it is at least better if the rapist marries her. There are many faults with the argument, but I mention a few.
    a) It assumes that the girl needs a husband desperately. In this case, the girl is a nurse, who can pay for her own life, thank you!
    b) Why do people assume that no one else will marry her, or she wont fall in love with someone?
    c) A marriage needs mutual respect. I dont think a girl can really respect a guy who raped her in the first place.

  10. Exactly,the worst situation in this country when girls are pitied upon for not getting married by certain age,i am talking abt the so called middle class where morals and values {who can define them} form such an imp part in society that ppl blindly follow them."Log kya kahenge" is the standard point with them all.Let woment take the decision if she wants to get married or not.i have this collegue of mine who keeps pestering me why i am not getting married now that i crossed 25.I kept smiling and silent for abt 6months- a rare show of patience for me:) and one fine day i told her,i dont find any eligible bachelors,the only one was married to u,now i dont mind marrying a divorcee,when are u going to divorce him." Till date she doesnt ask me "when will u get married,what is ur family doing,it is too late or got with someone kya " kind of questions.
    And abt rape victims,as SRay said,who is desperate to get married,let her decide what she needs in life,to be or not to be with someone in her life is only and only her decision.

  11. awww....ok words eaten :))

    yes WD that may be the situation here, and I guess in our society rape victims are looked down upon. What the judiciary & the media need to enforce is the right to privacy of such people, rather than sensationalizing the entire crime. I can't imagine the trauma a rape victim has to go thru, and because of the fear of public disgrace, many such cases are unreported.

  12. sray agree,especially with no.3. i doubt if there can ever be peace and harmony at homes where partners dont respect each other.
    akruti agree not just in rape situations but even in general life,(for men and women) when r u gettin married and later why no kid is just so irritating.(thats the top reason to NOT get married)
    @$#!$# well i think they dont show the victim's face and i think names changed (not sure in all cases) but still the media could go about it in a better manner. it doesnt help if a 5 tv cameras visit my home.

  13. Well even i've seen the squares drawn over the victims face, but doesn't going to the victim's house & creating a ruckus there create bad name for the victim already? Don't the neighbours see the press & media people clasping their mikes and reporting a rape??? Isn't that humiliation enough?

    Maybe there can be a system where the police doesn't visit the victim's house, but the victim goes over when required. Again, this must be well thought out and done, as this might also be embarrasing.

    And as for the press, STOP SENSATIONALIZING RAPES! The poor victim is already traumatized enough!

  14. @$#!$# exactly.

    and media while focusin on individual cases, doesnt care to talk about the laws, their interpretations and effectiveness and also the modus operandi victims have to follow.

  15. I really don't think the rapists should be hanged. Death is too easy for such people. They should be castrated.

    Sounds cruel? But if atleast some ten rapists are castrated, they obviously won't try it again (even if they want to, they can't) and any would-be rapists will definitely think twice!!! When the women they rape are "humiliated", don't you think the rapists deserve the same?

    Moreover, if the raped women are considered not-suitable-for-marriage, then these castrated rapists surely will get the same fate. Apt revenge, don't you think?

    Tit for tat may not be suitable all the time, but in case of a rape, it does and more!!

  16. Well deeps....its like the approach they follow in Saudi Arabia..if u steal, they chop off your hands...(not surgically, this is done in public). And the penalty for rape is death by sword, in full public.

    Well I guess the rapist must not be allowed to hide his face when in front of the press....Why do criminals always get to hide their faces using those stupid towels.....and the victims don't?? Too bloody unfair!

  17. I do think castration is a good idea. But castration is a medical process, and if the rapist's skin is thick, he wont be ashamed at all. So he needs to be castrated, and incarcerated.

    Another problem in India is the lack of symmetry between laws for men and women. Agreed that most rapes are by men, but women rapists need to be treated as harshly as men.

  18. I am against death penalty and also against castration.
    Castration is a feel good idea. We are living in a country where one could take a warrant against the President of the country. What is the guarantee that this law if created wont be misused. Death penalty I also oppose because, that just puts the victims lives at more risks. We have death penalty for "rare"murders, does it stop murders?

    sray there is no law to deal with female rapists as u would have seen from the do u know post i had mentioned earlier.

    re.covering their faces, well again, they could be innocent. but i dont care either way.

    what is needed is not just harsher penalties.

    a proper support group for rape victims, including counselling.
    socially not making marrying a rape victim a stigma
    recognising that women who complain against rape are just fighting for their rights, and not women with "attitude"
    having a more sensible law on rape, in terms of age, gender and marital status.
    many countries have a broader definition of rape, for eg, anal rape etc. perhaps that need to be examined.
    making people aware of the law (rape is not just a villain chasing a heroine or hero's sister in some dark godown and scaring her and tearing off her clothes one at a time.
    a harsher law to deal with paedophiles.
    a fast track system
    I heard something about the neighbourhood being notified if a sexual offender lives amongst them in US (i dont know if its for paedophiles only) but that too sounds like a good idea.

  19. Actually, castration is a good idea for "serial" rapists, who cannot keep themselves in check, due to hormonal problems. It would be better if could take regular medicine for this problem, but we all know that is not practical (who will monitor?). You might say that they are suffering from a disease, but that doesnt give them an excuse to go rape. I dont know of any other way to stop such "serial" rapists.

  20. for serial rapists, a life sentence perhaps sray???

    or if its just hormonal therapy and counselling, let it be done during the term in prison assuming that prg is easy to implement.

  21. Actually, a life sentence seems harsher to me, than castration. Sure, if the rape is a violent one, then life-sentence is needed. But rapes vary, some could be just molestation, and life-sentence is too harsh for that.

    Hormonal therapy can be done in prison, but what abt. once the prison term is over? Unless the therapy is permanent, the person will go back to his old ways. In USA, there is the scheme where the rapist is forced to wear a bracelet that is remotely monitored to make sure he behaves and stays within a certain area. But such a scheme is not practical/feasible in India.

  22. well we are talking about serial rapist, and so i presume it will not just be couple of Proven cases.

    there is already a provision for life sentence under the law as punishment for rape, and i dont think the judges give it out so easily.

  23. personally i think if the rapist apologises and is repentant for the act then it is up to the victim to decide if she is ready to forgive the rapist,but the offer to marry her is totally opposite to any repentance and is against any dharma.It isn't an act of repentance but the act of a opputunist

  24. Well its different if the rapist accepts the charge, goes to prison and after serving the sentence, offers to marry and the victim decides to forgive and marry, and does it out of choice rather than circumstances.

    but generally the marriage is seen as a way out of prison and hardly a matter of choice..

  25. what the judge did was display his typically Indian Society mental state....we could talk a lot of things, but when in the position of the raped girl, it may seem different and marriage to the same guy may be favorable considering the societal setup we have...
    No, I am not saying what is happening is right, but until we reach a stage where the society accepts rape as another vicious crime and stops persecuting the raped victim more than the rapist with their attitude, I think such marriages and reduction of sentences are going to keep happening.
    slapping the rapist or castration are only methods of vengeful satisfaction, what is needed is the support of the society for the victim in understanding that the rape does not mean the end of life or the end of hope for a future happy marriage and life in a dignified manner in society.

  26. "gaya"

    This was the most shocking thing a judge cud do .. was it a case of child custody that he/she was looking for an amicable solution ..

    Damn the Judiciary for even thinking of suggesting such a insensitive statement ...

    I wud say the nurse has full right of suing the courts for making such a mock statement and causing her feel more dejected ...

    How can a Rapist be a husband to her ?? .. He blinded her and cud have killed her by leaving her bleeding to death ...

    He shud have been hanged to set an example to wannabe rapists ...

    The incident has not left me in good taste regarding the Jury's decision to even think of putting forth such an idiotic proposal ...

  27. kavitha agree:)

    amita, what was probably odd was not the judge asking the victim if she wanted to consider, but the victim sayin no. on the same day there was a case in mumbai when the victim agreed to marry. if u search in u would find many cases like that. not to mention cases which might have been settled outside the court.

  28. "gaya"

    Does it make any sense to marry a rapist ...Its as good as accepting ur death sentence for no fault of ur own ..

    Regarding the women marrying a rapist in mumbai , it might be due to parental pressure ,socio economic hardships ... nything

    We cant speculate on it but i dont think any women wud marry a rapist given a free choice ..

  29. well amita i agree with u.
    but btw there r probably many instances of stayin married to a rapist.

    Rape is a Rape ,even if after marriage.

    And sadly the Indian law doesnt think so and even though child marriage is illegal, unless the bride below 12, the punishment and lack of punishment ridiculous.

  30. "gaya"

    Yeah , I think arranged marriages at times also turn out to be a legal way of Rape ...

    But then there is no law in India that can help any women/man with regards to this ...

  31. Amita India has signed international treaties towards making marital rape a crime a decade ago, well perhaps somewhere in the future..

  32. "gaya"

    Signing treaties isnt a solution ..
    Implementing them is Atmost Essential

  33. amita i agree,
    it WAS a step in sayin we have a problem which requires our attention and sadly there has been no action.

  34. Rapists should be castrated..period.

  35. Even today there was news of a girl agreeing to marry her rapist!
    How??? this is all i can think!

    Aargh has put a good question across! if that makes sense this shud too!!
    Kudos to Aargh !

    regarding punishment : i agree to castration.


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