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Apr 4, 2005

Aargh Diaries - Mr.Popular & Saurav Ganguly

A friend from Visakhapatnam wanted my suggestions on party conversations and being Mr.Popular.

Well though I dont buzz around in the party circuit and definitely not Mr.Popular, this doesnt prevent me from giving tips:D

Rule no.1
Talk about Cricket/Politics/Films. Someone or other is bound to be interested in that.

Rule no.2
Spout Statistics if possible, you will look knowledgable too. But dont go into tooooo much statistics. One stat per conversation should be your limit.

Rule no.3
Generally you dont have to talk a lot or know a lot to be popular, listening would do equally well and compliments will do more :) But dont go overboard, it will be treated as flattery. Stick to one per conversation.

Rule no.4
If you dont smoke drink or eat only veggies, and others have different preferences, dont advertise it. Just quietly follow it.

I sent this by email and thought perhaps I could elaborate on this in a book and was wondering if I would be able to get a 7 figure book contract when I received an email from my friend - he doesnt watch cricket.

Aargh!!

Didnt know there could be guys who dont follow cricket.

Well anyway those who talk about cricket need not be experts. And since there is going to be cricket match in Visakhapatnam tommorrow, cricket will be definitely discussed tonight, so came up with the following suggestions for his party tonight.

1.Say Saurav should be dropped. Unless you are in Kolkatta (and you are not in Kokatta), think the majority will agree. After all even after he won the match in Kochi, in Star News Match ka Mujrim, around 63% thought he was the Mujrim.

2.If someone dares to mention something like he is most successful captain, retort with he should become a Non playing Captain and laugh. Dont worry others will join in and laugh with you.

3.Even if he scores a century in the next match and you have a party next week, maintain the same and say oneday performance dont count or say the opposition took pity or say he survived because of poor Pakistan fielding and it would have been a different story if the catch had been taken.
(Seeing Saurav's form, he probably wont score the century and even if he takes, bound to give couple of chances and Pakistan fielders are not Kaifs.)

4.Dont say who the next captain should be. Some will think Shewag and some Dravid and some might even say Sachin or Yuvraj or Laxman (Since Vizag is in AP and Laxman from AP). Dont commit, just say, the first thing is to kick Saurav out.

5.Sachin is tricky since there are some who worship him and some who despise him. If you are aware of his scores, and if he fails, say he should spend more time on the nets than modelling for ads. Safer to avoid him or just say he could do better or better just say the players earn too much and should be accountable. Quote a few crores. No one is going to check it.

6.Talk about non performing players should be replaced with younger players and that there is abundant talent in the country. No need to mention the younger players names. Just a casual reference will do.

7.Talk about Indian pride and how the players should be more responsible when representing the country. Talk about how professional Aussies were in kicking out even Steve Waugh. Dont talk about what Aussies do to groom their players and encourage talent. And definitely dont talk about Indian pitches, or women's cricket.

8.If you dont mind getting offensive, add Ganguly removed his shirt in England now Pakis are removing his pants. (Ok Ok it was not mine, its from Match ka Mujrim).

9.Whenever possible see Match ka Mujrim, yeah I know you are not interested in cricket, but then according to me, even that programme is not about cricket either.

10.Never say you dont watch cricket, some will wonder if that means you are gay :)

PS : Received an email from him now..
Instead of thanking me and saying he is deeply obliged to me for the rest of his life, he is foaming and fuming.
Seems my friend had decided to practise my rules on the first person he came across today at a hotel and that guy turned out to be Saurav Ganguly.

Aargh !!!!

Well...my friend is lucky, if he had told something similar to Inzy, he could have come after him with the bat, like he did in the West Indies.
Sorry Saurav, Hope you too reply with the bat :)

17 comments:

  1. Well...yes bashing saurav ganguly is definitely going to attract some people. Another thing one can do is rue about the lack of wicketkeeper batsman in the team....well browbeating about the lack of genuine fast bowlers is not as hot..but still it can work..

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  2. :)) spark
    well when Parthiv was there he was media+mass lynchboy no.1 but now people r not that bothered about wicketkeepers.
    fast bowlers, well not now since we have a bunch of them..

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  3. Hi gaya, How are you?
    I miss the old ganguly, who wud attack the bowlers. Once he got going, phew!!!!!!! he was unstoppable

    so far he has made 9 runs from 21 balls. Good that Dhoni is there

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  4. Fine thanks xxx:)
    unfortunately i was right while typin about Saurav in http://o3.indiatimes.com/angelzfear/archive/2005/04/05/93796.aspx#Comments

    yeah u r right there, i seem to have a black tongue :D

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  5. aaawwww gaya, don't worry, its only a coincedence, and anway we don't need him to score, others are there.

    as long as we win , i don't mind if he does not score

    we are 1 wicket away from victory

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  6. "as long as we win , i don't mind if he does not score"

    Thats the thing... once India loses a match, the press is going to fall on him like a ton of bricks, even if it is not his mistake.

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  7. Sray :))
    Even if India wins or levels and he doesnt score a section of media is on him like a ton of bricks,
    God save Saurav if the team loses :D

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  8. Gaya,

    Came across this blog just a few days ago and am enjoying your posts a lot :) You're good :)

    As far as Saurav is concerned, I really don't want to comment. Lots of people are wasting thier time arguing about it already. Nothing's gonna change till the Cricket board decides to do something about him ;-)

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  9. Deeps thanks:)

    I absolutely agree with you. Each one is entitled to their opinion on saurav, but I think the media has become too obsessed with him. And if he wins few matches and scores few centuries and made out to be a demi God, i would object to that too.
    No need to lynch Saurav, No need to glorify Saurav, just treat him like a sportsman and give the topic just the attention it deserves.

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  10. Hi wisey,

    Ur remarks seem to be so apt but then I guess this is what everybody is talking abt and still nothing happens...Some players are in the team just because they are Maharaja(captain) of the game. The day selectors feel that he shouldnt be the captain I am damn sure they are going to throw him out of the team as well....What is doing anyways apart from bossing them team (pun intended)

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  11. One of the mysteries of life, why the people who slogs are paid less and the boss paid more :D

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  12. Are there any yardsticks to measure Saurav's performance as a captain . Most of Indian captains have been non performers individually while they were captains . At least Dada has won more matches . As Indians we are obsessed with individual performance of Dada.

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  13. after the world cup debacle, bashing saurav ganguly wont be attracting people any more, there is a chance of some, infact majority 0f people going against your opinion. so now dont dare to pull down saurav in public.... it may lead to noisy debate....

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  14. sindu times change, but when i wrote this (sarcastically) the media was busy pulling saurav down..

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Have a Great Day!