Dear Mr.Chidambaram (or Chidu),
Sometimes, you ask for the impossible. You want to use the word "Saffron Terror" and still get the support from All of "Us" against those XYZ terrorists. Perhaps you thought, people didn't see red, when I use Red Terror for Maoists. But excuse me, do you see Red in our National Flag? Besides, saffron has many Shades, its not just in our national flag but its also sacred to the Hindus and all right minded humans, including Julia Roberts. So if you thought by using the term, Saffron Terror, you would be alienating those XYZ terrorists from mainstream Hindus, and majority of Indians, you are WRONG. Whats your hidden agenda? You want to be called
"Buddhu Chiddu"?
Being an Indian, you should have realised that we have a process for everything, so please follow the due process, and then use the term Saffron Terror, as many times as you please.
1.Prioritize.
Follow the masters, the
Fairness Cream Makers. They don't say black or wheatish is ugly, just say
fairness is beautiful and associated with success and desired by all. So sponsor a meet of Hindu leaders and ask them to wear Orange. And coin a phrase "Future of Hinduism, Orange and Bright". See we are not saying anything negative about Saffron, just saying Orange is brighter and better.
2.Symbolise
Make Orange the National Fruit. Point out India is the Diabetes Capital of the World. And point out with charts and cartoons, the glycemic index of Mango is higher than that of Orange. The government cares for the health of its citizen and so we would like to make Orange the new national fruit. And have an Orange India Campaign. Point out
Orange is a Pavitra Phal, while Ripe Mangoes is filled with Rich Chemicals. If the Mango growers object, threaten them quietly with "I will not let you export our national fruit".
If you are very scared of controversy, add an Orange colored
National Vegetable (Pumpkin or Carrot). Follow the
Beta-carotene routine instead of diabetic routine. Specifically point out that Beta carotene is great for eyes and you want
Indians to be Visionaries.
3.Subsidise.
When Karunanidhi (Karuna to northies) wanted to encourage Tamil names for Tamil movies, he simply removed the entertainment tax. (
50 crores loss is worth the pleasure of an aam admi, not consulting a dictonary to check the meaning of the movie.)
Subsidise all products which use the orange color. If you don't want to actually give the subsidy, just add some loopholes, even accountants won't protest, since they will be making more money. But the important point remains, you will seen as Pro Hindu, Pro Growth not Anti-Saffron. If those from other religions protest and ask for subsidies of Green White or Whatever, point out Orange is not religious but National and Neutral.
4.Internalise
The communists would probably get outraged over the dynastic influence of Dutch over the color propaganda. And the BJP might join them. So get few Swamis (wearing orange) to point out on TV, for centuries, we worshiped Orange since its closer to our fire God Agnidev. And since Orange was targeted by our Invaders, our ancestors used a duller color Saffron, to camouflage themselves. There you go, Two Birds One Stone. Orange is associated with Resistance and History and Fire Power. And Saffron associated with fear and perhaps cowardice. Which color do you think our Hindus would opt?
Start a rumour,
Saffron flower is the symbol of the Stone Throwers of Kashmir.
5.Advertise
Indian Public has lost faith in Police, Politicians, Media & Judiciary. We believe only in advertisements, especially those endorsed by Celebrities.
- Get Deepika to wear Orange at Cannes, Suggest to Julia's Stylist, Orange is in,
- Mention to Mukesh Ambani, Mumbai Indians, and therefore Sachin should wear Orange,
- Pressurise Pawar to change Men in Blue to Warrriors in Orange (hey the team might lose but Shewag,Dhoni Sachin still sell),
- Hint to Raj Thackeray, Marathi manoos prefers Oranges to Mangoes.
- And ask Bappida to sing a tribute to Tagore wearing Orange colors, since "Tagore meditated among orange groves and conceived of a new type of university, desiring to "make Shantiniketan the connecting thread between India and the world." (It will become a hit on Youtube & Internet Hindus will be more benevolent towards Orange.)
- And get TeleShopping Network to suggest Orange colored Yantra makes the future bright and succesful. (Actually they will probably do it automatically, you don't have to suggest to them.)
6.Proxy Criticise
Next time a Godman is caught in a scandal, get a Godman wearing Orange to say its now a
Saffron Shame. If someone objects, let the Orange Godman retaliate with "
Sex Swami" is not Shameful?
Make sure
SoniaG, BurkhaD and Arundathi don't wear Orange and get few bloggers to wonder why they haven't worn Orange yet.
Thus, after throughly ruining the
Significance of Saffron, you can use the term Saffron Terror, Saffron Monster or Saffron Sadists.
And you will have an Orange Outrage against those xyz terrorists.
But then, those xyz terrorists might object to you, for associating them with Saffron.
