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Oct 10, 2005

Aargh Diaries - Men Money and Moms

The new kid who has joined the office was grumbling to the yuppie guy. "I dont have a girlfriend because all women care about is money. They are liars and hypocrites when they say they look for character humour and intelligence etc"

Well on a Monday Morning I have work to do. But couldnt help wondering, how many wives have been burnt to death for not bringing in the money and how many husbands have been divorced and killed because they have stopped earning in India. Let a homemaker stop doing her job, there would whispers and suggestions of death or a divorce lawyer.

*Based on this, how much would it hurt the men, if all men were labelled as animals, yet few men dont care if they label all women as Golddiggers. Perhaps I should ask, are you speaking about your mom. Aaargh men hate it when I involve their moms in the discussion. But if they think so highly of her, then why do they think other women cant be like her, or that their mom too was young at a point of time, and other guys could have insulted her the way they are insulting women now, that, their mom would have hoped their sons, would be different..

To say the few girls that I have met, care about money is not the same as saying all girls care only about money and they are liars and hypocrites when they say they dont.

Well why should I care, many women today can earn the money and take care of herself, but there are some men who need dowry to supplement their income and boost their ego, and a wife to wash the vessels. And thanks to society thinking they are less precious, numerically atleast women have become more precious.

Hi guy when you say money is all that all women are looking
And when they say no, they dont, all of them are lying

If he stops earning, many wives dont think of killing
But there are husbands who kill when their wives stops bringing

All men are not same, just like all women arent, is my thinking
But when you generalise women, exactly about whom are you thinking

Did you pause to think, when young, the same of your mom too others would have been saying
And after couple of decades too, many men havent changed their thinking

Aargh I better stop this pondering and get back to working
Since towards me, my Boss is now looking.


*To me to imply that because of dowry deaths, to think all men would have money in their priorities is as stupid as to think that because of some golddiggers, all women would be gold diggers or liars if they say no they arent.

PS : Its not easy answering personal questions, for me, I think it could be equally tough for others. I do think it makes one vulnerable, and feel it shouldnt be used to form judgements and generalisations. There might have been 2 posts in O3 by bloggers who happen to be male, taking swipes at female bloggers preferences in tags. But I must admit I am disappointed when I realise that therent have been protests by male bloggers against generalising women. And if a blogger (male or female) generalises men based on tags, do leave a link, I wouldnt hesitate to argue against it.

Tommorrow if a blogger writes men are wrong when they mention in their tags that money is not important to them. of course money is important. Look at the dowry deaths and how many guys would share the wedding expenses, and that the male bloggers in o3 are perhaps from another planet.

I wouldnt type
or hmmm perhaps you have a point
or interesting/great observation
or ok lets have fun with this fight
or lets see what the guys say about this
or well we cant expect bloggers to be honest in this forum
or men will never tell the truth and will argue throughout their lives that they never tell the truth, etc.

Even if the post is written by a dowry victim. And just women are not dowry victims.
Men can be victim of this system too.The bride's father, her brothers, her male friends, and her son if she has one, all are victims and get hurt when she is hurt.

I am against generalisations, not against men or women.


  1. I feel its just a human tendeny to generalize while writing and speaking. Somewhere down even he knows that all (wo)men are not same.

  2. amit true:)

    but if u went thru the post and the comments, it was mentioned that women who posted the tags didnt mention money so they must be from another planets.

    a comment is not the same as post, and when one writes a post and imply that women are being dishonest just because they havent confirmed to a sterotype, i have to disagree:)
    and while i read tags, i didnt think of them as male female etc. and this is the 2nd post in o3 on women and their preferences in responses to tag. while to my knowledge no such equally deplorable judgements have been made on men:)

    while i would have been equally repelled by a generalisation on men, i perhaps find it offensive when many bloggers ( i dont care if they r male or female) become amused by the generalisation and crack jokes on it.

    Just for info :)
    Alls ok between the blogger and me and we have communicated our opinions without misunderstandings thru comments in my o3 post.:)

  3. n also when a gal loves a rich, we assume its coz he is rich...We dont realise that the lady could have loved him coz of his intelligence, humor or some other thing. Rich man can also be humorous and intelligent.

    Generalisations are ok as long as its a true fact about large % of population. If 10% of woman love rich guys then it doesnt mean all woman love rich guy.

    n u can forgive the new kid. I am sure he was kidding! Its just an excuse for not having a gf. I am sure he din mean it.

  4. anbu :) well aargh is fictional.

    what made me mad was the accusation that just because 5-6 female bloggers didnt write money, they will be liars.

    each one their preferences. i dont care to judge gold diggers, but do get mad, when anyone unnecessarily called a liar :)

  5. As a rule, I'm against generalisations, bascially because its a ghettoisation or US v/s THEM mentality.
    So what he said was wrong of course!

    Not, of course, if we are making fun of them! :D

    [i]"But I must admit I am disappointed when I realise that therent have been protests by male bloggers against generalising women."[/i]

    I did/do. I dont think the ladies need someone else to protest for them anyhow! :-P

    but I do take an exception to this comment:
    [i]But couldnt help wondering, how many wives have been burnt to death for not bringing in the money and how many husbands have been divorced and killed because they have stopped earning in India.[/i]

    Firstly, cos its just very rare in India, heck most places cos society is patriarchal in nature. And expects the man to work! So the sample case is much smaller vis-a-vis those asking for and giving dowry.

  6. bangaloreguy,
    we both are familiar with the o3 atmosphere, and this post was written due to it.

    money can be important to men and women. when a post comes up attacking women saying they ought to care about money, i just cant help questioning, so guys dont care about money at all? mate why dont u use the same yardstick and test the hypocrisy...

    hmmm its not a question of girls needing help. when i say i will support issues related to men, it doesnt mean i think the guys are weak and they need my support.

    its just a question of stand. and if u r not with them, you are against them:D

  7. Hi,

    I liked your article. I belong to a group who hates dowry, but are false victims of the law.

    I am sure you would support people who are fighting for a cause against injustice.

    Yes I am talking specific. and against generalisation.

    I invite you to visit my blog to know more. and participate. I am eager to know about *your stand* on our specific predicament.

    we are victims also consisting of mothers, sisters of indian husbands fighting to save indian families against the misuse of dowry law.

    welcome to
    awating to know your stand.


  8. i will visit ur blog.

    i am assuming you are victims of false cases of dowry.

    my stand is simple. i condemn it.
    every false case, is an obstacle and can stand in way of a genuine case.

    but if u want a law changed , i dont support it.
    faulty execution should be corrected, but that doesnt mean the law should be removed.

    there are other laws which can be misused, we dont say lets remove a law due to it.

    if one could take a warrant against the President of India, by giving a bribe, it doesnt mean one shouldnt be able to take warrants against anybody.

    i dont associate with any group based on gender, religion or caste.
    and take a stance based on the merits of the issue.

  9. Due respects to your views,

    Law should not be changed. But the misuse should be taken care of.

    Spend some good time on each article of mine. You will get it, we are here to give a 360 degree view, to show the other side of the moon that exists though not seen.

    Please take your time.

    I appreciate your response.


  10. i have replied in ur blog. and when i blog on that, will post the link.

    Thank you.
    wish u the best.:)

  11. Perhaps this post is a rarity for you.
    Happy Birthday MIL
    And being a private person, i dont post much about my family .
    and fyi havent written a post on my mom.
    perhaps this and the last para of More than Money in Man for me
    could persuade you to tone down the rheotric in ur blog.

    i dont care to spend my time on readin on just one side of the moon.


Have a Great Day!