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Aug 26, 2010

Rahul, Dimpy aur Insaaf

If Rakhi Sawant can deliver Insaaf better than Raj Thackeray on NDTV Imagine, Rahul and Dimpy can deliver better justice than Rakhi at a rival entertainment channel, titled "Rampy aur Insaaf ." 

Its a Royal Court with attendants in garish costumes. Trumpets blow, Shehnais and Sitars are re-mixed, as Rahul and Dimpy enter, dressed in the Latest Authentic Ethnic Finery (LAEF) and sit on a throne, from the Ramayan set.

The Host also dressed in LAEF introduces the first complainant.

A woman cries "There are more mobiles than toilets in India! We have corruption cases like Koda and Kalmadi's and their crores. And renovation cases like Yeddyurappa who spend Ten Lakhs on their toilet. What can you do to ensure every Indian gets a Toilet?"

Dimpy smiles demurely and says "I think Rahulji is better suited to answer this case since his father had groomed him to be a future PM and he is an expert on politics." Dimpy and Rahul smile at each other.(Background violin "Tujhe dekha to yeh jana sanam").

Host "Rahulji, when will you enter active politics? We know you spend lots of time doing social service."
Rahul chukles and chides the Host "My Social Service is supposed to be a Secret, otherwise my Service will be viewed as just a publicity stunt. When the time comes, I will talk about other plans. But right now, lets talk about this person's problem." Rahul turns smiles at the woman and brings a finger to the chin.
The host thunders "Ek chote se break ke baad, aapko milega Rahulji ka Jawab aur Insaaf".
After mere 6 minutes of advertisements,

Rahul with serious expression (Eyebrows knitted).
"Legal angle is a waste because it takes time," "unlike our show" jibes the Host, Audience Laughs and cheers for 3 minutes."Sorry Rahulji please continue" apologises the Host.
"And government has to spend so much money on prosecution and financing all the Swiss trips for CBI officers. Lets introduce a fine system. The accused will have to pay 25% of the scam amount as fine. Government will have more money for spending on sanitation and all will be Fine. On renovation of bathrooms, please understand, unless we give the best to our ministers they won't be able to give their best. " (Background music "All is Well").

Dimpy "Rahulji with so much of our money in Swiss Bank accounts, didn't you think we should nationalise Swiss banks and bring back the money to India?" Studio audience breaks into applause. Rahul nods, takes Dimpy's hands, looks into her eyes and vows, that it would be his first move after becoming Prime Minister, but she shouldn't spill out his secrets in public." Dimpy blushes and apologises.

Studio Audience claps while Host gets ecstatic and hands over to the complainant, a gift voucher from a sponsor, for an elite bath set and mentions a tiny break.

After 8 minutes of advertisements, the Host introduces a poor man (wearing only a dhothi) from Rajasthan, who wails, for 11 days of physical work in hot sun I got Rs.11 but MPs earn in thousands and get hikes, even if they disrupt Parliament.

Dimpy smiles at Rahul and asks permission to answer the question. Rahul, gives her an indulgent smile and nods. Dimpy in a choked voice "Sir, you got Rs.11 for 11 days but what about your wife, who has worked for your family, how much has she got? This is life, it has ups and downs." A close up shot reveals a tear flowing down Rahul's face (background sad sitar sound).

Dimpy continues "How much do you think your mother struggled to give birth to you, do you think you can pay her adequte compensation? We work for the love of our nation. MPs may earn in thousands but what about cricketers and film stars who earn in crores? Please do not confuse work, love, respect, value and money."

Turns in slow motion to Rahul and looks at him for approval. Rahul gives her a you make me feel so proud of you look (gazes with smile without blinking). (Background violin Kabhie Kabhie mere Dil Mein).

Audience claps, Host Wah Wahs and gives the Man a Chocolate Gift Hamper and the latest Fairness Cream with anti-darkening RE3 agent, specially made, for those who are out in the sun for a longtime. The complainant gives a deep bow and goes away with the hampers and a smile on his face.

After a 5 minute ad break, the Host introduces us to the final complainant. A young guy is checking his mobile, realises the camera is on him and complains tearfully,"No one reads my blog or my tweets. I have 641 followers on my twitter not a single one of them respond to my tweets."

Rahul gets down from his throne and walks up to the guy and puts his arm around him. "Life is very cruel. But instead of Twitter and Blogger if you spend your time on TV, you will feel significant, because in TV TRP is everything. And you can participate and make a difference, especially if you watch and vote with Reality TV.

The Tweeter breaks down more and cries more and while hugging Rahul tweets "Hugging Rahul Mahajan" and updates his Facebook Wall, with "Rahul thinks I Rock". Dimpy also joins them and cries, and says "I know how tough, it is to feel insignificant, and I will pray for you. And the three of them go and pray in front of the Ganesh Idol near the throne. Dimpy sings Jai Ganesh Aarthi and offers the prasad to Rahul, Host and Tweeter (who is tweeting and posting with one hand).

Rahul and Dimpy handover the latest mobile with twitwofour technology to the Tweeter and offers one final advise. "Please don't confuse Online Readers, Followers and Friends with family. The only important people exist in real life, spend more time watching TV with your family members." Audience Applauds. Background music "Insaaf ka Mandir hai yeh".

Dimpy's puppy runs to her and licks her face. Audience coo. Dimpy tells the Host they have to take leave to spend quality family time together and promise to come back to resolve more problems. Rahul thanks the sponsors and the producers. And they leave in a chariot, with two white horses, waving to the crowd, as the onlookers cheers.

Host looks directly at the camera and says "We are family, we are here to advise and suggest. Come,Share your problems with Us".

According to some sources, Dimpy gave the Tweeter, a printout of Blogadda's How to get More Readers Traffic for your blog and said, "Bhaiya, I wish they had Tips for Twitter too". Rahul got suspicious and snatched the printout and shredded it to pieces. The Director Yelled Cut! and screamed "Why mention Blogadda! They haven't sponsored us!"

If you liked this post try, The Patriot - The Celebrity with Duty
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  1. Hahaha!

    Does a program like this really exist? Or did you invent, so that you could instead spoof it? :D

  2. ketan see the first line rakhi ka insaaf exits.
    rahul obviously is a spoof

  3. hahaha... yo rock!...

    I liked the part where you actually gave reference of the Re1/day wage..

    You have so flawlessly intertwined the hard realities with this silly unreal reality show..hatsoff!
    How do you get such innovative ideas :)..

  4. hii
    wow! hilarious it is .. nice satire

  5. unknown i read the serious and the stupid stuff and they mingle in my brain:) thank you:)

    as and ramesh thank you:)

  6. yayyyyyyyyyyy chakk te fatte Eh hoi na GAL...

    Nice one loved reading it to the last word.. and yeah why mention blogadda they never choose my articles for a WIN :( I aint using them anymore too he hehehe

    I was just reading the article on how rakhi thinks she can solve Mumbai's problems better then Raj Thackrey...

    excellent and excellent adn Excellent AGAINnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn wah wah ji wah

  7. bikram thank you so much:)
    on blogadda they tweeted out the article just when i tweeted out mine, and i was short of time and was thinking my other ending was lame. (not easy to think when u have a kid on sitting on ur head.)

  8. This is so cool... i actually thought it was true... very well written with respect to intertwining the realities and the harshness of what actually gets done about them!

  9. ya buddy i take comfort in the fact that daughter was not harmed during the robbery....thanks ya..

  10. ramesh, yes thats everything.

    that was brilliant... what a take on Rahul and Dimpy and TV TRP... so many issues covered in one post...
    enjoyed reading it :)

  12. Oh my God!! You are unbelievable!! You rock!

    I was laughing all the while. Fantastic. I liked the costumes and the vehicle(chariot) thing a lot. What a spoof!

  13. LOL that! i just got an SMS last week which red,

    if rahul had to update his facebook status it would be,

    Give me some sunshine
    Give me some rain,
    Give me another wife
    so i can beat her up again..:)

  14. What a kickass post :-) Thank you so much for dropping by my blog, so I could return the visit and get to read your awesome post :-)

  15. For a moment I thought that this is actually a show being aired on TV. Anything is possible.

    But it was fun imagining Rahul and his consort on a throne dispensing gyaan.

    The background music was the icing on the cake.

  16. Wow !! You have a real funny bone.. and love the way you've the way you've concocted the show !! Sheer brilliance :)

  17. this super lol stuff.
    rahul mahajan ki shaadi hui aur usme log bhi interested, i never knew this.
    Dimpy ab tak do-teen TV shows mein aa chuki hogi :O

  18. thanks Insignia and Purba what would be our programs without costumes and music?

    madhu yeah i got that crazy one too:)

    writerzonblock we have to thank bikram for the connection:)

    liveonimpulse thanks:)

    tarun yeah i think a couple of shows.

  19. That was amazingly funny! Loved the sattire!

  20. Congo! WD, with adequate doses of satire, humour, facts n ur sharp observation you brought out the reality of things.

  21. shas and magiceye thank you:)

  22. mast..! full paisa vasool post!

  23. You're real good at this! There's so much "current affairs" in a single post, maybe you can run a parallel news channel! Funny from start to end :D


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