Aargh Diaries - Mr.Popular & Saurav Ganguly

A friend from Visakhapatnam wanted my suggestions on party conversations and being Mr.Popular.

Well though I dont buzz around in the party circuit and definitely not Mr.Popular, this doesnt prevent me from giving tips:D

Rule no.1
Talk about Cricket/Politics/Films. Someone or other is bound to be interested in that.

Rule no.2
Spout Statistics if possible, you will look knowledgable too. But dont go into tooooo much statistics. One stat per conversation should be your limit.

Rule no.3
Generally you dont have to talk a lot or know a lot to be popular, listening would do equally well and compliments will do more :) But dont go overboard, it will be treated as flattery. Stick to one per conversation.

Rule no.4
If you dont smoke drink or eat only veggies, and others have different preferences, dont advertise it. Just quietly follow it.

I sent this by email and thought perhaps I could elaborate on this in a book and was wondering if I would be able to get a 7 figure book contract when I received an email from my friend - he doesnt watch cricket.

Aargh!!

Didnt know there could be guys who dont follow cricket.

Well anyway those who talk about cricket need not be experts. And since there is going to be cricket match in Visakhapatnam tommorrow, cricket will be definitely discussed tonight, so came up with the following suggestions for his party tonight.

1.Say Saurav should be dropped. Unless you are in Kolkatta (and you are not in Kokatta), think the majority will agree. After all even after he won the match in Kochi, in Star News Match ka Mujrim, around 63% thought he was the Mujrim.

2.If someone dares to mention something like he is most successful captain, retort with he should become a Non playing Captain and laugh. Dont worry others will join in and laugh with you.

3.Even if he scores a century in the next match and you have a party next week, maintain the same and say oneday performance dont count or say the opposition took pity or say he survived because of poor Pakistan fielding and it would have been a different story if the catch had been taken.
(Seeing Saurav's form, he probably wont score the century and even if he takes, bound to give couple of chances and Pakistan fielders are not Kaifs.)

4.Dont say who the next captain should be. Some will think Shewag and some Dravid and some might even say Sachin or Yuvraj or Laxman (Since Vizag is in AP and Laxman from AP). Dont commit, just say, the first thing is to kick Saurav out.

5.Sachin is tricky since there are some who worship him and some who despise him. If you are aware of his scores, and if he fails, say he should spend more time on the nets than modelling for ads. Safer to avoid him or just say he could do better or better just say the players earn too much and should be accountable. Quote a few crores. No one is going to check it.

6.Talk about non performing players should be replaced with younger players and that there is abundant talent in the country. No need to mention the younger players names. Just a casual reference will do.

7.Talk about Indian pride and how the players should be more responsible when representing the country. Talk about how professional Aussies were in kicking out even Steve Waugh. Dont talk about what Aussies do to groom their players and encourage talent. And definitely dont talk about Indian pitches, or women's cricket.

8.If you dont mind getting offensive, add Ganguly removed his shirt in England now Pakis are removing his pants. (Ok Ok it was not mine, its from Match ka Mujrim).

9.Whenever possible see Match ka Mujrim, yeah I know you are not interested in cricket, but then according to me, even that programme is not about cricket either.

10.Never say you dont watch cricket, some will wonder if that means you are gay :)

PS : Received an email from him now..
Instead of thanking me and saying he is deeply obliged to me for the rest of his life, he is foaming and fuming.
Seems my friend had decided to practise my rules on the first person he came across today at a hotel and that guy turned out to be Saurav Ganguly.

Aargh !!!!

Well...my friend is lucky, if he had told something similar to Inzy, he could have come after him with the bat, like he did in the West Indies.
Sorry Saurav, Hope you too reply with the bat :)