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Jul 25, 2005

Aargh Diaries Tips for those going to UK or USA

My friend, who is working in London, on vacation in Mumbai has even stopped criticisng the Mumbai Trains! After all, he says, it gives you a Compressed Body Massage, and increases Competitive Spirit(useful at the corporate level), unlike the London trains . Earlier it was the terrorists now its the police. (For those who decide the innocence of a person based on religion, well he happens to be a Hindu.). At the same time, he doesnt want to be a chicken either and asked me for some safety tips. Here is my list, feel free to make your suggestions.

1.Wear a Bush/Blair Tshirt
2.Avoid jackets . Well if you are about to die from cold, you can be hospitalised and have a chance of survival. But if its a jacket, people could think you are a suicide bomber. (Thanks to blogger Spark)
3.Hinglish wont do. Learn English and speak it the way locals do. (Ask tips from a call center colleague if possible).Though your tough luck if you have to be in Yorkshire.
4.It doesnt make a difference if you are an Indian and hate the Pakistanis. To Them, all Asians are terror suspects.
5.If you dont mind, wear a big cross. Sorry Om wont suffice
6.If you know of a fairness cream that works, apply it liberally Every Hour. Go for bleaching. If you are particular about your skin getting affected, go for black. Right now Somalians are not perceived a big threat. Any way soon like hair color , body color will be in vogue for the safety conscious.
7.If someone says stop, STOP and raise your hands slowly. If you are robbed, dont worry, atleast you will be alive.(Thanks again to blogger Spark). Just pray, that the mugger will leave your passport and id cards with you).
8.Never criticise Bush or Blair. Forget freedom of speech.
9.Shave your beard and dont wear anything resembling a turban (Ok this is for the men). If you are a female, avoid headscarves and covering yourself a lot.
10.Keep a nick name which is familiar and easy to pronounce for Them.
11.Avoid temples. They are not going to bother to find out the difference between temple and mosque (You are not going to Ayodhya). Soon it will come to restaurants too, so learn to eat what they eat even if its terrible.
12.If you find it tough, Thank God, for not making you an Iraqi.

8 comments:

  1. Fairness creams may not be such a good idea, as these white people be it americans or british are crazy about tanning :-p ;-) Maybe you ought to use fairness creams and then get yourself tanned :-D

    BTW Gaya, good that you are posting again, though you are not able to comment on our blogs :)

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  2. sorry deeps still away from home and not that much net access.

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  3. Am I glad that i am in good old Bangalore which does not even have trains...

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  4. sad but true...

    the land of freedom is turning into a place that offers very less of it!!

    I have also put up a post on my blog, similar lines..check it out if u can.

    and come back soon!!!

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  5. didnt know bgl doesnt have trains:)

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