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Dec 2, 2009

Fourth Finger Fever

When I bookmarked, Who's a playboy? 4th finger to tell you might have said stupid research and moved on (unless you happened to have a longer fourth finger). But Economic Insiders believe this Fourth Finger might punch or poke out the recession itself. And 2010 Nobel for Economics could be bagged by these researchers.

The condom industry was first to jump on the Fourth Finger bandwagon. Tired of having customers who want to buy the product but feeling too shy to ask for it, it decided the fourth finger would be the universal symbol for "Sell me a condom".

The pharmaceutical industry meanwhile pushed down the research on curing malaria even further and have decided to allocate billions to helping the fourth finger grow. They feel this could be bigger than Viagra since men would want to flaunt their playboy status. Balding men need not fear, the cure for baldness has higher priority than the cure for short fourth finger.

Following the pharmaceutical industry, without waiting for any research, the teleshopping network is going to launch few new products which would lengthen your fourth finger. So while you lose your weight while watching TV and eating potato chips, by wearing a belt, lengthen your fourth finger too, by wearing a new ring and announce to the world you are a Playboy. If you are pregnant, there is a tea which can increase your child's fourth finger. Fear not, if its a girl, the tea would automatically shorten the fourth finger.

(Yawn) Do I have to mention Fotox has replaced Botox as the must do in Celebs list. And now its not just hair extensions and nail extensions, but also finger extensions...Magazines which went bust due to recession are repositioning and relaunching themselves. Their target audience, rich, glamorous people with longer fourth finger. (Their actual readers, people who want to be rich and glamorous with longer fourth finger.) Meanwhile Indian newspapers are rubbing their hands in glee. Now the matrimonial ads would get longer. Instead of seeking Fair, homely, professional brides, Indian men would search for Fair, homely professional girls with shorter fourth finger. And matrimonial websites would now have a new segment to target their fairytale ads.

Its absolutely wonderful news for the Indian gynecologists and quacks who profit from female foeticide. Now even parents who were willing to have a girl, would be scared into aborting their girl if she has a longer fourth finger. After all who would marry a playgirl? And wouldn't she be a stigma to the family name and a financial burden. Of course this would mean fewer women for Indian men to marry.

But thats where the astro-jewellers jump in. Wearing a rare jade would get you married. And if the couple wear an emerald stone, they would not get a child with longer fourth finger. (If they want a boy with longer fourth finger, you will have to wear a ruby stone). And if the bridegroom is gifted with a platinum ring during marriage, he would remain a loyal, husband (irrespective of the length of the fourth finger.) And a diamond collection is going to be launched for the new Independent Indian woman, which will also prevent her from falling for the charms (and evil designs) of the men with a longer fourth finger.

Telemarketers are now back with a new range of Edgy Credit Cards. Blue cards for those with longer fourth finger and green cards for those with longer forefinger. This will be followed by new cars, deos, and mobiles for people with longer or shorter fourth finger. A forgotten Filmstar has now decided to start a NGO dedicated to those with shorter fourth finger, unlike him. His PRO has confirmed the "has been celeb" has a moving speech on the "under privileged".

Some organisation has decided that the condom industry's move is commercial, exploitative, absolutely obscene, and against our culture and plans to attack people who buy or sell condoms via the finger signal. But thats not the reason why we haven't been hit by the fourth finger blitz.

You see, the banks and other major corporates want to suck out more billions from their governments, before coming out of recession. Experts say the cat would be out of the bag by 2012, when Dick Cheney - Sarah Palin would win the election of bankrupt USA. An auspicious year according to Chinese Calender.


  1. yay! If I keep all fingers rigid, but very un-noticeably inclined towards the thumb, forefinger appears longer. If I keep them rigid and inclined un-noticeably inclined away from thumb, fourth finger looks longer.

    Yay! So I can live either 'lifestyle' I feel 'inclined' to live?

  2. WDM,

    You forgot the 'bone collector'-method to alter the relative lengths of two fingers? ;) Why would you want orthopedicians and plastic surgeons to lose out on this opportunity? ;)

    @ Stupidosaur:

    So you can be electively leftist or rightist? Good for you! :)

  3. ketan perhaps you didn't understand the meaning of Fotox:)

    in my left hand the fourth finger is longer. the right hand it appears shorter due to a "sunken" joint, but i can extend if i want. then the fourth finger would be how cool is that.

    btw i read somewhere unreliable that those with longer fourth finger take more risks..


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