K I C K

Life Lessons for my Kid

2011-12-24T00:22:00.001+05:30

Dear Kid,
While its your life, and you have to learn your own lessons, thought I could make it easier for you by sharing some lessons I have learned.

LIFE & GOD

1.Life is not Fair
Instead of wasting your time thinking in terms of "but" this should not have happened, think "and" this has happened, what can I do now.

2.God Exists
Its tough to accept the concept life is not fair, with the existence of God. But just think of God as a Single Working Mom, who cares for her children but doesn't have the time and energy to do everything the children want or need. (When you are really mad at God, just think God is busy keeping some galaxies from colliding with each other).

3.Bad things can happen to Good people
The point of goodness is not to prevent "bad" things from happening to you. Goodness feels good, thats all.

PEOPLE
4.Don't Laugh At Anyone.
This is perhaps more of my superstition, but just trust me. Think, if Ram hadn't mocked Kaikeyi's maid, perhaps he wouldn't have been exiled. If the brothers had not mocked Surpanaka, Sita might not have been kidnapped. And if Draupadi hadn't laughed at Duryodhanan in the Palace of Illusions, perhaps the animosity wouldn't have increased. Why give "bad" people one more excuse to get back at you. (For the person who insults, its written in sand but for the receiver its etched in rock.)

5.People don't like to feel Guilty.
If you are going to make someone feel guilty, atleast provide them an excuse for their action. Otherwise they are just going to resent you. The temporary "holier than thou" high you will receive, is absolutely worthless. (This doesn't mean don't stand up for what you believe. Just don't make everything personal. (Focus on the behaviour and not on the person).

6.Trust but don't believe.
Trust intentions but don't believe everything people say. If your friend suggests you a scheme, trust the friend's intentions.But that shouldn't mean, you should believe in the suggested schemes.

7.People and You
Swat away the mosquitoes, gently sweep away the ants, be respectful of the bees, don't waste time chasing butterflies, ignore the spiders, and most importantly learn how to not get irritated with the flies. And don't be ashamed to scream, when you come across cockroaches. And if possible, corelate this with people. (A tip, the flies are the good people who behave badly). And be prepared for one category to transform into another. Just when you decide someone is an ant, they decide to become a fly.!!

CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
8.Decide if you want to be Happy or Right.(thanks Dr.Phil).
For many years I thought I couldn't be Happy if I wasn't accepted as Right. Well now I realise, being Right isn't the Only way to be Happy.

9.Satisfied but not Happy?
Its not your partner, friend or anyone's responsibility to make you happy. Learn to generate your own happiness.

10.Patience can be a part of "Aggression"
When it comes to in-laws, just remember Sunil Gavaskar's quote "Give the first hour to the bowlers because the next five hours will be yours."

CAREER
11. Career Choices
If you have to choose between "doing what one wants to do" and "doing what one is good at", choose to do what you want to do. Even if you fail, you will at least have the satisfaction of having done, what You wanted to do. And if you are confused about what you want, just imagine things going awfully wrong with your choice. If you are still willing to accept responsibility for it, you will know its Your choice.(Btw only in theories, Bosses want you to be perfect. Make a small mistake once in a while, they would love to correct you and guide you and prove to you, they are your Boss for a reason).

SELF
12.Smile
You don't have to feel great to smile,
You don't need an excuse or reason to smile.
Yet if you feel you do, just smile for a few seconds at yourself,
You would realise you feel good.
And what better reason do you need?
Just to feel good, many abuse their bodies.
Why go for that, when you can achieve it with a simple smile.

Think of Smile as a Single Run
And a Laugh as a Six or Four.
You need not hit a Six or Four with every ball
Even singles count.
Be glad you are not out,
Instead of waiting for a stimulus to make you smile.
Stimulate yourself with a smile :)

Love
Mom.

Caste, Culture and Speed Swayamvar

2011-07-19T16:20:00.004+05:30

Saw this (Long) ad on some Tele Shopping channel, yesterday night.

A black SUV drives upto a snow covered mansion . A foreigner (presumably American) opens the door for a tall,handsome Hrithik like guy. A British(?) Butler opens the door of the mansion, bows deeply at our Hero and takes the laptop bag from the assistant. Our suit-boot Hero, instead of going inside,sits on the patio and says,
"Hi I am Raj. Five Years ago, when I was coming to USA, my father took me aside at the airport and said, "Your mother is a heart patient, please, please don't giver her any shocks".

(Image of Raj in an aeroplane, mournfully gazing at the picture of his parents). " I knew what he meant. And I decided to stay away from girls."

Back to mansion patio, a grim Hero. "You see my cousin had gotten into love marriage and his wife, wasn't, from, our, caste." Bitter voice. "Of course all Castes are Equal, but The Culture; its soo different. My uncle was broadminded. After all she was a Doctor & her parents were well educated and settled. But it was so stressful for my aunty to handle all the comments & train Her, into the Culture of our, Community."

"At the airport i was met by Vijay. The boy I was supposed to replace." Image of a semi-bald guy hugging over Hero, in some US airport (Filled with fair girls in mini skirts and shorts).

And he had only one advice for me."Dude, do Date". (Vijay's voice filled with despair )

Back to patio Hero, extreme closeup. "I was Shocked" Pauses.
Sad sitar background music."You see Vijay had his reason .He had not dated anyone in US. And back home when his wedding was arranged, the bride's parents did a backgroundcheck & the report suggested.. "
Hero looks around then whispers looking away "he could be ....gay."

After few seconds , collects and composes himself and continues "And 2 years without oil bath & nutrition meant he was also LOSING HAIR. So he had to rush back home to clear his name and get married before losing more hair." eyes widened to express Horror.

"I didn't want to end up like Vijay!" with a resolute expression and a finality. (Background music, couple of drumbeats).

Recovers, with a Smug Smile "Being a software engineer I did my research & few days later came across a wonderful website & fixed an appointment with their representative."

Image of our Hero meeting a guy from some bank ad.(Clean shaven, rimless glasses and a huge comforting smile. )

Back to patio Hero. "Ravi understood my dilemma immediately. He explained I could date girls,from my own Culture. Back home parents match horoscopes, exchange pictures within their Culture & then Meet, Eat & Discuss . While people like my cousin fall in love, then Meet, Eat and Discuss. Ravi pointed out I could enter my details and requirements, in their database , and get access to pictures of girl's who match my horoscope ,within - my-OWN COMMUNITY (widened eyes). All I had to do was to Meet, Eat and Discuss. Love absolutely not required!"

"And guess what, she would prepare the food. Back home one never knows who made the Bhaji, and if the Sweet is from a shop!1"laughs heartily.

"I was worried about the character of the girl. A girl who meets strangers..."
"Then Ravi mentioned that about Chaperoned girls. An aunty would be with us all the time!"

"I consulted my parents" pauses to wipe away a small tear from his eye.
"and they consulted their elders and astrologers. And we registered for a non-manglik, musically inclined, 22-24 year old, tall, fair, pretty, professional settled in USA (within our community) who would be escorted during our dates by an Aunty, for just $5000."

"And during the trial period, if I was not satisfied with the girls I could always, get my money back!"

"The first girl was nice, but she served Bisibellabath with potato chips." rolls eyes.
"The second made fantastic puri masal. But her favorite actor didn't match mine!"

"Frankly my friends, I was deeply disappointed. Then I again talked with Ravi. He pointed out that a Speed Swayamvar, our cultural version of Speed Dating, was being organised in Pittsburgh for all their American members, with a separate Hall for each Community . I immediately registered.After all it was just 500 dollars!"

"And one week later I walked into a hall." Image of 50 dining tables filled with food and pretty girls in saris and heavy ornaments, near each table with aunties, in the background and our Hero dressed in light blue heavily embroidered Kurta. (And background music, Tere Bin from Guru).

Back at the Patio, Hero, takes a deep breath. "Vazhakai Bajji, Thengai Chutney, Badam Halwa & Filter Coffee aaah..I was immediately drawn to that table. And when I tasted it I realised, I had met my Princess."

Image of Hero walking away with a girl, to another room with 2 giant screens filled with their smiling parents. To video conference, I guess. (Background music Shehnai).

Back at the mansion,door opens on cue and an Asin like girl wearing a big diamond necklace, in a pink sari & mehendhied hand, full of bangles, brings some masal vadai (not sure which chutney) & coffee (or tea).

Raj, (our Patio Hero)munches masal vadai, smiles & introduces Wife (Princess), a Vice President in a MNC Bank.

She shyly hands him a gold coin, turns to the camera & explains."YOU can also help India grow Culturally. Even if you are married refer a friend to this wonderful website & you will get a 22kt gold coin when they register!'

Turns to Hero, who has drunk his heavenly coffee or tea.'You haven't told them about your friend Vijay."

Hero Laughs "Well when I heard they have centers not only across USA but also in Europe Singapore & Australia I referred him. He was so grateful. Now he is happily settled in Paris".

Image of Vijay with his own Princess grinning near the Eiffel Tower. (For the curious, his hairline has improved, whether due to Paris water, or stress free life or some fantastic hair oil, I don't know, thats probably another ad.) (For the ultra curious, I don't know why Vijay went to Paris).

Back at the Patio, a chubby 2 year old (in a grey suit with red tie) comes out of the mansion, hugs them while the Hero says "Call Now!" numbers scroll for various countries. (duly noted by me).
Princess says "Protect our.."
Boy raises hand "Culture!" and they all high five each other then kiss the boy and laughing merrily, enter the mansion to live happily ever after.

The point of the Long Post? Wanted to find out if anyone's interested in protecting our culture and sharing a gold coin during the process.

PS :The next speed swayamvar is scheduled this weekend in New Jersey & Geneva & Canberra.

Terrorising the Terrorists

2011-07-17T15:35:00.009+05:30

Dear Mr.(Islamic) Terrorist.

Stop thinking we are sitting ducks. We are not. Don't you see how we protect our netas. Our Aam Admi? Well they are Our soldiers. Just like you don't question your Boss, back home. We don't question our Bosses (whom we elect unlike you). And while you might get martyrdom, we give the kin of Our martyrs few Lakhs. See our life is not Cheap. (In case you want to die as Our Soldier don't ask me the procedure for getting this amount, but knowing our system I am sure it will be very easy and soothing)

Stop smirking! How dare you think, we are unprepared for you. We have a 10 point Massive Retaliation Plan against you chartered by the Media, Stars & Netas:-

1.Breaking News on all News Channel with the latest information. (Yeah they will be delivered to us Immediately, even without waiting for the silly task of verfication, so that we can take further precautions against you).

2.Netas of ruling party appear on all channels appealing for calm. Netas of opposition party appear on all channels talking about the inefficiency of the CM/PM.

3.Stars empathize with the aam admi and rage against the System and You Cowards via their Tweets. And now Thanks to Sachin(!?) the World of cricketers also tweet against you.

4.Media, on the Frontline of our Fight against you, Talks against You and Talks about the Tweets of the Stars and Talks with our Netas and Page 3 Intellectuals.

5.If you dare to attack Mumbai, we have a special segment and debate on the Mumbai Spirit. (Other victim cities are trying to come up with their own Response Term).

6.Don't think the Aam Indian doesn't care. We switch on the TV, listen and discuss with other Responsible Indians and try to update each other with information. And criticise our netas, babus police and media. (sorry media). Of course there are some, who are more proactive. We send smses and tweet (Against You) and if you let out your name in advance, we can make you a TT on Twitter. And those with more time, will blog Against You.

7.If We or our Stars and Neta, party after or during the attack, its just to show You, You don't affect us. Ha! Can your people come up concepts like this?

8.Don't think we don't know who you are. WE KNOW. Whatever your Father's name, we know your Mother's name is ISI.(Is there a way to patent this insult?) See we have a simple rule. If its a metro its You. If its some security personnel attacked in some town, its Naxals. (Saffron terror, probably Your Hindu ancestors, back from the past through some time machine.)

9.We don't stop combating you with the immediate response. We have intellectuals like Subramaniam Swamy and Digvijay Singh who have their grand own Masterplan. And we have a highly active online responsible citizens community, discussing it through Tweets and Blogs. If you are reading them and think they just the say same thing everytime and it just retweets and copy-pastes. Well, thats just to confuse You. Its all a code to confuse, you.

10.And as our final blow to you. We give you a Date. (Hopefully you idiots won't attack us again on the same date later and let us safely mourn). And erase you from our memory. Thats right we erase your wounds from our memory. Don't think you are totally forgotten, we will remember all the details, when you attack us,again. And don't think you are forgiven either. Don't you see us raging against Kasab/Kasav/Qasab?

Watchout you #@$@#$@# we are Prepared.

PS : This post is intended to strike terror in the heart of the terrorists. This is NOT the platform for any bleeding heart to talk about victims and the compensation they get or don't get. Don't suggest any ideas for helping the victims of terror. Thats just distracts us from our war on terror. Please don't get swayed by your emotions. Be brave hearted and be Virat.

Life Living and Alive

2011-07-16T14:16:00.010+05:30

Life is for Living
Living doesn't mean feeling
Alive, for just a few seconds
Trust not the thrills, that temptation beckons
Second Chances? Death never ever reckons

Death might Inevitable
But why Invite it, or become differently abled.

Singles too and not just Sixes and fours,
are required to make, a good cricket score.
Accept the hot sun and singles, even if they seem to be a bore
Life is about dealing with, not running away from chores.

Your enemy is not Fear
for Your life, wisely She steers.
You don't have to conquer the elements to conquer your emotions.
Stop defining and living your life by other's notions.

Throw away the shackles of fear
If she chains you from making a stand.
But if she is going to keep you from being crippled
Fight your Ego, and take her helping hand.

From heights, or to depths, you don't have to dive
Close your eyes, Dive within, and Feel alive.

Risks & Two Minute Thrills are Death's Aura
Jeena Sambhalke mere yaara,
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Comfort vs Happiness

2011-07-15T13:31:00.001+05:30

Familiarity is soothing and comfortable. I could evolve from an animal, but I can't dissolve those survival instincts.

Why should I change, when everything changes except change, anyway?

Why should I dare to speak, when silence is easier.

Why should I blog? When its easier to just think of a post, frame it in my mind and then move on.

There would be no anxiety over its outcome, no pouting over the lack of comments, and no need to respond or elaborate.

Inertia is easy, and so comfortable.

Pursuit of Happiness, requires risks and sacrifices. And perhaps, the emotion of happiness overrated? And the experts tell me, there are two types of happiness, the permanent and the temporary, "high".

I am going through many emotions at the moment. This week I have to make another trip to Chennai. And it seems to me, every time I blog, its about a trip from or to Chennai. Offline, its not just a loss of a family member, but tough times with people whom I thought were friends who thought I was just an acquaintance. And yet I have not become a cynic, thanks to the support and thoughts of some bloggers I have come across.

A voice within tells me the good old days of blogging are over, with the new responsibilities. While another voice says, hey you have taken the toughest step, the first step.

Aargh I was just so happy being comfortable in my zone, keeping quiet, and being wise, and yet its impossible to shut out the donkee within.

RIP FIL

2011-04-19T13:35:00.002+05:30

Was brave enough to face son's death.
Was brave enough to face father's death
Somehow not brave enough to accept this death.

In Chennai for couple more weeks. Had not blogged due to the medical emergency.
Will blog hopefully in May.

Shifted

2011-01-06T13:51:00.000+05:30

Came back from trip on 18th november. Shifted home on 1st december. The shifting and organising went on till 31st december. I got the net connection in mid december.

Blogging for me is not just about posting and replying to comments but also reading and commenting on some other blogs. So while I have posted a 100 or is it 1000, posts in my mind, I didn't pick up my mobile and post it online because, I felt it would be incomplete and perhaps unfair. And I just don't have the time right now to spend couple of hours online everyday, which I used to take earlier.

Reading for more than a month, Dalai Lama's book on Happiness. I liked the perspective and I accept that compassion is the first step towards happiness.

I hated the new year, because it meant I would have to skip my routine and wish and talk to everyone I knew or come online to send greetings and of course the general hype around what did you do on the eve. But ended up feeling good about it, since I managed to wish, everyone I wanted to. I think it was a nice way to let people know I think of them, even when I don't interact with them.

When I started blogging I wanted to change the world. (Well not the entire world, but I felt change is change even if its one person, one perspective). But the longer you stare at the abyss, the longer the abyss stares at you. And due to constant exposure, I have become immune to many things I wanted to change. But the core still remains. And now I want to blog just as an expression of myself. Change or no change.

And while I used to be extremely wary about even acknowledging myself on my blogs, I have typed the "I's without counting in these post. And for that I must thank my current (hmmm will they come back this year?) bloggers for it.

Can anyone guess the actual incidents I am referring to in these posts? The post dates might offer a clue.
License to Kill
Ashamed of your Mother!
They Dare to Make Money!
A four letter word called Hurt
A Watchwoman's Wrath against Mustache

Shifting my home, shifted my perspective on home management and to an extent my priorities. But it has not changed my passion, hoping to be back in couple of weeks and blog regularly. I might not have visited your blogs but, please, you have been a BIG part of my life, and will continue to remain for the rest of my life..

Happy New Year:)

Bright Orange on a Grey Sky

2010-11-07T18:47:00.001+05:30

Arrived Safely in Chennai. (I hate air travel, for that matter any kind of travel. Thought I was cool and calm during take off, but the kid was rolling with laughter and now does an imitation of me being scared during take off, which involves staring straight ahead, breathing heavily and eyebrows furrowed.) (Now I spend around 10 minutes a day on how I will make the trip back home and the weather and turbulations).
Diwali finally over (I hate festivals, wrote a post long time back on appointment with happiness or something like that on that. And Diwali is definitely the festival I dislike the most. I have never understood the hype especially amongst NRIs on Diwali back home, everytime someone gets nostalgic I want to tell them, hey now people just watch TV on Diwali and bigger the family more the number of channels to fight over. Sweets and Dresses are not just reserved for festivals. And the fireworks are more about ego and pollution than fun. But the cynic in me still liked to wish people, especially the auto drivers, sales personnel etc.)
Got Vijayadasami admission for kid. (And thankfully found a school which didn't give a fancy brochure on the skills they will teach. But the kid got unwell and hasn't spent much days at school).
Saw Endhiran finally. (Those of you who follow me on twitter would have known I gave up my friday (release day) tickets to my friends because I didn't want to see an important movie without reading the review first and choose to see Anjaana Anjani, since it was just time pass movie. Saw couple of moives too. And had to seen Endhiran again. And I liked it more the 2nd time. A Satyam loyalist, never thought I would like Kamala. But they have improved drastically. )
No time to read the newspapers or catch up with the news. But ignorance is bliss. (One day I picked up the paper and read about tsunami in Indonesia and a flower vendor's boy being crushed to death in elevator. Enough of news for the moment. Btw newspapers seem to be more about offers and promotions than news and analysis.
No time for TV too. Saw Neeya Nana celebrations discussion. What sort of research do they do? Why did no one mention, the woman who was behind Mother's Day spent the rest of her life fighting AGAINST it?
Read few books. Now want to finish the post to get back to the 2 books I have started reading today.
10 more days to go before I travel and still 100 things to do. My excel list just keeps getting long and longer.
I hate change and lack of control. And vacation is in a way my nightmare. But if my life remained stagnant perhaps I wouldn't grow and become wiser. So instead of resisting what I can't change, trying my best to be cool and calm but ending up many times as a dragon. And its not fun being a dragon-donkee.

I was in a dark mood, lightened up after catching the comment and email of 2 bloggers. Thank You so much. The past couple of months have been tough for me. And only I know the difference the bloggers who dropped in to enquire made to me. Reading a book about a serial killer and was thinking how naive I was when I let people into my online life few years back. While the unpleasant experiences helped me grow wiser as a person, the kindness I received in the last few months has comforted me and honestly I can't find words to convey how I feel. Its just been a bright orange on a grey sky.

TV Thoughts

2010-09-27T14:40:00.003+05:30

They didn't want to watch the match with us, because we might not use the projector and the big screen. Then they will have to see it on a small TV, brand unknown. Not even a LCD or a flat screen, forget LED, or 42inch. What in the world were we thinking?

Decades ago, it was okat to watch TV with friends at the neighbours. Today, the neighbours decide if we are worthy of their friendship based on what TV we own.

DD was not fun but today's DD (Disappointing Distance) is more horrible. Its not just adults who judge you based on

1.The locality and number of bedrooms in your house

2.The car

3.The TV you own.

Its kids too.

I haven't forgotten the fun in waiting for some fun on DD. Watching "Aamchi Mathi Aamchi Manoos" or "Apan yaana Pahila Ka?" and thinking an interview would end, if they showed the long shot (in a neighbour's house of course). Being amazed as a teen, when a friend's sister had TWO channels and could watch a match without being at the mercy of a cable operator who rotated channels.

I have the money to buy a great TV for my kid but how will I give my kid, the fun I had with TV, as a kid?

Why is it so tough to convince my friends and neighbours its not about Price but about Value. Fun is not just about what you see, but how and with whom you see it:)

PS : They are still my friends. I do feel bad when they don't get my point of view but as DD has thought me, Life isn't What you want it to be:) And I accept and love my friends inspite of their "snobbish values".

PPS : And who am I kidding, when the ribbing gets too bad, I am glad I have the projector:)

****

I don't think Bikram's Blog needs directions from this blog, but instead of writing a post I thought I could mention his post Shaheed Sardar Bhagat Singh.

Shameful Sanitation

2010-09-27T12:57:00.000+05:30

In the sea of humanity, some fishes are more equal than others

If the toilets offered to visitors were not hygienic I wonder about the toilets offered to 400000 CWG workers. But in an image obsessed nation, these Indian workers don't matter.

UN estimates 55 percent of Indians still defecate outside.The media conveniently sleeps to the fact that more Indians have access to mobile phones than improved sanitation and wakes up only to criticize Kalmadi.

I am not saying unclean toilets are okay. Just saying Clean Sanitation options should not be a luxury and should be a right of every Indian.

2 articles which didn't say the usual

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India-Circus/entry/brown-man-s-burden

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/we-just-won-the-gold/687684/

I am sick of writing about CWG, but sanitation is not a silly cause to support. Would like to recycle 180 feet and Waste.

PS : Clicked the Pic on the latest trip.

Offline

2010-09-22T13:24:00.006+05:30

My brain is brimming with blog posts but I have to deal with this 2 and half year old.
***

I prefer to keep my offline life, offline, but thought I would make an exception and talk about whats been happening to me lately.

Saw Inception , after being depressed about the ending for couple of days, decided Cobb's guilt would have got him out of the dream. Guilt is more powerful than Love.

Read few days back, the three books in the Millennium series, by Stieg Larsson. Felt the original title of the first book "Men who hate women" was more apt than "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". There are not just men who hate women, but even women who hate women. My most recent encounter, a maths teacher who said, women can't compete with men when it comes to cooking. (I couldn't resist pointing out, that perhaps, men focussed on taste and were more liberal with oil salt etc, while many women who cook regularly think of their husband's cholestrol bp and are moderate in its usage.) Five minutes later, she said, girls were stupids who had to slog and study everyday but boys could study at the last minute and still be brilliant. And continued to admire boys. I didn't argue on this one. Even if I had pointed out few girls who studied at the last minute and came up with good marks, she wouldn't have admired them. I just pitied and prayed for the girls in her maths class. I simply gave up on the conversation. And for the record, I think its stupid to generalise that one gender can cook better than the other. On maths, even if the brains are different, the ALL boys and ALL girls is a bit too much. After reading the book, I thought about her and others like her (men and women) who hate women. And wondered if there were men and women who hated men. And for a whole day I was stumped. There are different standards for men and women. If Hilary Clinton behaved liked Bill, she wouldn't have got away with it so easily.

I tried to think of atleast one woman or one man whom I have met, who hated men. And I couldn't come up with the above teacher's equivalent. Till I thought, under what circumstances will the above teacher hate men? And the answer is so simple. I have a feeling she would hate a man who decides to be a homemaker or a man who wears skirts and lipsticks occasionally. I don't know if its true. But in my mind, I have restored the gender neutral balance.

I lost few files. One of the files was an excel file a daily planner which mentions what each member of the family had and will be having for the next month, for breakfast lunch dinner and snack. What me and my kid wore, the anniversaries and the expenses and whether I walked or had fruit. And the chores I did. And a 2do list. No I am not an organised person. I have that file, precisely because I am not organised. I have shopping lists, packing lists, 2do lists because I know I am stupid and liable to make mistakes. I believe in being a wise donkey even in real life.
Now I am busy typing in all the databanks. (The Shopping list, The Packing List, The Dinner Menu List, The Dress List etc and of course the Daily Planner till December.) So that I rotate all the clothes, and recipes and don't spend too much time on trying to remember if I have forgotten something.

Unknown, if you are reading this, I didn't win or get a mention in the Freedom Contest. Didn't pout this time, just shrugged and moved on.

It might not be a coherent blog post, but just wanted to update. Rachna's comment acted as the Kick. And I have been back to mention I will have to go back for 3 more days on a short trip. Then I hope to blog till October 10th before leaving on a one month trip. And somewhere in between I have to shift my house.

I have kicked myself many times over choosing the online Identity wise donkey. (Try to tell that name to a group of bloggers in a blog meet). But now I am think thats better than Parents who think their children's kindergarden and primary school marks are a reflection of their Identity.

I have to catch up with many blog posts. Hope to catch up with them by Tuesday.

On Ayodhya, Would like to recycle Path of Ram

LegendofRajni

2010-09-06T13:07:00.003+05:30

My tweets on #LegendofRajni started by @PritishNandy yesterday. Sorry followers for filling your timeline. Perhaps I owe an apology to Mr.Nandy too, but I was inspired and out of control.
For those who think he is just a regional superstar, well he has fans not just in Japan. A Superstar is not a Planetary Thing.
He is the only celebrity who doesn't mind being photographed without Makeup, in the Entire Universe! How many times has Ash, his Robot co star and former Miss World , come out without make up? (Thanks $#23ror3fero from Neptune for pointing it out). So without wasting more time, lets start with the Legend of Rajni.

ASTRONOMY (SUPERR STARRR)

In the Real #Hitchhiker'sguide2galaxy Earth is known as the cave where Rajnikanth meditates #LegendsofRajni
743825 telescopes across the universe are tracking Rajnikanth Live #LegendsofRajni
#Stephen Hawking has changed his statement to Rajnikanth created & sustains Universe #LegendofRajni
#StephenHawking discovered today, the universe revolves around Rajnikanth #LegendsofRajni
You may run to the end of Universe to hide from Him, but He would have strolled there b4 you #LegendsofRajni
Stars are flashbulbs of aliens clicking pics of #Rajnikanth #LegendsofRajni
Aliens landed on earth yesterday.Visited Universal Idol #Rajnikanth & went back screaming He really Exists. #LegendofRajni
Eclipses are caused by #Rajnikanth's shadows #LegendsofRajni
#Rajnikanth fights evil in 89283027346 planets, simultaneously #LegendsofRajni
Rajnikanth's birthday is celebrated as a festival in 830239201 planets #LegendsofRajni
Rajnikanth's birthday is a holiday in 74356454 planets

ELEMENTS

When Rajnikanth stares at the sun, it hides behind the clouds & it rains (Yipee! it was RT by PritishNandy)
Rajnikanth stared at the lightning, Lightning Blinked & Closed its Eyes #LegendsofRajni

CHILDHOOD DAYS

Is it a bird,Is it a Plane? Oh its Bal Rajnikanth skydiving again! #LegendsofRajni
#BalRajnikanth thought Volcanoes were just hot fountains #LegendsofRajni

SUPERPOWERS

Rajni never gets credit card calls.A marketeer swears Rajni's hand appeared thru phone & tweaked his ear #LegendofRajni
Rajnikanth can see through You even if you are on the other side of the Earth #LegendsofRajni
#Rajnikanth can find a needle in an ocean
When Rajnikanth wants diamonds, his hand scoops stones from volcanoes & cuts them with his stares #LegendsofRajni
His statue at Tussads spins zooms & flies #LegendofRajni
Once Rajnikanth reached upto the sky to save a crashing plane while retrieving a sinking ship with other hand #LegendsofRajnI
#Rajnikanth can make #NarasimhaRao laugh. #LegendsofRajni
#Osama cannot be found because #Rajnikanth kicked him out of Earth #LegendsofRajni
#LegendsofRajni can never be publishd on Earth. All the Trees on Earth can't produce enough paper for even 1 Chapter
#ThegreatRajnidiet Breakfast Bullets & Grenades shake, Lunch Knives which have crunch. Dinner Spears & Arrows. #LegendsofRajni
He can converse in 543194 languages while sleeping (Can't tweet the languages he can speak while awake due to Twitlimit #LegendsofRajni
While shooting for a song in Switzerland, he held up an avalanche with his little finger #LegendsofRajni

HOLLYWOOD

James #Bond may have license to kill #Rajnikanth has license to Thrill #LegendsofRajni
Hollywood has not made #LegendsofRajni movie coze it can't find technology to showcase his Powers
Indian version of #Expendables stars Rajnkanth with 10 other Rajnikanths #LegendsofRajni
#Superman, #Batman & #Spiderman complained, How can we do all this! What are we #Rajnikanth! #LegendofRajni

ISHTYLE

#Rajnikanth styles Giorgio #Armani #LegendsofRajni
Beauty queens ape him when it comes to hair tossing

SPORTS

If #Rajnikanth kicks a football once, the ball spins around the stadium & becomes a goal, 200 times over #LegendsofRajni
When #Rajnikanth is made a goalkeeper he kicks 839475 goals #LegendsofRajni

DID U KNOW

#106yearoldvirgin vowed she will mate someone like #Rajnikanth only #LegendsofRajni
For his honeymoon, Rajnikanth took his wife for a stroll on Jupiter's moon #LegendsofRajnI
#SalmanKhanisShirtless coze if he meets #Rajnikanth he can get #Rajni's autograph near his heart #LegendsofRajni
Harry Potter is actually the story of younger Rajnikanth #LegendsofRajnI
Rajnikanth is not on Twitter. Who needs followers when you have infinite worshipers #LegendsofRajni

SILLY TOPICS TRENDING ON TWITTER

#mychemicalromance is the story of Japanese Robots pining for #Shankar 's #Robot #LegendofRajni
#1billionrajnikanthers can easily defeat #5millionbeliiebers #LegendsofRajni
#biggestliethatworked Rajnikanth is merely a superstar #LegendsofRajni
Beyonce is not celebrating her bday. Rajnikanth forgot to wish her. #LegendsofRajni #happybdaybeyonce

MY FAVOURITE
Eyes lights candles, Smiles melts hearts, Wth Finger Flicks Evil Fought. WhoisHe,she thght.Thats #LegendofRajni Sweetheart

Audacity of Art

2010-09-04T17:10:00.004+05:30

The giant display case on the wall, still had the newspaper cutout. It mentioned she was a Child Prodigy, and carried a picture of her with her teachers. Near it, the trophy she had won the school last year, glistened. But today, when she whispered wishes, none of the teachers, listened..She stood head bowed, outside the Principal's Office.

This year, she hadn't won the Prestigious Painting Competition, yesterday. Her Art Teacher was disgusted with her. While her parents were furious and ashamed of her. She was scared, of the Principal, but tried to console herself with, it can't be worse, I will get used to it in couple of days.

Yesterday night, she had painted on the topic again, and had taken it to the Art Teacher today morning. It was a gesture meant to convey, I get it, I can do it. But that just infuriated the Teacher more."You knew what was required, and yet had the audacity to paint, something else yesterday!" she had screamed, flinging away the painting in disgust. The seven year old girl, wondered if that was the reason she was being called to the principal's office.

Summoned, she went meekly in, scared. Not daring to look at the principal in the eye. "I heard you didn't win this time" He said. She managed to mumble, she realised what was required and that the entrance fee was big and she was sorry to disappoint all those who supported her...

He interuptted her with "Did you give it your best?"

She looked up suprised, eyes brimmed with tears, blinking. She bit her lower lip, to stop it from quivering. Choked with emotions, she managed to nod furiously.

"Well, then, well done." came the reply and she stood in a daze, and stared, amazed.

"I am not an expert on Art, but the essence of Creativity is not Popularity but Integrity. Be true to Yourself and Express Yourself. I am told, Van Gogh sold only one painting in his lifetime, yet today his paintings are worth millions. Not just in art, whatever you do, as long as you are not harming others, be Yourself, thats why You were created. You are unique, just like everyone around You."

"Now, have they given back, your painting?" She nodded and dug out the Dud Painting from her school bag. She summoned up courage and dared to ask "Do you like it?". He smiled and said, no, I won't pretend to like it. But as long as you like it, its Priceless not Worthless."

"But my parents are upset that I wasted their money and painted a Dud" she said through sobs.

"I will talk to your parents" he said. "Artists are not like fixed deposits, which churns out safe returns, but like equities. Sometimes Superlative,and brilliant returns and at times shocking " he paused, "Duds". If we start expecting artists to deliver safe bets, we will only produce mediocre artists, who are scared to experiment and take risks."

Passing back the painting, the Principal said she could leave, the little girl still dazed thanked the principal and with a twinkle in his eye the Principal probably said "Welcome". But why did she hear it as "Swagatham"?

Outside, the girl leaned on the wall and murmered, I am probably day dreaming again.

Dedicated to Ms.Khan, Madhavrao Bhagwat High School, Vile Parle, Mumbai.
Mam, decades ago, I argued with you and turned out to be wrong. You didn't take me to task, for my audacity. But appreciated it with "Its good to have Its good to have confidence like this, keep it up". A passing remark, it might have been to you. But not for me. I only vaguely remember the lesson in History I argued about, but your response, when I felt humiliated, has made you an integral part of my history. Teachers like you are the true artists, who shape our nation's future. You mould us, not with just knowledge but your attitude and affection. Happy Teacher's Day.

Shades of Saffron

2010-09-02T13:06:00.005+05:30

Dear Mr.Chidambaram (or Chidu),
Sometimes, you ask for the impossible. You want to use the word "Saffron Terror" and still get the support from All of "Us" against those XYZ terrorists. Perhaps you thought, people didn't see red, when I use Red Terror for Maoists. But excuse me, do you see Red in our National Flag? Besides, saffron has many Shades, its not just in our national flag but its also sacred to the Hindus and all right minded humans, including Julia Roberts. So if you thought by using the term, Saffron Terror, you would be alienating those XYZ terrorists from mainstream Hindus, and majority of Indians, you are WRONG. Whats your hidden agenda? You want to be called "Buddhu Chiddu"?

Being an Indian, you should have realised that we have a process for everything, so please follow the due process, and then use the term Saffron Terror, as many times as you please.

1.Prioritize.
Follow the masters, the Fairness Cream Makers. They don't say black or wheatish is ugly, just say fairness is beautiful and associated with success and desired by all. So sponsor a meet of Hindu leaders and ask them to wear Orange. And coin a phrase "Future of Hinduism, Orange and Bright". See we are not saying anything negative about Saffron, just saying Orange is brighter and better.

2.Symbolise
Make Orange the National Fruit. Point out India is the Diabetes Capital of the World. And point out with charts and cartoons, the glycemic index of Mango is higher than that of Orange. The government cares for the health of its citizen and so we would like to make Orange the new national fruit. And have an Orange India Campaign. Point out Orange is a Pavitra Phal, while Ripe Mangoes is filled with Rich Chemicals. If the Mango growers object, threaten them quietly with "I will not let you export our national fruit".
If you are very scared of controversy, add an Orange colored National Vegetable (Pumpkin or Carrot). Follow the Beta-carotene routine instead of diabetic routine. Specifically point out that Beta carotene is great for eyes and you want Indians to be Visionaries.

3.Subsidise.
When Karunanidhi (Karuna to northies) wanted to encourage Tamil names for Tamil movies, he simply removed the entertainment tax. (50 crores loss is worth the pleasure of an aam admi, not consulting a dictonary to check the meaning of the movie.)
Subsidise all products which use the orange color. If you don't want to actually give the subsidy, just add some loopholes, even accountants won't protest, since they will be making more money. But the important point remains, you will seen as Pro Hindu, Pro Growth not Anti-Saffron. If those from other religions protest and ask for subsidies of Green White or Whatever, point out Orange is not religious but National and Neutral.

4.Internalise

The communists would probably get outraged over the dynastic influence of Dutch over the color propaganda. And the BJP might join them. So get few Swamis (wearing orange) to point out on TV, for centuries, we worshiped Orange since its closer to our fire God Agnidev. And since Orange was targeted by our Invaders, our ancestors used a duller color Saffron, to camouflage themselves. There you go, Two Birds One Stone. Orange is associated with Resistance and History and Fire Power. And Saffron associated with fear and perhaps cowardice. Which color do you think our Hindus would opt?

Start a rumour, Saffron flower is the symbol of the Stone Throwers of Kashmir.

5.Advertise
Indian Public has lost faith in Police, Politicians, Media & Judiciary. We believe only in advertisements, especially those endorsed by Celebrities.

Get Deepika to wear Orange at Cannes, Suggest to Julia's Stylist, Orange is in,
Mention to Mukesh Ambani, Mumbai Indians, and therefore Sachin should wear Orange,
Pressurise Pawar to change Men in Blue to Warrriors in Orange (hey the team might lose but Shewag,Dhoni Sachin still sell),
Hint to Raj Thackeray, Marathi manoos prefers Oranges to Mangoes.
And ask Bappida to sing a tribute to Tagore wearing Orange colors, since "Tagore meditated among orange groves and conceived of a new type of university, desiring to "make Shantiniketan the connecting thread between India and the world." (It will become a hit on Youtube & Internet Hindus will be more benevolent towards Orange.)
And get TeleShopping Network to suggest Orange colored Yantra makes the future bright and succesful. (Actually they will probably do it automatically, you don't have to suggest to them.)

6.Proxy Criticise
Next time a Godman is caught in a scandal, get a Godman wearing Orange to say its now a Saffron Shame. If someone objects, let the Orange Godman retaliate with "Sex Swami" is not Shameful?
Make sure SoniaG, BurkhaD and Arundathi don't wear Orange and get few bloggers to wonder why they haven't worn Orange yet.

Thus, after throughly ruining the Significance of Saffron, you can use the term Saffron Terror, Saffron Monster or Saffron Sadists. And you will have an Orange Outrage against those xyz terrorists.

But then, those xyz terrorists might object to you, for associating them with Saffron.

Mr.Fevicol fixed

2010-08-31T18:04:00.008+05:30

Kalmadiji has claimed the unaccounted crores in the CWG account books were in fact the crores paid to bookies and Pakistani cricketers to tarnish the reputation of cricket. He pointed out that he had hit two birds with one stone. "We are doing a service to the nation, when we disgrace cricket and revive interests in non-cricketing sports. And Pakistan which had been milking international sympathy with its flood victims, had been put in its place as the International Evil, with this expose", rejoiced Mr.Kalmadi. Getting misty eyed his assistant said "The PR propoganda, of Million victims in Pakistan, has been replaced by The Millions Pakistan cricketers make. Successfully the public memory has been erased and perspective not displaced."

Kalmadiji was full of praises for the Swiss Management Consultant Mr.Fevicol, who is known to fix any problem. "I approached him a fortnight back and he was able to fix the problem on the spot!" effused Mr.Kalmadi. When a smart journalist pointed out that, India would have to pay few more crores in the form of consultation fee, Mr.Kalmadi rubbished it with. "We are hosting a world class event. And we need world class consultants. To suggest otherwise is unpatriotic."

Meanwhile a paid journalist munching Swiss made Samosa enquired if the "Allegations of Corruption in CWG, could have been a paid news by BCCI to distract attention from the IPL saga."

Mr.Kalmadi magnanimously refused to target Mr.Pawar. But admitted, "We are exploring if those allegations had come from a section within BCCI which wanted to ruin the aam admi's interests in other sports, to further the commercial interests of IPL."

When asked if Mr.Fevicol had made any suggestions for making ARR's theme song more inspiring, Kalmadi shook his head and said, "When we approached Mr.Fevicol we didn't know realise a desi talent was available. We have now approached Rakhi Sawant, and she has promised not just Insaaf but also Inspiration."

Informed sources however claim, Rakhi is an eyewash, on Mr.Fevicol's advice, Anu Malik has been hired to remix Waca Waca and it will be sung and performed by Bappi Lahiri (in Na'vi costume and an extra kilo of gold).

Update : Stampedes have been witnessed all over the world, with NRIs clamouring to watch the opening ceremony of CWG. More sources have confirmed that Bappida, indeed would be performing dressed in a Na'vi costume with an extra kilo of gold and will be singing Khelo, GaOO, Khudo, Nacho, Khaa-OO.

And with soaring ticket sales, Kalmadi has been seen thundering, Avatar Jake style "WE DON'T NEED THEM, WE HAVE, US!!!"

A Flame named Freedom

2010-08-29T00:17:00.026+05:30

In humiliation, how brightly I burn.
Consequences? I have no concern!
I am the Mighty Dragon, breathing Fire,
Revenge is all, I now thirst and desire.
My Freedom, you are a wonderful flower.
Borne from you, the delicious fruit, Power.
When Retribution I can certainly elude,
Why suddenly has my rage subdued?

Oh Freedom, you gave me Power
But Power is also true test of Character, I learn.
By Humuliation and Character
My poor dear ego, you have now been, twice, burned.

Freedom, its unfair, you fight fire with your light
My rage has been controlled and caged by your light!

I thought I was truly free,
And could go on any spree, carefree!

But, Freedom is a flame within and it ignites

A guiding light, to do the right.

Not a weapon for the might,

To be used in any and every spite.

So, Freedom, I want to be Free from You
Without you I could float in self pity and rue.
For what is the use of being free if, I,
Can but Don't, get an eye for an eye?

Freedom, you might take me to great heights
But I am just as free as a kite.
The string of integrity, chains my flight
With Wind or String, whom I should fight?

Oh please me don't tell me, I am not Ego
I am Character and Ego, I must forgo.
Thought Freedom was a frame of mind,
Why should it be a flame in my mind?

Yet, I wonder if this flame will propel Me to Rise

Like a Phoenix, from ashes of my ego's demise.

Then Freedom, from my ego, you have set me free

Perhaps to happiness, you are after all the key.

An entry for Blogadda's Frames of Freedom Contest

Note : My twitter followers would have been aware of my anger and anguish the last couple of days. Towards the end of the journey called rage, these emotions and thoughts, fell into place. Since real life is hardly poetic, my Id Ego, has only been partially burnt and blackmails me more with its scars. Nevertheless, I am at a better place and at least in partial peace.Wrote the poem and then clicked these pictures (In the dark, a candle (including the first picture), a Silverish Shell articraft for the wing effect, & a helpage calender for Mahatma Gandhi's picture (in the last image). Never thought the toughest part of the journey would be in choosing amongst all the pictures I clicked . Well freedom is definitely fun, if we don't mind the tiny burdens. The line "Power is the True Test of Character" is my favourite quote, and it explains, the source of many a problems. From littering, taking an office pencil, or crores in scam. Gandhi never advocated non-violence as a weapon for the weak,(he asked them to be brave and fight back), but asked the strong to follow non-violence to prove the strength in their soul too. Forgiveness isn't about saying its OK but choosing to Respond instead of React.

Even when you can get away with it,

Ask yourself, what you would Not Do.

Well, thats the Real You, a sum of your Values.

Rahul, Dimpy aur Insaaf

2010-08-26T17:46:00.013+05:30

If Rakhi Sawant can deliver Insaaf better than Raj Thackeray on NDTV Imagine, Rahul and Dimpy can deliver better justice than Rakhi at a rival entertainment channel, titled "Rampy aur Insaaf ."

Its a Royal Court with attendants in garish costumes. Trumpets blow, Shehnais and Sitars are re-mixed, as Rahul and Dimpy enter, dressed in the Latest Authentic Ethnic Finery (LAEF) and sit on a throne, from the Ramayan set.

The Host also dressed in LAEF introduces the first complainant.

A woman cries "There are more mobiles than toilets in India! We have corruption cases like Koda and Kalmadi's and their crores. And renovation cases like Yeddyurappa who spend Ten Lakhs on their toilet. What can you do to ensure every Indian gets a Toilet?"

Dimpy smiles demurely and says "I think Rahulji is better suited to answer this case since his father had groomed him to be a future PM and he is an expert on politics." Dimpy and Rahul smile at each other.(Background violin "Tujhe dekha to yeh jana sanam").

Host "Rahulji, when will you enter active politics? We know you spend lots of time doing social service."

Rahul chukles and chides the Host "My Social Service is supposed to be a Secret, otherwise my Service will be viewed as just a publicity stunt. When the time comes, I will talk about other plans. But right now, lets talk about this person's problem." Rahul turns smiles at the woman and brings a finger to the chin.

The host thunders "Ek chote se break ke baad, aapko milega Rahulji ka Jawab aur Insaaf".

After mere 6 minutes of advertisements,

Rahul with serious expression (Eyebrows knitted).

"Legal angle is a waste because it takes time," "unlike our show" jibes the Host, Audience Laughs and cheers for 3 minutes."Sorry Rahulji please continue" apologises the Host.

"And government has to spend so much money on prosecution and financing all the Swiss trips for CBI officers. Lets introduce a fine system. The accused will have to pay 25% of the scam amount as fine. Government will have more money for spending on sanitation and all will be Fine. On renovation of bathrooms, please understand, unless we give the best to our ministers they won't be able to give their best. " (Background music "All is Well").

Dimpy "Rahulji with so much of our money in Swiss Bank accounts, didn't you think we should nationalise Swiss banks and bring back the money to India?" Studio audience breaks into applause. Rahul nods, takes Dimpy's hands, looks into her eyes and vows, that it would be his first move after becoming Prime Minister, but she shouldn't spill out his secrets in public." Dimpy blushes and apologises.

Studio Audience claps while Host gets ecstatic and hands over to the complainant, a gift voucher from a sponsor, for an elite bath set and mentions a tiny break.

After 8 minutes of advertisements, the Host introduces a poor man (wearing only a dhothi) from Rajasthan, who wails, for 11 days of physical work in hot sun I got Rs.11 but MPs earn in thousands and get hikes, even if they disrupt Parliament.

Dimpy smiles at Rahul and asks permission to answer the question. Rahul, gives her an indulgent smile and nods. Dimpy in a choked voice "Sir, you got Rs.11 for 11 days but what about your wife, who has worked for your family, how much has she got? This is life, it has ups and downs." A close up shot reveals a tear flowing down Rahul's face (background sad sitar sound).

Dimpy continues "How much do you think your mother struggled to give birth to you, do you think you can pay her adequte compensation? We work for the love of our nation. MPs may earn in thousands but what about cricketers and film stars who earn in crores? Please do not confuse work, love, respect, value and money."

Turns in slow motion to Rahul and looks at him for approval. Rahul gives her a you make me feel so proud of you look (gazes with smile without blinking). (Background violin Kabhie Kabhie mere Dil Mein).

Audience claps, Host Wah Wahs and gives the Man a Chocolate Gift Hamper and the latest Fairness Cream with anti-darkening RE3 agent, specially made, for those who are out in the sun for a longtime. The complainant gives a deep bow and goes away with the hampers and a smile on his face.

After a 5 minute ad break, the Host introduces us to the final complainant. A young guy is checking his mobile, realises the camera is on him and complains tearfully,"No one reads my blog or my tweets. I have 641 followers on my twitter not a single one of them respond to my tweets."

Rahul gets down from his throne and walks up to the guy and puts his arm around him. "Life is very cruel. But instead of Twitter and Blogger if you spend your time on TV, you will feel significant, because in TV TRP is everything. And you can participate and make a difference, especially if you watch and vote with Reality TV.

The Tweeter breaks down more and cries more and while hugging Rahul tweets "Hugging Rahul Mahajan" and updates his Facebook Wall, with "Rahul thinks I Rock". Dimpy also joins them and cries, and says "I know how tough, it is to feel insignificant, and I will pray for you. And the three of them go and pray in front of the Ganesh Idol near the throne. Dimpy sings Jai Ganesh Aarthi and offers the prasad to Rahul, Host and Tweeter (who is tweeting and posting with one hand).

Rahul and Dimpy handover the latest mobile with twitwofour technology to the Tweeter and offers one final advise. "Please don't confuse Online Readers, Followers and Friends with family. The only important people exist in real life, spend more time watching TV with your family members." Audience Applauds. Background music "Insaaf ka Mandir hai yeh".

Dimpy's puppy runs to her and licks her face. Audience coo. Dimpy tells the Host they have to take leave to spend quality family time together and promise to come back to resolve more problems. Rahul thanks the sponsors and the producers. And they leave in a chariot, with two white horses, waving to the crowd, as the onlookers cheers.

Host looks directly at the camera and says "We are family, we are here to advise and suggest. Come,Share your problems with Us".

According to some sources, Dimpy gave the Tweeter, a printout of Blogadda's How to get More Readers Traffic for your blog and said, "Bhaiya, I wish they had Tips for Twitter too". Rahul got suspicious and snatched the printout and shredded it to pieces. The Director Yelled Cut! and screamed "Why mention Blogadda! They haven't sponsored us!"

If you liked this post try, The Patriot - The Celebrity with Duty

If you hated this post try, Simple Substitute for Sleeping Pill

What You Want

2010-08-22T20:40:00.001+05:30

Spirituality, Marriage, Children, and Blogging are all like Bungee Jumping. Exhilarating for Some, but definitely Not for Everyone. Its all about the journey and not about the destination.

Don't get into them if you think it would help you become famous or make more money or because others are doing it.

Get into them for the simple reason of You wanting to do it. And you will know its what You Want, when you will accept responsibility, if something goes wrong in the process.

And all are mutually exclusive, including marriage and children.

If you agree with this you might like
Perplexed about Premarital Sex
Lonely? Get a Pet not a Spouse
Single and Still Complete
Before Walking off Into the Sunset
Dumped and Down in the Dumps
Van Gogh on Valentine
Do You Need Him to be Happy?

If you disagree you probably would have moved on before this line.

Shoe-maar's Throw Shoes Syndrome

2010-08-16T22:35:00.020+05:30

Breaking News. Other politicians are catching up with Shoe-mar's Philosophy. Union Minister for Chemicals & Fertilizers M.K.Azhagiri has requested the opposition to Throw Shoes, but not Questions. His colleague Railway Minister Mamata Banerjee has specified Throw Shoes but not those of Red Hue. Home Minister P.Chidambaram has pointed out that a shoe had been thrown at him earlier, so if someone wanted to Throw Shoes, Just throw the other Pair. Not to be outdone Digvijay Singh has said "Throw shoes, but only on High Command's instruction."

Meanwhile, Mayawati has now instructed her administration to, Throw Shoes but only Golden ones. Kalmadi by the way, has placed an order with an Italian firm to deliver 50,000 pairs, priced at a lakh each, to be delivered during the Closing Ceremony. He has requested everyone "Throw Shoes, but only those ordered by me".

BJP and the Communists have joined hands to launch an agitation against the ProThrowShoe attitude of the government, since Throwing Shoes is against our Culture. They also pointed out that, the inflation has affected the price of shoes and now the aam aadmi couldn't afford to buy shoes.They hope their mass agitation will throw the Government out of Power. But quickly, Kapil Sibal has shooed away the agitation with a 35 Paise Shoe Scheme.

MNS meanwhile, has launched its own campaign "Throw Shoes, but only those made by Marathi Manoos."

Since Rahul Mahajan has been hospitalised with chest pains, NDTV Imagine has announced a new reality show with Rakhi Sawant titled "Rakhi ka Shoeciever". The object of the contest is to win the heart and receive the shoes from Rakhi Sawant.

Bollywood stars (minus Shahrukh) have started their own mass agitation. They stood, arm in arm outside Aamir Khan's House chanting "Throw Shoes, Please don't be Coy, You are after all our Midas Touch Boy!" Kareena has signed an endorsement deal for Size Zero shoes while Katrina has tweeted about her New Mystery Shoe.

Since the title of Bobby Deol's horror thriller "Help" has not helped in making it a blockbuster, the producers have decided to rename it "Shoe" and hoping to woo and shoo in some audience. A small controversy has been created with the title, as Sanjay Leela Bhansali has just launched a new movie "Hum Shoe Throw Chuke Sanam". And RGV has decided to rename Phoonk 3 as Ssssshhh-Whhoooooo

Baba Sehgal, by the way, has remixed "I am too Sexy for my shoes" with "I am Sexy throwing Shoes" to relaunch his career.

Admist all these Shoe news, Lalit Modi has announced an Indian Shoe Throwing Show. He has promised he will take Shoe Throwing to a new entertainment level, with Cheerleaders, Designer Shoes, Foreign Players and lots of pre-match and post-match parties thrown in between. And has even roped in the sponsor, Jimmy Choo. While Modi has tweeted it will be a "ShowStopper", Shashi Tharoor has simply tweeted "Sho(ow) Shoepid".

In an unrelated development, four new Chinese factories have been setup to manufacture shoes. A leading multinational bank has launched a new Credit Card, exclusively for purchasing your Dream Shoes. And has launched an internet campaign titled Shoe Shop with Bipasha Basu. I have received 32 junk smses about products which will help me throw shoes accurately. I will delete them after smsing my replies to NDTV Times Now & IBN on their Shoe Polls.

Then I will be off, to get the blessings of Shoe Swami who has arrived from the Himalayas. My friend assures me, for a four figure fee, he will throw a shoe at me and I will become a very Popular Blogger. But I am a very scientific person, the Shoe Swami is just a back up plan, I have already bought Fair and Shiny Shoe Whitening Cream. Don't I know a person can be successful, only by being fair and having a fairer Shoe?

If you have a short fuse,

Or if you want to blow away your blues,

Or simply want to be on the News,

Throw Shoes, Throw Shoes.

Wake up, those who mentally snooze

Hey, Use any excuse

Only a shoe you are going to lose

Throw shoes, Throw Shoes.

Target those who disagrees with your views.

But Watch out though, some might reuse.

Do it before it fades away with overuse.

Throw Shoes Throw Shoes.

Hmmm, you think, this post has no use

If you don't mind standing in a long queue

Hey at me, you can always throw shoes!

But smelly socks, sorry I will refuse.

with sincere apologies to those mentioned above.

PS : If you have heard a constant buzz behind you ear "Shoemaar, shoemaar" and you have not been drinking, doing drugs etc, than it could be the voice of our own sweet Ketangel. Just throw a shoe, towards the sky. Aargh angel will make sure you hit Ketangel. And you will be featured in Times of Angels, Anglie (not Jolie) Times.

PPS : If you are wondering , who the #@$ $# is Ketangel, you should read Divine Justice T20 Style- 2

PPPS : If you have read the post and want to become Angelised in my post like Ketan, then you would have to be a regular top commentator. And thats not just typing a" nice post" comment. He reads the entire post and faces my cross examination. The logic being, you have to face a death equivalent to become an angel. And there are many bloggers who would choose death, over reading my blog.

People Land and Sky

2010-08-14T23:17:00.004+05:30

Mother vs Motherland

So this is death, the dying soldier thought.
To avoid this, how my mother had fought!
As she felt her spirit soar,
She faintly heard, her mother's roar.
"You won't live for me, your mother!
But don't mind dying for your motherland! "
"Not everyone dies mom, and life has no guarantees."
she had coolly retorted and even now, she didn't rue her stand.

Owning Land

"Dadi, is the mango from the tree in the Big House really verry tasty?" the ten year old girl asked her grandmother. "Yes." replied the sleepy grandmother.

"How do you know?" asked the girl, unwilling to sleep. "My dadi told me" replied the tired woman.
"How did your dadi, know ?"whispered the persistent girl. "She lived there" her dadi said sadly. "Ma!" the girl's father warned.

Excited the girl asked "She lived in the Big House?"
"No." replied the tired granny."She lived in a small house on that land, but her father had planted those mango trees. Then one day, men came with sticks and knives and told them to leave. And then later those men, sold the land to some other people and then the Big House came up with those Big Gates and Walls."
"Enough. Now go to sleep." chided her mother.
"So the Mangoes are ours?" she asked excited, ignoring her mother.

"No" mourned her granny "Those trees have died, and now, its their fruits that have become trees, and anyway we don't own the land."

"So how can I own a land?" the girl asked after few minutes.

Her granny pretended to snore. But she shook her and repeated the question. "You buy with money" came the curt reply from her father.

"But did the men with sticks give money to your dadi's father, dadi?"
"No but those were different times" sighed the granny and turned the other way and faked sleep.
The girl stared into the darkness, unable to sleep, inspite of the suggestive snores.

She snaked her arm around her grandmother's waist. Then whispered "Tomorrow I will go with sticks and own the land near the river. Then I will sell it and make money and buy lots of lands. And then we will plant lots and lots of mango trees. And then my grandchildren and their grandchildren will taste the sweetest mango ever."

She expected applause but just got few giggles.

Hiding on the Land

She watched her mother anxiously touch her little brother's forehead and shake her head at her father.
Agitated, he said "I will take her to the doctor". But her mother said it would be risky in the middle of the night. "They might stop you and ask for papers." And continued to sponge her brother with a wet towel.

She stared at them anxiously, hoping she could provide a solution. Her mother had told her, to not talk too much about her father, because he was an illegal immigrant. She wondered if they would allow her to take her little brother to the doctor. She was not sure if she was also illegal but didn't dare to ask her mother that, and add to her distress. She stared at the line of ants, on the wall, and whispered, "How do you find out if you are illegal?"

Territory, Entity and Identity

"I won't tell you, even if you cause me pain." she said defiantly.
Her captor sneered,"Aaah a fighter, lets find out how much pain you can withstand..."
Later, he casually asked, "So how, is the pain?"
She managed to gasp, "Not greater than the pain, of not having a motherland"

"Oh, you will have one, if you stopped resisting and started accepting" he said, as he searched his tool box.

"Accept!! Accept that your people can do anything to us, because you have firepower? Accept you are mighty and you can strip us of our Identity?" she snarled, before blacking out with pain, from his latest tool.

Free Sky

"Was it me, in all those short stories? "
the soldier's soul wondered,
as towards the sky, it soared.
Did everything happen, to me, in this birth,
or were some from before?"

The Patriot - The Celebrity with Duty

2010-08-12T13:31:00.008+05:30

Beaming Bollywood Producer (BBP) "Our astrologer has suggested a Patriotic movie to launch my son".

Superhit Scriptwriter (SS) "Excellent! An Angry Hero is upset with the corrupt government.."

BBP "No No they might mistake him for a Naxalite, nothing anti-government."

SS "Hero is a soldier.."

Son of Rich Producer (SORP) "No that would make the movie boring and drab"

SS "A non-violent journalist,"

BBP "Again boring character. Make it a romantic patriotic movie"

SS "Hero falls in love with a girl from another country.."

BBP "No Way! Look what happened to Sania!"

SS "Hero is a pop star, who has made it big through a reality contest."

BBP "Excellent, we can show off His dancing skills"

SS "We open with Hero on stage, head down, hearing in his mind, the comments of the Reality Show Judge (some old star who wants to make a comeback) berating him for being a poor orphan with just hopes, going up against his classy prodigy. Someone shouts Action and the spotlight turns on him. He faces the camera and comes up with a mix of rap and soul number, with Vande Mataram, Mera Bharat Mahan and ends with Jai Hind". The audience and the other judges give him a standing ovation. While the Reality Judge reluctantly applauds him. Later this Judge tellsHero, its not easy to get voted as the winner since, smses costs money. Few days later, he becomes the winner closely beating his rich competitor.

SS "While flying abroad for a tour, terrorists take over his aeroplane. Since he is popular they want to hold him hostage to get their colleagues released. (They explain Indians might not care much for a minister's life, but will care for him since he has got the maximum votes amongst all reality stars and reality shows reflect the real India) The heroine is a flight attendant who initially pretends to hate him, but is actually his biggest fan, who is extremely rich and got a job as an airhostess, simply to meet him. Hero fights back with small help from heroine. We can have a parachute, sky diving chase scene, rescues everyone and hands the terrorists to the police.

He sings a duet with the heroine and goes to New Zealand for his concert." We can have a fast catchy number for the concert.

To avenge their colleagues arrest, terrorists plant a bomb during his concert and blast occurs at the end of the concert. The Hero looks at the death and destruction all around him and becomes distraught. And we go for the intermission."

Gets approving nods from BBP and SORP.

SS continues "The only survivor is a small girl holding a teddy bear who has seen the terrorist who planted the bombs. She has lost her family, and the Hero decides to take care of her and sings a bubbly kids song to cheer her up since, next day is her birthday. "

"Great that will make it a wholesome family entertainer" booms BBP.

SS continues, "The heroine is actually a painter. So she paints the picture of the terrorist, after getting the description from the girl."

BBP "Excellent! Since the heroine has a role of substance, we can get any star we need."

SS, "Hero realises he has seen this person at a hotel and goes to the hotel, just when this guy is checking out. Here we can have a Hot Car Chase. Hero catches the guy and thrashes him and makes inquiries. The guy says his Boss is hiding in the jungles of Brazil and is planning to attack India with missiles, after getting his colleagues released. If missile concept is outdated, we can have a virus with no cure."

"Hero hands over this guy to the authorities in New Zealand. But when they say their hands are tied, they can't extradiate the terrorists, he decides to take matter in his own hands and goes to Brazil, with his girlfriend and the sweet kid with the teddybear. He explains to them, he has a facebook friend in Brazil who has herself been a victim of terror and thirsting for revenge. He arrives in a nightclub and we can have an item number by a Brazilian Babe. She agrees to help him and points out a local thug who might know the location of the terrorist. After a beach brawl with knives, the Hero finds out the exact location. And makes a plan with the Brazilian Babe. The heroine gets jealous and we can have a melody number at this point, as he tries to convince her, he loves only her.

With Brazilian Babe's help he goes into the jungle. Fights crocodiles and giant snakes. Then after a high speed boat chase with water skis etc in the Amazon river, catches all the terrorists and packs them for justice in India. The heartbroken Brazilian Babe requests him to let at least the Saccharin kid stay with her. The kid too wants to stay with the aunty, so he relents with tears and promises to visit them frequently."

Back home he gets a hero's welcome. A TV journalist explains, "One of the terrorist captured, is the 2nd Deadliest Terrorist according to USA and now USA is begging India to have access to this terrorist." A huge cheer goes up when he lands and journalists scramble for sound bytes. A female with blond hair from CNN asks in accented Hindi "You are a celebrity. Why did you take so much risks?."

He says "When I think of my motherland, Its Duty first, even if I am a Celebrity!".

And everyone claps. Even the Reality Judge who is watching the interview at home. He stands and salutes the TV screen, and we finish with our Hero, with pumped fist in the air, shouting "Jaaaaaai Hind" We can name it The Patriot (A celebrity with Duty)".

SS pauses. BBP is thrilled and hugs SS with tears in his eyes, while SORP is on the phone with someone.

BBP explains "The story sounds good, but my son is not old fashioned like me. He is running it through his Tarot Card Consultant, before okaying the Project".

If you liked this you might like Kribs and Kit Kits (Kompassion ya Kruelty)

If you hated this you might like Simple Substitute for Sleeping Pill

Kalmadi's Top Ten

2010-08-09T18:28:00.002+05:30

Suresh Kalmadi is outraged at the suggestion of incompetence and corruption. "CWG's not a Calamity !" shrieked Kalmadi. But he didn't get to this position without realising the importance of a backup plan. To scorn the critics, he has lined up new responses to those silly allegations. Here are the Top Ten of them.

1. Even iPhone couldn't live up to expectations. Stop having unrealistic expectations. And Jobs didn't resign, did he?

2. Even Obama has Teaching Moments. And don't forget we are a developing nation.

3. China got envious and decided to sabotage the structures by doing an underground nuclear test.

4. The new rupee symbol created a currency confusion. Don't worry every new and old rupee will accounted and tracked after a committee looks into it.

5. The structure seems unsafe, hey thats a cultural reflection of our karma philosophy, Ask Julia. And for your information, she is so inspired by us, she has agreed to the sequel "Cheat, Smirk and Pray".

6. Naxals are firing, Kashmir is burning, North East is burning, Inflation is burning a bigger hole and you want to talk about CWG and few crores? How petty and unpatriotic can you get?

7. We knew you would criticise, thats why we spent 2 crores on getting goras to say they enjoyed CWG.

8. We were advised by the police to not make it a success, since success attracts security concerns.

9. We will answer all your queries, but would you first like to savour samosas from Switzerland, just one lakh a piece.

10. Our hands were tied, we couldn't rename it KommenWealth Games and make it a success.

Simple Substitute for Sleeping Pill

2010-08-06T05:24:00.064+05:30

Tsunami hit India on 26th December 2004. A distraught NRI Indian blogger felt helpless yet wanted to help and so sent emails, that evening, to a leading bank, PM's office & TN government and an official from TN government (who had earlier helped her via email on information on driving license renewal.) And was amazed to receive the response the NEXT DAY, from TN government. A day later from PMO, and the official who had helped with traffic queries. All the 3 emails were informative and complete. With the bank it took 10 days and 4 emails. So cribbers out there who think government doesn't work. Sorry, it works, even for ordinary citizens. Aah, to see government use technology so effectively and communicating back, Mera Bharat Mahan!

But Mera Bharat was not Mahan for Sitadevi in Uttar Pradesh who bled to death while delivering her child, because, the dai didn't have her FOUR Rupees kit of sterilised blade, suture, a needle and other equipment that helps in a delivery. The reason why Sitawati had not received a dai kit was a tussle between secretary of the DHFW and family welfare minister. I read this few years ago, yet it continues to haunt me, that Indians have to lose their lives, because of the way the babus and netas function. Four Rupee for a Life, are we in touch with real India?

In India, I would like to change or atleast influence the following :-

1.Healthcare

2.Legal System

3.Media Apathy

4.Middle class Morals

5.Social Integration

Within each, I would like to discuss :-

A. The Scenario
B. Self: What I do and what more you & I could do
C. Suggestions to government
D. Stories of change related to it.

The post is lengthy, you can choose this as a sleeping pill and allow it close your Eyes, or decide, whatever the adversity, I will do my bit, and ARISE.

1.HEALTHCARE

Scenario

Every 8 minutes an Indian women dies due to childbirth. Motherhood is supposed to be about life, but in India where we revere our mothers, its about death. Before we dismiss this as yet another statistic belonging to developing nations with less resources, just do a regional comparision. In our region, Maternal Mortality Rate (MMR) varies between 0.92 per thousand births in Sri Lanka and 7.4 in Nepal; it is 5.4 in India, 5.0 in Pakistan and 3.8 in Bangladesh. This translates into 140,000 mothers dying each year in India due to childbirth. This figure would reduce to 24,000 if our MMR were to drop to the Sri Lankan level, a saving of more than 100,000 lives Each Year.

And if mothers don't do well, what about the children? 26 million children are born each year in India. Of these, nearly 1.64 million children will die before they reach the age of one. If our IMR (Infant Mortality Rate) were 46 (the number in Bangladesh) instead of 63, then the number of deaths would reduce to about 1.2 million. In other words 450,000 lives would be saved each year if we could achieve the status of Bangladesh in the Infant Mortality Rate. And what about those who survive? Approximately 47% of India’s under-five population is underweight. (There are more undernourished children in India than in the African Continent). Health is Wealth, if we want to become a Super Power our citizens need not be Superhumans but at least have a system that is humane.

Self

So what do I do? Would I use a government hospital? If I had a choice, no. I used it but not now. Well I try to talk and blog about it (Do U Know series and some other posts indirectly).

Because I believe lets at least get the information out there,

Maybe a few of them would Care.

With Sri Lanka & Bangladesh lets compare,

And make our healthcare more accountable and fair.

Suggestions to Government

What I would like government to change? Well how about a rule that every babu and neta who gets sick has to get treated at the local government hospital in their constituency. Even if they get a special treatment, let them at least realize how much of the basic amenities are missing in these hospitals.

Stories of Change

There are many stories of change. One that I would like to share involves The Narayana Hrudayalaya in Bangalore. Its the largest heart surgery hospital in the world. Despite the huge volume of operations (6000 last year), mortality rates are comparable with or better than those in Britain and the US, and costs are much lower. The poor too are treated. But the volume of operations is so large, that it still makes an overall profit.

and

Child In Need Institute, tackling Child Malnutrition, established by Dr Samir Chaudhuri

Dr Prakash Bhandari's Snehdeep Jankalyan Foundation (SJF). Amongst other things, to arrest malnutrition among slum children' it has developed inexpensive protein supplements using groundnut' jaggery' gram and soya' which helped bring down malnutrition in Pune's worst slums from 15 per cent to 2 per cent.

The sparks exists, we just need a lot more of them.

2.LEGAL SYSTEM

Scenario

From the depressing world of healthcare lets go to Bollywood. If a Bollywood film changed the lyrics of our national anthem or changed the color of our flag for artistic reasons, would we put up with it? Of course Not! Then why do we accept the misrepresentation of our legal system in the movies. From the way they depict Procedure, Evidence to the time frame, Everything is a kids play, in Every movie involving our Laws and Legal system, with drastic differences. And unless we face the reality of the legal system in the movies, we are not going to change it or worry about it. Pathetic but isn't it true?

Of course if the movies depicted reality, their characters would have to live a very long life, indeed. Indian judiciary would take 320 years to clear the backlog of 31.28 million cases pending in various courts including High courts in the country, Andhra Pradesh High Court judge Justice V V Rao said recently.

The High Court in New Delhi is behind in its work that it could take up to 466 years to clear the enormous backlog. Amongst reasons for the delay, there aren't enough sitting judges. India — a country of 1.1 billion people — has approximately 11 judges for every million people.

Our justice system should reflect our values, but when its denied, where are our values? Ignorance of Law is not an excuse. But when 50% of Indian children aged 6-18 do not go to school, I don't know how many of them will understand the broad aspects, forget the finer points of our legal system.

Self

So what do I do? Again, I just read,blog and talk about it. Could I do more? Perhaps I could focus on just a few areas in law, and generate opinion to make some difference to it. Its not just enough to make our laws simple, we have to make the system more efficient. And perhaps if more joined, we could make a difference.

Suggestions to the Government

The Prime Minister did launch National Legal Literacy Mission, few years back. But no points for guessing what it achieved. Let the government, fill the judicial vacancies, make the law simpler and follow the recommendations of the Committees it sets up, for starters.

Stories of Change

Legal Assistance Programme for Land (LAPL) which seeks to establish a system that can help the poor fight for their property rights.

3.MEDIA

Scenario

I am an oldie who grew up with DD (in the neighbour's house) and so when I first heard about the concept of a 24x7 News Channel, I jumped with joy, really. The quantity of News channels on TV might have increased, but not the quality. Its not that we don't have capable journalists. But instead of focus and perspective, they prefer frivilousness and popularity. What would get more attention from the main stream media; a four run loss in an important match by the men's cricket team or an Indian women who loses her life for lack of a four rupee kit? A loss against Sri Lanka or Bangladesh by our men's cricket team or a healthcare system worse than these countries?

Self

Every channel, that I watch has a website, and I do comment on their websites. Even if they remain in the clutches of sponsors, Consumer is still the King. Its not that I hate fun, but I just don't think one needs to throw away ones responsiblities. Lets click and comment, people. And show the media, we care about few issues too. What I should do? Watch more of Lok Sabha TV. After all, the government is supposed to work for me, and if I don't watch and object, how can I expect them to perform reasonably.

Suggestions to government

Work. Disruptions in the first week of the monsoon session of Parliament has cost the the tax payers Rs 40 crore. Every day, Rs 1.23 crore is spent on the Parliament, which means every minute in Parliament costs Rs 23,000. Let Political Parties pay for the amount lost when they hold up the Parliament. Then we will perhaps see a functioning Parliament.

And instead of being just a culture vulture with the media, regulate the advertisements, and take action against corporates which make tall claims and escape with a fine print.

Stories of Change

Thanks to the internet, its easier for us to follow not just the mainstream media. Two of my favourite sites are Indiatogether.org and InfochangeIndia.org and the best part they are free. (Though you can choose to support Indiatogether)
The Ministry of External Affairs is on Twitter. How wonderful it would be, if other ministries use social media, to interact with its citizens.

4.MIDDLE CLASS MORALS

Scenario

Many amongst the middle class moan,

the Politicians take Votes from the Poor

and Money from the Rich,

promising to protect one from the other.

Surely we we deserve better!

But do we? How many amongst us thought, lets handover the Commonwealth Games organization to Lalit Modi? Never mind if he could have been corrupt, whats important is the Image of India. How many amongst us don't think its wrong to watch a pirated movie, or buy a question paper or a college seat? We feel outraged, when we hear about caste based quotas for college seats, but never question the other quotas like NRI and management quotas. Even with the wrong percentage, today its easy to get even a medical seat for the right price.
When the IPL scandal hit the media, another corruption scandal, was uncovered. Medical Council of India's chief Ketan Desai was arrested on corruption charges, but did the country even Blink? We live in glass houses and hence don't throw stones at the babus and netas.

And how many marriages have we attended where the bride is accepted for who she is, and not for what she brings and the bridegroom's parents treat the bride's parents as their equal? Rare.

Whether its education or marriage, when it suits us, we keep quiet about corruption.

Many don't frown, when someone helps themselves to office stationary, well guess what, the amount might be different, but the attitude no different from the babus and netas we crib and complain, about.

Many choose to turn a blind eye to molestation on a bus or think its ok to watch the latest sex tape even if one of the parties involved is a victim, just because the technology allows us. Isn't that the latest blackmail, get a sex tape of a girl and then blackmail her with the mms /upload threat? How many Indians shamelessly google out the sex tape when a tragedy suffers?

Self

Finally I do something else on the issue of Middle Class Morality. I don't watch pirated movies. Agree, its making virtue out of necessity. But I live in a place where, we get to see the movies only on pirated cds and it has affected my popularity with friends. But 7000 Indians die EVERYDAY due to hunger,but while they haven't created a revolution, and put up with even Rotten Rice from Ration shop,it amazes me when people don't give care about piracy. We can live without pirated stuff people. I still don't get it, why do I even have to say this? (By the way the 7000 was not a Typo, I hope you checked out the link.)

And heres something you may not believe, but still true. I don't pay bribes. And I have liasoned with various government agencies officially and personally. I have a formula for it. I allocate one extra day for finding out the procedure, preferably from someone as high as I can meet. Then follow the rules. And don't mind waiting and a silly superstitious point, dress modestly. And it has worked! And I don't spend even on their tea. I don't know if it will work all the time in the future. But I just don't make it easier. As citizens we can say no, and its not as tough as everyone imagines it to be. Lets make some use of the RTI or threathen with its usage, even if we don't become RTI activists.

Corruption is definitely a big problem in India and it bothers me more when there is corruption while buying equipment for our soldiers and the police. They sacrifice their lives, Patriots who put lives in the line for us, surely they deserve better. But corruption would be less, if the middle class practiced what it preaches.

Suggestions to Government

Move against Tax Havens, Make it easier for citizens to complain against corruption and simplify the rules. And just in case you will listen to me, minimize corruption.

Stories of Change

The RTI Act,

Parivartan, initially started up to help people get their work done in government departments without having to pay bribes, continues its crusade to educate and help people assert their right to information

From June 1, babus to pay for delayed services (Delhi)

(When my father lived in outside the Chennai Corporation limits, but died in a hospital, which is within the Corporation limits. Initially when I approached the Town Panchayat I was given a list of things to do and was told how difficult it would be to get duplicate attested copies. Later when I went to the Chennai Corporation office, I was told I had to do nothing, the hospital submitted their list and within 10 days, the Death Certificate would be available online, automatically and I could take as many copies as I wanted since it was digital. A simple step, yet I am sure it avoids corruption, so easily).

There are amongst us many Indians like Bapi Sen, who stood up to the men, who were molesting a girl on New Years eve. Tragically, he had to pay with his life, for his convictions.

5.SOCIAL INTEGRATION

Scenario

Whats Patriotism? Caring for the land or the people in it. We want Kashmir and the Northeast, but how much do we care about what happens to the people who live or lived there. We might be politically integrated, but socially we aren't. And we divide ourselves not just by region and religion but by class and caste. And how utterly incomplete we become, when nearly 1,600 girls a day and 6 lakh a year are missing at birth in the country owing to pre-natal sex-selection?

Self

What can I do, other than the usual? Avoid generalisations on the net and in real life , mingle more with "outsiders" and if my child or someone I know, decides to marry someone an "outsiders", be supportive. True Unity in Diversity comes when Indians stop mentioning the caste and religion in the matrimonial ads. (And bliss comes when they stop asking for fair spouses.)

While at it, it would be nice if the Hindi speaking Indians learn another Indian language (excluding English), even if its sign language. And even a few phrases would be wonderful. Why? Why not?

Suggestions to Government

Have a category called Just Indian. And give us the option to change to that category. Just Indians need not be given any privileges. But the Just Indians would not have to mention their caste,creed, community or religion in any official form. Let it be an option available to all Indians when they turn 18. And see how many of us become Just Indians, comfortable with just that identity.
And instead of a holiday on Gandhi Jayanthi, make it a day when Indians do community service like the Nelson Mandela International Day in South Africa, where people spend 67 minutes to improve their nation.

Or make working for other Indians, a culture. Every Month, for One Hour, let all Indians work for other Indians. Have an INDIA HOUR Every Month. When the media focuses on different proactive initiatives, there is going to be a shift in perception of Indians, from thinking, I pay taxes, its others duty to work for India to I am part of India, I have to do something for it and I can do something for it. We can even have a theme for each one month like

Blood donation,
Cleaning streets/beaches
Going to a village or slum and helping people there or assessing their needs,
Food donation
Visiting orphanage or elderly homes
Checking cleaning neighborhood sanitation needs
Teaching, even if its for one hour, for someone who can't afford tution or basics
Interacting with the police and getting to know their problems
Using less of the scarce resources like water, electricity (Eg Earth Hour)
Helping the women at home
Having a discussion on laws that need to be changed
Interacting with someone who doesn't share your background.

Just imagine, Politicians, Celebrities, Media, Sports personalities, and the "commoner" taking action together. Won't it fill us with pride to participate? To feel we are taking a step for India however small, Together. The theme need not be what I mentioned above, but still, instead of thinking of India on Republic Day, Independence Day and Gandhi Jayanthi, why not Every Month for One Hour at least?

Stories of Change

Instead of Stories of Change only on Social Integration, I would like to talk about a set of people whom I would term Social Warriors. Just like millions of Indians gave us Independence by sacrificing their lives and lifestyle, there are amongst us people who make a difference without getting intimidated by the system or the circumstances and in my opinion, truly make Mera Bharat Mahaan.

The sky might be dark, but there are innumerable stars in the sky who bring a spark in the lives of other Indians. They guide me and others who feel like they are lost in a desert on a new moon day.

I would like to mention few of them to illustrate my point. Some are private citizens while some are the result of initiatives by those in the government. I am just an ordinary Indian, and while there might be better resources out there, time doesn't permit me to do complete justice to it. Click what interests you and I am sure it will inspire you too. We may not be able to do what these Social Warriors do, but we can support them and take one more step towards making our Bharat Mahaan.

These warriors don't get intimidated by the data
or sitback and blame the corrupt neta.
Like a lamp, for others they are brightly burning,
and, bring meaning to the term India Shining.

I am definitely not a Social Warrior, but I do want to do something. Some years back I had written a personal agenda for myself to improve India. I would like to share it here. Instead of asking the readers to follow them, I would prefer if the readers added to them. Because there is only one thing I can definitely change in this world and thats me.

The Ideas of an Insignificant Indian

Vote, in Every Election including the Councillor election. (People died to give you this right)
Donate Blood, Eyes and Organs.
Say no to Piracy. (It sponsors terrorists/you can live without it/ hmmm its not ethical)
Do something for your village. (Majority of India still lives in villages. So make a start with atleast your own)
Promote real news. (Real news is not just cribs about the system but involves stories of change as well)
Stop generalizations. (Its stupid and leads to unnecessary culture conflicts)
Praise austerity in marriages. (The biggest wasteful expenditure in an Indian's life for sake of ego)
Educate at least one. (Increases confidence, decreases corruption)
Be aware of the state of public toilets. (Tragically there are more mobiles than toilets in India and the existing ones aren't well maintained.)
Be good and allocate an amount annually for charities. (Money has its uses.)
Help others, even if its just a gesture. For starters, lets keep a list of the phone numbers of local authorities to help others. Just google it, its out on the net. And officers do email back. It can start with a problem of a housemaid you know or a road you walk through. Write, email, the media, officers concerned. It won't take much of your time or money, but you will make a Difference.
Celebrate with a Cause. Instead of just material gifts, I also include gifts to charities, when it comes to family birthdays or anniversaries.( GiveIndia.org has a feedback system, that many have appreciated.)

From the above, I haven't done anything big for my village and haven't educated anyone directly and haven't recently done anything for improving India's sanitation and yet to sign the organ donation card, though my family knows my wishes.

I don't need to be Someone
I don't need the help of Anyone
To improve the life of at least One Indian
Thats way better, than just blaming Everyone.

To Conclude
One can crib about the lack of escalators & elevators,

or even if its difficult and tough, use the steps.

Results may not instantaneous, & to our ego cater

But lets not give up making India greater, step by step.

This is an entry for Blogadda's Proud to be an Indian Contest . "There is a little bit of India in all of us. We are aware of so many good and a few bad things that happen in India. Most of the people, like us, rant about so many things that the government does not do or support – and we know by executing those things correctly, we would be able to achieve so much more. We would like to believe that constructive suggestions and thoughts lead to action, in this case, corrective action, to things that we would like to see, to feel, to experience. Let’s all collectively share about the things that bother you, what can YOU do individually and what SUPPORT you would require from others to make that happen. Remember, the actions has to benefit not only to you, but the society in general, thereby leading to a small awakening, if we can say so. And this awakening will then lead to many more and give us enough reasons to be proud about our motherland, INDIA. Let us awaken now and profess our love to our nation. Let us rise and show the power of community. Here is the chance."

(I didn't win it.Please read the winning entries here)

Image

2010-08-04T20:04:00.005+05:30

We might quibble over four lakh for an air conditioner or the need for a 40 crore balloon. But next month we are going to scream for a Bharat Ratna for CW Organising Committee.

Why? Well, the committee has entered into a contract with consortium of fairness cream manufacturers, sorry marketeers. (All fairness creams are manufactured in one Chinese factory). Hmmm, I sense your horror. You think, Fairness Creams are racist products and we are a Voice Against Racism.

Well fairness creams are not racist because they don't just make you fair, they remove blemishes, dark spots, wrinkles and everything that you don't need and improve your Image.

And whats the biggest blemish one would like to remove, when it comes to the Image of India. Poverty. For those who are shouting Corruption, think what you would mind more, being Perceived Poor or being Called Corrupt?

Now you might wonder how fairness creams can eliminate poverty. Simple. From the next month, ration shops will give out a new body cream. And apart from removing blemishes, dark spots and wrinkles, increasing fairness, along with UV protection, the persons using this cream would become invisible to the cameras. Thanks to the SU4 technology and aloe vera, chandan, saffron, tulsi and other herbal ingredients. And hold your breath, the product comes in a spray form too. So we can finally make invisible the dirt, slums and whatever other things, you hate in the Indian image for the camera. So no more pictures of poor India. And when you control the image, what else is there to control?

The visitors might see the fair poor, one might argue. But we can always claim they are poor Europeans or visitors like them who have created a mess.

But no visuals. Works for the Burmese. Will work for Bharat. So there you go, beautiful images of India minus poor and their dirty stuff. For this the CW Organising Committee deserves a Nobel.

And think of the increased tourism revenues. Invisible poor Indians make India more Incredible. After all, Airbrushing is not new to the world.

Invisible Indians won't mind, they are going to get fair. They know, "A fair complexion has always been associated with success and popularity. Men and women alike desire fairness, it is believed to be the key to a successful life." Why will they reject success? If they want an incentive, those who are invisible on camera could get normal rice instead of rotten rice.

The consortium has sent crores to all the political parties, so in the name of patriotism and national unity, the political party will make an exception to their objection of this product.

The media will be overjoyed because it won't have images to make it feel responsible to report. And it will have more time to cover Rahul Mahajan's marriage. And as a bonus, they have been promised more ad revenue from fairness products.

The consortium was a bit worried about reactions from Independent Indian Bloggers. Even if they form a miniscule percentage of the population, its not right to antagonise them. After all it can affect the Image. Therefore, to encourage Indian bloggers, they have tied up with a blogsite, and will announce a contest on "How hosting CWG 2010 has Improved India's International Image".

Anyone else opposing the idea, would be termed Naxal Sympathiser or Pseudo-Patriot.

Admist the crores, the Committe won't pay even proper wage,

But who cares, as long as it doesn't affect our Image.

In this age, Reality can be dumped backstage

Image is everything and rightfully takes Center stage.

Lets varnish the common and display those with wealth,

Thats a guaranteed formula for success of Commonwealth.

A Stranger's Sweet

2010-08-01T00:01:00.003+05:30

His heart skipped a beat,
When he saw her on the street.
He heard her friends greet
And thought, aah it would be simple and neat.

From twitter to facebook, he followed her on the virtual street.
Flattered and Praised, he easily swept her off her feet.
Eventually, she agreed to meet, that stranger from the street.
She felt with him, she would feel happy and complete.

But Alas! the Stalker had weaved a web of deceit.
His heart was just a piece of concrete.

The Creep hasn't yet beat a retreat,
He plots, hopes and yearns, for a repeat.

After all, though all know the dangers of a Stranger's Sweet
Many trust a stranger, to follow their tweets.

Single Super Mom

2010-07-26T12:57:00.007+05:30

The one year old child wailed for attention. Multi-tasking in the kitchen, she too wanted to scream back at him.
"Your food, home,clothes and toys don't appear by magic. I have to work hard for you to have them. Yet you just take them for granted and expect me to take part in your silly games! And is it so tough to not make a mess for me to clean up? I gave birth to you, and will take care of you. Don't make the rules on how I should express my love for you!"

She shouted instead "Oh God! Why can't you, Help!"

God too wanted to scream,
"The planet, sun, gravity and wind don't appear by magic.
You make a mess by inventing money, & polluting products & think your life is tragic.
Why do you constantly for me, yelp?
Don't you realise, I have none for my help?"

Nightmare on the Dream Job

2010-07-24T17:05:00.005+05:30

"You are going to live your dream" a friend cooed. The bride, blushed and giggled. That was exactly ten years ago.

Today, alone She stood, with the crowd, on the streets. Searching for a job, any job, since she had been kicked out of that Dream Job.

It had not been easy to accept that, after ten years of marriage, her husband was divorcing her for another woman. But her sadness turned to alarm when her lawyer shed light on the legal angles. She had been earning during the first five years of marriage. But she had used her salary for household expenditure and buying consumer durables (billed in her husband's name) for her 'home'; and her husband had saved his income and used it for buying the house in his name. She had quit her job, to help him in his business and had worked hard on that too till a year back.

Since it had flourished he had expanded and even though it had been through her help, there was nothing on paper. She had assumed that the law would recognise her efforts towards raising the family and business. But today, with a shock, she realised that the law recognises only papers which showed proof of ownership, and even if assets were purchased from her income, what mattered was only what the invoices stated, and those were in his name. She was not sure if he had intended this, but now it didn't matter. It wouldn't be easy getting a new job. No employer wanted a woman who was coming to work after 5 years and was emotionally distracted and financially unstable. She had assumed that she would get alimony and maintenance and a few assets.

But now, it seemed no hard assets and no portion of his investments, provident fund or pension would come to her. Even alimony, she realised today, was now at the judge's discretion and based on her husband's income. The law says the husband should take care of the woman's 'reasonable' needs through alimony and/or maintenance after divorce. The problem lies in defining 'reasonable'. The most she could hope for, would be one-fifth of the husband's pre-tax (roughly a third of his post-tax) income as alimony. Even though he was successful, she didn't now know how she could prove his income. All his statements went to his office and parts of his income had been turned to 'black'. Now he was even showing a loss on paper. Hindu law also provides for a reverse payment from an earning wife to the non-earning husband. Wonderful! Just what her husband needed to harass her further.

Even to claim the items she had bought from her parents on marriage, she had to prove that they were part of the 'stridhan', and she was not sure if she had sufficient proof towards it.

Even her child, she realised with a shock, was not hers. The law grants many a privilege to the father. For her husband, their daughter was just another pawn to be used against her. She had been about to make a settlement when he had promised that he would buy a land in their daughter's name for her future. Thankfully she had consulted a lawyer on second thought. The husband, as the natural guardian of the child, would have continued to have final say on the property. So, he was actually giving her nothing at all. It wouldn't have mattered if he had bought a land for their daughter. Tears flowed from her eyes as she remembered her daughter. Today she was confused, yet clinging to her father, since he had showered her with expensive gifts.

And she thought of her own mother. The same mother who in her childhood, was the symbol of security, now seemed a helpless ragged doll with sad eyes.After visiting the lawyer she had met her parents, but what could they do now? They were dependent on her brother, and her brother could express only sympathy not support. He had his own family to look after. And similarly with her friends.

She had swallowed her pride, gone back to the husband and refused the divorce. He simply raped her, and laughed at her, on his way out. Marital rape wasn't a crime according to her lawyer. And one pending divorce, had a punishment lesser than the other rapes.

Suddenly the crowd gathered around a journalist, who was asking the women if they felt outraged, with housewives being grouped with Commercial Sex Workers, Prisoners and Beggars, in the 2001 Census. The crowd grew shrill. Everyone lamented, then they moved on.

I feel worse than a commercial sex worker, she thought, with none existing to question my rape. And atleast the prisoners have a cell, I or my mother, don't have even a corner in our houses, to call our own. I am just like a beggar she thought bitterly, begging for mercy from family and friends. Just better dressed, at this moment.

She wanted to go after the journalist, grab the mike and shout at the camera. "Stop this hypocrisy. Just by putting us in a different group in the Census, doesn't mean a thing. Why did you wake up to this only now? If you care, change the laws, change the system. And fight till the end."

But she didn't. The pangs of hunger were louder than the pains of soul.

Taking a deep breath, she moved on, in her quest for a new job. Any job which paid, would be a dream job.

Later she came across a wedding party. She volunteered to work, if they would atleast give a meal.

Finally she was stepping out of her nightmare,

Silently she blessed, the married pair.

The bride was laughing, with dreams in her eyes

For none had told her, Dreams were Lies.

A Submission for Blogadda's Dream Job Contest. Wanted to write about Research Psychologist but when equated with Prostitutes Prisoners and Beggars, in the Census 2001, felt compelled, to write this story.

This post has been choosen as one of the winning entries. Thank you Blogadda! Needless to say winning is beautiful, but nothing would be more beautiful than to have laws which are fair and which reflect our values.

Where are our values, when we don't value her..

Sugar Swami and the Hand that Feeds

2010-07-18T19:27:00.003+05:30

She heard her brother advise her son "Yes, target the anxious mothers, who are being constantly told by everyone around them, their child is too thin. If you sell to them, with couple of mumbo jumbo phrases, and assure them, thats enough for their child, it would be an instant hit. Of course for the child to take it, the main ingredient has to be sugar."

Her son added "I think if I say I have added a herbal component, it would be more easier."
Her brother gushed "Brilliant! You are smart my boy!"

She rushed in, and screamed at her brother, "I told you to advise him on career choices and you want him to become a Godman! The media will ridicule him as Sugar Swami and roast him!"

Both burst into laughter. Between his laughter her son said "No ma, the media will not roast me, after all, I will be one of the hands that feeds them."

Her brother cleared her confusion by clarifying "He is not going to be a Godman, just an Entrepreneur, marketing a new beverage for children."

Grudgingly she said "India is the diabetes capital of the world, you are not helping anyone by making the kids have more sugar"

Ignoring her, her son said "In our ads, we should claim it tastes so good, the child will come after you for it, and will lie or steal to have it. That should please the parents..".

Predictor Paul

2010-07-14T18:52:00.002+05:30

The World Cup might be end of the road for many players and coaches but could kickstart a new career for Paul the Octopus. And while he might make millions choosing between Pepsi and Coke, there are other interesting avenues open for him.

1.Adult Entertainment.
Well if people can google donkey sex (and arrive on my post on Sex life goes up in Smoke), won't similar people be interested in octopus sex. (Even if Octopus is a British slang for a sexually importunate man).

2.Peace by Piece.
If Paul could pick up the winner of a match, why not the owner of land. Simply start with a map and 2 flags. Middle East Conflict? Resolved! And no prizes for guessing the winner of next year's Nobel Peace Prize.

3.BP Consultant.
Pipes,ROVs, Top Kill, Super Skimmer, Top Hat 10 .. Oh please Paul Pick up the strategy that will work.

4.Godman.
Become a partner with any Godman in India, be a Private Psychic to Politicians and Stars, get a temple and a huge devotee following. What else would it want. Market an Octodollar that will bring luck and forget millions, Paul could be a billionaire.
Oh wait. There is a Godman who claims his soul went into Paul's body, because he was in Himalayas during the World Cup.

5.Expert commentator on TV.
A Predictor among the Predictable Crowd ,it would be interesting and a huge relief (one less shrill voice on TV), even if its not as lucrative as other options.

6.Reality Show Judge.
Replacement for Simon on American Idol? Thats a boring option. The interesting one would be Paul's Pathi-Patni. Tie up with NDTV Imagine to pick the winner in each round of its next Swayamvar. A Pathi or a Patni decided by Psychic Paul, which celebrity will say no to it?

7.Social Networking
Netizens bored with facebook, twitter and foursquare can pester their friends and strangers, by sending out invites to join them in Octreach. Tweets would be out, Squirts would be in.

Well I can forget other options. Heard the Breaking News on Twitter (where else). Modi is back as IPL Incharge in alliance with Paul. And since BCCI will be making millions by auctioning Paul's services (Team/Strategy Selector) amongst the IPL Teams, they have forgiven Modi for his technical mistakes. Oh well, guess its a smart move. If Paul Predicted the winner of IPL 3, who will watch the matches, and what will we do with our lives.

Pieces

2010-07-13T18:13:00.007+05:30

The eighteen month old child, woke up from his sleep. He heard his mother talking with someone over the phone. He got up silently, to reach her, when his eyes fell on a gift his mother had purchased for him. Quietly he went over to it, to remove it from its bag. It was a picture of his favourite animal, elephant.
With joy he snatched it from the box, but it simply fell into pieces.

He howled in anger and sorrow. His mother, who had been moaning about her life being blown into pieces by an unconcerned God, rushed to the child and explained it was a jigsaw elephant and it would be MORE fun to put the pieces together...

Ash Tweets aur Bollywood

2010-05-30T01:28:00.001+05:30

Thanks Blogadda!

SORP, (Son of Rich Producer) wants a different contemporary script for his debut. He has 3 choices.

1.Romantic - Assh aur Ishq
Poor boy works as a pizza delivery boy. Meets rich girl when he delivers her a pizza while she is dancing in her swimming pool. (Bikini Babes song.)
Gives bashan on Culture and they fall in love after couple of more squabbles. The contemporary touch. They follow each other on twitter and he learns she loves him through her tweets. (Dream Duet in Switzerland, France and New Zealand)
Determined to impress his inlaws comes up with new pizza flavour. Company sends him to Italian HO.(Sentimental missing you song).
Meets goras who are impressed with his work. The next day he will meet the CEO. Rich girl calls. Papa plans to get her married to his partner's son. Decides to skip his meeting with CEO and arrives at airport.
Flights cancelled due to volacanic ash from Iceland.
Popcorn-Paracetamol break.

Visits discotheque to drown in sorrow. Fast number by a blondie. Later rescues blondie from goons. She falls in love with him. Rich Papa calls. Rich girl has been abducted to Greece by his partner because she tried to escape from wedding. Inspite of all his wealth, he can't do anything about it because all flights are cancelled and his partner has his jet. Can SORP get his girl back with honour?

Blondie gets him a yacht by seducing a rich customer of hers. He sails to Greece. Swims to a beach house. Instead of dobermans, this house is guarded by sharks. He fights sharks and couple of octopuses too and then the goons. The next day, His mother arrives with the Rich Family for a wedding in Greece. Evil Partner appears again and tries to stop the wedding. His mother confronts him. The Evil Partner is actually his Father who abandoned them to marry a rich girl.

After few sentimental dialogues, Father unites with Mother, SORP marries Rich Girl.

The CEO arrives in Greece to bless the couple and offers him a position in Italy. He prefers to be the Incharge of Indian Operations.

2. Thriller - K-Ash.
Prime Minister requests SORP a secret agent to find a diamond on which an eccentric scientist has engraved a missile technology blueprint before being killed. The diamond has been stolen by a jewel thief who mocks the police by Tweeting from a new location everyday. SORP visits a discotheque for inspiration. (Skimpy girls song). SORP cracks the code and decides to go to London.
Squabbles with Miniskirt Heroine on plane and misses their connecting flight in Switzerland. And they fight more and fall in love. Duet song shot in Switzerland, Austria and Italy.
Confides his secret to her. Next day he realises his cover has been blown because she is a tv reporter & has done a story on the diamond & tweet thief. He delivers a lengthy dialogue on love and betrayal to her. She cries and repents and puts on her specs (Looking intellectual and serious style). The thief stops tweeTing.
Popcorn-Paracetamol break.

Hounded by press he goes to London, gives lengthy dialogue on irresponsible journalism to BBC. The interview ends with emphatatic BBC reporter asking in an
accent. "Ab tweet thief ko pakadenge kaise?" Later that night, he gets into a helicopter, flies to Iceland, parachutes down to a volcano and drops a grenade into the volcano. It erupts. He runs and escapes in a jeep and then sails to Belgium. The tweet thief is stranded in airport the next day. Mini Skirt Heroine, removes her specs and pretends to be a rich heiress and tweets @ tweet thief to buy the diamond. Tweethief asks her to meet him in Belgium. She drives from Switzerland to Belgium. But before she can get the diamond, another guy kills tweet thief, steals diamond. She clicks his pic &
mmses it to SORP. SORP grimances. The guy in MMS is an Old enemy, an Alqaeda operative. But even the Al Qaeda guy can't escape by air so escapes by car. SORP arrives in Belgium and with Ms Miniskirt chase the guy all over Europe. After a car chase, ski chase and a helicopter chase, catches the Al Qaeda agent, gets the diamond and drags the guy back to India for justice, even though he wants to kill him for killing SORP's parents.

She quits her career and becomes his wife and attend a private dinner in White House. They are appreciated and awarded by US President. If Al Qaeda had got the code, USA could have been wiped off. Offers him a position in CIA. But he refuses and comes back to work for India.

3. Family Entertainer - Ash mein Dash
3 Brothers. Anil Kapoor, Akshay Kumar and SORP live with their mother in a dairy farm in Switzerland.
Meets 3 girls through Twitter. 4 songs, 2 clashes, 4 slapstick comedies and 5 fights later, their mother is bitten by a rare snake.
Popcorn-Paracetamol break.
Only a herb from Iceland applied with 10 hours can save her. Akshay Kumar and SORP go to Iceland and get the herb but the volcanno erupts and flights are cancelled. They glide in the Ash from Iceland to Switzerland and save their mother at the last minute. And defeats the plan of their evil uncle who had tried to kill their mother to get their dairy farm. Uncle repents and begs for forgiveness and gives his daughter to SORP.

So which script did SORP choose. You will know this Diwali..

Killing Casteism

2010-05-15T13:35:00.003+05:30

He came home to find his mother mentioning their caste to a stranger filling a form.

"Ma! I told you to tell we are Indians!" he screamed.

His mother clarified, "But this is for your matrimonial ad not the census."

"But Shaadi before Naukri?" he asked.

His mother took him aside and said smugly, "Your uncle has arranged it. He knows the Sales VP of the company, you wanted to work in. He is from our community. And the VP has said, if its a good boy, we will adjust the criteria.."

They were interrupted with the question "Madam, should I mention "sub-sect no bar?"". The mother and son looked at one another, then he replied "Why waste money over it. Don't mention it".

Beaten by Bangladesh

2010-05-06T18:35:00.004+05:30

"The figures show India topping the global list for child mortality under five years. Nearly 20 lakh children die every year, 50 per cent of them in their first month. Most of the deaths are preventable. The report, titled ‘Women on the Front Lines of Health Care: State of the World’s Mothers’, identifies countries that have invested heavily in training and deploying more female health workers to deliver care to the poorest mothers and babies.... India’s neighbour Bangladesh has been doing this effectively. There, female community health workers with just six weeks of training are estimated to have contributed to newborn mortality reduction of 34 per cent and deaths under the age of five by 64 per cent".

Since this is not about cricket we need not care.

Wedding Jewellery

2010-05-05T13:08:00.003+05:30

She agreed to the wedding, after falling in love with the wedding jewellery.
He agreed to the marry her, after knowing the worth of the wedding jewellery.

Centuries haven't changed the cliches..

Wedding might be a grand party, but Marriage requires love and commitment from both parties. Give it some respect.

Tweets and Thoughts of a TweeTwin Addict

2010-04-19T16:07:00.005+05:30

Tweetaroor has resigned. Why didn't he tweet his resignation??

Tweetodi will Sue papers, why isn't Sue suing anyone?

Sue to appear in Ekta's Kwitter nahi - Kahani ek Khel Ki! Did Ekta tweet it?

Sue to appear in a different reaility show. Big Boss???

Nationalise IPL! Lalooji, will you nationalise Twitter also?

Will govt appoint a commission on Modi and IPL? What a waste of money, a vague report after 40 years!

TweeT20 could be Tweetodi's New Big IDEA. That will be the Original Oongli Cricket.

Will he allow his TweeTwin to plan or will it be like ICL-IPL?

Did the IT and ED and Media wake up to IPL only after the Tweetussle? Wow thats "an Tweet-Effect"

The other IPL

2010-04-19T10:56:00.003+05:30

We need our ministers, in state and centre to focus on the other unglamourous IPL, Indian Poverty Line. They should be banned from holding posts in BCCI. BCCI should be run by professionals, not politicians. Not just to root out corruption, but to atleast to increase ministers concentration and focus. After a disastrous World Cup, didn't BCCI restrict the number of advertisements, a player can appear in? If BCCI can demand this from the players, why shouldn't we demand it from our politicians.

The Planning Commission has accepted the Tendulkar Committee report which holds 37 per cent of people in India below the poverty line, an increase of 10 per cent. But activists on the ground are already calling it an underestimation of poverty. Two other reports had pegged poverty at higher levels. The Arjun Sengupta report had said 77 per cent of Indians live on less than Rs 20 a day while the N C Saxena Committee report had said 50 per cent of people live below poverty.

Just because you bring in the money

2010-04-17T20:43:00.007+05:30

He rang the bell at home, thinking angrily"The Marketing VP thinks Accounts people are just a bunch of lazy idiots who have nothing to do! When will She understand we are the foundation which supports the company! How can our time and work mean nothing to Her! Is it so tough to show some respect to us! Just because marketing brings in the money, shouldn't mean she can be insensitive to us... "

He rang the bell sharply for the second time as his wife opened the door. He snatched the remote, flopped on the sofa and yelled at her for making him wait at the door, when he had had, a bad day at work.."

She began "Actually.."

He screamed, "I can't believe this! You waste your time the whole day at home, and still don't get satisfied until you irritate me with your attitude and housekeeping excuses.."

Waste

2010-03-13T19:34:00.002+05:30

All wastes are not equal. Some are more expensive than others.

Chennai Corporation spent more than Rs 24 lakh on the inauguration of two flyovers(at Cenotaph Road and Alandur Road) and a subway (on Jones Road, Saidapet) by chief minister M Karunanidhi on December 11, 2009. According to a reply to an RTI filed by V Madhav of Porur.

Rs 16.45 lakh was spent on the inauguration of the Cenotaph Road flyover while Rs 7.87 lakh was spent for the Alandur Road flyover and the Jones Road subway although no stage was put up and the CM inaugurated it sitting in his car.

“The total amount spent for the functions is almost equal to the ward development fund of a councillor, which is Rs 25 lakh a year. At a time when the government is short of funds for welfare schemes, there should not be any wasteful expenditure,’’ Madhav said.

So, what was 24 lakhs spent on? Rs 8.3 lakh on lighting, mikes and ACs at the Cenotaph Road flyover inauguration, Rs 2.5 lakh on the stage arrangements and toilet facility for Karunanidhi, Rs 1.15 lakh was spent for chairs for VIP, VVIPs and members of the public, the fabricated tent and synthetic mat. In addition, booklets supplied to VIPs, VVIPs and the public on the two flyovers cost Rs 4.3 lakh, while Rs 3.53 lakh was spent on lighting arrangements on the Alandur Road flyover, the Jones Road subway and the approach roads. All this expenditure does not include the money spent on the CM’s security and newspaper advertisements.

Celebrating Rain

2010-01-17T17:18:00.004+05:30

Friends18.com
Her boyfriend opened the door with a big grin. "My Rain poem won the Prize!"

She squealed with delight and hugged..

Later she said "ummmm can you smell it? The scent of first rain..Lets get drenched and celebrate.."

He rushed to close the windows and said, "Don't be idiotic. The best way to celebrate rain is to have hot tea and samosas."

After the Sex

2009-12-23T12:06:00.002+05:30

Unaware of the opening door, she murmured "That was the best sex ever". Her friend cuddled closer and said "Why didn't we do it earlier?"

He switched on the light shrieked when he saw them and closed the door behind him. Trembling he said "Twwoo of themmm".

His wife sleepily cursed "Damn cockroaches"

In the name of God

2009-12-21T17:38:00.003+05:30

The handsome travelling salesman conducted his business quickly and quitely and waited for his only friend in that town.

The town had changed within a month. His regular shopkeeper had asked with hostility "Whats your religion, you have an odd name". "I am an orphan and simply ket the name I fancied." he had explained. And asked the shopkeeper the reason, for the question on religion.

"Few nights ago, someone wrote an obscene graffiti on my place of worship. We demanded the other community find and punish the offender. They agreed as an eyewash. The next day it was on Their place of worship, and they claimed tit for tat..We argued they were hiding the fact. Bad things have since happened. Everything and everyone is viewed with suspicion and even small things triggers threats and tension." The shopkeeper had said.

He was soon joined by his friend. Over tea, in a no more neutral territory, they discussed the recent tragedy.

Amazingly his friend didn't seem upset, and joked about the suspect.

"They can't protect their Gods, yet fight each other in the name of God", he laughed. "If there is a God" the salesman injected.

Punching him lightly, his friend delivered the knockout punch. "Oh there is no God, I agree with your thought, otherwise I would have been caught".

Stunned, the Salesman heard his friend say "The book you gave is smart and true. Now, I am also an atheist like you".

The salesman stared at his friend in horror and with dismay "Absence of belief in God, doesn't mean absence of morals and values! You are a sick sadist, not an atheist! The book can be your excuse not your reason!"." I am sorry but I have to tell everyone the truth."

His friend laughed "When they learn you gave me the book, they would dissect your theory or you?".

Distraut, the salesman paid his bill and left quietly, unable to accept, there could be criminals amongst, (or claiming to be) atheists too.

He wondered if he could tip off the town annonymously. But couldn't decide what would be worse. His friend saying he did it in the name of atheism and destroying the reputation of atheists. Or his friend keeping quite about his religious beliefs, to get protection from those who believed, he believed in their God..

PS : Atheists, before you protest, please note:
1.Someone from some group had to be the bad guy. You are the only group that has presence in all groups and smart enough to not hold it against me or my group.
2.The Real Atheist was Handsome and Smart.
3.Female Atheists : There were only 2 characters. If I had cast you in either one, I would have been in more trouble. And if I had made both female, the discussion would have been distracted by, are they lesbians theory.

Maybe but Move On

2009-12-08T18:01:00.001+05:30

Maybe if Rahul got his people to live, for a day, in the Carbide Contamination,
Maybe if Modi disbursed the Unclaimed Crore, to Casualties as Compensation,
Maybe if the other Modi, creates Bhopal Badshahs, and its owned by Ranbir Sensation,
Maybe if Osama bin Laden, claimed, Carbide was his first operation,

Maybe, Maybe, The Victims of the Gas Tragedy would get more attention.
But more attention is meaningless, without some positive action.
There will probably be no extradiction. Let there be atleast more monetary compensation.

Maybe I live in denial and dreams,
Posting a token, to vent off my steam.
But worse than being killed and maimed by a gas
Is to be treated with apathy by the (patriotic), mass.

Tough to accept, an Indian life is worth more than the American Cough?
Move on, since you are unprivileged Indian, life will be Tough??

PS :
I am late by a week, but thats negligible compared to 1300 weeks.

Twenty-five years ago, Union Carbide's factory in Bhopal spat out 40 tons of aerial poison in the form of methyl isocyanate, killing nearly 4,000 immediately and some 15,000 since then.

The victims of the tragedy received a flat sum of a mere Rs 25,000 by way of compensation, compared to the Uphar cinema fire in Delhi whose victims received Rs 18 lakhs each.

Suhaag Raat

2009-12-07T17:22:00.000+05:30

The prospects of her parents financial doom were more painful than being raped by the bridegroom.

Roots

2009-12-06T14:29:00.004+05:30

She woke up because the baby inside her kicked. The baby was due in a couple of days. It was night and she could see the moon from the window. A half-moon. "It will be full moon next week" she thought. She still couldn't understand why the moon changed its shape everyday. Her father had explained it to her when she was a child. It had something to do with the sun and light, she remembered vaguely. And suddenly grimaced. Light!

She remembered how her husband had mocked her because her precious plant that she had tended so lovingly, had died just after it bore fruits. "It needs the sun's rays and water. You have to select the place where it is to be planted carefully", he had told her before uprooting it that evening. "He threw it away as though it was a weed", she thought angrily. She had to hide her tears as she didn't want to be a laughing stock. No one understood her feelings. She couldn't explain the joy she had experienced when she saw a small plant bearing fruits, in her uncle's garden. When she had asked him for its seed, her uncle, maybe out of politeness, had not mentioned about the essential things required to grow a plant.

The baby kicked once again. "But the seed could still be there inside the fruits of the dead plant and it may grow", she thought suddenly excited. And if she were to plant it, this was the right time. All of a sudden, she was full of energy. "I will sow the seed and the plant will grow and bear fruits", she said to herself.

It seemed like an eternity when she finally walked out of her house, careful to not wake others. The plant was lying at the place where her husband had thrown it that evening. She plucked the fruit and placed it a little farther from where the plant had been earlier and covered it with soil. She was about to go inside when the moon shone on the roots of the plant.

"Roots. That's how women should be", her grandmother had told her when she was a child. "Unseen, unnoticed but still support the family, said her grandmother. "And never appreciated", her mother had retorted softly.

She stared at the roots. "Beauty lies in the purpose for which it was created", she thought. She gently touched them. It was very true. She had grown the plant only for its flowers and fruits, and not for the roots. And yet what was a plant without the roots? But again, what is the value of the root if the plant doesn't give fruits, flowers or leaves, which can be of use to mankind? She knew that some roots could be eaten, but she still felt depressed. "If it is of no use, it will be considered a weed and uprooted," she thought. She shook her head. She must go in. Yet in the moonlight the roots looked enchantingly beautiful. "What about the forest? No one has planted the trees and plants there carefully! Yet they grow", she mumbled under her breath. "Yes, I will ask my husband this question", she thought. But deep inside, she knew he was right. The plant had died because it didn't get sufficient sunlight, water, soil and perhaps those fertilizers. "Maybe many plants die in the forest too this way. And as it is vast, no one notices or cares for it." She nodded. Not just in life, but even in death, the place of your birth is important.

She got up. She looked at the moon. "I shall see you with my baby, when you shine as a full moon", she said softly, and went inside.

A week later the full moon shone on her house. It shone on the small newborn baby that was crying for its mother. The mother who was not there. One among every thirteen women in developing countries die during pregnancy or childbirth due to complications. And she was one of those unlucky ones. If she had been in a developed country, she would have been one in four thousand and one hundred!

We don't even know her name because it's a jungle out there. So, she will remain just a number in the UNICEF statistics Every Day, Every Minute a woman dies while giving birth.

Does it take a minute to read this? And has yet another woman died somewhere - unknown, unseen and unheard?

The seed she had planted may develop roots, but what are its chances of survival?

*********

This is my first writing. I had just read the UNICEF statistic, was outraged, and was sulking when my spouse said, if I wrote about this cause to a local newspaper, I wouldn't win a pen it offered.
The next day I came across, the Sify Short Story Competition. The Theme : Roots. In anger within few minutes actually, wrote the story and sent it.
It won. And got the editor's attention and I started writing a series of Short Stories with Legal Angle. (Paid)

I hadn't written because I wanted to win. I genuinely believed, the world would change, if people knew this happened. I have come a long way in 7 years. I don't believe things would change so easily but I refuse to believe nothing can improve.

Republishing it, since its probably in the internet dust of the copyright owner.

Scorned

2009-12-05T21:23:00.002+05:30

In measure of time, a tiny scar.
Scares me with the "staring abyss", away from which I want to Walk.
Walk I would, but my memory cements those dark velvety churns..
Churns control me, I float, drift or perhaps, walk in a quicksand..

Sandwhiched between self loathe and rage.
Raging for retribution, as I am roasted by a fury from within,
Within also flickers a flame of hope,that I would respond and not react.
Act only because I want. Prove its just I won't, not I can't.

Can't yet climb back on the pedestal, without a final kick..
Kicking hard to get the slush off, from my mind and feet.

Nigerian Noble

2009-12-05T15:12:00.004+05:30

An email I received.

"We are honored and privileged to present you with the Nigierian Noble. Each Category gets you 10000 USD.

My father, a Nigerian nobleman, left Nigeria few decades back and settled in USA. He became Uber Rich by investing (and getting out at the right time) in the Internet. Known as the the Nigerian Noble in the financial circles, he decided, his legacy should be a prize which would one day be as coveted as the Nobel.

He decided to award blogs, to empower the New Net Era. We have therefore introduced the Nigerian Noble in 4 categories. Since my father was a shy yet powerful man, he decided these categories, would be dedicated to the Vice Presidents of USA.

Quest
A blog has to have Purpose and Intelligence. While browsing through your posts, we were stunned by your answers to the question Do I Look Fat?. This question had stumped every Philosopher, Counsellor and Agony Aunt, till now. Congratulations! This post has won you the Dan Quale Quest Award.

Power
A blog has to be Powerful, and create an impact. (Otherwise it would be merely words). Your post Not Psycho a Psychologist , has become a mantra and a rallying cry of almost every Mental Health Care Professional. If they are treated with respect, and dignity, its definitely due to your post. Hence please also accept the Al Gore Power Award

Compassion
Intelligence and Power are meaningless in Humans without Compassion. Bollywood has conquered not just the Oscars. The Nigerian Noble Jury too were moved by your post Divine Justice Bollywood style - Kompassion ya Kruelty. We hope you will be kind enough to accept Dick Cheney Compassion Award.

Brevity
Intelligence, Power, Compassion, are wasted in the blogworld if the post does not have brevity. After all, almost every reader is a blogger, who reads and comments, in the hope you would return the favor. And to maximise the results in minimum time, bloggers seek a post that is brief, concise and to the point. Your post Thankfully I am not a Celebrity achieved the impossible. Please honor us by accepting the Joe Biden Brevity Award.

Super Blogger
In the history of Nigerian Noble, this is the first time, a blogger has won all the 4 awards. We have now instituted a new Category, Super Blogger Award. Please also accept 5000 USD with this award.

As a tribute to the New Net Era, you can accept this award over the internet and display it on the blog, if you agree to accept it.

In the past, winners had blown away the prize money within a year, given up blogging, and taken to booze. And the Prudent US Corporates had blown it away, faster. Therefore your award money USD 45000 has been used to purchase an Annuity from a Careful Chinese Corporate and you will get your annuity from your next birthday, throughout your lifetime.

Unfortunately the New Net Era enables pirated Awards which takes away your Exclusivity. To cover the legal costs of going after these, Pirates of the Blogworld, we require an advance of 1000USD from you. If you are interested, and willing to Accept the Awards, reply with the subjectline Thankyou Thank you Thank you, to us with your date of birth (to receive your Annuity).

With Regards and Respects
The Simple Son of a Nigerian Noble."

Of course I sent the 1000 USD. Why would I deny my blog, what it deserves. I got an .exe file, the 5 awards and an offer to accept or nominate another blog for "Clinton Conscience Award" "Bush Bravery Award" and "Obama Well Deserved Award". with prize money of USD 25000 for each. (Legal fees 100 USD, each), in honor of his Mother, the Primary Power. If you are interested let me know. I am not the greedy kind, 5 awards are enough for me.

If you are interested let me know. I am not the greedy kind, 5 awards are enough for me.

Quale Quest Award to Wise Donkey

Gore Power Award to Wise Donkey

Cheney Compassion Award to Wise Donkey

Biden Brevity Award to Wise Donkey

Nigerian Noble to Wise Donkey The SuperBlogger

Fourth Finger Fever

2009-12-02T17:58:00.006+05:30

When I bookmarked, Who's a playboy? 4th finger to tell you might have said stupid research and moved on (unless you happened to have a longer fourth finger). But Economic Insiders believe this Fourth Finger might punch or poke out the recession itself. And 2010 Nobel for Economics could be bagged by these researchers.

The condom industry was first to jump on the Fourth Finger bandwagon. Tired of having customers who want to buy the product but feeling too shy to ask for it, it decided the fourth finger would be the universal symbol for "Sell me a condom".

The pharmaceutical industry meanwhile pushed down the research on curing malaria even further and have decided to allocate billions to helping the fourth finger grow. They feel this could be bigger than Viagra since men would want to flaunt their playboy status. Balding men need not fear, the cure for baldness has higher priority than the cure for short fourth finger.

Following the pharmaceutical industry, without waiting for any research, the teleshopping network is going to launch few new products which would lengthen your fourth finger. So while you lose your weight while watching TV and eating potato chips, by wearing a belt, lengthen your fourth finger too, by wearing a new ring and announce to the world you are a Playboy. If you are pregnant, there is a tea which can increase your child's fourth finger. Fear not, if its a girl, the tea would automatically shorten the fourth finger.

(Yawn) Do I have to mention Fotox has replaced Botox as the must do in Celebs list. And now its not just hair extensions and nail extensions, but also finger extensions...Magazines which went bust due to recession are repositioning and relaunching themselves. Their target audience, rich, glamorous people with longer fourth finger. (Their actual readers, people who want to be rich and glamorous with longer fourth finger.) Meanwhile Indian newspapers are rubbing their hands in glee. Now the matrimonial ads would get longer. Instead of seeking Fair, homely, professional brides, Indian men would search for Fair, homely professional girls with shorter fourth finger. And matrimonial websites would now have a new segment to target their fairytale ads.

Its absolutely wonderful news for the Indian gynecologists and quacks who profit from female foeticide. Now even parents who were willing to have a girl, would be scared into aborting their girl if she has a longer fourth finger. After all who would marry a playgirl? And wouldn't she be a stigma to the family name and a financial burden. Of course this would mean fewer women for Indian men to marry.

But thats where the astro-jewellers jump in. Wearing a rare jade would get you married. And if the couple wear an emerald stone, they would not get a child with longer fourth finger. (If they want a boy with longer fourth finger, you will have to wear a ruby stone). And if the bridegroom is gifted with a platinum ring during marriage, he would remain a loyal, husband (irrespective of the length of the fourth finger.) And a diamond collection is going to be launched for the new Independent Indian woman, which will also prevent her from falling for the charms (and evil designs) of the men with a longer fourth finger.

Telemarketers are now back with a new range of Edgy Credit Cards. Blue cards for those with longer fourth finger and green cards for those with longer forefinger. This will be followed by new cars, deos, and mobiles for people with longer or shorter fourth finger. A forgotten Filmstar has now decided to start a NGO dedicated to those with shorter fourth finger, unlike him. His PRO has confirmed the "has been celeb" has a moving speech on the "under privileged".

Some organisation has decided that the condom industry's move is commercial, exploitative, absolutely obscene, and against our culture and plans to attack people who buy or sell condoms via the finger signal. But thats not the reason why we haven't been hit by the fourth finger blitz.

You see, the banks and other major corporates want to suck out more billions from their governments, before coming out of recession. Experts say the cat would be out of the bag by 2012, when Dick Cheney - Sarah Palin would win the election of bankrupt USA. An auspicious year according to Chinese Calender.

180 feet

2009-11-19T19:08:00.003+05:30

Shamianas came down, signaling the end of fun.
The mother-daughter duo, started working, under the hot sun.
The 10 year old girl, gawked around. causing her mom distress,
She was, told,ignore the food and drink, just help me clean the mess.

Later, their Masters offered to the girl, a cool drink, as a tip..
But her mother snatched it from her, before it reached her lip.

As she went home carried by her tired feet
She wished they didn't have to plan, When to drink and eat
But she shared her bathroom with 180 feet
So didn't dare to sip water, even in the scorching heat.

Their Masters might offer them something to drink or eat
But definitely wouldn't let her use, their toilet seat.

Fending off the Unfriended

2009-11-18T18:07:00.006+05:30

"Unfriend" according to the New Oxford American Dictionary, is the Word of the Year. Oxford defines "unfriend," a verb, thusly: "To remove someone as a 'friend' on a social networking site such as Facebook."

So perhaps its time, you let go of the strangers who are on your friends list or the snoopy colleague at work. While its agonising to be unfriended, (Divine Justice - Bollywood style ) it not easy fending off the unfriended, when they confront us and ask for the reason. Well, look around you, and get inspired. Here are some responses you could use :-

1. Did I unfriend you? I know I shouldn't have. Let me check and respond. (Mayawati to Supreme Court on Memorial, style)

2. I value your friendship. But my family needs me more. And Family comes First. (Sachin style)

3. I just needed (your) attention. (Sena style)

4. Claim "Its against internet's culture to ask the reason for being unfriended " Then get violent and send virulent viruses and claim you did it because your cultural sensibilities were affected. (MNS style)

5. Everyone is doing it. Don't focus on just me. (Yedurappa's 1.7 crore renovation expenses style)

6. I want to spend the time, I spent on your friendship, helping the poor and needy. (Manu Sharma's give me Parole style)

7. I didn't unfriend you. Some virus did it. (Koda denial style)

8. Its just the beginning. I have asked all my friends to unfriend you. Lets see who ends up with how many friends. Its going to be an unfriendly unfriending war for friendship. (Ambani brothers style)

9. Hide and let someone else explain it for you. (Osama style)

10. Lol ! You thought I care about your feelings! (Rajapakse style)

11. We can, (pause) have a great and meaningful, (long pause) offline relationship, (longer pause) only if I unfriend you, (longest pause) first. (Obama on Tibet style)

2. I know how you feel. It hurts awfully. Its only one for you. I was unfriended by 7 people today. (Pakistan on terrorism in India style)

13. See for a better life, you need to unfriend and declutter your life. I was helping you kickstart the process. Unfriend everyone else, then don't forget to be grateful to me for it. (US enabling Iraq style)

14. Let me give you 3 email ids. They can be your friends instead of me. (Just don't target us, US to Pakistan style)

15. Of course I know you don't deserve it. But I am the member of Nobel Committee on Increasing Internet Friendship...

Moanday Morning Syndrome

2009-11-15T18:46:00.008+05:30

A study found that 35% of all sick leave is taken on a Monday. While the lowest sick leave rate was recorded on Fridays - just 3% of the total.

There is a simple reason for people feeling sick on Monday. It isn't due to the work, but due to the absence of play. Yes, its not due to unreasonable targets fixed by the (knowledgeable and esteemed) management. But by a single universal question asked by colleagues to one another on Monday Mornings "How was your weekend?"

The answer is of course "Slept, Ate, Watched TV. In different order. And possibly also, cooked, cribbed, washed, cleaned house, watched porn, exchanged forwards and blogged. For those with kids it would include "Slept little, Ate something, Fed kids, Watched whatever the kids were watching , yelled at the kids and did their homework". For the social types it would be "Met the same boring people, ate, and cribbed about everything".

Since we have to appear cool, its not easy to spout these truths. And when we are not creative enough to think of cool lies, we feel sick and suffer from the Moanday Morning Syndrome.

If you suffer from this syndrome, and have exhausted your sick leave, here are few tips on how to manage it.

1. Ask the question before its asked. And appear bored with the answer. The colleague becomes defensive and moves away. Attack is better than defense, even if it means spreading the syndrome.

2. Announce you are an Art Collector who collects toothbrushes of famous people during the weekends. Bring a toothbrush every Monday and display it on your table and claim it belongs to some celebrity. You will be glamorous because you hang out with stars, yet people wouldn't want to talk too much about toothbrushes. (If you don't know the details of the celeb, mention sometimes you have to deal with dealers). (For the persistent, mention you also collect armpit hairs.)

3. Say you were Skydiving from a Sky Scrapper. And ask your colleagues if they would like to join you next week.

4. Read the reviews and pretend to have watched the latest movie. If it invites more questions, explain the movie was intellectually demeaning, and so you dozed. To make it more interesting, mention you sat next to some Reality TV star.

5. What can be sexier than sex? If you are single, hint you are having an affair with a celebrity.

6. Mention you are a member of some MLM (Multi Level Marketing) concept. And start discussing the products and schemes. Its not cool, but you will be left alone.

7. Reply you were re-reading Alchemist or Fountainhead or Monk who sold his Ferrari or Jonanthan Livingston Seagull. And each time mention "I was reading about it from a philosophical/ socio-economic/ emotional/ ethical/ historical/ contemporary... perspective". Or mention you were reading War and Peace. (Its lengthy so you can get away with it for couple of years). Or better claim you are writing your own book which will be an amalgamation of the concepts in these books.

8. Think creatively like the Hindi News Channels. Mention, you were busy waiting for a flying saucer to fly or in a long queue to consult a Tarot Reader. Or you were holidaying in some haunted house.

9. Imply if you hate to be caught in a lie. Tell the truth with a mysterious smile and a mischievous wink. Throw in a knowing look with a Maaay BBe and Juusssssst.

10. Claim you have joined MNS and were working for it .(Online if you are not in Maharashtra). It may not be cool but colleagues will leave you alone and if they come up with any cool activities you can label it as "against our culture values" and quieten even them.

11. Announce you are an Artist. Say your Art is Conceptual and Context-Intellectual and Anti-Commercial. Point out Van Gogh didn't sell a painting during his lifetime. If colleagues persist, stick couple of dead cockroaches on a paper and keep it on your desk. Or mention you work with nude models, who trust you to keep their paintings private, since they are celebrities.

12. If nothing works, say "Working, of course". Its not cool, but atleast makes the colleague feel guilty. And say it louder if the Boss is around.

Whatever you say, never admit you blog. Your colleagues will google out your blog and you will have to write safe boring blogs, which will drive away your regular readers. And if there is anything worse than you suffering the Moanday Morning Syndrome its your blog suffering from UnCommented Content Syndrome.

Celebrating Birthdays

2009-11-14T14:03:00.006+05:30

What did Nehru Do for Children? Why should we celebrate Children's Day today?
Perhaps we should celebrate Sonia's Birthday as Bahu Day.. (Sorry Ekta Kapoor you still have Saas Day)..
Since Balasaheb seems to know more about Indian culture, should we celebrate Culture Day on his birthday? (Kareena's bareback poster irks Sena activists)

Outrage

2009-11-12T12:37:00.006+05:30

There is a lot of outrage on the streets
Not due to the poor quality bullet proof vest provided to the ATS chief, Hemant Karkare.
Not due to the 4000 Crores Koda loot.
Not due to a Japanese Rape game, where you get points for raping a woman and her teenage daughters..
Yeah you got it right, India dropped to 3rd place in ODI rankings. And Dhoni spotted partying after loss!
Lets sack Dhoni. We need accountability in this country.

PS : Since we are ahead of Pakistan, you don't have to rush out on the streets to start a revolution.

PPS : Congress is outraged at the Forbes Powerful People List, for including Manmohan and excluding Sonia Gandhi.
And MNS is outraged because the list wasn't in Marathi..

Butterfly vs Fly

2009-11-05T19:26:00.007+05:30

Why does the beautiful butterfly, always fly away
While the irritating fly, never flies away?

Fly & I - Why a Fly, Fly & I - More stupid than a Fly, A Butterfly called Happiness

Divine Justice - Bollywood style

2009-11-03T17:30:00.004+05:30

Movie - Kribs and Kit Kits (Kompassion ya Kruelty)

Dedicated to those who couldn't comprehend my Previous Post.

Cast
God : Amitabh Bachan
New Angel : Saif Ali Khan
New Angel's GF : Kareena Kapoor
Item Girls : Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sherawat.
Kribber : SoRP (Son of Rich Producer)
Kribber's girlfriend : Ms.Skimpy (Who will reveal if the role demands it)
Aargh Angel : Shahrukh Khan (in Special Appearance)

Voice of Amitabh as the titles role..
"In the eyes of God all are equal. Unfortunately, when it comes to Justice, I get a bad name, because I treat all your problems and prayers as equals. You wonder why there is hunger in the world. Yet, pray to God, for your Pizza boy to deliver, faster.. "

Scene 1 : Bar of a Five Star Hotel with a Stage.
Mallika Sherawat is dancing on the stage. SoRP is enjoying the song, when he checks his mobile. He sees the message and becomes gloomy and drinks heavily, mumbling to God about Insaaf..

Saif Ali Khan enters and sits next to SoRP, gives him another glass and says "Dude whats your problem. Can I help?"

Cut to Amitabh peering at earth from the clouds.
Shahrukh walks over and asks Amitabh, "What happened to my proposal, to reduce the Complaints by Creating more Problems for the Cribbers." (For complete proposal read the post, Divine Justice T20 style in Shahrukh's voice).

Amitabh : "I got another proposal. A new recruit thinks, Angels can solve the problems of even cribbers, by being kind and compassionate."
Shahrukh snorts. They are joined by a third angel, Kareena, who stares anxiously at the earth, from the clouds.

Back to the Bar.
Rakhi Sawant is now dancing.
SoRP moans : "I got defriended dude. Can you help me with the revenge?"
Sail Ali Khan smses Kareena "I have a doubt, can you meet me."

They both meet in an exotic foreign locality and dance to a song. Baddies tries to molest Kareena and Saif bashes them.

As they walk away, licking ice creams, Kareena : "Defriended means rejecting a person on the net. For example, in facebook or twitter. There was an article in CNN about it causing lots of misery among humans. But angels are forbidden to help in revenge, Sweetie".
Saif : "Don't worry babe I will think of something else" winks and enters the Bar.

SoRP is now singing a sad melodious song, Mallika and Rakhi are dancing with tears in their eyes.
SoRP is imagining his Skimpy Bikini Girlfriend.

SoRP joins Saif after the song. Saif : "I can't help you in revenge but give me the details, dude."

SoRP shows he attended acting school by emoting love, frustration, hatred, misery and anger (by furrowing his eyebrows) and then tells his story.

"Today morning, I fell in love with a girl in a bikini on the beach. But Baddies kidnapped her to a factory to demand ransom from her rich father. I bashed the baddies and rescued the girl. But when I confessed I loved her, she said she has to be my friend first, and asked if I was fit to be her friend?"
"I told her I would get 500 friends in my network by midnight to prove I was worthy of being a friend. I had 496 friends 15 minutes back. Now the 497th one was a friend of the colleague of my classmate. He rejected my invite saying "He didn't know me." I am worried it could be due to something else. Maybe my Profile Picture, or Profile Details or my latest message. What if more people start defriending me? I am doomed."

Saif sighs and says a long dialogue about hope and love then suddenly stops. He stares at the clock. Its going to be three minutes to midnight. A limousine stops in front of the Hotel. And a girl in high red heels and skimpy red skirt gets out with a pout and a poodle.

Saif asks Mallika and Rakhi to be SoRP's friends. They agree. SoRP's friends count reaches 498.

INTERMISSION

Ms.Skimpy enters and Saif asks her to accept an invite from a friendly stranger. She agrees. SoRP's friends count reaches 499. 30 seconds to midnight. SoRP and Saif stare at each other.

SoRP asks Saif for his email id. Saif hesitates. He recalls Kareena saying "Baby, unlike human beings we have only one email id, never share it with humans."

But when Saif sees the ticking clock and the pouting girl and the pained lover. He gives his email id to SoRP and accepts his invite.

SoRP proudly displays his 500 friends to Ms.Skimpy. They kiss. And SoRP says, he now believes in Divinity and Divine Justice.

In Hitech Heavenly Palace, Amitabh is seated on a throne, while Shahrukh is busy behind a laptop. The guards bring in Saif in shackles and handcuffs. Shahrukh rises with a smirk and circles Saif.

Shahrukh to Amitabh : "Dear Lord, we have before us, Mujrim Angel, the first Angel to commit a crime".
Amitabh stares at Saif.
Shahrukh to Saif : "Mujrim Angel, Did you give your confidential email id to a human being, yesterday?"
Saif nods, looks at Amitabh and says "Everything is fair in love and war"
Amitabh looks passive.
Shahrukh "Do you know the Kost... of your Krime?" turns to Amitabh "For the first time we had to spend a million on antivirus software and technicians to fix our computers."

Amitabh : "I don't know understand.."
Shahrukh deferentially : "When our Mujrim Angel gave his email id to his Human Protege, he didn't realise the Konsequence of his actions. He received invites to 9 social networking sites, 17 photosharing sites, 7 sites which united you with your classmates, 15 sites which linked you to people in your profession, and 36 forwards. Since the Bcc option was not used in forwards, all the 499 friends of his Protege, got Mujrim angel's email id, and they too started sending him invites and forwards."

"Instead of blocking them, Mujrim Angel, didn't want to cause anyone distress, so he accepted them all. He decided he would respond kindly to every email and invite in his inbox, including the offers from the kind men in Africa who wanted to share their hard earned millions with him and the women who wanted to sell sex pills and weight loss programs, for a pittance."

Shahrukh turns viciously to Saif : "But more importantly, while reading those emails, you also accepted the viruses and worms these humans create. These viruses and worms attacked and infected every computer in our Divine Network."

Amitabh gravely to Saif : "Do you have anything to say? Do you realise I could punish you with death?"

Saif looks down and then becomes defiant and delivers a long dialogue about love being priceless.

Kareena looks on with tears in her eyes, then challenges Shahrukh, to his solution, to SoRP's problem.

Shahrukh smirks and sends an email to SoRP with the subject, Naked Pics. They watch the result on the bigscreen. SoRP oogles and forwards the email to all his 514 friends and everyone's computer crashes.

"Problem solved" he smirks to Kareena. "No computer, No Virtual Friends."

Kareena laughs and points out technically, even Shahrukh gave away his email id and now they have to deal with 514 cribbers who want their computers fixed.

Saif to Shahrukh and Amitabh : "Love is the solution, not cruelty, even when it comes to Cribbers."

Amitabh nods gravely. And orders Saif to be released.

Shahrukh pouts, picks his laptop and starts to leave. But Saif and Kareena, reach out to him. Shahrukh looks suprised then gives in. They all have a group hug. And dance at the wedding reception of SoRP and Ms.Skimpy.

Divine Justice T20 Style - 2

2009-11-02T16:17:00.009+05:30

He stared at his screen, stunned and softly cursed. Emotionally, he felt, he had been suddenly marooned in a cold lonely island, even though technically, he was at work. He went to the pantry, leaned against the wall, and tried to digest what had happened to him.

Rage, Depression, Confusion and Frustration, played havoc inside his mind. In between he cribbed about his fate to God and immediately a nervous guy came in.

"Angel. Ketan Angel." he said. "Ketangel to friends. . I am visiting a friend, here. You OK? Here have a coffee" He thought Ketangel was funny, but after sipping the coffee, felt warmth towards Ketangel.

(The coffee had been spiked. Ketangel was actually an angel in disguise. A volunteer to render speedy Divine Justice, T20 style, to Cribbers, Compassionately. Not to be confused with his colleague, Aargh Angel, who prefers to wipe out Cribbers (Humans who clog the Divine Justice System with silly cribs). This was Ketangel's first assignment and he beamed at his Protege.)

The Protege said, "I have been defriended and feel miserable. Any revenge ideas?"
"Sorry can't help you with anything immoral and what is this defriended?" softly enquired, Ketangel.

Protege groaned and yelled few abuses. "You #$# don't know what has happened **** to me, and you $#@ won't help me with the revenge. Why are you wasting my time! %$#%#$%"
Ketangel winced but remained calm. "Perhaps if you explain, I can think of some other way to help you."

"I sent an Invite to this guy, who is a friend, of a colleague, of my classmate, and he rejected me! Said he didn't "know" me! Ha! How will he know me if he doesn't accept my invite! Anyway today morning, I thought I had 497 friends, and I would reach 500 today. Now I am with just 496 friends, and don't know the Real Rejection Reason. Maybe something in my profile, picture, or my latest message. What if this is just the beginning? What will I do, if more people defriend me?"

"Why don't you feel happy about the 496 friends you have, instead of getting upset with someone whom you don't even know. Why waste today, thinking what might happen tomorrow? Don't let your self worth quantified by the number of acquaintances, er friends.. "

Suddenly Protege's face brightened and he said "Hey, Ketangel, thanks for the advice, but you can make me feel better if you give me your email id and be my 497th friend."

Ketangel hesitated. He had only one email id and it was for official purpose only. And it was supposed to be strictly confidential. Yet Ketangel, was a benevolent angel who wanted to make an improvement in a human's life, even if the human happened to be a low life cribber and wanted to desperately succeed at his first assignment.

So Ketangel gave his email id, and watched his Protege rush back to his cubicle to work.

Actually, the protege went to check out Qwitter which allows Twitter users to determine who's stopped following them and which tweet may have turned them off; in case any of his Twitter followers decided to quit.)

Ten minutes later, Ketangel received invites to 9 social networking sites, 17 photosharing sites, 7 sites which united you with your classmates, 15 sites which linked you to people in your profession, and 36 forwards. Since the Bcc option was not used in forwards, all the 496 friends of his protege, got Ketangel's email id, and they too started sending him invites and forwards.

He didn't want to cause anyone distress, so he accepted them all. He decided he would respond kindly to every email and invite in his inbox, including the offers from the kind men in Africa who wanted to share their hard earned millions with him and the women who wanted to sell sex pills and weightloss programs, for a pittance.

The next day, the Protege oogled at the email from Ketangel, which had hot naked pictures of the latest starlet. Just after he finished forwarding it, to his 514 friends, his computer crashed.

You see, some Angels could be compassionate to cribbers but not to computer viruses and worms that had entered their "packmerries" through Ketangel's emails. So Ketangel had been fired and his email id had been handed over to Aargh Angel..

He Chose to Rinse his Mouth

2009-10-28T00:01:00.007+05:30

He felt confused, as he rinsed his mouth, once again.
His mother yelled at him, he had wetted his shirt, again.
His father dragged him inspite of the wet shirt, into the car.
After all, they were going to the beach and it was not far.

The seven year old, walked with his parents, kicking the sands on the beach.
Feeling they were so near, and yet,so out of reach.

Suddenly his mother, ordered him to close his eyes,
while his father moaned, because of some, culture dies.

As his parents dragged him away,
He turned around to look,
At the couple who hugged,
unconscious or uncaring of glaring looks.

How will I tell them, he furiously thought
As his parents stood to watch, two men who fought.
He dragged them to the waves, from the cheering crowd.
But couldn't enjoy, even the waves, he dearly loved.

Yesterday he had easily confided to his parents, when a student had kicked him.
But today felt ashamed and didn't want to confide, what had happened, to him.

Confused between their shame towards affection
And the interest towards aggression.
He couldn't decide, if what had happened to him,
was affection or aggression.

What if it was something, that everybody did as a whim?
What if he mentioned it to his friends and they laughed at him?
It didn't happen in the cartoons and movies he saw..
Perhaps it was not even against the law.

You are Special and this is a Secret, he had been told
And what would his parents do, if the truth he told?
It wasn't a stranger, but a person, his parents knew,
Perhaps, this was something his parents already knew.
Will they tell this was just something he had to obey?
Or would they blame him for not running away?

Angry over being a pawn in someone's game.
He hated the Special Secret and feelings of Shame
Yet felt happy over being the chosen one..
If only he knew what he should have done..

He was a boy, and wasn't supposed to cry.
Yet salt water ran down from his eyes.
So he splashed more into the waves,,
Trying to hide the tears from his eyes.

Before leaving, he ran back to the sea
Annoying his parents by, again rinsing his mouth.
Well, It was easier to rinse his mouth,
than to utter the word sex from his mouth.

Divine Justice T20 style

2009-10-27T02:26:00.003+05:30

The Committee which looked into the reason for Bad PR on Divine Justice, came to the following conclusion. Humans dont remember the Before Birth Contract. And the lines of the Divine Helpline are being spammed by cribbers, (Humans who Dial the Divine Helpline instead of Divine Thanksline), which Delays Divine Justice, almost infinitely.

The Supreme immediately appointed an Aargh Angel, to give, sweeping, swift 20-20 style Divine Justice to cribbers.

The Aargh Angel decided on the following

1. Men who crib women, had it better, would be transformed into women. If they would crib further, into the third gender.

2. Executives who crib about their income tax amount would become unemployed. No income, no direct tax atleast. If they crib further, they would become homemakers. They would have to work, without pay, promotions or holidays and yet be labelled "not working".

3. Liberated women who lament the lack of liberated men, would get husbands who would have no problem being a homemaker and wearing pink skirts. If they crib further, they would get sons who want to follow their father's footsteps.

4. Husbands who crib about their wives spending too much time watching TV, would have wives who watch porn about young men, while claiming to being busy at work. If they cribbed further, the wives would start smoking, and drinking.

5. Couples who crib about lack of a boy (to take the family name forward) and indulge in female foeticides would get a boy who would not be able to find a girl due to the dwindling female population. If they crib further, the boys would be out of closet gays, who would take the aversion to girls, to an acceptable level.

6. "Forward Caste" people who crib about caste quotas but not NRI quotas and management quotas, will have their offsprings marry into "Lower Caste" only. Thus the future generations could reap the benefits denied to their ancestors. If they crib further, they will not have the money to bribe an official for a caste certificate.

7. Politicians who crib about reality shows like "Sach ka Samna", would be made participants in the show. If they crib further, there would be no talk of their sex life, but only their professional life.

8. Congress ministers who crib about austerity measures, would be turned into Iraqi politicians. If they crib further, they would be blown to pieces.

9. Twitterers who crib about lack of followers, would get stalkers as followers. If they crib further, the stalkers would be serial killers.

10. People who crib about Obama winning the Nobel would have to deal with Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaksa winning it in 2010 for his victory over terrorists. If they crib further, it would go to Bin Laden in 2011 for choosing to not strike Sweden.

Any other Cribs???

Rotten

2009-10-25T17:33:00.001+05:30

He came home early. His son hurriedly shut the porn he was watching on his laptop.

After helping himself to the hot samosas and tea, he grabbed his briefcase.

He handed the photocopies of the book he had copied for his son, at his office, along with the color printouts for his project. And said "I had to pay 25 lakhs for your seat, study hard".

His son nodded and grabbed his father's mobile, to play games in it. He stared at his son, wondering if he should remind him to not crash his mobile again. After all, even if he was a hotshot at work, people talked about his frequent mobile changes.. His son perhaps read his mind, since he showed him, how to hack into their neighbour's wi-fi. He didn't understand most of it, but pretended to understand. "My son is a genius, I must nurture him," he thought proudly and moved on to his wife.

He gave her a jewel box and smiled when she squealed and gleefully took out the new necklace. "Better than the neighbour's Anniversary gift?" he asked with a smirk? The necklace had been sponsored by the three new candidates he had selected. Since they didn't deserve to be selected, for them, it was a bargain to pay him.

"Lets go out for dinner " he said. (To a new restaurant, which his colleagues had praised). And of course on the expense account. After all, how could he take clients out to a restaurant, he hadn't tested and tasted?

"But I wanted to watch movie. New release and the print is great! " his son complained holding out the pirated cd. "Lets order pizza." his son suggested. He hated pizza. Just hype, he thought. He looked at his wife for support. "Lets go out, he can order a pizza for now, and we can get a parcel for him" she decided.

"Shall we invite our "Favourite Neighbours"?" he asked. After all, what was the point of a lifestyle, if you didn't have an audience. "I don't think they will be in the mood "she said. "It turned out to be a Girl for their daughter. So they had to "take care of it" today. He nodded in approval " Well they should be pleased they found out early. See if you can find someone else for dinner."

He grabbed the TV remote and began channel surfing, to find a dinner discussion topic. The news was the usual mix of Page 3 promotions, corrupt politicians and past cricketers who criticised the present bunch for being greedy and ineffective. He muttered, "Rotten corrupt people without values. The system is hopeless.."

Aargh Diaries - Land vs People

2009-10-25T14:35:00.001+05:30

Dear Diary
Wrote Two Posts Today

Post 1
"Claimer you are being Childish!
Claiming the land, is not enough. When you dont care about the people who live on that land. Sure you can claim, your people were driven out, but isn't it time, you woke up to the ground realities..and your need to appease your citizens.

If the land is yours, what are the rights, you give to those who live on that land. Do they carry your passport? Do they get your grants for developement? What do you and your people, DO for those living on that land?"

Even if you claim to own the piece of land on Paper, the People are Ours.. Just keep dreaming of owning them.."

Post 2
Thieves!
You stole the land and drove away our people. You may have won a battle, but we will win the war. We will drive out the illegal occupiers, and retrieve the land to its rightful owners.

Don't you Dare to Provoke us, You cowards! "

Pak bashing is generally the shortcut to patriotic popularity on the blogs. Then I thought, it would seem more patriotic, to indulge in Chinese bashing too.
So wrote two posts, but in my hurry to popularity, got my post title mixed..For the 1 I wrote, PoK and for Post 2 Arunachal Pradesh..

Now the blogworld is out for my blood, thinking I am a Chinese-ISI agent!
Aargh! When will I ever get it right!!!

Note : Aargh Diaries is a fictional series.

Being Right on a Dark Road

2009-10-22T17:03:00.003+05:30

The car with five men, slowed down to navigate a hairpin bend, on a dark rainy night, at the hills. A lightning flashed. It revealed a man on the ground, few feet from the road. The car stopped. The driver rolled down the window. The thunder almost drowned the man's moan. But none came out.

Another lightning cracked. And they saw details they had missed before.

"He is without shoes, and no car around, perhaps he has been robbed" said the Red Tshirt.
"Or wants to rob us by pretending to be helpless. We should move" urged the Blue Tshirt.
"But he appears to be fair and tall, perhaps he is someone famous. Didn't they hint at the resort, someone famous was also staying nearby." wondered the Yellow Tshirt.

"Just a drunk. Look at the bottle near him" said the Gray Tshirt.
"Lets not waste time on some drunk, its not our problem" decided the Blue shirt.
Unfortunately the driver was the Red Tshirt who argued "What if it wasn't his fault for being drunk. What if someone had slipped him something.."
"If only we could see his face" grumbled Yellow Tshirt.

"So we should get down, and look at his face, if he is famous or someone we know, we can ask him, did you get drunk on purpose, if not, we will help you. Perhaps we should also check if he belongs to our community" chortled the Green Tshirt.
The four glared at the Green tshirt. "For all you know it could be ghost" the Green Tshirt added with a hint of mischief.

"Lets move!" shouted the panicked Yellow Tshirt.
"Or it could be part of a new reality program on TV" added the Green Tshirt.
The Yellow Tshirt, looked desperately at the figure on the ground, and quickly looked away. "Whatever, just decide on something" he grumbled.
"Move. I dont want to suffer for someone's mistakes" hissed Blue Tshirt.

"This is not a girl and not the place we are familiar with, and we dont even have a mobile, to call for help, so its not worth the risk. Lets pray for him and leave" decided the Gray Tshirt.
"Morals and Prayers are pointless without Responsibility and Humanity. Its just not Right" argued the Red Tshirt.
"Humanity shouldnt mean stupidity, If you get down, we will move on" threathened the Blue Tshirt.
The Red Tshirt simply got down from the car.

The Blue Tshirt got in the driver's seat and the car navigated the hairpin bend. The trio tried to look back, but couldnt make out much. And a lightning didn't oblige them.

The Gray Tshirt said "You know the moral of this incident, No more mobile free weekends and waiting for the traffic to clear before leaving."

" No more hill station getaways." added the Gray Tshirt.
"It would be an Ironic Twist if its part of some Reality TV show called "Being Right on a Dark Road"" sighed the Yellow Tshirt

"Shut up... I hope there are no mudslides." muttered the Blue Tshirt
"Drive slowly", suggested the Green Tshirt, "If you drive us over the hill, that would be a Worse Ironic Twist."

Do I Look Fat?

2009-10-20T16:21:00.006+05:30

Answers are generally never simple. But there are some simple answers. Like the answer to "Do I look Fat?".

The answer : "No" or better "Of course NOT!"

Unless the "asker" is visually challenged, the asker knows the answer is Yes. The asker asks your help, only to float in denial land, and you are not expected to make them crash land to reality, with Your Yes, unless you wanted to be hated, forever.

If you find this tough to accept or understand; well, we don't tell, first kill the chicken, when asked for a chicken recipe, or Boss I want to wring your neck for waiting till evening to give me this job or I want to marry you to be my unpaid maid. Its not about thoughts, its about How You make them Feel. And thats why I am NOT saying "You are a Sick Sadist, who confuses being truthful with being factually correct. Don't you have any mercy within you??"

We are humans! Our best invention is Lying..If you are still uncomfortable with a No and tempted by Yes, Wait, there are other options :

1.The fabric has shrunk? or The tailor has messed it up again? or Salesperson gave you wrong size..or the Labels say XL but the dress looks Medium. (Always blame someone - The Cricket Analyst style)

2. Wear Well Fitted, Vertical Designs with a V neck and smaller prints. And please throw away those high waisted pants with tapering legs. You would look a lot thinner. (Fashionesta style)

3. Hmmm Of course Not! Look in the mirror! (It looks cloudy but it won't rain - Meteorologist style)

4. What matters is not how you Look, but how you Feel! How do you Feel? Surely Great! (TV Guru style)

5. Oh I dropped my lenses again! or Something wrong with my ears..What did you say? (Bollywood Slapstick comedy style)

6. Did you know what Sharukh did...? (Distraction is Best - Breaking News style)

7. Lets discuss it later..(The Judicial style)

8. You look Sexy! (Sex sells colas and cars and cement - The Ad industry style)

9. Lets ask @!$% and %$^% also (Lets appoint a Committee's equivalent in the Political style)

10. Do You think I look Fat? (Let me get even with you for making me feel guilty about lying - Spousal style)

11.You make me feel like a Beauty Pageant Judge! (The Successful Employee style)

12.I asked the same question 3 months back but now I don't ask. You know why? I joined $##@$, ate $#@$^#. And now you can Earn Money, Eat whatever you Want and Never Worry about being Fat..(The "friendly MLMer" style)

13. Why? (Questioning the Obvious, Philosopher style)

14. I was just being sarcastic when I tweeted you look fat. (Shashi Tharoor style)

15. No dear, have a Cookie. (Nobel Committee style)

PS : Please refrain from being Factually Correct. Since Saying "You look Fat" can be hazardous to Your Health..(And if someone murdered you for being "truthful", who would read my blogs?).

Kidding - Body and Mind

2009-10-19T18:25:00.001+05:30

Dear Diary

I wish I could discuss my body without being ashamed
I wish I could discuss my mind without being labelled a weirdo

I wish I could talk and understand
what I am feeling and why I am feeling

Whats the point in knowing about cultures and civilisation
About lands and inventions and formulas
When I ignore my mind and my body.

Why should I be made to feel ashamed of my private parts
Why should I be made to ignore my feelings and thoughts

When I hurt my finger, I know first aid
But when I feel hurt and alone, I feel ashamed to ask for aid

How will I ever know, if what I think and feel is normal
When sex education and psychology are not, subjects normal.

Whats the point of MY life, I want to think and ask
But let me get on with my algebra, otherwise I will be taken to task

A 13 year old girl

GM-People

2009-10-15T13:10:00.003+05:30

More than Genetically Modified Brinjals which are resistant to some insects,
We need Genetically Modified Netas and Babus who are resistant to corruption.

Btw, European Union has banned genetically modified food crops. Why?

Nobel Reasons

2009-10-14T11:39:00.002+05:30

I don't want to jump on the Nobel Committee is Stupid Bandwagon. I am sure they had their reasons.

1. He came up with an unique strategy to free Tibet.
President Barack Obama faced criticism for putting off a meeting with the Dalai Lama until after his China trip next month. The White House defended the move saying 'a strong relationship with Beijing helps the Tibetans. Our relationship with China - having a strong relationship and a good dialogue with them allows us to talk to them about the cares and concerns of the Tibetan people'.

2. They wanted to prevent wars with Iran or N Korea.

3. They couldn't find Superman.

4. His name rhymes with Osama, his VP's name rhymes with Laden, his middle name is Hussien, he is half Black & yet he didn't do a Gore & saved the world from Sarah Palin!
They thought perhaps He Is Superman.

5. He has to clean the Bush Mess. Even Superman needs encouragement to do that Olympian task.

6. They take all recommendations of Oprah seriously. Not just her Book Club Choices.

7. There wasn't a choice. Who could they give it to, Gandhi??

8. The Committee wanted the world to know they existed. Perhaps too much attention on Laureates earlier.

9. Its recession time & the Committee wanted to ask Pepsi for Sponsorship. Or Obama for a Bailout Package.

10. The Committee wanted a benchmark before giving it to George Clooney next year

Before Birth Contract

2009-10-13T17:17:00.001+05:30

This is an agreement between the Creator and You, The Wannabe Human (TWH)
The Creator, agrees to give you Life.

But giving you the spark of Life doesn't mean, helping you, in having a Life. To put it simply :
Life will not be fair. This is the main clause, and it summarises all the other clauses. But while other creatures, understand this simple rule, being a complex creature, you don't seem to understand this point, when you become human.

The TWH should realise, that the Creator will be busy managing the infinite universe, and will not be inclined to the infinite problems of the TWH.
Simply Accept the Situation and do what you can, to Change it.

The Creator appreciates you being truthful sincere and honest. But being that is its own reward. If you make a choice otherwise, be prepared for the consequences and please do not call the Creator.

When in doubt, behave like other creatures, who have nothing and yet do not crib or complain.

The Creator creates humans, Humans create the concepts of Religion and Money and emergencies like slower internet or traffic jams.

The TWH should realise, there would be some TWHs who seem to have it all, and some TWHs who would seem to have nothing. The onus falls on the TWH to mend this situation.

Eventhough You are not giving anything back to the Creator, the Creator understands, TWHs need an incentive to follow this Contract. If you follow this Contract, in your next birth, you will be born as a Cockroach, (subject to availability ).

Being a Cockroach ensures,
1. You scare most of the Humans
2. You dont have to worry about Anything.

Please kick if you have understood and accept to the Contract.

Oh God

2009-10-12T17:37:00.001+05:30

The dog was well taken care of ,
it thought, these people are God !
The cat was well taken care of,
it thought, they realise I am God !

The brat was well taken care of,
but it thought, how cruel is God..
Life is just not fair, when,
I cant get, even the latest Ipod!

Winds of Hope

2009-10-11T17:03:00.000+05:30

In 2002, during Malawi's worst droughts, 14 year old William Kamkwamba had to forego schooling, since his family couldn't pay his fees. Based on a book in a library, he made, in three months, a Windmill!

His "resources" : spare bicycle parts, a tractor fan blade and an old shock absorber, and fashioned blades from plastic pipes, flattened by being held over a fire. He bolted the pieces using a screwdriver made of a heated nail attached to a corncob.

This is the subject of the book "The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind" by Bryan Mealer

From http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8257153.stm , http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa/10/05/malawi.wind.boy ,
http://williamkamkwamba.typepad.com/williamkamkwamba/2009/04/my-book-the-boy-who-harnessed-the-wind.html

Why

2009-10-11T16:48:00.000+05:30

Why haven't I posted for so long
I can blame it on the net connection
or mention the lack of time
Point out I was out of station for two months
or mention my dad died and how I am trying to cope
Or brag about my kid..

But actually Silence is Easier than words
And hopefully this time around I would blog more..
Its nice to be home at the blogs..

Wrong Results Wrong Emails

2009-05-18T17:49:00.000+05:30

Dear Diary
I had thought it would be cute to greet my colleagues with a "future email" on Monday morning after the results, last week. Based on few blogs and media bytes, I had assumed the BJP would win.

To the closet Congressites at work, emailed
"Its all because of Manmohan Singh, Rahulji has nothing to do with it"
And to the shrill BJPites
"Its all because of Ram's blessings".

Needless to say, the Congressites and the BJPites unitedly hate me.
Aargh

Twitter Blogger

2009-05-02T20:36:00.000+05:30

Hmmm are tweets of a Stay at home Blogger more interesting than tweets of a Stay at home Mom, as claimed by yours truly in an earlier post? You be the judge.

1.Just posted my first blog! Cant wait for the whole world to read and confirm, I am a gift to humanity.

2.Its two hours after my post, and its just 6 comments. Let me thank them all by visiting their blog and telling them they are cool too and linking to them and making sure I read and comment on their posts.

3.Its a week since I blogged and not everyone's back for more.

4.When I complained on my blog I was called a Loser

5.I wrote on Sex and Religion and Yeah my blog's getting comments and its also featured, yes featured on the sites main page. Hmmm who is a Loser.

6.Emailed the featured page to all my friends and the editor who rejected my material. I can and have made it big.

7.Its not easy being a stay at home blogger, I have to pay my own net and telephone bills, instead of it being an office perk. When will I earn 100$ through advertising? And how much of the cost would it cover?

8.Its a month since I started blogging and just 70% of what I have written has been featured and just 82% of bloggers have come back to comment and 30% of the comments are spams. Perhaps I should blog in more sites.

9. I think I need to change my templates and add more gadgets. Spent 5 hours on template and changed it again after 15 minutes.

10. Its six months and now my main blog (not where I blogged initially btw) has had 1000 visitors! Happy 6 months birthday to my blog. And I have earned 10 cents through you!

11.An annon blogger who claims to know me, thinks I have a holier than thou attitude, spent 2 hours obsessing about it and wondering which of my friendly blogger could be the annon blogger.

12.Had problems with a blogsite, stopped blogging. Back to blogging in that site after all the bloggers are more important than site and my friends blog "there".

13. @#$# burnt my food. Could I write a blog on Smart Excuses for Burnt food.

14.Help I cant stop thinking about my blog and the stuff to blog. Do I need professional help!

15. Cant believe I blogged "Do I need professional help?". And surely people dont think I am crazy

16. I am crazy to have wasted all this time blogging. I just got one award for all the hard work I put in and I had to share it with...

17.My new year resolution is to win more awards and be featured frequently.

18.Hmmm "How come this blog has more readers than mine" (to be said in the tone of the rin ad, "bala uski sari meri sari se safaid kaise")

19.Spent the week adding more color, content, links and gadgets to my blog. Didnt have time for posting though.

20. Its some years since I blogged and I dont care who visits or comments, just glad I have an outlet to express myself and add to the cyber junk. Though I wish I had stuck with one blogsite, I hate closing down a blog and admitting failure and yet, multiple posting is a pain.

21. Cant decide if my Twitter followers will read my blogs, or if my blog readers will follow my Tweets. And if something important happens in my life, should I tweet first and then blog or should I blog and then tweet the blog title?

Hungry

2009-04-29T16:23:00.000+05:30

Hunger remains the No.1 cause of death in the world.
1/3rd of the world’s hungry live in India.
Over 20 crore Indians will sleep hungry tonight.
Over 7000 Indians die of hunger every day.
please click http://www.thehungersite.com/ and http://www.bhookh.com/

Twitter Mom

2009-04-28T17:10:00.000+05:30

Joined twitter but realised I could post mainly these entries. (Some of them maybe little longer then allowed).

1.Cooked food for self (diet), better half (semi diet) and the kid (hopefully nutritious and tasty). There goes 2 hours.

2.Spent one and half hours (a day) just feeding the kid. (when will he learn to eat on his own?) Human Beings are stupid. Mothers have to spend their time, feeding the child, unrequired quantities of food, so that the kid would look chubby and they would be called Great Mothers. And since the kid refuses to eat whats unrequired, they add sugar and oil. Then the child grows up to be obese, and has to be on pill or diet or just suffer.

3.Checked email and deleted the spams and forwards. Wow! There is an email from a friend. Aaargh its just another invitation to join another network!

4.Read today's headlines. And its almost 3pm. Just a minute, has the kid got up?

5.Oh yeah,spent two hours trying to make the kid sleep, (and trying not to sleep before the kid sleeps.) And then will have to spend 15 minutes waking the kid so that he will sleep early at night.

6.Envied the cockroach, it doesnt have to bother about cooking cleaning or putting its kid to sleep. And it gets more respect. And doesnt have to read articles like "How to make your Husband fold clothes."

7.Realised 2 minutes after coffee, the coffee wasn't great, and wondered if it would be too early to have another cup of coffee. Decided to make coffee, got too busy and now the coffee has gone cold, but since I didnt want to waste it, drank it and went back to wondering if it would be too early for another coffee.

8.Wondered if it would be unappropriate to write about potty training and the diaper duties. Wondered why politicians promise free TV instead of free diapers. (Perhaps in the long run the TV is cheaper than the diapers).

9.Prayed rains would visit the IPL match. (Nothing gets done during IPL at home). Wow wish granted! Prayed the rains would stop, TV is just too boring otherwise.

10.Washed most of the dishes, and organised the toys, made the bed. No my mother in law isnt visiting, just didnt want the house to look too messy for the hired help.

11.Dont want to be labelled uncaring parent so clicked pictures and uploaded them. Dont want to be labelled obsessive parent hence didnt share the pictures.

12.Realised life had more interesting twitters when I called myself “Stay at Home Blogger“ than “Stay at Home Mom“

They have a name for Him

2008-06-11T17:21:00.000+05:30

She had hoped the baby would resemble its father. It would have been easier to disown him. But after her aunt had cleaned it, he didn't resemble his father. Till that moment, It had been a parting gift from a rapist, a reminder of the humiliation and agony. But now It had become a Him, who was screaming for; her??

It had been easy for an eighteen year old unmarried rape victim, to decide to abandon It in an orphange when she had discovered, it was too late to abort it. But now, she felt a new sense of responsibility and comprehension.

The It was a new life, though born under unfortunate circumstances. Her throat filled with pain and tears dropped from her eyes. The cry had turned into a wail. What did he want after all? To be soothed, to be held, and few drops of milk?

Some months back her elder sister had given birth and she remembered, the sleepless nights and constant care. If it had taken an entire family to take care of that newborn, how could she expect the orphange officials to take care of all the children? When would he realise it would be pointless to cry, when would he realise its pointless to ask. How could she expect strangers to care for him, when his own mother had abandoned him?

Who would give him milk every two hours? And would they patiently burp him after it? Who would check his nappy? Who would smile and cajole him?
Who would hold his hands when he would want to walk? Who would share his dreams and tell him stories before sleep? Who would he trust? Who, Whom, How, the questions echoed in her mind.

And then anger rose like a volcano. The Why. The rape was not her fault, yet she had been told to be quite about it, since that wouldn't make her "marriage material"! She felt tempted to go back on her decision and tell her parents, let me keep my son, he is mine, even if it means being unmarried. But she knew she wouldn't have the guts to follow her instinct. Since her decision would be a stigma on the entire family and her younger sister too, wouldn't become "marriage material".

She felt shame and sorrow.She requested her aunt to hand him over for few minutes. Her aunt, had been hostile towards her till now, since she had believed, it was the women's fault if they got raped. But at that moment, even she felt a drop of pity for her niece. But she denied the request. It would become more difficult, she reasoned. And took him away. The baby's wail turned into a whimper. Perhaps he would learn to adjust soon.

She stared at the wall blankly, wondering if she would recognise him, if she met him again. Would they brush against each other in a crowd, someday. Would they turn back and feel a connection? Or would she simply move on from this moment, while he would continue to search for his mother, constantly, even in a crowd.

A marvellous chemistry called life, and humans find so many stupid ways to complicate and destroy it. Would times change she wondered. Ages ago, Kunti had felt it while sending away Karna. And she wouldn't be the last mother who would have to give away her child, fearing "They" would pour scorn on her. After all They had an abusive word for a child without father, instead of stepping in to help the mother.

How dare They decide the child is to be blamed, and scorned and abandoned. How dare They decide what makes a woman suitable for marriage and society? Even animals have better rules on caring for the infants.

Who are They to decide civilization is worth the wails of infants..

Hmmm, Who are They?

New Year Threat

2007-12-31T14:48:00.001+05:30

Statistics reveal that everyday over 200 people are killed in India due to drunken driving.

Perhaps not alarming like terrorism, but for the victims, it doesnt make a difference if the death had been due to an act of terror or stupid choice of driving by a drunken driver.

Let no one make that stupid choice on this New Year's Eve or ever.

Happy New Year to all Bloggers

Nudity vs Humanity

2007-11-29T14:54:00.001+05:30

"It was one Bhagiram Barman, a local shopkeeper, who not only helped her with his own shirt after she ran for about half-a-kilometre but also handed her over to the police. By then, Chameli had been trapped in several cameras and numerous cellphones — and then on national TV. " http://www.indianexpress.com/story/244641.html

Half a km, to get a shirt? Whats more important, capturing nudity or showing humanity. When the police dont bother to do their duty, when citizens prefer to click use their cellphone or simply stare, perhaps its too much to expect journalists to show humanity.

After all, their job is to report the incident not prevent the incident. But would we expect the journalists to be professional, if it had been our sister or daughter or their sister or daughter?

When we are not against a crime, aren't we part of the crime?

Can't there be reporting without the camera. True, images have an impact, but if there is a gangrape during a riot, would it be ok to have live coverage and meaningless remarks about it being a shame, (if it involves a political party we dont support.)

I dont need to see nudity, even if censored, to express my outrage. I need to know how the victim is coping and if the guilty have been punished.

Post Partum Oppression

2007-11-27T13:20:00.001+05:30

Post Partum Depression is a serious illness, which doesnt get the attention it deserves. But Post Partum Oppression? Thats unheard...

Well its unheard because maternity is already a hazardous task. After all, when a woman dies every 1 minute due to childbirth in the world, and a woman dies every 5 minutes in India, it seems more hazardous than the streets of Iraq or Pakistan. And the mothers are not even the co-guardian of the child in India. An unpaid, thankless task, with few hours of sleep, the process of childbirth and the raising the child, if imposed on prisoners, would probably violate the rights, even under USA's interpretation of the Geneva Convention.
But thats of course not the real reason why no one has coined the word. Women figure they could become mothers and hence dont talk about it and while men would be excited to criticise women, they believe, there is a big difference between mothers and women.

But just because there are people out there suffering from tumours, it hasnt stopped some from cribbing about the headaches. So without wasting more time, hinting this blogger deserves an award for bravery for bringing it out in the open, lets talk about PPO - Post Partum Oppression.

FAQs
1. Does it affect most women.
Yes and in some cases even the men.

2. Is it an urban or rural phenomenon
Who would read a blog post about rural phenomenons and floods and droughts? Of course its an urban middle-upper class phenomenon and it could Affect YOU. (If you are not yet an parent but friendly with someone who is about to become a parent).

3. OK get to the point. What are the symptons.
i.Photo Bombardment : Due to digital cameras and photosharing websites, its cheaper and easier to click and share pictures. That means all the friends and relatives are bombarded every week with baby pictures, which look pretty similar, but one is expected to notice the difference and discuss in detail (since chatting too is cheaper) the difference. This phase exists till the baby is old enough to run away at the sight of the camera.

ii.Baby Talk : The mothers believe, its your moral duty to socialise with their baby. So, dont be suprised if they ring you, and put their baby on the phone, even if you cant understand what the baby is raving about.

iii.Genius : For those who believe they have finally outgrown the a and b phase, be prepared for the my baby is a genius phase. The mothers get amazed at the reciting powers of the baby (It can say a,b,c,d!) and believe their little darling is a child prodigy.

iv.Shining Super Star : Parallel to the Genius phase, my son would be a star in future. (Either a film star or a cricketer.)Tip for the victims of PPO. Dont ask, "Maybe the child would be a star kabbadi player", unless you want to severe relations permanently. If its a daughter, the belief would be around beauty pagents. (Thats a decent and respectable aspiration unlike the film business). Tip for the victims of PPO : Dont remark "If the beauty pagents are about brains not bodies, why do the promos always show the women in swimwear?"

v.The right to Break and Make Mess : Just when one believes, one has seen it all. The PPO enters the Right to Break phase. The parent believes, its child abuse, if you deny your credit card, remote control or anything you cherish, to the child. So be prepared to handover your laptop and dont forget to grin, while the child plays with it. And if the child breaks your mobile or laptop, remark the child would become an engineer in future. As for the making mess part, a disciplined child is just a figment of your imagination. They havent figured out a diaper for the hands and mouth. So pretend its a priveilege to clean up after the child has crumbled, biscuits and chips all over your floor, dropped a chocolate on the sofa and inserted sticky wrappers among your important papers.(Hey be thankful the child didn't tear it up and demanded it be made into a paper boat).

vi.Your Preferences? Whats that? : You will be expected to stock the brands the child prefers and watch the TV channels the precious darling prefers, if you happen to live nearby. Tip : Dont be dumb enough to say, the American Paediatrics Associations says the child shouldn't be allowed to watch TV till its two years old or junk food isn't great for kids.

vii.Sorry it doesn't get better : Does it get better when the child enters kindergarden? Unfortunately no. It just means you will have to listen patiently to nursery rhymes and endless comparisions with the class mates and help with the project work.

viii.Foodie : The child won't eat the right food. And be prepared to sigh and say its normal. Tip for the victims : Don't be dumb enough to suggest, hmmm the kids at the orphanage don't exhibit this behaviour.

ix. Fit or Fat : Parents hate it when their kid is called skinny (So you think they don't try to feed the child) and also hate it when their kid is called plump (Dont cast your evil eye on the food my child finally eats..). Therefore nod your head and go with whatever the mother says and say the child appears fine.

x. Grand parents are grand : If you think the grand parents would knock some sense into the parents, forget it. They would do anything to the spoil the kid, to get the kid on their "side". And forget the Dads. Worse than the Post Partum Oppressors or the "Diaper Dads" who imagine they are right out of the Raymonds ad, when they bore you with the number of diapers they change, everyday.

4.What can the victims of PPO do about it?
a. Break off the relationship.
b. Get a baby or adopt an baby and fight fire with fire.
c. Get a pet and mention its unsafe for kids to be around it. Tip : Start with a snake or a rat, not a doberman. (But be prepared to take responsibility if the pet harms the baby or vice versa).
d. Resolve you or your spouse wouldn't be a PPOer after you have a kid. Ha ha, just kidding
e. Pretend this is just normal, and this blogger is wasting your time and energy and making much ado about nothing.

5. So tell the truth, are you a PPOer or a victim of PPO?
Neither. I am in the 8th month and hope to fall in 4d category. But none of my friends or relatives have ever suffered from PPO. And if any of them is reading it, Please, Please do not make my kid a social outcast. I share your enthusiasm for your children and wouldnt dream of equating your enthusiasm for Post Partum Oppression.

Thankfully Just Two Shoes

2007-11-17T17:51:00.001+05:30

Thankfully, I need just two shoes.

Do I need more than 2 shoes? I dont think so. Do I need two? Why not just one?
Er..Well there is something called vanity and something called comfort and since these two dont meet, I have two pairs. A Black Heel, and a comfortable uncool, skolls. So whats the big deal having Just Two? Well there are some advantages..

1. I dont spend much time wondering what I ought to wear. Lets assume I had 6 pairs, and I went out everyday and I spend 15 seconds everyday thinking, what I should wear. That would be 91.25 minutes every year, and if I live for around 30 more years..thats 2737.5 minutes i.e 45 hours i.e almost 2 days!.

2.And now to the time I could spend shopping for shoes. If its around 3 hours for one shoe and I buy perhaps 3 shoes a year, than in the next 30 years its approximately 270 hours and almost 11.25 days, phew !

3.And lets not forget the time I might spend,
i. Checking and wondering, if my shoes look good and
ii. If it looks better than that of the person next to me
iii.And since most of them wont be comfortable, massaging my foot at night,
iv.Searching for them
v. Finding storage space for them (Not everyone has space, ask any Mumbaikar)
vi.Wondering which one I should take, if I go on a trip
I would end up spending a lot of time, over it.

4. And I dont have to buy a dress or a handbag to go with a new gorgeous pair of shoes.

5.I can break into a run, almost any time. (Since I will be wearing my comfortable one most of the time). And one never knows when one has to run, a fire, a rescue, a thief snatching a purse, to catch a bus which never stops where it should..or to escape a dog, even though its dumb to run from a dog.

Some might find happiness in having a shoe in every color and style, but for me, more the shoes, more would be the worries from them. And rather than feel good, when I look in the mirror or when I get a compliment, I choose to feel free, from worries and feel good about freedom.

After all, I may not be able to increase the length of my life, but why should I spend couple of days of my life, just on shoes...

So next time, you are tempted to buy shoes you dont need, think how easier life would be, if you were in my shoes:)

Marks not Manners

2007-10-08T13:53:00.001+05:30

His parents hugged him and praised him. He gave them a smug smile. He would get a treat for his marks, tonight.

His mother hesitantly mentioned, their neighbour had made a complaint against him. The neighbour claimed, he had bullied their daughter.

"They are liars", he shrugged.

His father became irritated with his mother. He scolded her, for spoiling their son's mood. They were probably jealous over their son's performance, he said.
His mother looked at them, doubtfully. After all, this was not the first complaint against him.

He smiled at his mother and hugged her. She sighed. He was Her son. Surely, he wouldn't do anything wrong. How could a smart, brilliant child, be mean. She apologised and hugged him again.

He smirked, now the treat would be bigger.

His teachers and parents were proud and cared about his performance. He felt, he was entitled to his sadistic pleasures.

Reading :
Bhopal: Ragging turns into nightmare
http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/story.aspx?id=NEWEN20070028607&ch=10/8/2007%209:31:00%20AM
'They would make us strip and dance and then would beat us up

Killer kids
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Killer_kids_on_the_prowl/articleshow/2435524.cms
The number of violent cases among teenagers that are referred to us has grown by three times since 2001," says Dr Rajat Mitra, clinical psychiatrist and director, Swanchetan, an NGO which provides psychological counselling to children affected by violence, trauma and abuse.

Big impact flipped Pluto on its side
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Big_impact_flipped_Pluto_on_its_side/articleshow/2438074.cms
Melosh had said this mechanism might have also caused Earth's Moon — which boasts the biggest impact crater in the solar system — to roll over so that the crater moved from the equator to the South Pole.

Motivation affects honesty detection
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Motivation_affects_honesty_detection/articleshow/2437258.cms
the more motivated a person is, the more likely he or she is to make mistakes

Mother's milk is first right of newborn, says Govt
http://www.ibnlive.com/news/govt-to-extend-maternity-leave-to-6-months/50087-17.html
Only 23 percent of the infants born in India are introduced to breast milk in the first hour of their birth and only 46 per cent in the first six months

Explosive theft: Everyone admits problem, no work on solution
http://www.indianexpress.com/story/225874._.html
"There has been a recurrence of incidents in which explosives are getting diverted from the manufacturing factories for unauthorised usage within India and getting lost en route, indicating that there is a review of the entire procedure of issue of licenses and also monitoring of firms dealing with explosives."

Stolen, no trace: Tonnes and tonnes of explosives

http://www.indianexpress.com/sunday/story/225516.html
in just two years, 2004-2006, for which data collection is complete, the scale of theft is staggering: 86,899 detonators, 20,150 kg of slurry explosives, 52,740 metres of detonating fuse and 419 kg of gelatin sticks.

'Taliban' writ in Haryana village
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Taliban_writ_in_Haryana_village/articleshow/2437712.cms
The women folk aren't allowed to come out of their house. Many haven't travelled more than 25 km ever in their lives."

Forced Kiss is Fun

2007-10-07T17:43:00.001+05:30

I dont know the literal meaning of "Ched Chaad", a theme in this week's Nach Baliye 3, (The mid-day says its mischief between couples). But its disgusting to think, its just fun and mischief to hit ball against girl's back (Pooja-Hanif). And ,eve teasing and molestation are not topics of fun and dance (Karan-Kavita), even if the victim is Rakhie Sawant. Its not easy to report molestation. But to add insult to the injury, one is supposed to grin when someone makes fun about it? Would the compere or the audience ask their sister to laugh at it, if they had been the victim? And leave alone outrage, we dont get even a murmur against it from the judges. Thankfully, I have a remote and continued to surf.

When mobs dont care about killing, perhaps, its silly to wonder why, ragging, eve-teasing or molestation, doesnt seem outrageous to all. And perhaps its sillier to brood, over the attitude that its ok to molest men. Many months back the media reported with a touch of amusement on a fan kissing, Dhoni.

So there we have it the rules of Kissing :
Kissing is fun and fine, even if forced, on some women and most men.
But kissing is not fun, if its between consenting adults in public, and definitely not fun, if the man happens to be a foreigner.

Just a Social Problem, Not Repeat Rape

2007-10-02T12:02:00.001+05:30

A 14 year old girl in Malda, protests against her marriage to a 75 year old man, the authorities shrug off with the message, its a "social problem".

Even though rape is not an offense legally, within marriage, its going to be rape emotionally, for the child, and not just once. And anyway Child Marriage is an offense legally.

Its wrong for teachers to humiliate children, but its ok for a man to repeatedly rape a child, in the name of marriage?

Yet the authorities are able to shamelessly shrug it off with a "social problem" statement and and can be solved only by "social awakening".

Oh when will we wake up?

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/75-yr-old_hounds_child_bride_in_Malda_/articleshow/2417638.cms

Where Were You

2007-09-30T12:50:00.000+05:30

She knew she was supposed to feel happy and excited. Neighbours and friends filled their house and there was an impromptu party. Tears of joy ran down her parent's cheeks. Everyone wanted to be photographed with her and kisses were showered on her cheeks. Perhaps I am numb from joy, she dejectedly thought. She heard her father taking credit for the battle she had fought.

Few months back, in the first round of another singing competition, she had been eliminated. And she remembered their harsh reaction, to her blunder.
They had called her a loser and had scorned her aspirations. It had hurt to lose in the competition, but nothing matched the hurt, of being disowned. The shame she felt, when her parents, said they were ashamed of her. Surely there was more to her than her performance?

Perhaps its tough love, she reasoned to herself. But wouldn't it have been wonderful, if they had been there for her, even when she lost, she wondered.

Its not the time to think, just enjoy the moment, she told herself.
Yet, wished, those around her would, love not just the victory, but also herself.
Failure is an orphan while success has many fathers,she realised, as she smiled at everyone who had gathered.

Yet, she wanted to say, Instead of just giving me this wonderful toast,
Where were you all, when I needed you the most.

was to be posted on September 26, 2007

Path of Ram Part 2 - Just Two

2007-09-19T17:45:00.001+05:30

Whats the difference between members of Al Qaeda who kill those who don't believe in their God and those who killed two humans today to express their support for the Ram Sethu? The numbers of course. Terrorists kill Thousands, after all its just two..

Yeah two doesn't mean a thing, unless, its you and me.

PS : Hey Ram, what a U-turn! Sethu project was BJP's baby