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Jul 19, 2011

Caste, Culture and Speed Swayamvar


Saw this (Long) ad on some Tele Shopping  channel, yesterday night.

A black SUV drives upto a snow covered mansion . A foreigner (presumably American) opens the door for a tall,handsome Hrithik like guy. A British(?) Butler opens the door of the mansion, bows deeply at our Hero and takes the laptop bag from the assistant. Our suit-boot Hero, instead of going inside,sits on the patio and says,
"Hi I am Raj. Five Years ago, when I was coming to USA, my father took me aside at the airport and said, "Your mother is a heart patient, please, please don't giver her any shocks".

(Image of Raj in an aeroplane, mournfully gazing at the picture of his parents). " I knew what he meant. And I decided to stay away from girls."

Back to mansion patio, a grim Hero. "You see my cousin  had gotten into love marriage and his wife, wasn't, from, our, caste." Bitter voice. "Of course all Castes are Equal, but The Culture; its soo different. My uncle  was broadminded. After all she was a Doctor & her parents were well educated and settled. But it was so stressful for my aunty to handle all the comments  & train Her, into the Culture of our, Community."

 "At the airport i was met by Vijay. The boy I was supposed to replace." Image of a semi-bald guy hugging over Hero, in some US airport (Filled with fair girls in mini skirts and shorts).

 And he had only one advice for me."Dude, do Date". (Vijay's voice filled with despair )

Back to patio Hero, extreme closeup. "I was Shocked" Pauses.
Sad sitar background music."You see Vijay had his reason .He had not dated anyone in US. And back home when his wedding was arranged, the bride's parents did a backgroundcheck & the report suggested.. "
Hero looks around then whispers looking away "he could be ....gay."

After few seconds , collects and composes himself and continues "And 2 years without oil bath & nutrition meant he was also LOSING HAIR. So he had to rush back home to clear his name and get married before losing more hair." eyes widened to express Horror.

"I didn't want to end up like Vijay!" with a resolute expression and a finality. (Background music, couple of drumbeats).

Recovers, with a Smug Smile "Being a software engineer I did my research & few days later came across a wonderful website & fixed an appointment with their representative."

Image of our Hero meeting a guy from some bank ad.(Clean shaven, rimless glasses and a huge comforting smile. )

Back to patio Hero. "Ravi understood my dilemma immediately. He explained I could date girls,from my own Culture. Back home parents match horoscopes, exchange pictures within their Culture & then Meet, Eat & Discuss . While people like my cousin fall in love, then Meet, Eat and Discuss. Ravi pointed out I could enter my details and requirements, in their database , and get access to pictures of girl's who match my horoscope ,within - my-OWN COMMUNITY (widened eyes). All I had to do was to Meet, Eat and Discuss. Love absolutely not required!"

"And guess what, she would prepare the food. Back home one never knows who made the Bhaji, and if the Sweet is from a shop!1"laughs heartily.

"I was worried about the character of the girl. A girl who meets strangers..."
"Then Ravi mentioned that about Chaperoned girls. An aunty would be with us all the time!"

"I consulted my parents" pauses to wipe away a small tear from his eye.
"and they consulted their elders and astrologers. And we registered for a non-manglik, musically inclined, 22-24 year old, tall, fair, pretty, professional settled in USA (within our community) who would be escorted during our dates by an Aunty,  for just $5000."

"And during the trial period, if I was not satisfied with the girls I could always, get my money back!"

"The first girl was nice, but she served Bisibellabath with potato chips." rolls eyes.
"The second made fantastic puri masal. But her favorite actor didn't match mine!"

"Frankly my friends, I was deeply disappointed. Then I again talked with Ravi. He pointed out that a Speed Swayamvar, our cultural version of Speed Dating, was being organised in Pittsburgh for all their American members, with a separate Hall for each Community . I immediately registered.After all it was just 500 dollars!"

"And one week later I walked into a hall." Image of 50 dining tables filled with food and  pretty girls in saris and heavy ornaments, near each table with aunties, in the background and our Hero dressed in light blue heavily embroidered Kurta. (And background music, Tere Bin from Guru).

Back at the Patio, Hero, takes a deep breath. "Vazhakai Bajji, Thengai Chutney, Badam Halwa & Filter Coffee aaah..I was immediately drawn to that table. And when I tasted it I realised, I had met my Princess."

Image of Hero walking away with a girl, to another room with 2 giant screens filled with their smiling parents. To video conference, I guess. (Background music Shehnai).

Back at the mansion,door opens on cue and an Asin like girl wearing a big diamond necklace, in a pink sari & mehendhied hand, full of bangles,  brings some masal vadai (not sure which chutney) & coffee (or tea).

Raj, (our Patio Hero)munches masal vadai, smiles & introduces Wife (Princess), a Vice President in a MNC Bank.

She shyly hands him a gold coin, turns to the camera & explains."YOU can also help India grow Culturally. Even if you are married refer a friend to this wonderful website & you will get a 22kt gold coin when they register!'

Turns to Hero, who has drunk his heavenly coffee or tea.'You haven't told them about your friend Vijay."

Hero Laughs "Well when I heard they have centers not only across USA but also in Europe Singapore & Australia I referred him. He was so grateful. Now he is happily settled in Paris".

Image of Vijay with his own Princess grinning near the Eiffel Tower. (For the curious, his hairline has improved, whether due to Paris water, or stress free life or some fantastic hair oil, I don't know, thats probably another ad.) (For the ultra curious, I don't know why Vijay went to Paris).

Back at the Patio, a chubby 2 year old (in a  grey suit with red tie) comes out of the mansion, hugs them while the Hero says "Call Now!" numbers scroll for various countries. (duly noted by me).
Princess says "Protect our.."
Boy raises hand "Culture!" and they all high five each other then kiss the boy and laughing merrily, enter the mansion to live happily ever after.

The point of the Long Post? Wanted to find out if anyone's interested in protecting our culture and sharing a gold coin during the process. 

PS :The next speed swayamvar is scheduled  this weekend in New Jersey & Geneva & Canberra.

21 comments:

  1. I read half from the top and half from the bottom, left the beech ka stuff and believe me either way, I was clueless :P

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  2. serves you right. now you missed out on a gold coin opportunity tarun..

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  3. That was a long AD.. and how cum you sat there looking at it all the time .. i would have given up in the middle of it :)

    but you see we indians probably will do anything for that 22kt gold coin :) paise ke liye kuch bhi karega is the attitude ..

    Thank god the next one is no where near uk :)

    Bikram's

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  4. i find the tele shopping ads fascinating..bikram:)

    and here its not just about gold coins. its about Authentic food, Aunties and Preserving Culture.

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  5. Loved this post, shared on twitter. A gold coin if one gets other couples to save the country Culturally, and a software engineer who serves great masalai wadas with a shy smile and a gold coin. At some points I thought the ad was meant to be sarcastic!!

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  6. Indianhomemaker thanks for sharing,

    actually it was meant to be sarcastic :)

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  7. but you see we indians probably will do anything for that 22kt gold coin..hey bik...want to deny this..but cant..u r right buddy..haha

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  8. thanks IHM:)

    ramesh i think people might not feel the same about the cash equivalent like the way they feel towards gold:)

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  9. Long ad but hugely hilarious! And,yes anything for a gold coin and home-made food :).

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  10. sm thanks:)

    rachna, yes very long. i was upset over some caste is irrelevant, remark, so coated it with culture and food..

    and if this website existed, forget the gold coin just for the homemade food, guys would register. but wonder if any girl would register:D

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  11. Hahaha that was one hell of a sarcasm. Home made food, value for money and above all 22kt gold coin :-) super WD!! Thoroughly enjoyed the post

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  12. thanks Insignia..
    Caste is a negative word, but Culture, Gold and homemade food, absolutely positive:D

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  13. Holy cow..was this for real? you should record it and put the video here...

    Hilarious video and you saw it from start to finish? must commend your patience :P

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  14. no worse, lazy pineapple,
    i made it up.

    (its so tough to admit and explain my own jokes)

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  15. How many gold coins you bagged for writing about the ad? :P
    Enjoyed reading it.

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  16. I got only one thing that still food is the most important thing in life:)

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  17. helloo..how are you? no post for long?

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  18. thanks bijja:)
    Sh ssssssssh thats a secret:)
    Renu of course!!
    Renu sorry was preoccupied with somethings:) thanks for checking:)

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Have a Great Day!